Workaholics, with Adam Devine, Blake Anderson, and Anders Holm as a trio of loveable goofballs, rarely disappoints. Adam takes his shirt off more often than not, and usually expresses an interest in men, or at least penises. But not always, and there are a lot of "let's look at naked ladies!" plotlines -- this was on Comedy Central, after all -- so going in cold, reviewing an episode without watching it first, is risky.
But I'm feeling adventurous, so let's go. Episode 6.1, "The Wolves of Rancho," a parody of The Wolves of Wall Street -- the guys work as telemarketers in Rancho Cucamonga.
Scene 1: At the office, instead of working, Blake and Ders are having a beatbox battle, while Adam moderates.
Scene 2: The guys continue to avoid work, hiding behind the office to eat noodles. Suddenly Cushing (Liam Hemsworth), who used to work there, drives up in his Porsche. They're amazed: "You've changed -- you used to look horrible, but now you're hot."
Scene 3: They yell at their own boss, Alice. Why do they spend all day doing beat-box contests and taking naps? Why aren't they making the big commissions? Because she's a lousy leader. They insist that she transfer them to the Van Nuys branch, where they can be inspired by a real leader, and become great men and "playboy pimps." She agrees.
Scene 4: Their new office, all dark and deserted. A guy on the telephone tells them to "sell me on each other." Blake: "He could sell sand to Sandra Bullock." Adam: "He's like a hammerhead shark of telemarketing." That's enough: The lights go on, and everyone pops out like at a surprise party. They have a week to prove that they belong at the money-making machine.
Cushing give them the tour -- they each get their own office, decorated however they want, and there are new suits and hair gel products for them. Hey, Cushing just "goosed" a passing guy. That's sexual harassment, buddy, but at least it demonstrates that you are attracted to men.
Scene 5: JP's inspirational speech: "We're gonna take this week, and butt-f*k it until it dumps Monday." I don't know what that means, except for the butt-f*king part. The employees are all dudes, except for two women standing in the background. Looks like some gender discrimination going on, and quite a lot of dudebro homoeroticism.
JP explains his shark sales strategy: If an old guy says no because he spent all his money on his heart medication, what do you do? Tell him to buy, and skip the medication! No means yes! Adam is horrified, but goes along with it.
Scene 6: End of day: "You crushed it! 200 sales!" Presumably that means the whole office, not just the guys. "Now you get to work late and make 200 more!" The guys are exhausted, but it's stay late or get fired. So, do they get time and a half?
To motivate them during their overtime, the big-dicked John Jordan will be coming around with botox injections, and there are sushi strippers: you pick sushi off their naked bodies, presumably trying to reveal the good parts. Plus Pauly Shore, known for playing annoying characters, in a cage. "If you meet your quota, you can "wease the juice" with him." I don't know what that means, but it sounds dirty.
Cut to the guys in their offices, doing hard-sells: "Do you care about the happiness of your children?" Ders is juggling, Adam working out; and Blake doing martial arts. I know this is a "grass is always greener" workplace episode, but isn't Adam contractually obligated to take off his shirt at least once?
Scene 7: The guys are still hard-selling -- "I don't care if your father dies. Buy one!" -- while Adam gawks at a pole-dancer, Ders eats sushi off a girl, and Blake eats sushi off a guy, his chopsticks headed toward his dick. Funny, Adam is usually the gay one.
Boss JP calls everyone back: "Are you sore? You should be sore, because today just butt-f*ked up your a*s. You're 27 units short of your quota!" Maybe if you didn't give them so many distractions?
"Can't we at least let Pauly Shore out of his cage? He hasn't had anything to eat or drink all day."
"No."
Scene 8: As everyone heads home, the guys figure that JP said "No means yes," so "no" to letting Pauly Shore out means...yes!Their plan: Adam, wearing one of the strippers' crystal shoes, will swing on a stripper pole, kick the cage, and free him! It's just glass -- use a hammer. The pole actually comes down onto the cage, but it has the same effect.
JP and Cushing hear the commotion, rush out -- and are pleased. The guys are rule-breakers. They get things done. "You get to party with Pauly Shore."
Pauly is so happy that he kisses Blake. Hey, Adam is the one who freed you! If anybody should be kissed...
Scene 9: The next morning. JP, Cushing, and the guys are in towels, drinking "breakfast booze." JP's office is a sauna, with strippers. Finally, Adam shows some chest
"Wait -- have the strippers been here all night?" Ders asks, concerned.
"Don't worry, they love it."
Whoops, one of the girls collapses. "Have any of them died in here?" Adam asks.
"No." But no means yes!
Blake won't look at the strippers, and when the other guys compliment their butts, he looks down and mutters "Yeah, butts are awesome." If I didn't know that these episodes are non-sequential, I'd swear that he was being set up for a "coming out" storyline.
One last task before the guys are hired. JP explains that they're sharks, taking over other offices, firing the employees, and absorbing their business. Next, they want the guys' old office, where his ex-wife Alice works. Tomorrow is the big meeting. Steal Alice's powerpoint presentation, so JP can use it first, she'll have nothing, and he can take over.
The guys protest, but they have to do it, or they're fired.
Scene 10: Back in the old office. Everyone missed them so much that they drew kids' pictures, and Waymond is so depressed that he won't speak. I get it -- Alice keeps them on because their goofiness is good for morale.
The guys feel guilty, but then Alice insults them, making it easy to steal her zip drive.
As she walks off, the guys remember that she was married to JP, and wonder "why you would give up a hot piece like that?" Adam elaborates: "You saw the outline through the towel,." Ders agrees: "He was fullly hoggin'." I wonder if they were doing the heterosexual stuff because of the toxic-masculinity office culture in Van Nuys. Back home, they can like penises again.
Scene 11: The big meeting. JP loads up Alice's powerpoint. Except it's really photos of him snorting cocaine with hookers! He's fired. The guys swear that they didn't do it.
Scene 12: Alice explains that Cushing, her new boyfriend, told her about the plot, so she filled her zip drive with incriminating photos and insulted the guys so they would steal it. She orchestrated everything.
So Alice and Cushing? The guys wonder if he's hogging it, too. "Is it huge," Adam asks. "What does it look like? Who's bigger?" Adam, just ask him yourself. He already demosntrated that he was into guy-on-guy action.
They're re-hired. Overjoyed, they exclaim "You don't always act like a bitch." Alice clarifies: "I don't act like a bitch. I am a bitch."
Scene 13: Back to work -- beatboxing in the supply room. But it sounds like the supply room is already occupied -- Cushing having sex with Alice! The end.
Beefcake: The guys in the sauna, the sushi model.
Gay References: Of course.
Naked Girls: Way too many
The Theft: The guys were feeling guilty about betraying their friends at their old office, so why did they steal the zip drive? So they could move to the Van Nuys office, which they hate? Telemarketing jobs can't be that hard to find.
My Grade: B
Bonus: Dane Cook's butt
Dan Cook's penis. Sorry, I couldn't find one of Dane Cook.
See also: Isn't it Romantic: Adam Devine and Liam Hemsworth as romcom hunks. Guess which gets the girl?
Workaholics Episode 5.1: Blake becomes a porn star, Ders is into kinky stuff, and Adam is still gay
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