Jett Klyne: The future bisexual superhero spends his teen years bodybuilding and dating guys. With two twink dicks and an Ecuadorian bulge

 

In Wandavision (2021), the Scarlet Witch, memory-wiped and trapped in a sitcom world, has two sons, Billy and Tommy (Justin Hilliard, Jeff Klyne).  In Agatha All Along (2024), after being adopted by a Jewish family and losing and regaining his memory, Billy Maximoff becomes the gay Jewish superhero Wiccan.  So of course I had to do a profile of Justin.

But what about Tommy Maximoff (Jett Klyne)?  He grows up to become the superhero Speed, who is bisexual in the comics: he dated Kate Bishop in Young Avengers: The Children's Crusade (2010-12), and the male superhero Prodigy in Emperor Hulkling (2020).  He explains "I crushed on who I crushed on."   

Maybe I'd better do a profile of Jett, too.

Jett arguably has a more gay/femme affect.  Guess which is Tommy.

And he has spent his teen years working out.  

I'll answer the standard two questions: has Jett appeared in any movies or tv shows of gay interest?; and is he gay in real life?

Gay-Themed Movies/TV Shows:

 In 2014, when Jett was seven years old, he was in Writing Kim: Aspiring writer Annie (Jett's Mom) heads off on a road trip seeking inspiration, and meets Kim, who has a husband and son (Jett) but also likes ladies. Kim inspires her to embrace her sexual fluidity (you mean she's bi?)  In 2020, it was selected for qFlix, the Philadelphia LGBTQ film festival.  

According to his IMDB biography, Jett's break-out role was in Z (2019).  So a one-word title was too long?  Joshua (Jett) has an "imaginary" friend, Z, who gets more and more disruptive, sabotaging his relationship with his real life friend Daniel and trying to kill his father.  Finally we learn that Z is using Joshua to get to his mother. 

I haven't seen it, but the gay subtexts sort of jump out at you, don't they?

Left: Since Jett is 16 as of this writing, I won't be looking for nude photos, so here's a random twink.

He has a lot of pre-Wandavision guest appearances, mostly in movies that I never heard of: Devil in the Dark, Manny Dearest, The Humanity Bureau, Skyscraper.  Plus three significant post-Wanda movies:

The Boy in the Woods (2023). During World War II, as the Jewish population of Buczarc is being rounded up for the concentration camps, Max (Jett) is sent to live with Janko (Richard Armitage), a synpathetic non-Jewish farmer.  But Janko fears for his family's safety, so he kicks the boy out.  While hiding in the woods, Max forms a buddy-bond with the sensitive, artistic, gay-coded Yanek (David Kohlsmith, right); they discuss their future, living together as artists in Paris, and try to adopt the baby of a dead woman. 

Yanek dies, but the baby grows up, and Max re-unites with her in old age, so symbolically the two had a family.  A definite gay subtext or text.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.9: Kelvin goes dark, Keefe goes down, and Captain America saves the day. With a Haitian dick bonus.

Episode 1.8 ended with all of the Gemstone siblings and their partners broken up, plus Gideon cast out from the family.  It's going to take a lot of work to make things right again.  

Title: "Better is the end of the thing than the beginning." Ecclesiastes 7:9.  Not things being over: at the beginning of the task, there are many problems ahead, many ways that things could go wrong, a lot of pain and sadness.  At the end, you can relax and enjoy the results of your hard work.

Chicken bone voodoo:  After a flashback to Aimee-Leigh's death (and a bee that will re-appear later in the episode),we cut to Eli finding about about the blackmail, Jesse's assault of Rev. Seasons, and Judy's embezzlement. Kelvin stood by and let them do things that he knew were wrong, so he's just as guilty. Eli angrily fires them all. 

Later, Amber tells Jesse that if he wants to reconcile, he'll have to go to Haiti, where Gideon is doing missionary work, and bring him back. Their conversation is surprisingly racist, referencing chicken bone voodoo, AIDS, and cannibalism.

