Andrew Santino: "Aren't gay guys hilarious? But have you heard what they do in bed?"

Today I started a review of Royal Crackers, an animated series on MAX about a family running a cracker empire.  As usual, I checked to see if any of the actors have beefcake photos or are gay.

Andrew Santino, who plays the washed-up rock star son: About a dozen beefcake photos.

Including a group rear.  Notice that the guy on the left has a cock hanging down.

And a frontal with a sock.

Gay: he's on a list of gay male celebrities, but there are also clips saying "Andrew responds to gay rumors," "I'm not gay no more," "Andrew finds out that he's gay,"  "Andrew's gay lover," "Andrew fails the gay test."

Well, which is it?  Is he gay, ex-gay, straight, bi, pan, straight but pretending to be gay as a joke?

Who is this guy, anyway?'

He appears in Game Over, Man and Adam Devine's House Party, and later interviews Adam on the Whiskey Ginger podcast: "What was your worst review?"

Adam: "I don't really get bad reviews, but sometimes they devote three paragraphs to my dick and only two lines to my acting."

More Andrew after the break. No more Adam, though.

"It's Always Sunny," Episode 7.10: Mac gets fat, Charlie refuses sex, and Michael O'Hearn flexes. With bonus Sunny butts

Looking for Michael O'Hearn muscle, I found an appearance in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Episode 7.10 (2011).  It's been on for like a century, so you've probably seen it: four sociopathic pals and their anti-father figure run a sleazy, always-deserted bar in Philadelphia, where they argue, fight, scheme against each other, and work together on elaborate money-making scams

Dennis (Glen Howerton, right), the bartender, prides himself on his attractiveness. .

His sister Dee (Kaitlyn Olson), the bar's waitress, fancies herself an actress.

Mac (Rob McElhenney, left), the bouncer, is obsessed with muscles, and rather homophobic.  He gets a lot of "is he or isn't he?" jokes, until he finally comes out, then goes back in, and comes out again.

Frank (Danny DeVito, the moon), Dennis and Dee's rich con-artist sort-of-father, bankrolls the schemes.

He and Charlie (Charlie Day, center), the bar's janitor, live together, share a bed, and get a lot of "are they or aren't they?" jokes, but it's also hinted that Frank is Charlie's biological father, not his boyfriend.

None of the cast is homophobic in real life. In 2018, they all appeared on a Paddy's Pub float at the LA Pride Parade, giving Mac a chance to show off his new ripped bod.

Scene 1: Mac is in a Catholic confession booth (where you confess your sins to the priest, who gives you a penance to perform).  His confession: he's fat. Not a sin, dude.

Scene 2: Next Mac asks the priest to have God smite his enemies...um, friends...well, friends who want to destroy him.  Not what confession is for, dude. He explains: they became wildly successful, which made them monsters (um...they've been monsters since Season 1), which made them want Mac to be fat. Confused?

Flashback:  Frank, the anti-father, returns from a trip to sell illegal fireworks in North Carolina to find the bar packed.  What happened?  Mac thinks that they just "tipped": if you make the right decisions long enough, eventually things tip in your favor.  Charlie thinks it's his cleaning, Dee her jokes, Dennis his hotness.  They don't know which it is, so they have to continue doing everything.

Scene 3: In bed that night, Charlie just wants to go to sleep so he can work tomorrow, but Frank wants to blow up a lamb with his remaining fireworks.  They argue until Charlie makes a barrier between them, so they can't have sex, which hurts Frank's feelings.  Mac calls and invites them to go on a rager, but they can't because they're fighting.

Left: Frank, Danny DeVito.

Scene 4: The next day, Dennis won't come out of the bathroom, so Charlie has to bartend, which he's not qualified for. Meanwhile, Dee tries to be funny, ignoring customers' orders to tell lame half-jokes and berating them when they don't laugh, and Mac comes late in after a rager involving three bottles of champaign and a stray dog. Everything is in chaos. 

They all go into the bathroom to see what's wrong with Dennis: he found a couple of gray hairs and tried to eradicate them, ending with a terrible haircut.  He's afraid to be seen in public. 

Scene 5: After bartending all night, Charlie is exhausted; plus he hasn't had time to clean. Frank has come up with a new prank: four stop signs at an intersection, so no one can move, har har. Charlie points out that he built a four-way stop, actually making the neighborhood safer. "Ok, then, why don't we go around and hit people with sticks?"  Charlie doesn't want to do that, either.  Not the best ideas for Date Night, buddy.

Scene 6: Mac is planning places to avoid when he sails around the world with the profits from their new successful bar.  He'll avoid Africa -- too poor, the Middle East -- too hot, and well, everywhere.  Meanwhile, Dennis applied a chemical peel to his face, and now looks disfigured, so he can't be the attractive bartender anymore.

Left: Dennis, Glenn Howerton

Dee suggests hiring  replacements, or avatars, to do all the dirty work, so they can concentrate on being attractive, funny, and successful.  Of course the avatars have to look like the gang.

More sunny after the break

The Mick, Episode 1.12: Strong gay subtext and ample beefcake in this gloomfest. Dick and butt shots do not help.

