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Scene 1: A small country church in Virginia, 1862. Pastor Adam Grieves (Josh McDermitt) preaches and takes an offering. After the service, rogue Elijah Gemstone (Bradley Cooper) shoots him and steals the offering money and his gold-plated Bible (this will be important later).
Uh-oh, before he can escape, Confederate troops arrive at the church and, mistaking him for the pastor, announce that he's been drafted to be chaplain for their division, heading to Fredericksburg. It pays $50 per month ($2000 in today's money), plus room and board.
Overjoyed, Elijah asks for a moment to gather his things. He changes clothes with Pastor Grieves, bashes his face in so no one will recognize him, and writes a note: "This is the body of a crook who tried to rob me. He was handsome. His name was Elijah Gemstone." He was handsome? Got yourself some same-sex desire going on, buddy?
Scene 2: A battle, with lots of Confederate soldiers being killed. Their grim faces flash by. A boy gets his leg blown off. 600,000 soldiers died, plus about 1,000,000 civilians. 6% of the young adult men from the North, and 18% from the South
Captain Cane (Jim Cummings) approaches Elijah with the rumor that he was gambling and drinking with the guys last night, inappropriate behavior for a Man of God. He denies it, and further threatens the Captain with hellfire for spreading rumors.Does this remind you of Jesse's sex-and-drugs party from Season 1?
Scene 3: Elijah is called to pray with the boy who got his leg blown off (Alex Saxon). He is dying and afraid, but Elijah just pretends to pray.
Cut to night, with Elijah is drinking and gambling with the guys.
Scene 4: Time to preach the Sunday sermon. Elijah can't do it, so he just says "God doesn't expect us to be perfect. We make mistakes, but we're trying to be good, and that's good enough." In Baptist theology, you don't need to try: once you are saved, you are incapable of committing new sins. But Elijah doesn't know that.
Cut to more drinking and gambling, followed by trying to avoid praying with another dying soldier, Winston (Jackson Kelly). This one is worried that he won't go to heaven, because he's killed people, but Elijah assures him that God has made an exception on his "Thou shalt not kill" policy for soldiers who are forced to fight.
Scene 5: Elijah and the soldiers bathing in the river (blurry d*ck shot). Afterwards Ned Rollins (Kimball Farley) announces that he recognizes Elijah from before the War. "It took me awhile, but I saw the way you shuffle the deck of cards, with your pinkie out like a woman." So Elijah has some femme/gay characteristics?
His cover blown, Elijah attacks, but Ned just wants to partner with him: Major McFall (James Landry Hebert) is coming to camp tomorrow. He's starting a card game, and he is loaded. They could take him.
Cut to the card game. They take him. Then, worried that he will say something, Elijah kills Ned and stuffs his body in one of the coffins.
More after the break