"The Residence": Murder at the White House, with a gay President, suit guy dicks, and Randall Park's butt

 

I wanted to see The Residence, a new Netflix comedy about a murder at the White House, because it has a gay character: the President. The Observer review specifies: "it's rarely discussed and simply accepted as part of the narrative landscape."  Buttigieg in 2028!  

Besides, I love a guy in a suit, and the White House will be full of them.

Episode 1 is "The Fall of the House of Usher," a reference to the Poe story.  

Scene 1: Thunder rumbles.  We pass the busts and portraits of former presidents.  An older man in a tuxedo (Giancarlo Esposito) walks down a busy hall, being greeted by passersby.  He peers down at a reception, and then a formal dinner with hundreds of people attending, including the Prime Minister of Australia.  There's a knock on the door, a woman screams, and we cut to the evening's entertainment, Kylie Minogue. The camera zooming through the hallways is making me dizzy.  Back to the screaming woman, who looks like Jane Curtin.  The older man is dead!

Left: this is supposed to be Giancarlo's penis, but all I see is a suitcase with a foot on it. 

Scene 2: The Capitol, a few months later.  A Congressional Hearing about the murder and the investigation that followed.  First to witness: Jasmine, the Chief Usher, in charge of overseeing the Executive Residence (the 3rd floor residence of the President and his family). 

Flashback to Jasmine sitting in the very authentic-looking Blue Room, drinking while she's supposed to be working. A waiter asked if she talked to him, and advises that she not do something she'll regret. Like murder?  "Too late, I already did."  

Suddenly Agent Rausch (a woman) appears, and brings her upstairs, where the President's best friend Harry Hollinger (Ken Marino, left) says that there's been an incident, and she has to keep everyone away from the second and third floors.  

Jasmine refuses to do it because she's only the assistant usher.  She thought she was going to be the chief usher, but it was made very clear that she wouldn't, so ask the actual Chief Usher, A. B. 

Ulp -- A.B. is the murder victim!

Scene 3: Jasmine takes the elevator down, and flashes back to meeting A.B. on the same elevator earlier that evening. She congratulates him on his upcoming retirement, but he announces that he's not retiring after all, so no Chief Usher job for her.  She bangs the doors and screams.  

Later Jasmine returns to a roomful of people, including the President's friend Hollinger, Secret Service Agent Trask, the FBI director, the head of the National Park Police, and Lawrence Dokes, chief of the Washington, DC metropolitan police. 

Scene 4: Testimony switches to Chief Dokes (Isiah Whitlock, Jr.).  He explains that the White House is his jurisdiction.  No, it's not.    

Back at the crime scene, he brings in Cordelia Cupp, the greatest detective in the world, to help out.  She's on the South Lawn, bird watching. Best Friend Hollinger insists that it was a suicide, so they don't need an investigation.

Cordelia enters, discussing Teddy Roosevelt's list of birds (a real thing), and examines the body and the room -- it was locked from the inside -- a locked room mystery!   

Next she interviews the person who found the body: the President's mother-in-law, Jane Curtin in a bathrobe, who was watching a movie on tv.  She didn't go to the dinner because she doesn't like talking to people, especially her son's husband, the President.  First indication that the President is gay at Minute 14.  She heard a thump and a door close, and investigated to find the body in the Game Room.  

Cordelia gets a tour of the various other bedrooms, gym, music room, and solarium.  The President's brother Tripp was asleep, heard the scream, and went back to bed.  Best Friend Hollinger has a room there, too, which makes Cordelia suspicious.

Hollinger explains the severity of the situation: the last administration pissed off the Australians (and the Canadians, and the Danes, and...well, everybody), and this is a state dinner designed to smooth over relations.  They need to figure out what happened and put the least disastrous spin on it in 45 minutes.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

"Zero Day": Monster Apocalypse, time travel, or political thriller? With a gay tease, De Niro's dick. and a cute Russian guy

A tv miniseries, Zero Day (2025) popped up on my Netflix feed with no description.  There have been five previous Day Zeros, about a monster Apocalypse (2011, 2022), a water shortage (2021), a terrorist (2020), and the military draft (2007), so the premise of this one is a gamble.  I'm hoping for the monster Apocalypse.

