Title: "Wonders that Cannot be Fathomed, Miracles that Cannot be Counted." From Job 5,9, NIV. Many terrible things have happened to Job, including physical ailments and the deaths of his children, but Eliphaz assures him that God can perform "wonders and miracles," and rescue him. We'll see what wonders and miracles God performs here.
Baby Billy is Bi: Still trying to sell the siblings on his Bible Bonkers game show, Baby Billy (Walton Goggins, top photo), reveals he is friends with Dusty Daniels, the racing champ. We cut to a scene of the two, plus famous actor Gene Hackman (played by Kevin Murray) in Monte Carlo on New Years' Eve, 1999. They're awaiting the Y2K bug, hugging, dancing, and dropping acid as if it's the end of the world.
We zero in on the guys facing each other as they get blow jobs. Baby Billy's partner is a woman, but Dusty's may be a man -- remember that he was established as bisexual back in Episode 3.2.
"I doubt it, but you never know...we might have touched dicks. That's not the important part of the story." The important part: he can talk Dusty Daniels into leaving his fortune to whoever wins at Bible Bonkers, the Gemstones or the Simpkins.
So Kelvin came out to the family yesterday after years anguish, angst, self-doubt, backing-and-forthing, and annoyed viewers, and he still hasn't said the word. Now Baby Billy comes out as bi with utter nonchalance. Why couldn't he have said something to his nephew during Cousins' Night, or back in Season 1?
El Molino: We cut to a locust splatting on a windshield. It's Uncle Peter and Chuck, driving the U-Haul full of explosives. Peter has finally come up with a plan, He doesn't specify what it is, but since it involves the Gemstones and explosives, it's not hard to figure out. They're nearly out of gas, and the militia took all of their money, so they stop at El Molino, a real Hispanic supermarket with two locations in Charleston, to use the cash-counting machine.
While Peter is inside, the U-Haul explodes! He thinks that Chuck has been killed.
Out to the Family: The family gathers in Eli's parlor to watch a tv news report about Chuck's death.
They used to be very careful to avoid public displays of affection, holding hands under the table and forehead-pressing instead of kissing. Now they casually cuddle in front of everyone, even family members who did not see the kiss.
They discuss the Bible Bonkers Family Feud-style game show. The siblings will compete, but they need two more. They were going to ask Chuck, a big Bible nerd, but he's dead, so it will have to be Karl and May-May.
Cut to Jesse and Vance Simpkins (Stephen Dorf) at the Cape and Pistol Society, sniping at each other over who will win the Bible Bonkers game. Vance claims that he has the entire New Testament memorized. When I was in the Nazarene church, we did the Jump Quiz based on a single book, and some very competitive types did try to memorize the whole thing.
"We're going to humiliate your family," Vance proclaims, "On your own network. Let's see how far the mighty Gemstone Empire has fallen. They're all going to leave you. Even God will forsake you." God will forsake him for losing a Bible trivia game?
Of all the gas stations in South Carolina: Homeless, friendless, abandoned by his family, Peter sits outside a convenience store. He prays: "I am in my darkest hour. I am but a lost sheep in need of a shepherd. Please give me a sign."At that moment, Keefe pulls up in the Smut Busters van. He's using that van for everyday chores? Surely he and Kelvin have a dozen cars.
He's listening to the song "Holy Lightning Rod" by Blesst, a Christian metal band (created for this episode?). In Season 1, he considered metal music Satanic. He's come to realize that you don't need to give up things that you love to be a Christian, like heavy metal, Goth/Fetish outfits, and sex with guys.
Did God send him as the sign, to bring Peter back to Christ? If so, it doesn't work -- they don't recognize each other. (After all, they have only seen each other once). So no soul-winning for Keefe. But Peter does steal the Smut Busters van.
God saved you: In the wilderness church, Karl and May-May mourn Chuck's death, clear off brush, and pray -- then she crosses herself Surely somebody on the staff knew that only Catholics use that gesture. Suddenly Chuck walks in! He's alive!
Cut to the family back in Eli's parlor. This time it's just Eli, the siblings, and the Montgomerys. Chuck explains that he made sure the parking lot was empty, then set off the explosion and ran away, so his Dad would think he was dead and he could escape.
"Why were you super-mean to us, while we were in captivity?" Chuck doesn't explain, but he avers that he didn't actually want them to die. Then why were you shooting at them? Besides, he blew up the van to save them. Doesn't that make up for the kidnapping? I thought you blew up the van to save yourself.
So, about Bible Bonkers? Chuck is a Bible expert, so May-May can drop out. The team will consist of Jesse, Judy, Kelvin, Chuck, and Karl.
Later, at the amusement park, Chuck tries to apologize to Jesse. They bond over having Daddies who are embarrassed by them.
The Bible Bonkers Filming: Apparently several weeks have passed. The Bible Bonkers set is finished, and they're going to film the first episode.
As Gideon drives Eli and May-May to the filming, they see Peter in the stolen Smut Busters van. He's up to no good! Follow him! Why didn't Keefe report the van missing?
On set, the band starts to play and the dancers twirl about. Showtime! Baby Billy does a cheesy stand-up bit, then introduces the Gemstones vs. the Simpkins.
