Paradise: Gay-subtext President and Secret Service Guy, annoying cliches, murder, a silly plot twist, and James Marsden

A tv series called Paradise just dropped on Hulu, recalling the annoying Netflix habit of impossible-to-research one-word titles.  But the icon shows two men and a woman, and the first episode icon, two men together.  So maybe some gay characters, or at least a gay subtext buddy bond.  Let's check.

Scene 1: Xavier (Sterling K. Brown) wakes up on one side of a bed, feels the pillow on the other side, and flashes his wedding ring.  Annoying cliche #1: Dead wife.  Heterosexual identity established in a gesture at Minute 1.  He morosely gets up, dresses with just enough beefcake to show his scars, and writes messages in marker: "Eat me first!"; "Get brushed!" "Dress your teeth."  Har-har.

He leaves to go jogging, greeting the neighbor in his vine-covered nuclear family house, through Annoying Cliche #2: a small town that looks like it's the 1950s -- past a store with one of those toy horse rides outside, for chrissakes.  They're all setting up for the big, important carnival. 

Past a rich dude's house, where Agent Pace (Jon Beavers) jokes that he's getting old and about to have a heart attack (Sterling K. Brown is only 49; you can run into your 80s).  

He counters that Agent Pace runs a 14 minute mile. "But I lift, dude."   

"But...the world's biggest biceps don't make up for the world's smallest dick." Annoying Cliche #3: The size of your dick correlates with your worth as a human being.  These guys are both jerks.

Scene 2: Back home.  Annoying Cliche #4: teenage daughter and preteen son. Why can't it ever, just once, be the other way around? They discuss his diet -- he's getting fat -- and his inability to sleep since the Wife Died.

Left: Sterling K. sort-of smiling.  His character displays only two emotions, anger and sadness.

Xavier eats his daughter's eggs instead of his own, creepily grabs and threatens to tickle her, and Annoying Cliche #4: kisses the top of her head.  

The son is reading James and the Giant Peach. Xavier disapproves.  Why?  It's about a boy whose parents are killed by a rampaging rhinocerous, so he is sent to live with his abusive aunts...oh.

Scene 3: Back to the rich person's house.  Agent Pace had to go home to use the bathroom, so Jane is working in his place.  Xavier goes through the gate, past the fountain and into the house, where two other agents, Rainier and Brooks, meet him.  "Rich guy isn't up yet, and it's 10:00 am."  He must be getting special security due to a death threat. 

Through the house -- all white, with ferns -- past pictures of Rich Guy and his buddies.

Up the stairs, knocking on the door. "Mr. President."

Wait -- does he mean the President of the United States?  But this ain't the White House!  It could be a Mar-a-Lago sort of presidential retreat. 

He bursts in to find the President dead on the floor,  in a pool of blood.

Scene 4: Five Years Earlier: The President (James Marsden, top photo) asks Xavier (left) to remove his shoes before entering his office (not the Oval Office).  He won the election last night, as the incumbent, but his opponent "had the brain of  Goldendoodle" (isn't being stupid a requirement for the job?).   He wants Xavier to be his lead secret service agent, or rather "by my side for the next four years -- and after." He mentions his future retirement without mentioning "beautiful women" -- queer code.

But why Xavier?  "You're the best, and you're black."  Why, are you into black guys?  He's a Southerner, so he can't have an all-white staff.  

The President prides himself on being an outsider,  unconventional, but able to make the hard decisions, because "The world is 19 times more fucked up than anyone realizes."

Scene 5: Back to the present.  Xavier notices two glasses, one empty; a cigarette on the floor; and something missing from the dressing room safe.  Also, in a photo of the President with his family, someone drew horns on his wife (Cassidy Freeman, Amber on The Righteous Gemstones).  

His son is played by Charlie Evans, left.  Unfortunately, that's also the name of a female actor who takes off her clothes a lot, so I can't research any beefcake for him. To get even, I'm putting a random n*de dude after the break.

Xavier calls for a lockdown, says he needs 30 minutes, and starts crying. So, you and the President were good buddies, huh?

Scene 6: Flashback to  the end of Xavier's first day in the secret service.  The President notes that he and his wife hate each other -- she'll leave him as soon as he's out of office-- and asks if Xavier has a wife and kids. Why, to see if he's available for snogging?  

"Only two kids?  Good.  It's a smart move to not have kids right now."  Why, global warming?

Scene 7: In the present, Xavier calls Agent Pace and orders him back to the house.  He resists, so Xavier says"It's bad.  It's really bad."