Jesus never dated much: Sibling movie night at Kelvin's house ((notice the K and the arcade game behind their couch).  They're watching The Neverending Story., at the scene where Artax  horse/companion of the hero Atreyu (Noah Hathaway), is literally consumed by his sadness, sinking to his death.  Atreyu yells: "Fight against the sadness. You have to try. You have to care. You're my friend.  I love you."  Suddenly Kelvin bursts into tears 

In the movie, the Childlike Empress is sick, thus allowing the Darkness (hopelessmess, despair) to slowly devour the Kingdom of Fantasia.  Young hero Atreyu is looking for a cure to save Fantasia, but he is unable to save his horse/friend Artax.  Maybe Kelvin is thinking of how he couldn't save Keefe from his own Sadness:  "My emotions are all over the place. I feel like I'm coming unhinged." The siblings ignore him, so he repeats: I'm in emotional turmoil, dealing with some very painful questions about myself."  

"For real?"  Jesse immediately becomes serious.  Remember, he thinks that Kelvin is gay, but in denial.  Is he ready to come out?

Nope.  "I've always felt like, maybe, I'm Him."  He's always felt like he is Jesus? Say what?  Dude, that's full-blown psychosis.

Actually, many cult leaders claim to be Jesus.  Wikipedia lists 40 in the 20th and 21st centuries alone, including Jim Jones, Marshall Applewhite, Charles Manson, Shoko Asahara, David Koresh.  It doesn't usually end well.

Kevin's reasons: we both care about people; people like us, and want to follow us. Wait -- you just have one follower, Keefe, and he's not worshipping you.  He gets on his knees for another reason entirely.  

Plus: "(Jesus) didn't date much, didn't have the urge or the need to.  That's me for days."  Fans sometimes use this line to argue that Kelvin is asexual, not experiencing desire for anyone, but in a heteronormative society, surely he means "urge or need to date women."  I'm sticking with the theory that Kelvin was out there breaking his celibacy promise, shoving his cock through the glory holes at Club Sinister every night, and feeling guilty about it the next morning.  

Jesse, aware of another reason for Kelvin's lack of interest in women, assures him that he's not Jesus, but "that doesn't mean you're not a decent man."  Notice that he uses the term "man," signifying that Kelvin is grown-up, an adult, regardless of his sexual identity.

But Kelvin doesn't buy it.  Another voice is telling him, "If you can't be him, maybe you can be me...Satan."  We know from the Satanic Sweep and the Club Sinister rescue that, in Kelvin's eyes, Satan is all about sex, or sex is all about Satan.  The only way he can explain his homoerotic desire, and maybe his homoerotic intimacy, is by fashioning himself "the Dark Lord of the family."  After all of this, how did fans continue to argue that Kelvin was straight?

He's very tired -- he hasn't been sleeping well lately. Because he usually shares his bed with Keefe?  And he misses Mama, who used to tell him that everything's gonna be ok.  She's gone, so Jesse and Judy step up: "Everything's gonna be ok.  You'll get it figured out."  It's not hard to figure out, Dude.  Lots of people are gay.

Before we continue, some bonus Haitian guys. 

I think he's from Jamaica

He's not my boyfriend:  Earlier in the episode, Kelvin reveals that "he's coming apart," certain that his lack of interest in women and recent forays into "darkness" signify that he is the Devil.  The siblings tried to comfort him, but apparently it didn't help: he shows up at the teen group wearing a Goth teddy outfit, mascara, pale lipstick, dark glasses, and shiny vinyl pants, and announces "I have transformed myself into something Dark."  He's not Jesus, but a vile creature of sin.  He must leave them.  

But his replacement, Ronald Meyers (Josh Warren), is "pure": chubby, greasy-haired, an assistant manager at the GameStop.  One can't help but conclude that "pure" means "never had sex," a contrast with Kelvin, who obvioulsy has. 

Kelvin makes a dramatic exit.  Dot Nancy, whom he rescued from Club Sinister, scoffs, as if to say "What an idiot!", and follows. "Is this about your boyfriend?"  Notice that she is not being pejorative; she honestly believes that they are a gay couple.  

