I spent the worst year of my life teaching English at Homophobe State University in Hell, aka a far northern suburb of Houston, Texas. The minute I submitted the last of the final grades, I got in my car and drove nonstop until that blessed "You are now leaving Hell" sign was receding into the distance.
So the new Hulu series, English Teacher, about an English teacher in small town Hell...I mean Texas...piqued my interest. I could relive how hideously horrible it was, from the safe distance of my living room a thousand miles away.
Score -- none of the promotional materials let on, but this English teacher, Evan, played by Brian Jordan Alvarez, is gay. Let the rampant homophobia begin.
Left: the worst place in the world
And Brian Jordan Alvarez's cock, to take your mind off the horror.
Wait -- in English Teacher, everyone knows that Evan is gay. Not a problem. The problem is, he's kind of a jerk.
The much more woke students want to cancel him, for instance, because he said that he couldn't understand why lesbians aren't attracted to men. Lots of people aren't attracted to men, idjit!
In the first episode, a parent wants him fired, claiming that he turned her kid gay by kissing his then-boyfriend and current hookup, played by Jordan Firstman, in front of the class.
Left: Jordan's dick.
More after the break
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He has to prepare a defense for the school board, so he writes an impassioned essay on homophobia and gay rights, claiming that it was act of love between life-partners, and if he kissed a woman, it would be celebrated. But Dude is not totally blameless: in a flashback, we find that the kiss was not a little peck. There was grinding and butt-grabbing.
Evan doesn't get a chance to use his defense. His work buddy, Coach Markie, played by Sean Patton, is quite homophobic -- he calls Evan a "fruit loop" and figures that the kiss probably did turn the kid gay. But they're still buds, so Markie rescues him by blackmailing the mom: drop your grievance, or he'll out her son, now in college, to everyone in her country club.
Evan is incensed: he wanted to win a case for gay rights, not validate homophobic bias. But, Markie tells him, take your victories where you can.
The school board can't fire him, now that the grievance has been dropped, but they issue a proviso: he can never date any faculty member, or he'll be fired. That's the moment that the new hot physics teacher, played by Langston Kerman, starts flirting with him.
I wasn't sure who to root for in the first episode, but the second has more obvious equality vs. bigotry players.
In the annual powerpuff football game, the girls play football and the boys dress as cheerleaders. Everybody loves the tradition except for the LGBT students, who call it homophobic and transphobic, making fun of femme, nonbinary and transgender people. If it were authentic drag, it would be ok. So Evan calls in a drag queen to teach the football boys about authentic drag.
The school board is incensed -- a drag queen grooming the kids! So they forbid drag at the game, but the boys perform a drag number anyway, winning everyone over.
Evan still makes a few faux pas. Asked to explain what nonbinary is, since as gay he "obviously" knows, he mixes it up with asexual and intersex.
The LGBT students want to cancel him because he left out one of the letters in LGBTQAIA2S (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, asexual, intersexed, allied, and two-spirit). But he can't help it -- in his day, you were gay/lesbian, straight, or bisexual.
Wait -- Brian Jordan Alvarez was born in 1987. He's a child of the 2000s. He can't use "old school gay" as an excuse.
Beefcake: Evan gets semi-nude. Some locker room jocks -- not this one.
Gay Characters: Evan and his ex-boyfriend are the only gay teachers. There are two LGBT students in Evan's book club.
Hell, Texas: It's actually Austin, a liberal enclave.
Will I Keep Watching: Not sure. I was expecting virtuous gay vs. homophobic straight, but the battle lines are all confused.
See also: School of Rock: Keefe in drag, a gay kid, a homophobic kid, and Demi Lovato. Also set in Austin, Texas.
I'm glad for Alvarez he has been around for a while hope this is a hit for him
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