My 18 favorite cute/cuddly and hot/hung amateurs: eight-inch Hesse, monster cock Ben, comic book brothers, Codi, a Pooth, and Dane's polar plunge

 

I usually post profiles of actors, but occasionally I stumble upon a singer, athlete, or internet celebrity who is too cute/cuddly or hot/hung to pass up.  Being gay helps.  These are my 18 favorite non-actors, "amateurs" or "civilians."   The bodybuilders have their own list. 

Most of the last names are omitted, or are pseudonyms to protect their privacy.

1. Neo and Swan, French youtube, comic book, and tv star brothers. With celebrity scandal, a gay kid, and nude dudes from Les Eyzies

2. Matthew Beem hitchhikes naked, takes a polar plunge, builds secret rooms to spy on his internet star friends. With four of their d*cks

3. Spencer Lloyd: From "American Idol" to a homophobic church, with nude hockey and j/o in between

4. Dane's Polar Plunge: A 365 day Lake Tahoe Challenge. With Scott Gaffney, Danish dicks, and nude guys at Notre Dame

5. Graham Martillo: Ritzy private school boy plays lacrosse, hugs his boyfriend, takes his shirt off, buys a Porsche. With nude Newport dudes

6. Gage Beule: South Dakota wrestler poses in singlets a lot, posts nothing else. But they are really nice singlets, plus nude guys named Gage.

7. The Little Carper: Short guy fishing expert from Cornwall has a muscular physique and a lot of male friends.

8. Melvin Mellblom: Sad Swedish-Thai model with muscles, a constantly changing hair color, and a backside. With Peebles and Algerian d*cks

9. Topper Guild: The youtube star breaks into tv. With Kaido Roberts, muscle men, Nick d*ck, and Topper playing with balls

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Erik Hesse: Immensely hot Short Guy from Reading, PA, with bad fashion taste, a job hugging athletes, and an eight inch tripod

 The celebrity penis site posted a video, reputedly of ice hockey player Blake E. in the locker room, shoving his semi at his teammates.  Very impressive, and sort of homoerotic.  So I researched him.

No social media presence, just his stats: Born 1998 in Macomb, Michigan, 5'9", 181 lbs, a hockey player for the Royals in Reading, Pennsylvania (the one with the railroad in Monopoly).

The cocksman in the video looks nothing like the real Blake E.  I think he was identified as a prank.  

But who is the hunky short guy with the farmboy innocence and a 1950s haircut?  If Blake is 5'9", he must be 5'8".  Forget the five feet, let's talk about the eight inches.

He's journalist Erik J.  I don't like to give the last names of non-actors, but it's German, for an inhabitant of Jesburg, Hesse.  So I'll call him Erik Hesse. 

Erik grew up in Lansdale, Pennsylvania, a commuter town about 25 miles from Philadelphia. In high school, he played baseball until an injury forced him off the team.  He was also a sports reporter for the Knight-Crier. 

He attended Temple University in Philadelphia, graduating a year early, in 2023,  with a BA in Media Studies and Production.

Left: Temple University Campus Recreation.  Do you choose one, or take all four, or...

While at university, Erik worked as a server at the Texas Roadhouse and an anchor for OwlSports.

Left: I couldn't find any Temple students in my files, so here's one from Ursinus. 

More after the break

"Eternally Yours": Heteronormative vampire family, with some gay actors, Parker's backside, Jaren's dick, and Hiller's husband.

 

True Blood, on HBO (2008-14), had some gay vampires among the undead coming "out of the coffin. 

What We Do In the Shadows (2019-24), on "fearless" FX, featured a group of vampire housemates, most of them queer: "Some of my wives were men, and some were women." 

But Eternally Yours (2026), on CBS, the stodgy old people's network, is entirely heteronormative.  But some of the guys are cute, and have nude photos online, so I'll review it anyway.

 

The three couples:
 

Couple #1. Charles (Ed Weeks, left) and Liz have been a married middle-aged vampire couple for 500 years and dislike each other, but the Council of Elders forbids divorce.