Kelvin corrects her:  "Ok, no, he's not my boyfriend. We're just a couple dudes who like to hang out. Why?"  He's being awfully nonchalant -- compare Season 3, where "rumors swirling around" drive him into a panic.  He's already the Dark Lord, a being infused by homoerotic desire, so why get upset over a simple mistake?

Fans who insist that "Kelvin is straight!" often point to this statement, but maybe they're not "boyfriends," partners in a caring, emotionally-fulfilling relationship.  Kelvin believes that Satan is all about sex, not love, so whatever he feels for Keefe -- whatever he does with Keefe -- must be driven solely by lust.   

More after the break

"Wonder Man": Not-quite-gay struggling actor, superhero, or both? Plus we see Yahya's dick, and there's a big shock: Ben Kingsley is straight

 

Wonder Man (2026) has two contradictory premise descriptions.  On Disney Plus, it's  about "two actors at opposite ends of their careers" (Yahya Abdul-Mateen, Ben Kingsley), so we're expecting a wry comedy-drama about show business, like Entourage.  

On the IMDB, it's about a guy who gets superpowers and "is thrust into the world of superheroes," so we're expecting aerial battles with costumed baddies, like The X-Men.

Different types of viewers will be interested in each.  It's cute the way the try to rope in each.  But won't it backfire when half of the audience realizes that it's been tricked?

Plus Ben is gay in real life, Yahya displayed his dick in Watchmen, and both have played gay characters, so there's bound to be some representation.  And maybe some cocks.

Episode 1, "Matinee."  

Scene 1: A low-budget 1960s style superhero movie, with the caped crusader Wonder Man (Dane Larson) having a poorly-choreographed fight with some evil aliens.  Pull back to reveal a bored dad and fascinated son, Young Simon (Kameron J. Meadows). 

Cut to the grown-up Simon (Yahya) marking up a script, then doing shuddering and squealing warm-ups.  The production assistant (Talha Ehtasham) fetches him, and they walk across the entire studio, in a call-back to those backstage movies of the Golden Age of Hollywood.  

They reach a  university classroom set on American Horror Story.  The director describes the scene: Classes are over, and Professor Harpin (Simon) is packing up his desk, when Laura enters.  They discuss the Aztec God of Death. Then Laura turns into a monster and bites his head off.

Simon offers more and more nitpicking suggestions: "If I'm jealous of Laura getting tenure, should I be friendly?  Shouldn't I be packing up a copy of  Aztec Thought and Culture instead of Aztec Civilization?"   He researched the Aztecs for one line in a cheesy tv show? The director and gaffer get more and more annoyed, and finally cut the character.  Your own fault, buddy.

Scene 2: Establishing shots of the Hollywood Sign, highway traffic jams (I remember those!) and people waiting in a long line to audition.   Simon returns to his apartment to find guys moving everything out.  His girlfriend is dumping him, and taking her stuff.  Heterosexual identity established at minute 9:40. She explains that he is emotionally distant.  

As she leaves, the building shakes.  Earthquake, or is Simon getting superpowers? 

Scene 3: Simon goes to see Midnight Cowboy (1969), with Jon Voight as a gay-ish hustler.  Getting some tips for your new career, buddy?   A creepy old guy (Ben Kingsley) is talking loudly on his phone. To "Sweetie," presumably his girlfriend.  Heterosexual identity established immediately.  

Simon tells him to shut up, but he thinks it's ok because it's just the movie trivia and commercials. 

Simon recognizes him as Trevor, who played The Mandarin ten years ago, and Edgar Allan Poe in the 1970s.

Scene 4: They watch the movie, and are impressed by the gay-subtext romance between Jon Voight and Dustin Hoffman.  "Touching... moving...powerful."  Afterwards, Simon annoys Trevor with his nitpicking trivia about the film; he would rather talk about Schlesinger's production of Timon of Athens.

Trevor has to leave, as he is auditioning for Wonder Man.  Simon's favorite movie as a kid!   

