How fans deny queerness in "The Righteous Gemstones" and other tv series. With examples and dicks.

 

New book on fan reaction to queer codes in tv series, especially how and why some fans on social media refuse to admit that a character is gay.

Gideon Gemstone's room is plastered with pictures of musclemen.

He's obviously straight.  He wants to look like them, not at them.

On The Middle, Sue's friend Brad begins "I'm...."  and is cut off when she says "I know" and hugs him.  

Obviously he was going to confess his love for her.

On What We Do in the Shadows, Guillermo tells the vampires, "I was about thirteen when I realized that I was..." and is cut off.

Obviously he was going to say "shy around girls."

On The Hollow, Adam has a Pride flag in his room.

So what?  Lots of guys like rainbows.

He tells his friends, "I'm gay."

Obviously he didn't mean it like that.

Gideon and Scotty have a romantic candlelight dinner while the background song tells us: "The way you look when you get down, you knock me out."  

Straight guys can go out to dinner.  There's such a thing as friendship, you know.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Joe Mande: The incredibly gorgeous Ben on "Modern Family" writes for tv shows that I don't like, shows his dick but not his chest.

Ben (Joe Mande) is introduced in Modern Family Episode 6.17 (2015) as the shy, beset-upon marketing manager at Pritchet's Closets and Blinds, where Jay's daughter Claire has just taken over as boss.  He returns in four episodes of Season 7, mostly to be the butt of jokes.  Lives with his mother?  Owns a cat?  What a loser!  

Claire holds the "little suck up from marketing" in utter contempt, but keeps him around because he will do anything she asks, such as performing "mom" duties so she can pretend to have the perfect work/life balance.

Jay's wife Gloria thinks so little of him that she can never remember his name, although she knows everyone else who works at the company, even the guys in the warehouse.  

 

In Episode 8.12, Ben notes that he has a crush on Claire's adult daughter, Alex.  He doesn't expect her to reciprocate, since he's a total loser, not good enough for her -- or for anyone, really.  He doesn't deserve to have friends or a romance.  But Alex is into losers, and a guy who lives with his mother, owns a cat, works in closets, is constantly ridiculed by everyone, and is over 40 ("actually, I'm 26"): "kiss me!"  

Maybe she is attracted to losers like Ben, Alec (John Karna), Teddy, Sanjay (Suraj Patel), and Arvin (Chris Geere, below) because they are so easy to control, belittle, diminish, and feel superior to.  

She spends four more episodes in Season 8 and two in Season 9 having fun ordering Ben around, making jokes at his expense, ridiculing his interests, and having sex with him in ways that ignore his needs.

Finally Ben can't take the constant ridicule, and starts seeing a woman who actually likes him.  When Alex finds out in Episode 9.5, they break up, and he is never mentioned again.

I kept thinking, what the heck is wrong with these people?  Ben is gorgeous, with that round face, expressive eyes, d*ck-sucking lips, and scruffy beard. At 5'9", a member of the Short Guy Brigade.  And always wearing a business suit!  When he was on stage, I couldn't pay attention to anyone or anything else.

So let's try a profile.  

Question #1: Gay in real life?  No: he's married to the "beautiful, kind, funny, supportive, warm-hearted Kylie Augustine," and apparently a devotee of Hooters. 

Question #2: Any gay content in his movies and tv shows?

Joe was born in Albuquerque in 1983, went to high school in Minnesota, and received a BFA in Writing from Emerson College in 2006.  He began doing stand-up comedy in college, and moved to New York after graduation to go professional.

 His first film role is in Yeti: A Love Story (2006): five college students go camping.  Joe goes off into the woods to pee and gets skewered.  The others are killed, but not by a yeti, by a weird cult.  The male yeti is a good guy, who rescues Adam (Adam Malamut).  They fall in love.  I can't tell if it is homophobic or not, but Malmut is straight in real life, and according to one review, "incredibly annoying."

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Pablo the Penguin's penis: Jake Goldberg from "Backyardigans" and "Grown Ups" grows up to corporate, cooking, and some cock shots

 

Remember Pablo?  He was one of the backyard buddies on Nick Junior's Backyardigans (2004-2013) a high-strung, frenetic blue penguin best-buddying with the laid-back orange moose Tyrone.  Their friends included Tasha, a yellow hippopotamus best-buddying with the tomboy Uniqua, who has no animal species; and Austin, a purple kangaroo. 

