Ben Brainard: Short Guy comedian posts j/o photos. Can humor and hotness co-exist?

I was intrigued by comedian Ben Brainard's j/o photos on LPSG and the  celebrity penis subredit: comedians almost never post nude or even shirtless photos. Apparently the consensus is that humor and hotness are mutually exclusive; you can tell jokes or show your cock, but not both.

So who is this Ben Brainard?

He's a Florida boy, a 5'5" Short Guy, straight or bi, with ADHD, 2.7 million TikTok followers, and a nice butt. 

In January 2026, when ICE was going door-to-door in my town grabbing brown people and shooting anyone who protested, he posted an introduction, "In case you've forgotten who I am, or you're new here: F*ck ICE, f*ck Trump, f*ck this whole f*cking fascist regime."

My kind of comedy.

A stand-up bit:

"When I was in basic training (in the army), the guy who slept in the bunk next to me -- the big spoon most nights -- one day we woke up and he said 'I have a master's in family psychology, and I think I've diagnosed you: you have ADHD.'

'You have a master's in family psychology, and you joined the army?'

'We all make mistakes.'"

I think he was kidding about the big spoon.

"I'm in Nebraska, and they give me two options: Do you want to go to Omaha or Boys Town?  (Pause).  I'm going to Boys Town!  I'm straight, but it sounds like a fun time."

"People call me gay for driving a Prius, but it's a hybrid.  I'm bi."

Well, which is it, Benny Boy?

At least he doesn't riff constantly about his relations with ladies, like most straight comedians.

Ben was born in Florida in 1996, and grew up in Daytona Beach, where he was always "the funny kid."  But he also played three sports, took AP classes, and was voted Student Body President.  After high school, he attended Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University, where he was majoring in mechanical engineering and minoring in physics until he got bored with calculus. Bored with calculus?  I dropped the class twice after failing the first two quizzes.   He dropped out, moved to Orlando, and joined the army reserves. 

He started doing stand-up comedy at the Drunken Monkey Coffee Bar in Orlando, and became famous for TikTok videos that depicted various states arguing with each other.  Here Texas argues that Roe v. Wade allowed people to make their own choice about abortion, "but they were making the wrong choice."

He toured nationwide, hosted a podcast, appeared on Amber Live! and Dry Bar Comedy, and in 2025 starred in a comedy special, What a Mature Child.

In 2026, he was a contestant in You Laugh, You Leave: Live on Stage, performing with Shane Bianchi, Ross O'Donovan, and other comedians, while Jimmy Here and a celebrity panel judged them.   The one who gets the least laughs wins.

Coming up, Ben will play a TV host in Painted with L.O.V.E., an indie written and directed by Aaron Diaz (left, if he's the right one).  It's about a female AI companion who develops romantic feelings for her owner.

Ben's cock after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Luxembourg-adjacent brothers Emilian and Marlon Heinrich: One has muscles, the other gay content. With Luxembourger cocks

 

Today Instagram recommended Emilian Heinrich. He and his brother Marlon do modeling and German tiktok povs like:

"When the younger brother has more rights than you"

"My brother at the beach"

 "If you love me, you'll...." 

Um...do a handstand with one hand?

I'm getting tired of internet celebrities and models.  Hopefully he's also an actor.

Score!  He's got six on-screen credits listed on his resume.  Maybe some are gay or gay-subtext.

Emilian was born in 2011 in Püttlingen, in the far west of Germany, about an hour by car from Metz, France, and ninety minutes from Luxembourg (which will give me an excuse to post some of my Luxembourg photos.)

Left: A nude dude from Echternach.

1. Any gay content? 

Emilian has performed in the German Disney Christmas Show and:

Herzog Park (2020): A sick boy.

Horst Lichter - Keine Zeit für Arschlöcher (No Time for A*holes, 2022): The child version of the elderly man with a dying mother.

"Matildas Monster," an episode of Geschichten von überall (Stories from Everywhere, 2023): A soccer playing friend of the girl with a monster.

Frühling (Springtime, 2024), a soap opera about rural health care starring Jan Sosniok (left).  A boy at a dog shelter.

Eine Person ex (An Ex Person, 2024): The child version of a crisis intervention worker who makes a fatal mistake.

Der so sich zum Tier macht (Turning You into an Animal, upcoming). The title comes from Samuel Johnson: "He who  makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being human."  Something about a soccer team.

Not much of gay interest there.

#2: Gay in real life?

One of his TikToks is about wanting a Freundin (feminine, so girlfriend), so Emilian probably straight or bi, in spite of the diamond earring.

What about his brother, Marlon (right)?  Maybe that's where the gay algorithm kicks in. 

Marlon after the break

An amazingly open gay subtext in "Below": From attempted murder to romance in three hours. Plus some nude Somali dudes

 

I went into the Netflix series Below (2026), about a sea monster plaguing a small fishing village, expecting no more than the Newfoundland accent and maybe some shirtless fishermen.  But before I knew it, there was a major gay subtext, a crazy, undeveloped, yet touching "enemies to lovers" story!

Below is set in the Newfoundland village of Snooks Arms, where ice fisherman Calvin (Azriel Dalman as a boy, former teen idol Josh Hartnett as an adult) has several problems:

First, a prehistoric sea monster that kills random villager, starts a plague, and has a weird cult with psychic powers.