More after the break

Hector Garcia: The um...androgynous kid from "Everybody Hates Chris" has a husband...I mean good buddy....and a cock

 

Everybody Hates Chris (2005-09), with comedian Chris Rock narrating his childhood experiences in the 1980s:  sure, it had a lot of beefcake, with Dad Terry Crews and brother Tequan Richmond (left).  At least in the first two seasons, there was a strong gay-subtext romance between Young Chris (Tyler James Williams, who as an adult strongly defends himself against gay "accusations") and Greg (Vincent Martella, who is gay but was not out at the time).    But there were frequent homophobic digs, for no apparent reason than to invite the audience to share the grown-up Chris's homophobia.

At a party, a boy is kissing a long-haired person wearing pants, and the grown-up Chris exclaims "I sure hope that's a girl!"  It's your show.  Why not just tell the director to make sure everyone is obviously heterosexual in the scene?  

When the grown-up Chris thinks that Young Chris and Greg are getting too close, he exclaims "Hey, this ain't Brokeback!"  So you're expressing homophobia at yourself as a boy? You got issues, dude.

No gay people appear or are mentioned; the closest they dared come was Angel (Hector A. Garcia).

In Episode 4.2, "Everybody Hates Cake," Chris signs up for a home economics class as a way to get close to the Girl of His Dreams Remember, heteronormativity dictates that the teenage boy has only one motive for every action: to get girls.  He is partnered with femme boy Angel, who is besties with the Girl but can't cook.  That's why you take the class, nimrod.  Maybe they could help each other, an introduction in exchange for cooking lessons?   

The femme mannerisms make Chris extremely uncomfortable, but --winning the Girl!  Dad advises him that some men are...um...er...androgynous.  But they can't help it.  You shouldn't shun someone for something that's not their fault.  So Chris agrees to the trade, but when he starts to like Angel and asks to hang out, the snobbish (grown-up Chris: racist) jerk rejects him.  

I wanted to know about the actor playing the um...er...androgynous Angel,  Hector A. Garcia.  Is he...um...er... androgynous in real life?

First, any...um...er...androgynous roles?

Hector grew up in Pacoima, California, just north of Burbank.  He is a "Proud Valley Boy" and "professional couch potato."  His acting career begins in 2003 with the shorts Carter's Wish (everybody's wishes start coming true, literally) and La Cerca (the 17-year old Niño discovers "a world beyond the barbed-wire fence" of his grandfather's ranch).

Next came some guest spots on tv series -- In Justice, The Cleaner, The Shield, NCIS -- where he apparently played Hispanic teens in graffiti-strewn neighborhoods.

After Chris, Hector starred in five episodes of Brothers (2009) -- not to be confused with the psychological thriller Brothers (2009), or Brothers and Sisters (2006-2011), which has a gay sibling.  This one had Michael Strahan and Daryl Mitchell as estranged brothers running a restaurant.  Hector plays a cook. 

Coincidentally, Tichina Arnold, the Mom on Everybody Hates Chris, plays Cynthia.  

Then came some guest spots on Till Death, Bad Therapy, Booze Lightyear, and Good Samaritans.  

And The Undershepherd (2012): Two best friend ministers rise in the ranks of the Baptist Church, but one is being led by God, and the other by Satan.  

Hector plays TD, presumably a church member.  The Baptist Church doesn't look kindly on um...er...androgynous men, so appearing in this movie suggests that our boy is straight.

In 2016, Hector became the producer/ writer/ star of The Office Chronicles, a short about "true feelings revealed" at the office: Jerry (Hector) is in love with Becky, but she's in love with Sean (Marlon Begue), who absolutely cannot act, and admits an infidelity, whereupon she dumps him.  Sounds heteronormative. Dude is definitely a straight Baptist.

.

Wait -- in 2021, Hector starred in the podcast No Such Thing, not to be confused with the supernatural thriller No Such Thing (2021).  Hector plays Jesus, a gay guy who is working in a bookstore and dating Don (Jimmy Clabots, butt left).  He comes out to Mom and Dad in the last episode.

I'm confused.  Are you um...er...androgynous or not, buddy boy?

More after the break