Scene 1: The elderly George (Robert DeNiro, left) is trying to open the safe in his book-lined office while someone tries to break down the door.  He smashes a photo of him with his best bud in 1975, then tries again, but it's too late: the door opens.

Three Days Earlier:  George awakens in a double bed (must have a dead wife), takes his Lipitor, swims laps, goes jogging through the woods with his dog.  His jacket says that he's the President of the U.S. -- so where are his security guards?

Scene 2: In the kitchen, his boyfriend, Hector (Geoffrey Cantor), is making breakfast.  They discuss the bird feeder situation.  An assistant brings his morning newspaper and briefings -- the former First Lady is being confirmed as an Appellate Judge. So they're divorced.

"When does my wife land?" he asks.  So they're not divorced? Former -- he's the ex-President.  They discuss the catering for Saturday's Big Event.  I imagine that he has Big Events every day, being the ex-President and all.

He hasn't heard from Alex, but they assume she'll be coming.  Girlfriend or daughter?

"And send this morning's visitor to the guest cabin."

Scene 3: A limo drops off a young lady, presumably "this morning's visitor," at the rustic, book-lined guest cabin.  She is not happy to be there.  She examines the photos and memorabilia, and a bookcase full of handwritten journals: Campaign 2004, U.S. Invasion of Iraq, NYC Transit Strike 2005.

George enters and explains that he's using the journals to write his autobiography, which will be done soon.  Sorry it's so late. 

She's excited: he is the last president in modern history to get bipartisan support (you got that right), so this book could have a big impact in today's contentious political climate (the current President will probably ban it).

Next George points out the photo of him with his childhood boyfriend Jon Flanagan.  They served in the army together, and then he was killed in Greenpoint picking up a bottle of milk.  Lift with your legs, not with your back. Oh, wait -- he was murdered while trying to buy the milk. Dumb way to phrase it.

This inspired George to go to law school, become a prosecutor, put bad guys away, and eventually run for President.

Next question: "Why did you decide not to run for re-election? The real reason, not 'Our son just died,' the bogus reason  you gave the press."  

George doesn't like this -- would you?  --  and kicks her out.

Scene 4: On the way home, the Visitor is complaining to her boss, when the cell phone blanks out with a message: "This will happen again!"  Then their car crashes into a train and bursts into flame.

George watches Wolf Blitzer on tv: multiple outages affecting power grids, transportation systems, and communications, resulting in train derailments, airplane crashes, life support systems shut down.  It's called Zero Day.  Is this a post-Apocalyptic series?  Will George and his staff be eating canned beans in a bunker?

Scene 5: Russian Consulate. A cute guy (Nikita Bogolyubov, who is fluent in English, Russian, and Weirdo) says "I'll take care of it," and grabs a gun from his desk, giving us an eyeful of the bulge in his Calvin Kleins. 

Meanwhile, in Washington DC, the Speaker of the House (Matthew Modine, left) makes a gung-ho speech about America's vulnerability.  Time to get tough and crack some heads.  And deport all the immigrants?  

And back home, George watches a video of a man telling his son to "wave to Mommy" during his first subway ride. Ulp -- I knew where this is going. I'm fast forwarding past the son's death.  His Ex-Wife, the former First Lady, arrives, and they continue to watch.

Scene 6: Zero Day 1.  George gets up, takes his Lipitor, swims his laps, jogs with his dog.  We'd better see some societal breakdown today, or I'm leaving.  

Back home, tv reports of massive casualties and search-and-rescue efforts. George tells his boyfriend, Hector, that the dog found something scary in the woods, maybe a corpse.

