Topper Guild: The youtube star breaks into tv. With Kaido Roberts, muscle men, Nick d*ck, and Topper playing with balls

 

 Something called Topper Guild Creator Essentials appeared in my Hulu recommendations.  I had no idea what it was, but the guy was cute, so I clicked on it.

Episode 1.1, "Roblox 99 Nights in the Forest in Real Life," begins in media res, with Topper, the cameraman Shutters, and a bounty hunter searching in the woods for their pal Kaido (Kaido Lee Roberts, left).  And Topper's "brain rot," whatever that is.

They discover that he has been kidnapped by cultists wearing red robes and deer masks.  

While Shutters researches the cult online, Topper, Mike the Bounty Hunter, and a muscular cop track down four other missing kids.  Each requires a different challenge to be rescued:

Dino Kid: A bucket of roaches.

Kraken Kid: A pool of sticky glop.

 

Squid Kid: A stinky, used cultist robe.  The kid asks for Topper's autograph before he escapes, suggesting that the guy is famous.

Koala Kid: Attacking the cultist guards.  At this point the Cop goes home.  I don't know why.

They are deliberately over-acting, usually while addressing the camera.  Animated images of their thoughts appear over their heads, and there are other animations for no apparent reason.  When Topper tells us "Guys, they're tied up!", the ropes start to glow.  When he says "Maybe I can find something useful in this box," the box starts to glow.  

 I think this sort of thing happens on a show for preschoolers: "Can you find the object that doesn't belong at the beach?  Right, the snowman."  But this isn't for preschoolers; it's rated PG. 

Topper and Mike the Bounty Hunter discover that Kaido is being prepared for sacrifice in the King's mansion, so they go undercover as cultists. Mike is captured, and tied up next to their friend.

Topper/Cultist claims that the King sent him to beat up the captives. While punching, he slips Mike a knife, allowing him to cut the ropes and knock out the guards.  All three escape in Topper's van.

The "brain rot" turns out to be a cutout of a squat, square humanoid formed from the number 6-7 (the meaningless number that kid chant to annoy adults).

Three cast members are listed, but only Kaido Lee Roberts appears on the IMDB: he stars in some of Dhar Man's clickbait videos.

And Topper Guild?  Not really a guild, the guy's name.

Born in 2002, Topper Guild grew up in Los Angeles, but now lives in Austin, Texas.  When he was 12 years old, he began posting humorous pranks and challenges on social media platforms.  He soon gained 84 million youtube subscribers, plus 34 million followers on Tiktok, and 1.3 million on Instagram.

The videos became more elaborate,with fictionalized plots and characters:

"I Build a Secret Room for Ronaldo"

"I Murdered K-Pop Demon Hunters"

"Surviving Evil Kids"

More after the break. Caution: explicit.

Modern Family, Episode 11.4: A pool full of muscle hunks, a future hunkoid thief, and a gay realtor. With some twinks and 7 dicks

 

We've been watching Modern Family from the beginning.  Even at an episode almost every night, sometimes two, it's taken over eight months.  Now we're in Season 11, and continuing just out a sense of duty.  The characters are getting flanderized, there are too many maudlin "misty water-colored memories" scenes, and the plotlines are reeking of desperation from the writers' room.  Haley and Dylan have twins.  Gloria becomes a realtor.  Alex moves to Antartica?  Mitchell and Cam move to Missouri?

Besides, Luke (Nolan Gould) has bulked up, but never takes his shirt off.

Episode 11.4, "The Pool Party," is silly, but offers some excellent beefcake.  In the A Plot, Gloria, wife of family patriarch Jay Pritchett,  suddenly developed an interest in becoming a realtor, so Jay's son-in-law Phil -- who owns a magic store and a parking lot, teaches realty at the community college, runs a food podcast, and still has time to work as a realtor -- has hired her as his intern.  She's pushing to be hired full-time, but Phil isn't sure.

They work on the mystery of who is stealing the "For Sale" signs from the homeowners, to keep people from buying the house (don't they usually search online instead of driving by?).  Phil interrogates his rival Gil Thorpe (Rob Riggle), but he says that he's gay now, so he doesn't have time for a petty vendetta.  

Meanwhile, Gloria attaches the tracker for her husband Jay's dog to the sign, and follows it to catch the thief: Sam, played by Hunter J. Mitchell, now 18 and rather hunky (not shown).  The owners' son, he keeps stealing the sign so he won't have to move and leave all his friends.  Gloria gives a maudlin speech about how change is hard, but it leads to new experiences and new people, and Phil is so impressed that he gives her the assistant job. 

In the B Plot, Jay is in charge of housekeeping while Gloria works late and fails to appreciate the dinner he cooked or his new jogging suit. He has become a stereotypic housewife, and feels emasculated. 

In the C Plot, Claire wants to convince her daughters Haley and Alex to go to work in the corporate world, so she claims that being a CEO is wonderfully fulfilling.  Then she has pretend that a major disaster is no problem at all.

The D Plot is the dumbest.  Gay couple Mitch and Cam are invited to a pool party by their friend Longinus (Kevin Daniels).  He says that there will be kids, so they bring their daughter Lily; but he meant "twinks."  

The pool is crowded with musclemen in their 20s and 30s.  How would you respond?  How would any gay guy respond?

Right, he would mingle and cruise, or at least enjoy this paradise of  pecs, abs, and bulges. But Cam and Mitchell are horrified. "We can't take off our shirts at this smoke show."  Huh?  Why not? 

Left: I think the guy in the pink hat is adult video star Chris Wolfe. 

More after the break