"AP Bio": "Always Sunny" Glenn as a disgraced philosopher turned high school teacher

 

The television series AP Bio was broadcast on NBC in 2018-19, and then on Peacock in 2020-22, and is now streaming on Netflix.  It stars Glen Howerton, who plays the amoral sociopath Dennis Reyolds on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, so I imagine his AP Biology teacher will be similar.  It may be a nice break from looking for gay characters in endless Christmas romcoms.

Scene 1: Whitlock High School, home of the Rams.  The stereotyped students sit in the classroom, waiting.  Crash!  Jack, played by Glen, has just hit a bicyclist and crashed into the school sign. The biker wants to argue, but Jack scares him away with a crowbar.

In class, he explains that he's an "award winning philosophy scholar" with a free year, so he took a job teaching Advanced Placement Biology.  Ok, that's impossible. College professors can't teach high school; you need a degree in education, plus student teaching experience.  And philosophers can't teach biology; you would need a degree in biology.  How do these tv shows get off, thinking that anybody can be hired as  a teacher?

But he won't be teaching biology.  He also won't be doing any sharing and caring. He's going to be spending the year trying to steal the job of his nemesis as head of Stanford Philosophy, so he can sleep with every woman in California.  I already hate this douchebag.

Scene 2: The students have some questions.  He promises to give them all As if they keep quiet about not learning biology. Upon discovering that a student is named Sarika Sarkar, he starts lecturing on philosopher Prabhat Ranjan Sarkar, but stops when they pull out their notebooks to take notes.  He won't be teaching them philosophy, either. 

Uh-oh, the Principal, Patton Oswalt, would "like a word." At 5' 3", he's a member of the Short Guy Prigade

The Principal is angry about the accident that wrecked the school sign, but Jack fast-talks him into apologizing and promising to be more laid-back.  They hug.  He  asks Jack out for a beer tonight, but Jack will be busy trying to bang his ex.

Scene 3: At home at his "dead mother's house," amid pictures of Jesus, the Virgin Mary, and himself as a geeky teen, Jack is getting drunk-er.   He calls his friend Miles in California while giving 0 stars to his bestselling book of "philosophical rubbish." 

Miles: "It's a shame you were kicked out of Harvard, but stop by anytime you're on the West Coast." Aha, the nemesis!

Next Jack showers.  Beefcake, no nudity.

Scene 4:  The next day, the School Bully, Spence Moore II, knocks down the Troubled Loner Devin,  Jacob McCarthy, and throws his backpack into the river. 

Cut to three lady teachers having lunch and discussing their sex lives: "So my date comes to my house in a sopping wet t-shirt, talking he had just got out of the bath.  What kind of baby-man takes baths?  Let's hear more about that wet t-shirt.

Jack introduces himself, and is asked if he has any interesting dating stories. "No, but tonight I'm going to bang my high school ex as hard as I can."  They are delighted.

Turns out they're all jerks.  "I make the students take a photo of me and show it to their dads." "I make them clean my car to learn about recycling."  Jack is delighted to discover that as a teacher, he make his students do whatever he wants and call it "education."

Scene 5: In class, the students have prepared a rap number about how much they like biology, but Jack cuts them off.  He has a new project: they're going to work together to destroy Miles.  "It's basic utilitarianism.  Jeremy Bentham..." They open their notebooks. "No, don't write that down.  I'm not teaching you!"

The project: catfishing.  Make up fake profiles with pictures of beautiful women, and send him flirty messages.  How will that destroy him?

Scene 6: The students find a video online explaining why Jack was kicked out of Harvard: at his tenure hearing, he attacked an elderly professor, who defended himself and put him in a headlock. Embarrassing tenure fail.

Jack enters and wants to hear their catfish messages.  First up: Troubled Loner Devin: "Dear Miles, you don't know me, but you will. We will marry under the black sun of Satan's breath.  I'll be the final face you see as I wrap my hands around your neck and suck your soul into my mouth."  I've had blow jobs like that.

Jack likes it, only "make it a bit more feminine."  Sounds like Devin is gay.

More after the break

Andrew Santino: "Aren't gay guys hilarious? But have you heard what they do in bed?"

Today I started a review of Royal Crackers, an animated series on MAX about a family running a cracker empire.  As usual, I checked to see if any of the actors have beefcake photos or are gay.

Andrew Santino, who plays the washed-up rock star son: About a dozen beefcake photos.

Including a group rear.  Notice that the guy on the left has a cock hanging down.

And a frontal with a sock.