He gets a special intelligence briefing -- no idea about the perp -- and Roger Carlson (Jesse Plemons) visits. They hug.

The White House wants George to visit some of the sites, shake hands with first responders, and so on.  "Nope, I'm retired."  

"But we need you. Everyone is scared. Right now the American people need to know that the country will be ok."  Is he talking about the cyber-attack, or the 2024 election?

Talked into it, they drive into Manhattan to the site of a train collison.  A police barricade with a crowd behind it carrying "Have you seen me?" fliers, yelling "F*king socialist traitors!" and "Wake up, sheeple!  This is all fake!"  He shakes hands with some firefighters.

The crowd gets angry with each other and starts fighting, but George calms them down. "We're Americans! We're supposed to be standing up for each other?"  Huh? Have you ever looked at the comments on any internet post? "You spelled this actor's name wrong -- I hope you and everyone you know dies a slow, painful death!" 

Cut to people all over the U.S. listening to his impromptu "We have to stick together" speech.

Scene 7: In Washington, DC, the Wicked Witch of the West -- George's daughter -calls Roger Carlson, irate over him getting her father involved.  "You've done some horrible things before, but this is the worst!  You are trying to destroy my career by bringing the man I hate more than life itself into the picture!  How am I supposed to take over the world now?"  Whew, girlfriend really hates her father.  Maybe he's not the saint he has been presented as.  Maybe she's responsible for the cyber-attack.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Black Monday Episode 2.4: Downlow financier, closeted Congressman, and a photocopied dick in the homophobic 1980s.

 

Black Monday, October 17, 1987, is named after a stock market crash that resulted in a drop of 22.6% in the Dow Jones Industrial Average and $500 billion in losses in the U.S., 1.7 trillion dollars worldwide.  I didn't hear anything about it at the time: in West Hollywood we didn't concern ourselves with such trivial matters as finances.  But apparently in the straight world, it was a big deal.  

I still find the world of finance immensely boring, but I happened to notice that an episode of the 2019-22 Black Monday tv series showed Andrew Rannells having sex with a guy -- the scene I used as an illustration for my Gideon-Keefe fan fiction -- so I checked out Episode 2.4, "Fore."

Scene 1: Bosses Dawn, a middle aged black woman, and Blair (Andrew Rannells) , a swishy white man, show horndogs Wayne and Yassir(Horatio Sanz, Yassir X) a photocopy of an enormous penis. They've received an anonymous sexual harassment complaint.  Blair yells at them: "The women in the office don't want to look at that, and neither do I."  

And this is a bad time: Congress is about to pass deregulation, so we'll be getting generational wealth. You'll be able to set up your kids' kids' kids If Amerasavings gets wwind of this,.... Ugh, economics and politics.  Let's get some zombies up in here.

The guys protest that it wasn't them, but they are punished by being placed in the "Rubber Room" for a month, and they have to apologize to every woman in the office.  Then Blair leaves --- he has to go play golf with Congressman Roger  (Tuc Watkins, Andrew's real-life boyfriend) to ensure that he will vote for deregulation.  Dawn can't come, because she's not a white man. Wait -- he calls her "babe."  Are they romantic partners, too?

Scene 2:  The horndogs figure that they've been framed, targeted by "some lying bitch" for being the last old-school "women should enjoy getting their butts grabbed" horndogs in the office. Their plan: find out who issued the bogus complaint, apologize, and then "get revenge." 

Scene 3: Blair goes back to his apartment -- still under construction -- and starts making out with his boyfriend -- Congressman Roger!  

Meanwhile, a lady bursts into the office to yell at the "home-wrecking harlot" who's destroying their marriage.  She wasn't expecting a middle aged black lady: "Blair" sounds more like a young, giggly blond, like the girl from Facts of Life.   

"This is a mixup from the tits up," Dawn assures her.  Blair is a man.  He goes golfing with Congressman Roger to push for his deregulation vote.  A downlow romance!  Neither of the wives know!

