"The Holiday Exchange": Immensely wealthy A-gays look for love at Christmas. Watch with your grandmother

  

It's not even Halloween yet, but the romcoms are started.  

Darn, they all have such interchangeable titles that I forgot which one I'm reviewing. Oh, right, The Holiday Exchange, on Amazon Prime.  

The icon shows a woman torn between two men, and the blurb is about a guy going on a "holiday exchange" that he found on a gay app, so I suspect some "mistaken for gay" jokes as the guy finds the Girl of His Dreams.

Scene 1: A guy wearing an eye mask and a frilly shirt wakes up -- gay. Close-up of a photo of him and his boyfriend -- gay.  He knocks it over, drinks some booze, and shaves and applies femme moisterizer products -- gay. 

A guy texts: "Wilde, call me back," but he ignores it.  Moisturizer guy is named Wilde, like Oscar?  Gay. He's played by Taylor Frey, top photo, who also wrote the screenplay.

Knock on the door: It's femme fashion designer Chase, Colton Tran, and a woman, with ideas for his wedding outfit: "Your Mom told us that your Big Day was coming."

"Nope, you misunderstood, I'm not getting married, I'm selling my company."

"Oh, well, we have ideas for that, too."

Wilde goes annoyingly over the top complementing Fashion Designer Chase; he is an angel, a shining light, goodness personified; he has created everlasting happiness for literally thousands of people by...um...designing their clothes. 

Back story: Wilde just dumped his boyfriend, Sean.

Scene 2:  An idyllic village, over the top idyllic, Currier & Ives idyllic. 

George tells his business partner Oliver, Rick Cosnett, how they met, confesses to drinking too much, and then lays on the over-effusive praise.  

Oliver is also an angel, goodness personified, spearheading drives that raise billions for charity. He's single-handedly wiped out world hunger.  Don't introduce Oliver to Chase the Fashion Designer, or they'll cancel each other out.  

His problems: he is too busy with his day job as a divorce lawyer, his numerous charities, and taking over Dad's business when he retires to get a boyfriend. Coworker George is in favor of being single. This must be the "mistaken for gay" guy.

Wait -- they specifically state that they live in Los Angeles.  The establishing shot was a New England Currier & Ives village. What the fudge?

Out in the elegant party, Saintly Oliver talks to James, who works in his company.  They hedge around the discussion of why their last date was so awful. So Saintly Oliver and Moisturizer Wilde are both gay?  Who's going to hook up with the lady in the middle of the icon?  

No,  James "can't" get together during the holidays: he'll be seeing family, driving up the coast. Dude's not into you. 

I'm watching with subtitles, so I can't hear the accents, but these people are saying "Happy Christmas" to each other.  Could they live in Britain, but be having an elegant party in L.A.?

More after the break.

Scene 3: The party over, Oliver sets out to read the book his coworker got him: Single, Gay, and Holidating in Los Angeles, how to be gay and single in L.A. during the holidays.  First rule: do not ever return to your homophobic small town to visit your parents. If you're single, all of your prospects will be taken.  If you've got a boyfriend, you won't when you get back. 

Scene 4: The Hollywood Sign.  Moisturizer Wilde, who lives in Los Angeles, too,  gets a facetime from his Mom, who looks younger than him.  She invites him to a day spa.  He's too busy.

Doorbell: It's Wilde's ex, Sean, wondering why he was dumped. "You told me you were going on a writer's retreat, and instead visited your ex, a famous movie director."  He just needed some new story ideas, Bro. 

Sean is played by Kyle Dean Massey, writer/star Taylor Frey's real-life husband.

"Well, you were so career-driven, you had no time for me."  Sounds like Saintly Oliver in L.A/Britain.  

They argue; Wilde retreats into the house.  With a stalking ex-boyfriend, an overbearing mother, and a fashion designer bringing by new outfits every three minutes, he  needs a vacation.  But St. Lucia is so last season, and he's done Lisbon.  Have you tried the Maldives?  Darling, the beaches are exquisite, but one does have to worry about pickpockets. Poor people are such a bore.

He checks online for a gay B&B in a small, cozy, charming, Currier & Ives village, and comes up with Brifax. Not a real place, but Brifax is an IT thing that you can install.   Surprise: the B&B is owned by Oliver, who gets the application while he's asleep with his "gay, single, and bored at Christmas in L.A." book.  But Oliver specifically stated that he lives in L.A.

Scene 5: Oliver answers the door.  Wait -- it's not Wilde, it's his cousin Henry, played by Daniel Garcia.  A famous movie director.  Wait -- could Henry be the ex that Wilde thinks his ex Sean was cheating on him with?  Somebody get me a score card. 

Back story; "We all miss her.  She used to love the holidays."

Scene 6: In a bookstore, Julius, author of the single/gay/Christmas/sleighbells/eggnog/L.A. book, is doing a reading.  Come on, not another character!  Ok, he's...I don't know, some hunk.

His audience appears to be elderly heterosexual couples, go figure. His agent is thrilled: "You killed it!  Ten appearances in ten weeks!"  Isn't this book for a rather specialized audience?

She stops to play interception on a super-fan, who comes to every reading, clogs his phone with texts, and gazes in puppy-dog admiration.  I'm not even going to look up the actor playing this guy.

Scene 7: Someone I'm not sure about -- the "single/gay/boozing/L.A./holidating"  writer?  --  is kissing his dog and drinking booze.  Meanwhile, Mom lets herself into Wilde's palatial mansion. He's getting ready to jet off to Britain.  Well, get there already.  I'm getting tired of new characters being introduced, with back stories and weird connections, and they're all fabulously wealthy.

The icon is a misdirection.  The only significant female character is Mom, so she probably won't be dating any of the guys.  I'm fast forwarding to see who ends up with who:

Moisturizer Wilde with Henry, Oliver's cousin, an actor, not a director

Saintly Oliver with Julius, the guy who wrote the "being single and gay in L.A. in Los Angeles at Christmastime while being extremely rich and having a mother who invites you to a day spa" book

They spend the last ten minutes discussing how much they love each other and Christmas, then get together for the "Best New Year's Eve ever," just the four of them.  Well, Mom and a previously unmentioned Dad show up too.

"I love guys!" someone exclaims.  Can't argue with that.

Beefcake: Two shirtless shots.

Nudity: None.  The guys don't mention having sex except obliquely: "Your Mom is looking down from heaven at you all the time."  "Not all the time?"  I think they made this movie for an easily-offended straight audience.

Idyllic Village: Not much is shown but elegant living rooms in palatial mansions.  Could be anywhere.

Romcom: I didn't stick around for the plot complications, but I imagine they were about Wilde and Oliver putting work ahead of relationships, and Henry and the Writer Guy  wanting to stay single.  

My Grade: They're assimilated, entitled, and sexless, with the smarmy sentimentality of a 1940s "Santa Claus is real" movie. but it's a Christmas romcom with an all-gay cast, which would have been unheard of just a few years ago. B.