Left: Josh Hartnett's butt.

Second, the province wants everyone to relocate.  If 90% of the villagers agree to the move, they'll get a stipend of $140,000 for a family, or $60,000 for single people.  He and his lesbian sister don't want to move.

Calvin has an on-off girlfriend and three kids.  They all have plotlines of their own, plus love interests.

Wade (Charlie Heaton, Jonathan Byers on Stranger Things), handles the cooking and cleaning for the family's bed-and-breakfast.  He keeps wanting to help on the ice fishing boat, but Dad refuses because he has ADHD, is taking psylociben for depression, and is a screw-up.

Love interest: He falls in love with a girl who happens to belong to the paranormal monster-worshipping cult, and wants to sacrifice him.

 Mary is visiting from Toronto with her musician boyfriend Noah (Caleb Horn).  Their plotline involves a stolen engagement ring.

Jay (Rohan Campbell) has been "working on an oil rig," he claims and hanging out with the b'yes.  Tell me more.

His plotline:

Episode 1: While out ice fishing with his Dad, he gets a text: "You're a dead man!" .

Episode 2: It turns out that he owes $80,000 to a loan shark out west.  Two enforcers, the loose cannon Connor (Josh Cruddas, right) and the hesitant Mo (Matthew Worku, center), arrive for the payment.  Jay says that he needs another 24 hours. 

Episode 3:   In 24 hours, Jay delivers proof of residence in the town: when they relocate, he'll get a payout of $60,000. That's not good enough, so they start beating him up.  Dad Calvin intervenes.

Jay asks if they have a place to stay, and suggests a b&b (not the one his brother runs).  You're being awfully nice to the guys who were just hitting and kicking you.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit

Dang!: Dysfunctional Asian-American family, with Andrew Law as a gay brother. Gen Z humor, gross-out jokes, cute gay guys, and Brian Jordan Alvarez..

I've been looking forward to the animated Dang!, about dysfunctional Asian-American siblings, wiith some trepidation.  In one of the scenes in the trailer, Andrew Dang struggles to say something to a burly Hispanic dude in a bodega, knocks over a display, says "I love you!" and leaves in embarrassment.  Sounds like he's gay, but in another scene, he's knocking over furniture in enthusiastic kissing and hugging with a woman, so I'm not sure.  I've been fooled by queerbaiting trailers before.

But it stars Andrew Law, the showrunner of The Family Law, about a Chinese-Australian boy coming out, so we'll give it a try.

Scene 1: Boardroom at the XY Deadstock Company.  Andrew calls a meeting with his disengaged, phone-scrolling "grindset alpha" employees.  His co-owner fires him because "every day you spend hours in the bathroom, eavesdropping on your own employees and tweeting their conversations."

"Can't fire me if you can't catch me!" He runs away in a panic, chased by security guards in a parody of those zany movie chases. One expects to hear "Yackety Sax" in the background.  He runs into Lucille,  Head of HR, who hands him the termination papers.

Scene 2: A purple-haired woman is livestreaming her foot-bread fetish, accumulating coins. If she gets enough, she promises her feet on marble rye. Andrew comes and gets yelled at for interrupting. She notes that she's only doing this until she lands the job at Klerp, Kate Hudson's lip gloss newsletter. 

Andrew being fired will be a major inconvenience, since he pays for all her stuff. "Go back and fight for your job."

Scene 3: Andrew begs the Co-Owner to give him his job back.  "We're a world-changing company!" "We let teens resell their fanny packs for $6,000.  And you don't do anything."  Who would spend that much on a used fanny pack?  Unless it's a fetish -- the fanny pack has been close to the guy's junk?

"My lawyer and I will see you in court!"

"Isn't that just a guy you hook up with?"  

"We only hooked up once, and it was mostly over-the-pants stuff."

Gay identity established at Minute 5.00, but what about the enthusiastic girl-kissing?  Maybe it's bi identity.

Scene 4: Lawyer tells Andrew that they have two options: Prove that the Deadstock Bathroom Twitter account wasn't his.   "Nope, it was mine."  Ok, prove that he was wrongfully terminated.   His older sister Ruthie texts, so he runs away.

Left: The IMDB and the closing credits don't reveal which actor plays which character, so all I know is that Brian Jordan Alvarez (left), Jared Goldstein (below), and Adan Palley are in the cast.

Cut to Klerp, where Purple-Haired Sister is waiting for her internship interview.  The receptionist offers several wacky perks, like a cranial massage, bone marrow broth, and a bitch therapist: "A gay guy who agrees with everything you say, but goes too far."

She's interviewed by a young teen girl who puts rose quartz in her coffee.  They're ready to hire her, when Andrew appears, gesturing wildly.   "Our Sister Ruthie is in town, and she wants to...ugh...grab dinner!" 

"Don't panic.  We can avoid her until she leaves."

Scene 5: They run back to their apartment to grab some essentials and hide, but she's in the house!  She explains that she's moving to town for her very important, very successful job, so she'll be able to evaluate their tech business and muffin shop. 

Dang, the siblings don't have either of those careers!  "When Little Miss Perfect finds out, she'll be sooo annoying!"

Purple-Hair has another interview at Klerp, so Andrew is in charge of entertaining their sister for the day. She interviews with Kate, who is trying "interminable fasting" and doesn't know what "Cornell" means.

More after the break