"But they golf all the time, in Palm Springs, San Francisco, Fire Island,,," Gay meccas, har-har.

"Standard business trips." A perfect example of heteronormativity: gay men cannot exist, so everything must have a heterosexual explanation.

The Wife, Corky, insists: "Blair and my husband are having sex...with other women, and using each other as alibis."  Come on, no one is that stupid!

Dawn calls Blair to prove that he is playing golf -- just as he is about to.... The wives will be driving out to the country club to meet them on the golf course.  "um...what hole are you in?"  Har-har.

Uh-oh, Blair knows nothing about golf, and it's too late to learn!

Scene 4: The horndogs try to play "good cop/bad cop" while interrogating the women. Except Yassir thinks they're supposed to both be bad cops, because "all cops are bad."

Scene 5: On the way to the country club, Wife Corky complains that Congressman Roger has betrayed her with a "nancy."  Dawn insists that Blair isn't gay, but Wife  Corky meant "a Nancy Reagan," who stole future President Reagan away from his first wife, Jane Wyman. Har-har.

She does happen to be the daughter of a Jerry Falwell-like homophobic televangelist.  He sells a special cologne that can "spray the gay away."

More after the break

The naked press bro on the bus with "The Girls on the Bus"

 

I wasn't planning to watch The Girls on the Bus, on Netflix:  a political satire about lady journalists covering a flawed presidential campaign.  Politics are at the bottom of my list of interests, and four ladies bonding won't leave much time for guys. But then I found a scene in Episode 1.6 where Peter Kendall, playing a "Press Bro," jumps out of a stalled bus naked and runs around, giving us frontal and rear shots. 

I wanted the full story. Is he being chased?  Did he see something he shouldn't have?  Did a jealous boyfriend catch him in the act?

The girls are Sadie, who writes for the New York Times...um, Sentinel; Grace, a seasoned career journalist from a previous generation; Kimberly, who works for the racist Fox...I mean Liberty News Network, even though she's black; and social media influencer Lola.

Scene 1: The scene of the guy running naked from the bus while the voice over tells us about the importance of debating issues: "This country was founded on argument."  Inside the bus, the journalists are drinking, screaming, bouncing into each other, eating sandwiches, squirting whipped cream, and laughing hysterically, like a frat party on crack.  

Scene 2: Six hours earlier. Sadie the print journalist and Grace the veteran are in a hotel room, examining billionaires for scandals that they can use to take them down.  Meanwhile, Lola the social influencer and her girlfriend are smooching and discussing the clothes they will need for the upcoming trip to a candidate debate in Minnesota. Hey, when I searched for gay or lesbian characters in this show, Autostraddle complained that there were none!   

Lola's manager calls to ask why she hasn't posted for six hours: she needs to be pushing the alcoholic whipped cream, or she'll lose her sponsers, and her $5,000 a week spot at the Clubhouse.  Lola tries to explain that she's been networking, as her girlfriend smooches all over her.

How many girls are there on this thing?  IMDB says that there are only four, but I've counted six so far, and no boys.

Scene 3:  Sadie the newspaper journalist is interviewing Benji about how he is going to capitalize on Walker's victory in South Carolina. He answers with vague doublespeak. Malcolm (Brandon Scott), her ex-boyfriend, accuses her of trying to make him look bad by interrogating his boss. 

She explains that their romance was a conflict of interest, so now everything she says about Walker, the presidential candidate, is suspect.  She can't  be seen talking to him, or she'll be fired.

Left: Brandon Scott's backside.

Scene 4: Waiting to board the bus for the Minnesota presidential debate, Kimmy, the racist-news broadcaster, tells her on-air partner how they can get more airtime: show her boobs.  He disagrees. The other girls discuss their romantic entanglements. 

Uh-oh, Malcolm is getting on the bus. There are lots of other ways to get to Minnesota, so his ex Sadie concludes he is there just to mess with her.

More after the break