The Nude Dude Review

 

Kelvin and Keefe at a gay resort sometime after Season 3, watching the Nude Dude Review.

Tropic Thunder

Nine inches and counting

Big Daddy

First time on stage

More nude dudes after the break

"They're combing Wyoming": Eight guys flexing in Idaho, hiking in Wyoming, and hooking up after the opera

 

The title of "Eight Hot/Hung Arnkansans" comes from the musical Annie Get Your Gun, as Frank Reynolds explains that he's extremely good in bed, but a player, so you shouldn't get involved.  He continues:

There's a guy in Wyoming -- they're combing Wyoming/ To find the man in white who was with him that night. 

Gulp, that sounds sinister, but he just means that he ghosted the guy after the hookup.  

Here are eight hot/hung/naked guys from Wyoming and nearby mountain states.  First up: a wrestler from the University of Idaho, Moscow.

Denver, Colorado selfie.

The Denver Art Museum. Generic name, Gaudi style.

Dick with dumbbell in Fort Collins.

On to Sheridan, Wyoming

College student selfie.

More mountain state dick after the break. Warning -- arousal.

"Down Low": Netflix bait-and-switch movie that turns a gay hookup into something dark. With Simon Rex's dick.

 

Down Low, on Netflix (2023). "An overeager massage therapist guides a client with repression through his first queer encounter, but their hookup has a less-than-happy ending." 

A downlow guy lives as a "family man" who has achieved the entire heterosexual trajectory of house, job, wife, and kids, but has sex with men secretly.  Unless "down low" means something else here.

So the family man tells the masseuse that he likes guys, so she hooks him up, and things go south?  Sounds interesting.  But before I jump in, I always conduct some research, to avoid nasty surprises.

WTF?  This plot synopsis on wikipedia sounds like a completely different movie!  There are like a dozen nasty surprises, any one of which would have me "noping" out of there.  

Zachary Quinto stars as "family man" Gary.  I've seen Zachary Quinto in Star Trek, American Horror Story, and The Boys in the Band. Something about his smug, weasly expression grates on my nerves.  Nope #1

He's not on the downlow at all.  He is dying of a brain tumor. Nope #2: no movies about people who are dying of incurable diseases.  Why would anyone ever want to see a movie like that?  How could anyone stand to act in it?  Or write the script?

When he discovers that he is dying, Gary decides to come out, whereupon his wife dumps him.  Not a nope, but really homophobic of the lady to dump him just because he's gay.

The massage therapist is actually a hustler, Cameron (Lukas Gage).  Maybe they do massage too.  This promotional still makes him look like a trans woman, but in the synopsis, the character is always described with he/him pronouns.  Maybe it's a misdirection, so viewers will think that Gary is hooking up with a lady.    

The Hustler uses a dating app to find Gary a hookup  (Sebastian Arroyo).  Wait -- why not just have sex with him yourself?  That's what you're being paid for.

Unfortunately, the hookup does not find Gary attractive enough to screw.  Everyone argues, and he is accidentally killed Nope #3: the abrupt death of a major character. 

Gary and the Hustler hire a Necrophiliac (Simon Rex) to have sex with and then dispose of the Corpse. Nope #4: it's never really come up before, but necrophilia is a big nope.

Due to plot complications, the Necrophiliac can't do his job until the next day, so they spend the night mopping up the blood and smoking crack.  Nope #5: amoral major characters aren't a major "nope," but if I'm already annoyed from watching Zachary Quinto... 

By that time, the Corpse has come back to life and is trying to get away.  The necrophiliac kills him again, and then Gary and the Hustler kill the Necrophiliac.  Nopes #6-7: too many people killing each other too eagerly.  This is definitely not a comedy.

Then they have sex with each other.  You could have just done that at the start, and avoided the multiple murders.  

Later, after Gary dies, the Hustler shows up at his funeral, yells at the ex-wife and the church that abandoned him when he came out, and steals the body.  He dumps it in the lake, which he thinks is a better memorial. Nope #8: portraying gay people as perpetual outsiders, rejected by church and family.  Not really a nope, but way homophobic.

Moral: Always read more than one plot synopsis or watch more than one trailer.  They often make completely contradictory claims.  Remember when Road to Terabinthia was advertised as a fantasy like Harry Potter or The Chronicles of Narnia?  It's about a girl who is dying.

Down Low is not about a guy in the downlow.  It's about a guy who is dying. 

Bonus bulge and dick pics after the break.  Warning: explicit.

There's a guy in Arkansas: Eight Arkansan hunks playing chess, throwing an axe, and letting it all hang out

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"Join Kelvin's God Squad": Recruitment video gives us the dirt on the muscle cult, with a lot of muscles and a dick or two

  

In Righteous Gemstones Season 2, Kelvin starts a God Squad, musclemen who perform strength-stunts "to serve the Lord."  But their goals are far more complex: they want to establish a new society based on homoerotic desire, a cult of the penis that excludes not only "females," but emotional connections, romantic love, and family. The plan starts to go wrong almost immediately, due both to Kelvin's tyrannical leadership style and the difficulty of excluding romantic partnerships from the new world.  