Notice Kelvin's textured single-breasted green coat, "The Attico" from Farfetch, "The global destination for modern luxury." It will become important later.
The Simpkins team includes siblings Vance, Shay, and Craig, not seen since Episode 1, plus two young Asian girls. Apparently they are ringers: there is no indication that any of the siblings has a partner or children. Compare with the Gemstones, who, for all their faults, have devoted partners.
Baby Bill asks easy fill-in-the-blank style Bible questions to Jesse-Vance and Judy-Shay. The Gemstones lose.
Now it's Kelvin-Craig's turn. First Kelvin does a self-aggrandizing coat-swirling dance. Keefe, watching from the VIP section with the other partners, responds with a weird robot thing. It looks like he's following along with the move they practiced.
Meanwhile, Gideon, May-May, and Eli follow Peter to the Salvation Center. Couldn't they have called the police from the car? Don't these people have cell phones? He drives to the loading dock, on a day when there are no services, so he probably expects the church to be empty.
When the Gemstones confront him, he announces that he has filled the Smut Busters van with explosives, triggered by his fitbit watch. Wait-- where did he get a second batch?
May -May yells that both his sons are inside. Chuck is alive after all. At this point, Peter would probably give up the plan, but he is interrupted by......
.jpg)
Whew! I'm so anxious to get on with the story that I don't have time to look at any dicks. Well, maybe one.
More after the break
A swarm of locusts!
Locusts are not unheard-of in South Carolina. In fact, every 13 years, a swarm of the similar cicadas emerges. Ecologists consider them beneficial, since many animals and birds eat them. And they do not sting or bite. But these are not ordinary locusts. The swarm flies directly through the service entrance and into the tv studio, crashing and smashing everything. They may not sting or bite, but having dozens of buzzing, crawling things splat into your body, hitting your hair and face, must be disorienting and painful. People stumble in every direction, crashing into each other. Some are hit by falling lights and sound equipment. A round image of Baby Billy smashes someone's head.
You can tell who actually cares about their family by who runs away (the Simpkins) and who looks for them (the Gemstones). Jesse saves not only his family, but Eli and Dusty. The Montgomerys and BJ/Judy save each other.
Intimacy alert: Keefe holds on to Kelvin's hand and thigh.
Green is Kelvin's preferred color, but the Attico with the long green fringes was chosen deliberately to look like grass. The guys are dead and buried. Keefe has a symbolic death and resurrection in every season, but this is the first for Kelvin. Maybe this is his final expiation, burning away the last of his guilt and shame over being gay.
The family stumbles out onto the loading dock. Everyone else has scattered.
Plot Resolution 1: Uncle Peter. Uh-oh, one of the locusts has crashed into Peter's fitbit trigger, destroying it, so the van will blow up in one minute. Run away!
.jpg)
Intimacy alert: Keefe now has his arm around Kelvin, a parallel to BJ with his arm around Judy.
Left: Since some of the Gemstone kids are off to college in this episode, I'm including some college jock cocks.
The Funeral: Cut to Dusty Daniels' funeral, an unspecified amount of time later. Like no other funeral ever, the siblings sit in the front row, and their partners behind, but seated so that we can see them all in one shot.Resolution #2: The System. Remember their long-standing feud? We see BJ and Judy filming a commercial for Amber's marital System, and then the two women have a reconciliation. They're still not best friends, but they vow to get along.
Resolution #3: Smut Busters. Remember Kelvin taking his job at the church back? We cut to the guys waiting for other Smut Busters outside a porno store. Apparently it was re-instated, no doubt with changes: no vandalism or assault, just lawful protest on public property.
Keefe relishes the idea of the protest, "Let them know we're watching. Judging their lifestyle." Hey, you were using some of those sex toys, you hypocrite!
Kelvin adds: "What people do in their bedrooms, behind closed doors." Suddenly he sees the connection to what he and Keefe do "behind closed doors."
In case you still doubt that they have a sexual relationship, they admit it here. Who still has that doubt? But why don't they come out with the proper terms: "We're gay. People will judge the fucking and sucking we do in the bedroom." Maybe because homophobes object to the actual word "gay" rather than the identity. I've seen several programs where people start sentences like "I'm...." and "I thought you were....", only to be cut off before The Word.
Resolution #4: Pontius: Remember that Jesse promised to enroll Pontius at The Citadel, the South Carolina military college? Cut to him dropping Pontius off. He was rejected by every college he applied to, but The Citadel has a 99% acceptance rate, plus Jesse probably promised to build them a new football stadium.
Resolution #5: Gideon: Remember, Gideon can't do stunt work anymore, but he doesn't want to be Eli's driver forever. What else is there? He's been reading Eli's autobiographies all season, and while they are fishing, he tells Eli, "I want to do what you do."
"You want to preach?"
"I think so." Presumably this means that he's off to college, then seminary.
Eli tears up with pride. The end.
See also: Jak and Kelton visit the Citadel: Beach Day, Dick Day, wrestling, modeling, and a tour of the campus
Showering with Portuguese boys at a church conference in Switzerland
Next: Season 3 Finale: Kelvin and Keefe married? Pontius a Dark Lord? Peter redeemed through the Redeemer?
No comments:
Post a Comment