My partner in West Hollywood (not shown) was Jewish, so I attended Shabbat services at the gay synagogue, celebrated most of the holidays, learned Hebrew prayers and a lot of Yiddish words, and endured the criticism of his family and friends: "why couldn't he settle down with a nice Jewish boy"? So I am interested in Long Story Short (2025) on Netflix, an animated sitcom about a dysfunctional Jewish family, with the gimmick that it jumps around the timeline, from the 1990s to the 2020s. It just dropped today, and I'm already five episodes in.
Showrunner Raphael Bob-Waksberg created Bojack Horseman, which had an asexual character, so there is some gay representation. Plus it stars Ben Feldman, whom I have a crush on (he's like Scott Baio without the homophobia). I'll review the first episode.
Scene 1: 1996. The family is on the way home from grandma's funeral. The eldest son, quiet, sensitive Avi (Ben Feldman, left) notes that she's in heaven now, but Dad (Paul Reiser of Mad About You) tells him that Jews don't believe in an afterlife. She's gone for good. I'm betting on Avi being gay.
The other kids are a squabbling brother and sister, Yoshi and Shira.
Scene 2: 2004. The adult Avi, now chubby and unshaven, is flying home with his non-Jewish girlfriend, so he can introduce her to the family. Heterosexual identity established at Minute 2.54. That leaves Yoshi and Shira.
Scene 3: The family meets them at the airport. Mom begins criticizing the Girlfriend immediately, for visiting on the important weekend of Yoshi's Bar Mitzvah, for dressing improperly, and for having too much luggage.
Why is Yoshi just standing there open-mouthed? Does he have a developmental disability? And you have your Bar Mitzvah at age 13. Dude looks around 30.
Left: Yoshi is voiced by Max Greenfield of The Neighborhood.
Scene 4: At home, the criticism continues. The Girlfriend stupidly brought them an empty vase, so Mom has to waste precious time on the busiest weekend of the year looking for something to put in it (Dad agrees that an empty vase is a horrible gift).
Girlfriend tries to make amends by helping with the dishes, but she stupidly uses a meat sponge on a dairy plate, thus ruining their cherished heirloom dish set forever.
Later, in their room, Girlfriend complains that the family doesn't like her, but Boyfriend Avi assures her that they are critical because they like her. If they didn't like her, things would get much, much worse.
In other news, Daughter Shira and her best friend Baby are having a fight: they're in the "I hate her and wish she was dead" stage. So why is she invited to the Bar Mitzvah?
Because Mom and Dad are friends with her parents: "You don't need to speak to her. There will be 100 people there, even the Girlfriend who didn't bother to learn anything about Judaism and will make stupid mistakes and ruin everything." She criticizes because she likes you.
Scene 5: As Mom tries to fix the worst nightmare a mother has ever faced -- place settings that will push people who hate each other together -- Boyfriend Avi tries to convince her that his girlfriend is named Jen, not Jennifer. Mom thinks that "Jen" too hard to remember, and why would she stupidly choose a name that no one on Earth could ever get right? "But I'll try my best to change everything about me, your mother, to please this girl that you've known for twenty seconds."
Party guests begin to arrive. Daughter Shira complains about Great-Uncle Arnie's complaining, but Boyfriend Avie tells her, "Is not a schmuck entitled to a schmooze at his grand-nephew's simcha?" I'll bet that isn't from the Talmud
Mom complains that her son Yoshi has grown up too fast, and tries to quote that song from Fiddler on the Roof, but can't recall the lyrics, and yells at her husband for trying to help.
Scene 6: Cut to the party after the Bar Mitzvah. People are yelling at each other; Daughter Shira complains that the food is inedible. Girlfriend praises Yoshi's speech: "How is a 13-year old so knowledgeable about the Holocaust?" I guess he doesn't have a developmental disability, so what was the open-mouthed stare about?
Uh-oh, the parents of Baby, whom Daughter Shira hates, approach to claim Baby couldn't make it because she had to study for midterms. Shira fumes; Baby obviously skipped the Bar Mitzvah just to spite her, and after she wore special earrings as a peace offerings.
"Girl friendships can be intense," Girlfriend notes.
It's time for the candle-lighting ceremony. Where's Yoshi?
"He wandered off with his buddy Danny," Boyfriend Avi notes. I predict that they will find the boys kissing, thus outing Yoshi.
Scene 7: Yoshi and his Buddy (Dave Franco) are in the coat closet. Not kissing, smoking (I can't tell if it's tobacco or marijuana). Buddy criticizes him for still believing in God like a little kid. But -- if there's no God, what was the point of memorizing all those prayers? He could have been doing something useful, like practicing Dance Dance Revolution so he could impress his crush, Rachel. Heterosexual identity established at Minute 17. Well, he had a long run
Suddeny the closet door swings open. Boyfriend Avi sees Yoshi sitting with his legs spread, and his Buddy lying next to him. "Hey, it's a big day, you're having fun, I get it. But it's time to light the candles." He definitely concludes that they were doing sex stuff. Maybe Avi comes out later.
Next is his Bar Mitzvah tutor, a Holocaust survivor "who went through the worst horror imaginable, and now teaches children to pray to God, because clearly that works."
While everyone fumes at his irreverence, Yoshi rushes through the others. The last is Avi's Girlfriend Jen, but Uncle Barry objects because his dead wife should get a candle, not some stupid shiksa who doesn't even know our traditions. They jostle; the candle falls over; the centerpiece bursts into flame.
"God is real, and he is pissed!" Yoshi yells, as his Buddy tries to put out the fire -- with a glass of wine!
(Someone rushes up with a fire extinguisher; no one is hurt).
Scene 9: On the airplane on the way home, Boyfriend Avi apologizes: he could have warned his Girlfriend better, but he's so used to them that he barely notices how dysfunctional they are. But she was fine with it. They make "being in love" conversation.
Cut to 2022: Morose middle-aged Avi sits in his car, while the background song, "Obvious Child," tells us:
We had a lot of fun, we had a lot of money
Well, the romance lasted for 18 years. That's something. The end.
Beefcake: None. I couldn't find any d*ck pics of the male cast, so here are some random Jewish dudes.
Gay Characters: In the next episode, Shira turns out to be married to a woman, who becomes a regular character.
Gay Subtexts: After Episode 1, Yoshi never expresses heterosexual interest again,at least not in the five episodes I've watched.
In Episode 8, the family stages an intervention because they believe that Yoshi is doing drugs. He calls his Buddy and asks him to bring over some drugs, so they won't find out what's really happening.
Left: Buddy Danny is played by James Franco.
Buddy: "Why not? I told my parents, and they were very supportive!" Uh-oh, they're gay.
Yoshi: "My parents won't be supportive! Help me hide the truth from them!" Wait -- his lesbian sister and her wife are in the next room. Why wouldn't his parents be supportive?
Finally he comes out to them: as Orthodox! Mistaken for gay joke, har har.
Mom complains that this is much worse than doing drugs, the worst possible tragedy that a mother can face. Obviously he abandoned Conservative Judaism, "the only religion that makes sense," because he hates her and wants to destroy her life forever. And so on.
My Grade: The family squabbling was over-the-top, but to be expected in a sitcom. I liked the nostalgia vibe. A-
See also: Hank Greenspan: Femme boy plays only straight characters, but is he gay in real life? With bonus Brandon backside and Carlos c*ck. With Max Greenfield.
"Oz, the Great and Powerful": A walking penis (not in a good way) finds true love, two wicked witches, and a flying monkey. With James Franco
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