 In universe, he posted a recruitment video, "Join Kelvin's God Squad."  How clearly does it reveal the true purpose of the Squad?.

Shot 1: As Torsten (Brock O'Hurn) meditates, Kelvin asks "Are you looking for salvation?" 

 

Flexing, he continues: "Salvation is 10% inspiration, 90% perspiration."  This contradicts the evangelical doctrine that salvation (from the wages of sin) is a gift; you don't have to work for it. But apparently here we're looking for salvation from something else.

Scene 2: A wide shot of the God Squad camp, followed by a close up of Cody's chest.  

Kelvin:   "I'm Kelvin Gemstone, and I'd like to share my love of Jesus Christ, and Jesus' love of a beautiful body." Beautiful, not strong. Objects of desire, not admiration.

Scene 3: The men work out with wooden barbells.  One says: "I want to be a warrior for the Lord." Keefe: "You might be a perfect candidate for the God Squad."

Scene 4: The men climb a wooden ladder and sniff fresh vegetables. Kelvin: "Nature is the Lord's gym."  Kelvin has a huge house, easily big enough for twelve men, but he wants to emphasize that he is the leader, structurally "above them."  Plus nature represents the pre-Fall Eden, before Adam succumbed to the temptations of "the female."  

 Shot 5: Two guys grin at each other. Keefe: "We will welcome you into our workouts as if we were friends."  Not a lot of friendships are forged in the God Squad camp.  There is no pairing-off.  The guys are atomized, each competing with the others.

Shot 6: Titus does chin-ups.  Kelvin: "Use your body to get closer to the Lord."   Because he's rising toward heaven. get it?

Shot 7: Keefe: "You will also learn to accept the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ into your heart, and what happens when you accept him, Jericho?  Do the tit thing."

Jericho flexes his nipples. Big deal -- any man with a moderate physique can do that.  But apparently we need to know about Kelvin's interest in men's chests.

More muscles and maybe a hidden cock or two after the break

Did the "Solar Opposites Valentine's Day Special" really change everything?

 

Discussing the Solar Opposites Valentine's Day Special, showrunner Josh Bycel noted that holiday specials are usually stand-alone episodes, with no plot or character development: "So we love the idea of [this one] tricking people into realizing like, ‘Oh my God, the end of the episode is actually the biggest thing that’s ever happened to these characters short of landing on Earth!"

Co-creator Mike McMahon adds: "it really changes the dynamic of the characters."

Left: Mike McMahon.

Spoiler alert: Korvo and Terry, have sex.

Solar Opposites is an animated comedy about a group of aliens from the doomed planet Schlorp who crash-land on Earth: team leader Korvo, the "let's do this by the books" micro-manager; the effervescent goofball Terry; their teenage replicants Yumyulack and Jesse, and the Pupa.  Korvo and Terry find each other's habits annoying, and often argue about how assimilated they should become.

In the special, the group tries to order cold, wet tuna in a restaurant, only to discover that it's Valentine's Day, so only romantic dinners are available.  Should they come back tomorrow, or use their alien science to eliminate romantic love from the world?

They decide to eliminate romantic love.  But that turns everyone into Jimmy Buffet fans: they walk around in Hawaiian shirts, with parrots, drinking piña coladas.  Then the parrots become sentient and go to war with the humans.

To fix the mess, the aliens have to find a couple who still experience  romantic love, and use them to beam love down to the planet.  There are no humans in love left, but what about penguins?  Nope, they are pro-parrot, and refuse to help.

Terry asks: "Couldn't we love each other?"

No, all Schlorpians have is teammate affinity.  But maybe that will be enough.  They have to try.

Terry hates teammate affinity: "It's so annoying that I miss you uncontrollably when you leave the room."

Korvo agrees.  He hates "the way it makes the prickly bumps on my arms stand up when you bend over to pick something up from the floor."

Um..guys, that's erotic and romantic desire.....

They get it on.

Terry going down on Korvo

Anal.  Funny, Korvo was a bottom in an earlier episode.

More gay aliens after the break

Steve Howey: Gay ally happy to show his dick on screen. And his butt. And his elephant.

 

  

I've been following Steve's career since he starred in Reba (2001-2007) as the boyfriend of Reba's teenage daughter. It was a country-western sitcom, so I figured that "Howey" was a stage name that made him sound more countrified: "Steve Howdy, y'all!"

He went on to guest on many comedies, like Psych, New Girl, Jennifer Falls, and Workaholics: In Episode 6.15, "Gramps Demamp is Dead," he plays Adam's cousin "Blue Knight" Demamp.  At Gramps' funeral, Blake brings up a happy memory of having a "sword fight" with their wieners, and seeing the Blue Knight's balls. 

Steve had aa long run on Shameless as Kevin Ball, a bartender (and occasional stripper) who is friends with the shameless Gallagher family. 

Shameless gave him many opportunities to show his bulge, dick....

And butt.

More after the break