I saw the cutest guy of my generation destroyed by madness, ranting hysterical naked...
Who played a "poor little rich boy" on Silver Spoons (1982-87) on my dream Saturday night, immersed in the buddy-bonding of Bosom Buddies, Jennifer Slept Here, and Mama's Family.
Whose boyfriend, Alfonso Ribeiro, went on to display his muscles and bulge on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Who became a teen idol without taking off his shirt, who made gay boys sigh just with his dreamy eyes and smile
Who graduated to play a young soldier (Too Young The Hero, 1988), a cowboy (Lonesome Dove, 1989), and the juvenile brother of Brad Pitt (Across the Tracks, 1990), all men who knew the manly love of comrades
Who hooked up with Mark Patton the Scream Queen but then threw himself into the closet of wives and sons and locker room homophobia
Who forgot the endless summers of our youth
Seeing, touching, and tasting c ocks and endless balls.
Who crashed into movies and tv shows that no one saw, harsh, gritty, repellant, "make America great again" vehicles.
Who played a detective on NYPD Blue (1998-2001), with a woman's body below his gyrating backside
A nurse named Flower on Scrubs (2002-3) , who was queer coded but in love with Elliot
More after the break
A cowboy doctor on Strong Medicine (2005-6), who was hard in the desert
A terrorist fighter on 24 (2007), who didn't notice the beauty of Jack Bauer
Whose army doctor in The Andromeda Strain (2008) died in a "bury your gays" moment, but was still celebrated as a step forward for gay representation.
Who never again played a gay character, just surly, gritty, disagreeable macho men fleeing from any hint of lavender: an ex-wrestler (To the Mat, 2011), a cowboy (Our Wild Hearts, 2013), a boxer (Locker 13, 2014), a hardscrabble Appalachian with a family (Dolly Parton's Coat of Many Colors, 2015)
Who changed his name from Ricky to Rick, but found no peace and changed it back
Who joined the NRA, the Mormons, the Republican Party, the anti-VAX conspiracy.
Who called LGBT representation in Hollywood debauchery, gay men demons, and Pride Festivals the work of the Devil
Who called for a coups to remove President Biden from office and establish the true president, tyrant, king, god, Moloch!
Solitude! Filth! Ugliness! Cancelled gay concerts! Drag queens screaming in the streets! Marriages invalidated, adoptions cancelled, sodomy laws restored!
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Moloch the loveless! Moloch the hater! Bible-thumping Moloch!
Moloch who is blind to same-sex love! Moloch who is blind to the beauty of the male! Moloch who would force men into the oblivion of heteronormativity!
Moloch who loves only empty ritual! Moloch whose soul is dead to joy! Moloch who dooms the world to houses made of ticky tacky!
Ricky Schroder, I'm with you in Rockland.
This was a lot of fun to write. Notice how the last three photos moved backwards in time? Apologies to Allen Ginsberg.
See also: The Scream King Hooks Up with Ricky Schroder.
Dermot Mulroney: From tearjerker victim to Rick Schroder's boyfriend to corrupt preacher.
Peter Scolari: Wacky inventor, gay dad, Tom Hanks' bosom buddy, and my childhood icon
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