 

The Mick (2017-2019) was a Fox sitcom (and you know what that means: raunch) starring Kaitlyn Olson of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (and you know what that means: raunch).A low-life grifter, she becomes the guardian of her upscale sister's kids after the parents flee the country to avoid a federal prosecution.  It doesn't sound like my cup of tea, but Episode 1.2, "The Wolf," features both Scotty McArthur and Andy Favreau, who are definitely my cup of tea, so let's review. 

Scene 1: Mick: "You've never sucked anything before."  Her boyfriend Jimmy (Scotty McArthur): "I'm sucking as hard as I can, ok?" Mick: "It's not coming!  Suck harder!" Actually, guys, a successful blow job is more about the lip and tongue act...psych!   He's not giving a blow job, he's sucking gas out of a car in a show room, so they can steal a different car.   Meanwhile, hetero-horny teen Chip (Thomas Babusca) impresses a lollipop-sucking girl by bragging about all the cool cars he'll drive when he gets his license.

Horny Teen brags to Mick and Jimmy about the girl he met on an online dating site; he's sending her money fo air fare so she can fly over from Russia for a visit.  Scam!  The grown-ups laugh at him.  "You know nothing about the real world."

Scene 2: Mick, her young adult niece Sabrina, and another lady  drinking beer in the kitchen. Niece tells them that her boyfriend Kai, introduced in an earlier episode, is back from studying furniture design in Scandinavia, and taking her out to dinner.  And here he comes, in a muscle shirt!  But he ordered Chinese delivery instead of going out, which makes Niece angry. And he didn't actually go to furniture school, because the application wasn't in English. "Loser!" Mick exclaims.

Mick's boyfriend Jimmy comes in and starts eating the kung pao chicken with his hands.  Mick notes that he used to be hot, but he let himself go, "grew breasts," and became into a slob.  And now Kai is on the same path.  Niece doesn't believe it.

Scene 3: Horny Teen at the luggage carousel at the airport, holding a bouquet of flowers, while Mick films him for humiliation.  There's only one bag left: a long-haired blond picks it up.  Horny Teen rushes to hug...a guy!  Gender misidentification joke, yuck. Mick is jubilant: "Watching you being destroyed was so good!"  Hey, you're the guardian.  How about comforting the kid?

She explains.  The world is full of wolves and sheep. Mick and the Russian girlfriend are wolves, taking advantage of people.  Horny Teen is a sheep, getting taken advantage of.  But he could change, learn to be a wolf. "Sure, what the hell."

Scene 4:  In a grocery story for the first lesson: a wolf takes what it needs.  Mick orders Horny Teen to steal a bag of chips.  He hides a bag under his shirt, and immediately is caught by the security guard.  

Out in the parking lot, Mick is eating the fried chicken that she stole.  She was using Horny Teen as a distraction!  Lesson 2: Never trust another wolf.

Scene 5: Kai and Jimmy bonding in a sauna.  Jimmy: "Turns out he was Mormon all along."  You discussing an old boyfriend, dude?  Niece enters and wonders what they are up to.  "We got a friendship cooking."  Tell me more....

She asks Kai about his goals for the future. "Nothing, just hanging out with Jimmy...and you, of course."  "Well, get some goals, or people will think you're a loser."

Scene 6: Off-track betting joint. Next lesson: how to spot a sheep.  Horny Teen suggests the guy waving money around like a jackass. The scam: you get mussed up, slip your wallet into the guy's pocket, and claim that he mugged you for your winning ticket.  The haul is $38 -- but they also ruined a $1,000 suit and sent a guy to jail!

Left: Andy's dick

Scene 7: Back home, Horny Teen is done -- this is totally immoral! Besides -- his online girlfriend is here!  She was detained by ICE, and she didn't have a cell phone to call on.  Horny Teen gives her some money for a cell phone and asks the maid to make up the guest room for her. Don't you, like, want to have sex with her?  Mick isn't buying it: she's a wolf.  The scam is continuing.

Scene 8: Kai in a towel, getting ready for a meeting.  "Oh boy," Niece thinks, "He's looking for a job!"  Nope, his meeting is with Jimmy -- also in a towel -- about their new business.  Women like hot guys, and they can't fix anything around the house, so Stud Nailers, shirtless household repair.  Hey, that's sexist and heteronormative!  Lots of ladies can fix things, and lots of guys like hot guys.  

They hug: "Having a business partner who's also a friend takes off a lot of the pressure." Aww, why don't you kiss him?  Oh, right, your girlfriend is there. "Now let's go hit that sauna."  Butt grab.  Gay subtext just turned into text.

Scene 9: Dinner: pizza. Jimmy and Kai found a van for the Stud Nailers business. Good idea.  Photos of shirtless guys with big..um...hammers.  The Horny Teen's Girlfriend suggests a web show.  Also a good idea: Actually, that show already exists: "Flip the Strip."  

Niece tries to discourage them.  What's her problem? Does she think that the guys are actually having sex?

Next: Mick asks the Girlfriend about her intentions.  What does a wolf like her want with a sheep like Horny Teen?  Reveal: She likes him because he is a sheep, kind and gentle.  "He will neve hurt me."Aww. She's had to do a lot of things to survive.  

Jimmy: "We've all had to do things to survive."  Tell us about your hustler days, dude. 

There are two more nude photos after the break.  Plus the most disgusting concluding scene in television history.