He heads to the basement to talk to Mike Garcia (Eddie Diaz), who is staffing the security cameras, to go through the President's day.  Workout, got out of his bathrobe for the first time in a week, coffee with Sinatra (don't get excited, it's a woman with a man's name).

Xavier was there: he remembers the President and Sinatra arguing about who has the biggest balls. 

Left: Marsden's backside

Then the President made pasta (from scratch) for dinner with his son, but the guy bailed on him and ate with his mother.   Then his usual (female) bedroom partner arrived. After the bedroom visit, he visited with his father, who stays in the guest house, then went to bed. Last person to see him was -- Xavier!

More after the break

"The Residence": Murder at the White House, with a gay President, suit guy dicks, and Randall Park's butt

 

I wanted to see The Residence, a new Netflix comedy about a murder at the White House, because it has a gay character: the President. The Observer review specifies: "it's rarely discussed and simply accepted as part of the narrative landscape."  Buttigieg in 2028!  

Besides, I love a guy in a suit, and the White House will be full of them.

Episode 1 is "The Fall of the House of Usher," a reference to the Poe story.  

Scene 1: Thunder rumbles.  We pass the busts and portraits of former presidents.  An older man in a tuxedo (Giancarlo Esposito) walks down a busy hall, being greeted by passersby.  He peers down at a reception, and then a formal dinner with hundreds of people attending, including the Prime Minister of Australia.  There's a knock on the door, a woman screams, and we cut to the evening's entertainment, Kylie Minogue. The camera zooming through the hallways is making me dizzy.  Back to the screaming woman, who looks like Jane Curtin.  The older man is dead!

Left: this is supposed to be Giancarlo's penis, but all I see is a suitcase with a foot on it. 

Scene 2: The Capitol, a few months later.  A Congressional Hearing about the murder and the investigation that followed.  First to witness: Jasmine, the Chief Usher, in charge of overseeing the Executive Residence (the 3rd floor residence of the President and his family). 

Flashback to Jasmine sitting in the very authentic-looking Blue Room, drinking while she's supposed to be working. A waiter asked if she talked to him, and advises that she not do something she'll regret. Like murder?  "Too late, I already did."  

Suddenly Agent Rausch (a woman) appears, and brings her upstairs, where the President's best friend Harry Hollinger (Ken Marino, left) says that there's been an incident, and she has to keep everyone away from the second and third floors.  

Jasmine refuses to do it because she's only the assistant usher.  She thought she was going to be the chief usher, but it was made very clear that she wouldn't, so ask the actual Chief Usher, A. B. 

Ulp -- A.B. is the murder victim!

Scene 3: Jasmine takes the elevator down, and flashes back to meeting A.B. on the same elevator earlier that evening. She congratulates him on his upcoming retirement, but he announces that he's not retiring after all, so no Chief Usher job for her.  She bangs the doors and screams.  

Later Jasmine returns to a roomful of people, including the President's friend Hollinger, Secret Service Agent Trask, the FBI director, the head of the National Park Police, and Lawrence Dokes, chief of the Washington, DC metropolitan police. 

Scene 4: Testimony switches to Chief Dokes (Isiah Whitlock, Jr.).  He explains that the White House is his jurisdiction.  No, it's not.    

Back at the crime scene, he brings in Cordelia Cupp, the greatest detective in the world, to help out.  She's on the South Lawn, bird watching. Best Friend Hollinger insists that it was a suicide, so they don't need an investigation.

Cordelia enters, discussing Teddy Roosevelt's list of birds (a real thing), and examines the body and the room -- it was locked from the inside -- a locked room mystery!   

Next she interviews the person who found the body: the President's mother-in-law, Jane Curtin in a bathrobe, who was watching a movie on tv.  She didn't go to the dinner because she doesn't like talking to people, especially her son's husband, the President.  First indication that the President is gay at Minute 14.  She heard a thump and a door close, and investigated to find the body in the Game Room.  

Cordelia gets a tour of the various other bedrooms, gym, music room, and solarium.  The President's brother Tripp was asleep, heard the scream, and went back to bed.  Best Friend Hollinger has a room there, too, which makes Cordelia suspicious.

Hollinger explains the severity of the situation: the last administration pissed off the Australians (and the Canadians, and the Danes, and...well, everybody), and this is a state dinner designed to smooth over relations.  They need to figure out what happened and put the least disastrous spin on it in 45 minutes.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit