I haven't reviewed an episode of Workaholics for awhile, and Episode 7.3, "Monstalibooyah," is notable for its nonstop beefcake and huge number of queer codes.
Scene 1: The guys are spending the day at their company's time share condo, only 11 blocks from the beach! They plan a crazy party, but Adam cautions, no naked Twister: "Sex Twister makes my dick blister." He offers to show them, but then Ders wants to show them a scar on his dick, too. They start working to get semis, then realize what they are doing and change their minds. Is it just me, or is it getting homoerotic in here?
Scene 2: They explore the condo. Ders: "A Fiat!" Adam: "A jacuzzi!" Blake: "Ketchup!"
They reveal their goals for the day. Adam: Get filmed doing something stupid, so he can get on the reality show Kookslams. Ders' goal: get a hickey so everybody at work will think he got laid. Blake: smoke weed out of a "cock shell." He means conch shell, of course. And they all want to watch the sunset together. Awww...
Scene 3: They drive the Fiat to the beach, wearing only jeans, Adam's muscles pouring out, and play a homoerotic game of volleyball, paralleling the iconic scene in Top Gun that had a generation of gay kids figuring it out. Wait -- their opponents are little girls.
Suddenly they are distracted by three bikini babes walking toward them in slow motion. Ders calls dibs on one who looks like she gives good "hick jobs." Or you could have sex with her.
They ask the girls' plans for the evening: try to score some Molly and then hang out at the beach club. Why not come back to their place for a crazy party instead? Just as the girls are considering it, Carson and his sidekick (Steve Talley, Temple Baker, left) show up to warn them about hooking up with strangers. They call the guys "chicken donkers," which seems to be a made-up slur.
Ders suggests a game of volleyball: the winner gets the girls. But Carson and his sidekick are acting more like overprotective brothers than boyfriends.
Besides, that's sexist: "They're not property!" Carson throws the guys' volleyball into the ocean. It belongs to the condo; they'll be charged hundreds of dollars! They rush in to retrieve it, and soon discover why you don't go swimming in jeans. They have to ditch the jeans, or drown.
They return to dry land naked, covering their dicks with their hands. Blake finds a "cock shell" to shove his junk into. Passersby laugh at their size, but they explain that small dicks are regular-sized now, shrinking due to energy drinks.
Scene 3: They steal clothes that someone left on the beach: Ders gets a "Paddy's Irish Pub" t-shirt from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Blake a lady's dress, and Adam a dad outfit.
Sunset is in two hours, and they haven't met any of their goals yet! Maybe they can get Ders his hickey by bringing the girls some Molly. Blake and Adam cause a distraction while Ders steals the stash of a drum circle.
But the drum circle catches on, and chases them! They hide with a bridal party, putting on their little femme hats as a disguise: "You guys are so pretty!" Adam exclaims. Yeah, they're hot.
Scene 4: The girls said that they were going to hang at the Beach Club, so the guys sneak in, disguise themselves as staff, and shove shrimp down their pants, presuming that in fancy clubs, "shrimpermen" distribute shrimp one at a time. They approach the girls, announce that they have scored some Molly, and invite them back to the condo to suck on Ders' neck. But Carson and his sidekick appear and order them to leave the girls alone. Then the Drum Circle dudes, wanting to clobber the guys for stealing their Molly!
Steve Talley bonus after the break
Scene 5: Chased by an angry mob, the boys burst into their apartment and block the door. Adam notes that he is strong enough to keep the mob at bay. Surprise -- they came in the back door! They chase the guys upstairs, scattering shrimp and Molly everywhere.
The guys rush out onto the balcony and lock the door. Now they're safe! Ders taunts Carson: "You're not getting out on this balcony, so take your perfect hair, your perfect tan, and your perfect body -- he's super handsome -- " Hey, the girls are in the crowd! The guys invite them out to watch the sunset and give Ders a hickey, but they refuse.
Carson and the head Drummer recognize each other, and fall into a bear hug: "I used to ride zeros with this guy," he explains to his sidekick. They grab the guys' Molly and shut the blinds.
Scene 6: Ignoring the sounds of sex coming from the bedroom -- so who's having sex, Carson and the Drum dude? -- the guys watch the sunset together, even though it's too overcast to enjoy. They split the single Molly tablet they salvaged. Blake suck his out of a cock...shell, but he gets a mouthful of pubic hair with it. We've all been there, dude.
Adam offers to give Ders a hickey, so he can meet his goal. "No thank you, but you're a sweet man." He insists. As he is slurping away, Ders accidentally knocks him off the balcony and into some surf boards!
They have met all of their goals for the weekend, sort of. The end.
Beefcake: Constant.
Heterosexism: The guys make offhand comments about sex with the girls, but none of them seem particularly interested. Ders just wants people to think that he had sex, and Blake and Adam have other goals. Carson and his sidekick do not seem to have a romantic interest in the girls, either.
Gay Subtexts: Frequent scenes where Ders and Adam want to touch each other without admitting that they want to touch each other, culminating in Adam openly acting on his attraction to Ders. Carson may be canonically gay.
My Grade: The chases and frequent disguises reflect the old slapstick comedies of the 1930s, like the Three Stooges with more sex and less violence. And the beefcake is constant. A.
Bonus: Steve Talley in Middleman
Being humiliated through the implication of gay sex in Van Wilder: Freshman Year
Getting naked in American Pie Presents The Naked Mile
See also: Gemstones Episode 2.7: Holding hands among the yurts and eating pizza for dessert. With more Steve Talley
Workaholics Episode 1.9: Adam kisses a cougar
Montgomery Brothers Manscaping: "If your man gets a mouth full of hair, don't despair -- the Montgomery boys are there."
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