Couple #2: Max (Jaren Lewiston) and Emma, Charles and Liz's daughter.  They turned her when she was child dying of diphteria 200 years ago. Now a young adult, she started dating Max (Jaren Lewiston).  When he came to meet the parents, he was accidently hit by a marble bust, so Dad turned him to prevent him from dying.  Not to worry, he enjoys learning about vampire culture and being part of the "coven." 

Jaren Lewison is a 5'7" Short Guy, and apparently gay in real life.

Left: Reputedly Jaren's junk.

Couple #3: Jesse (the eternally shirtless Parker Young) and his elderly human wife.  Jesse was turned 150 years ago.  He got married to a human woman, but didn't turn her, so she is now elderly, and must never learn about the existence of vampires.  Doesn't she wonder why her husband is still young, and her sons still teenagers?  Or why they drink blood at every meal?

More after the break

Tyler Alvarez: Gay-subtext foster, vandal, blockbuster, and ghost, but is he gay in real life? With two Tyler and four other cocks, plus Gavin Munn

 

In Minimum Wage Episode 1.2 (2026), thirty Drama Club teens descend upon the pizza place, making impossible demands and being outrageously entitled.  Tyler (Tyler Alvarez), the most entitled of the lot, acts like a stereotypic gay drama club boy, hanging on his bestie, Teala (Teale Dunn).  But he is actually straight; they are dating.

They are reprising their characters from the teen romcom Crush (2022): High schooler Paige pursues her crush, a female track star, but ends up with her sister.  Amid all the lesbian representation, Paige's "gay" best friend (Tyler), is actually straight, with a girlfriend (Teala). 

I wanted to know if the cute (and short) Tyler Alvarez has played any other gay-coded straight guys, or even gay-coded gay guys.

Question 1: Any actual gay characters?

Tyler was born in 1997 to a Dominican-American father and a Puerto Rican mother.  He attended the LaGuardia High School for the Performing Arts, class of 2015.

While still in high school, he was cast as Diego in Every Witch Way (2014-15), featuring a girl at Hogwarts...um, I mean Iridium High...who discovers that she is the Chosen One.  Tyler plays Diego, a Churi Kanay (who can control the elements).  He's straight.

Next, High School Lover (2017): A 17-year old girl falls for the older Francois Arnaud, and her dad is upset.  Isn't it also a crime?  Tyler plays Larry, her best friend and comic relief.  I read a plot synopsis and an interview, but nobody mentions whether he is gay.  

And Declan on five episodes of The Fosters (2018), about a lesbian couple raising a crew of foster and adopted children.  Declan is a streamer with an implied crush on Jude (Hayden Byerly), who famously came out while in middle school.

American Vandal (2017-18), surprisingly, is not about the motorcycle gang, it's about actual vandalism at a high school: phallic images painted on 27 teachers' cars.  Tyler's Peter Maldonado and his friend Sam (Griffin Gluck) team up to find the culprit.  They don't express any heterosexual interest, and are often interpreted as a gay-subtext couple.

Tyler also played the violent, homophobic Benito on six episodes of Orange is the New Black (2015-19) and Malcolm, a girl's toxic, manipulative boyfriend, on five episodes of Never Have I Ever (2021).

He had a starring role in Blockbuster, which premiered on Netflix in November 2022 and was cancelled in December (but it's still there, in case you want to look it up). He plays Carlos, a "casually queer" video store employee who starts a "he's arrogant!" romance with Damon (Max Lloyd-Jones), culminating with a kiss.

On Ghosts (2023), Tyler plays Ralph, a "basement ghost" cholera victim who dates Stephanie, a victim of a 1980s psych-slasher.  After they hook up, he ascends to the afterlife.

Wait -- I thought this sounded familiar. Tyler Alvarez is a Short Guy, 5'6".  I posted a profile after I saw him on Ghosts, but deleted it due to low pageviews. 

Maybe a cock or two will push up the pageviews this time?  This one definitely looks like Tyler.

In Pools (2025): Kennedy goes pool-hopping with her friends, including bookworm Blake (Tyler) and hunky Reed (Mason Gooding, left), with whom she hooks up. No plot synopsis, so I don't know if Tyler's character is gay or not.

More after the break, including a lot more cocks and Gavin Munn.