Michael O'Hearn: barbarian, superhero, nude model, backside annihilator.

Michael O'Hearn (no connection to Brock O'Hurn) played the bodybuilder who harassed Adam on Workaholics, and for some reason didn't get cast as a member of Kelvin's God Squad.  Recently he had a gym date with Tony Cavalero: "After an intense couple of weeks of flirting online, we went at it at the gym like true barbarians."  

He specifies: "Tony brings the business in the front and the party in the back, and I don't just mean the hair."  Funny, I always thought Tony was more into oral. But when you have Michael O'Hearn behind you, who's going to say no?

Tony returns the compliment: "Honored to have you annihilate my back!  Such a blast bustin' some smut with you."  How many ways can you make a gym workout sound like sex?

You might not  want to see Mike's first star vehicle, Barbarian (2003): "An ancient land suffocates in the shadow of evil. A dark lord rules unopposed. One warrior will become legend. He is the Barbarian... the last great warrior king."  Did anyone actually write a script, or did they watch a 1980s sword-and-sorcery movie and say "Here -- act this out."

The Keeper of Time (2004) is more of the same, with characters named Bullrock, Anu, Udo...and Daniel? 

Then Mike moved into comedy, with roles on Workaholics, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Lab Rats, Mighty Meds, and Epic Rap Battles of History.  Plus he performed on two seasons of American Gladiators, the beefcake game show, as Thor and Titan.

But his main career is in bodybuilding and modeling. 4 time Mr. Universe, 7 time Fitness Nake Model of the Year, 470 magazine covers.  Plus the cover model for Topaz romance novels.

And a lot of humorous instagram posts.

I do the same thing.  Leg day?  What's leg day?

Super bulge from when Mike played a Superman parody.

Hulked out for American Gladiators.  

Mike's size after the break

"Join Kelvin's God Squad": Recruitment video gives us the dirt on the muscle cult, with a lot of muscles and a dick or two

  

In Righteous Gemstones Season 2, Kelvin starts a God Squad, musclemen who perform strength-stunts "to serve the Lord."  But their goals are far more complex: they want to establish a new society based on homoerotic desire, a cult of the penis that excludes not only "females," but emotional connections, romantic love, and family. The plan starts to go wrong almost immediately, due both to Kelvin's tyrannical leadership style and the difficulty of excluding romantic partnerships from the new world.  

 In universe, he posted a recruitment video, "Join Kelvin's God Squad."  How clearly does it reveal the true purpose of the Squad?.

Shot 1: As Torsten (Brock O'Hurn) meditates, Kelvin asks "Are you looking for salvation?" 

 

Flexing, he continues: "Salvation is 10% inspiration, 90% perspiration."  This contradicts the evangelical doctrine that salvation (from the wages of sin) is a gift; you don't have to work for it. But apparently here we're looking for salvation from something else.

Scene 2: A wide shot of the God Squad camp, followed by a close up of Cody's chest.  

Kelvin:   "I'm Kelvin Gemstone, and I'd like to share my love of Jesus Christ, and Jesus' love of a beautiful body." Beautiful, not strong. Objects of desire, not admiration.

Scene 3: The men work out with wooden barbells.  One says: "I want to be a warrior for the Lord." Keefe: "You might be a perfect candidate for the God Squad."

Scene 4: The men climb a wooden ladder and sniff fresh vegetables. Kelvin: "Nature is the Lord's gym."  Kelvin has a huge house, easily big enough for twelve men, but he wants to emphasize that he is the leader, structurally "above them."  Plus nature represents the pre-Fall Eden, before Adam succumbed to the temptations of "the female."  

 Shot 5: Two guys grin at each other. Keefe: "We will welcome you into our workouts as if we were friends."  Not a lot of friendships are forged in the God Squad camp.  There is no pairing-off.  The guys are atomized, each competing with the others.

Shot 6: Titus does chin-ups.  Kelvin: "Use your body to get closer to the Lord."   Because he's rising toward heaven. get it?

Shot 7: Keefe: "You will also learn to accept the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ into your heart, and what happens when you accept him, Jericho?  Do the tit thing."

Jericho flexes his nipples. Big deal -- any man with a moderate physique can do that.  But apparently we need to know about Kelvin's interest in men's chests.

More muscles and maybe a hidden cock or two after the break