Yani Xander: Headless ghost, Speechless body double, Telugu cop, hottest guy on the planet has a boyfriend and a tree-trunk sized cock

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Foundation: The top 12 hunks of the tv series based on Isaac Asimov's incredibly boring "classic" science fiction

Every three or four years since I was around 15, I've picked up Isaac Asimov's Foundation (1951), lured by assurances that it's a magnificent accomplishment, a classic, essential reading, the book that propelled science fiction from Buck Rogers-style space operas to college literature classrooms.

So I start.  And it's just so darn bo--rrrr--ing that I give up after 10 or 20 pages.  Asimov is obsessed with politics, economics, and business, three of the dullest topics imaginable.  And there are no descriptions of anything.  Ever.  

There's a Foundation tv series on Apple Plus, but from the description it seems to committing an even worse sin: rampant heteronormativity.  So I don't think I'll be watching.  Let's just look at the hunks instead.

We've seen the premise 100 times before, but I suppose that in 1951, it was brand new:  12,000 years after the beginning of the Galactic Empire, it is in decline.  Just like...um...er...the Roman Empire?   Asimov is not good at cultural changes, so people 20,000 or so years from now act exactly the way they did in 1951, smoking cigars, wearing neckties, and filling their offices with men only.  They don't even have automatic elevators.

There are five or six parts, each with different characters.  I've only read the first:  A  young man named Gael travels from the provinces to the galactic hub planet of Trantor.  En route, he explains in detail how the spaceship works, which seems ridiculous.  Do you usually spend your flight thinking about how airplanes work?

1. Alfred Enoch as Raych. There are no women in Foundation except for nondescript wives, so in the tv series Gael becomes a woman, to add gender diversity (and heterosexism).  She gets a boyfriend, Raych, her boss's son.

In the city, Gael befriends a man named Jalen or something (naturally -- there are only male characters).  I'm thinking  "Gay subtext!"  But Jalen turns out to be a spy of the Galactic Empire, trying to get the dirt on his new boss, Hari Seldom or something.

2. Jared Harris as Hari Seldon.

Hairy has invented the field of psychohistory, which can predict societal change.  Asimov obviously doesn't know anything about the social sciences -- societal change is a matter for sociology, not psychology.  He has determined that the Galactic Empire is falling apart, leading to 30,000 years of Dark Ages. 

3. Lee Pace as Brother Day, one of the three emperor clones.  I don't think he appears in the original novels.

Predicting the fall of the Empire doesn't sit well with the Galactic Bigwigs:  They think that Hogwarts is trying to bring about the downfall.  So after an inquisition and trial,  they exile Hungover, Gael, and their workers (plus wives and children) to the planet of Terminus, on the far edge of the galaxy (20,000 years, and they still revere Latin?).

4. Cassion Bilton as Brother Dawn, another of the Emperor Clones.  Don't get excited, he's with a girl.

But it turns out that Hinkley has been manipulating the Galactic Big Wigs behind the scenes.  He wanted to go to Terminus, but he didn't think that his workers would go unless they were forced.  He needs a safe space to work on the vast Encyclopedia Galactica, which will preserve human knowledge and reduce the Dark Ages from 30,000 years to 1,000 years.  

Except it's all a trick.  A distraction.  The narrative switches to many years later, and a man named Salvor Hardin, who I thought was Hari Seldom's great-great grandson, but turns out to be just someone with an equally forgettable four-syllable name.  He discovers that the real goal of the Encyclopedists to start a revolt against...well, I don't know who.  

5. Daniel MacPherson as Hugo Cranst.  In the tv series, Salvor Hardin has become a woman too, so she can fall in love with a Han Solo-type.

By this point, I'm thinking "Life is too short.  I could be reading The Hobbit."  And I understand that the tv series is nothing like the books, anyway.

6. Brandon B. Bell as Han Pritcher, who falls in love with Gael (after her first boyfriend disintegrates) and works for the Foundation, although his real allegiance is to the Second Foundation.  I don't know what that means, either.

More hunks after the break

Gemstones Episode 3.5: Two gay boys, castration anxiety, a snake handler, and a bank robbery. With Ian Winningkoff and Braxton Alexander

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Banksters: Nonbinary and gay actors play a gang of gay teenage Turkish-German interns turned bank robbers

I misread the MAX series Banksters (2025) as Banksies, devotees of the gay-positive street artist Banksy.  It's actually "based on a true story" about teenage bank robbers.  But it stars the nonbinary actor Eren M. Güvercin, who played gay characters in Druck (2018) and Eldorado: Everything the Nazis Hate (2023), so he's certainly playing a gay guy here.

Scene 1: Berlin, 2004.  A group of teenagers trade something off.  It finally gets to Yusuf (Eren, top photo) who joins his friend in a car.  Suddenly red dust explodes.

Cut to Yusuf and his little brother (Momo Ramadan, left) doing sit-ups before breakfast.  Brother retrieves a lot of cash from his various toys.  Yusuf puts it in his trunk and drives through Berlin, while listening to news stories about a series of bank robberies.

Momo, not to be confused with the Egyptian singer, looks much older than his character, and gives off a gay vibe.

He visits Baba, probably his father (Numan Acar), in a building being constructed.  Baba is delighted: "I kiss your eyes!"  But when Yusuf tries to give him some cash, he refuses, and advises, "I want you to stop this day trading."

Google AI: Day trading is the buying and selling of securities, such as stocks or options, within the same trading day to profit from small, short-term price movements. 

Scene 2:  An evening soccer game.  Suddenly a Detective arrives, plus a lot of cops in riot gear.  Continuity error: suddenly it's raining.  They wait for Yusuf to make the winning goal, and then arrest him for the bank robberies.

Scene 3: 18 months before the arrest.  Yusuf looks at a bill for 8,100 euros, draws the money out of his bank account, and pays it.  "And pretend that it comes from my father's account: Mohammed Arslan."

The bank clerk finds this suspicious, and calls for the manager to do some research.  Turns out that the 8,100 € is just for the taxes on the real amount due,120,000€!   Couldn't Yusuf still pay for some of it?  Or set up a payment plan?

Scene 4: While Dad is cooking dinner, Yusuf calls his sister into his room, and gives her the dets: Dad has already declared bankruptcy.  Then he was talked into getting a loan, and can't pay it back, and now it's all due!  Yusuf already spent all of his savings on the taxes.

They start to tell Mom, but she rushes right into the kitchen and starts groping and fondling Dad, so they change their minds.

Scene 5: In the present, Yusuf is interrogated by the arresting Detective, who does the Bad Cop routine: "You think you're tough?  You think you're smart?"  

The IMDB only lists three cast members, Eren (Yusuf), Numan (Dad), and Merlin Von Garnier (Malte, not introduced yet). Other sites list Momo Ramadan (the Little Brother), Andreas Pietschmann,  Omid Memar, Michelangelo Fortalezzi, and David Bredin (left).  I don't know which plays the Detective. 

Yusuf he calls his sister and tells her to retrieve an envelope taped underneath his desk.  It contains a business card: "Call her -- it's my lawyer, Dr. Julia Rieger."  Why would you go through the trouble of hiding her card?  Lots of people have lawyers.  

"Plus bring me some clothes and books, and don't tell Mom and Dad." In the U.S., you must notify the parents when you arrest a minor.

More after the break.. Caution: Explicit.