Gay: he's on a list of gay male celebrities, but there are also clips saying "Andrew responds to gay rumors," "I'm not gay no more," "Andrew finds out that he's gay,"  "Andrew's gay lover," "Andrew fails the gay test."

Well, which is it?  Is he gay, ex-gay, straight, bi, pan, straight but pretending to be gay as a joke?

Who is this guy, anyway?'

He appears in Game Over, Man and Adam Devine's House Party, and later interviews Adam on the Whiskey Ginger podcast: "What was your worst review?"

Adam: "I don't really get bad reviews, but sometimes they devote three paragraphs to my dick and only two lines to my acting."

More Andrew after the break. No more Adam, though.

"It's Always Sunny," Episode 7.10: Mac gets fat, Charlie refuses sex, and Michael O'Hearn flexes. With bonus Sunny butts

Looking for Michael O'Hearn muscle, I found an appearance in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Episode 7.10 (2011).  It's been on for like a century, so you've probably seen it: four sociopathic pals and their anti-father figure run a sleazy, always-deserted bar in Philadelphia, where they argue, fight, scheme against each other, and work together on elaborate money-making scams

Dennis (Glen Howerton, right), the bartender, prides himself on his attractiveness. .

His sister Dee (Kaitlyn Olson), the bar's waitress, fancies herself an actress.

Mac (Rob McElhenney, left), the bouncer, is obsessed with muscles, and rather homophobic.  He gets a lot of "is he or isn't he?" jokes, until he finally comes out, then goes back in, and comes out again.

Frank (Danny DeVito, the moon), Dennis and Dee's rich con-artist sort-of-father, bankrolls the schemes.

He and Charlie (Charlie Day, center), the bar's janitor, live together, share a bed, and get a lot of "are they or aren't they?" jokes, but it's also hinted that Frank is Charlie's biological father, not his boyfriend.

None of the cast is homophobic in real life. In 2018, they all appeared on a Paddy's Pub float at the LA Pride Parade, giving Mac a chance to show off his new ripped bod.

Scene 1: Mac is in a Catholic confession booth (where you confess your sins to the priest, who gives you a penance to perform).  His confession: he's fat. Not a sin, dude.

Scene 2: Next Mac asks the priest to have God smite his enemies...um, friends...well, friends who want to destroy him.  Not what confession is for, dude. He explains: they became wildly successful, which made them monsters (um...they've been monsters since Season 1), which made them want Mac to be fat. Confused?

Flashback:  Frank, the anti-father, returns from a trip to sell illegal fireworks in North Carolina to find the bar packed.  What happened?  Mac thinks that they just "tipped": if you make the right decisions long enough, eventually things tip in your favor.  Charlie thinks it's his cleaning, Dee her jokes, Dennis his hotness.  They don't know which it is, so they have to continue doing everything.

Scene 3: In bed that night, Charlie just wants to go to sleep so he can work tomorrow, but Frank wants to blow up a lamb with his remaining fireworks.  They argue until Charlie makes a barrier between them, so they can't have sex, which hurts Frank's feelings.  Mac calls and invites them to go on a rager, but they can't because they're fighting.

Left: Frank, Danny DeVito.

Scene 4: The next day, Dennis won't come out of the bathroom, so Charlie has to bartend, which he's not qualified for. Meanwhile, Dee tries to be funny, ignoring customers' orders to tell lame half-jokes and berating them when they don't laugh, and Mac comes late in after a rager involving three bottles of champaign and a stray dog. Everything is in chaos. 

They all go into the bathroom to see what's wrong with Dennis: he found a couple of gray hairs and tried to eradicate them, ending with a terrible haircut.  He's afraid to be seen in public. 

Scene 5: After bartending all night, Charlie is exhausted; plus he hasn't had time to clean. Frank has come up with a new prank: four stop signs at an intersection, so no one can move, har har. Charlie points out that he built a four-way stop, actually making the neighborhood safer. "Ok, then, why don't we go around and hit people with sticks?"  Charlie doesn't want to do that, either.  Not the best ideas for Date Night, buddy.

Scene 6: Mac is planning places to avoid when he sails around the world with the profits from their new successful bar.  He'll avoid Africa -- too poor, the Middle East -- too hot, and well, everywhere.  Meanwhile, Dennis applied a chemical peel to his face, and now looks disfigured, so he can't be the attractive bartender anymore.

Left: Dennis, Glenn Howerton

Dee suggests hiring  replacements, or avatars, to do all the dirty work, so they can concentrate on being attractive, funny, and successful.  Of course the avatars have to look like the gang.

More sunny after the break