Contrary to what commentators believe, gayness doesn't suddenly appear when you see your first drag queen. You are gay as a preschooler.  You may not be interested in physical intimacy yet, but you find some people and not others attractive, and form romantic bonds, early on.  In Backyardigans, Pablo and Tyrone were queer coded, although Pablo is more often paired with Austin on Archive of Our Own. 

A decade later, Nicholas Barasch, who played Austin in 20 episodes (2009-13), showed his physique on Riverdale.

Leon Thomas III, who played Tyrone in 25 episodes (2006-09), gave us a butt shot on Insecure.

 But Jake Goldberg, a long running Pablo (60 episodes, 2006-13), has given us one better: shots of his penis. 

Born in 1996, Jake grew up in New York, except for five years spent in Israel.  As a child and teenager, he appeared in episodes of 3D Rock, Law and Order: SVU, and Bull, and he played Adam Sandler's son in Grown Ups (2010) and Grown Ups 2 (2013)

Jake is second from the left.  Notice David Henrie of Wizards of Waverly Place on the right.

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His character crushes on girls, but also buddy-bond (and gets naked) with Nadji Jeter as Chris Rock's son. He was nominated for a Golden Raspberry Award, which may have turned him off acting as a career choice.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Gemstones Episode 2.4: BJ gets baptized, Baby Billy gets Funyons, and there's incest, cake, and frolicking muscle boys

 

Previous: Episode 2.3, Continued: The darkness of roller coasters, club bulges, hookups, and apples

Episode 2.4 is my favorite of the season. Although we continue with Eli and Kelvin's intertwining darkness, we add two more or less lighthearted plotlines, starring Judy/BJ and new characters Baby Billy/Tiffany. 

Title: "As to how They May Destroy Him." From Matthew 12:14, NASB. The Pharisees are trying to destroy Jesus.

A Boy and His Cat: Flashback: Charlotte, North Carolina 1993.  Going in fresh, pretending to have never seen Season 1, we are introduced to new characters, the grinning, fast-talking Baby Billy, his wife Gloria, and their special-needs son Harmon, in the mall at Christmastime,  Later we will discover that Baby Billy is a ne-er-do-well, constantly coming up with sleazy scams and get-rich quick schemes.  He and his sister Aimee-Leigh were child stars before she went on to a career as a serious gospel singer and married Eli Gemstone.  Baby Billy never forgave her for "abandoning" him.

  

After Harmon gets a photo on Santa's lap, Gloria goes off to shop, leaving father and son alone. Baby Billy offers to let Harmon choose any Christmas present he wants.  He chooses a cat. Then Baby Billy says that he's going off to buy Funyons, onion-flavored snack rings (this will become important later).  Instead he runs away, abandoning his family! 

Remember the Lissons?: We cut to Jesse and Amber hanging out with the Lissons -- the megachurch pastors  planning a Christian resort  -- and discussing how close their friendship has become.  Jesse breaks the news that they can't get their Daddy to fork over the money to invest.  He's asked multiple times, but Eli refuses to budge.

Lyle is aghast. The Gemstones are worth over $600 million; surely Jesse can afford $10 million on his own?   Nope, it's all Daddy's money.  Jesse will control it someday, of course, but not until Eli dies.  

The Lissons are irate, lambast Jesse and Amber for being poor, and break off the friendship.  I think they just liked you for your money, guys.

The Ace of Spades:  Kelvin and Keefe figure that they can restore the confidence of the God Squad with a 40-day field trip in the Judean desert.   They walk across the Gemstone airfield, Kelvin in a military coat with a leopard-spotted beret, and Keefe in an oddly feminine black robe, with his backpack in front.  

Notice the Ace of Spades on Kelvin's coat. Some fans think that he is subtly coming out as asexual,  Actually, it was used by British and American soldiers in World War 1, symbolizing luck; World War II, victory; and Vietnam, death.    

But the Ace of Spades is the most powerful card in the deck, so Kelvin probably chose it to signify that he is the most powerful man in the group, the Alpha.

Uh-oh, Martin, Eli's chief accountant and right-hand man,  intercepts  them. Eli has refused to pay for the trip.  Do you see a parallel between Kelvin/Keefe and Jesse/Amber's problems?  

Kelvin bats his eyes, touches Martin's chest, and begs: "You got here too late.  We already took off. Please?"    Wait -- are you flirting with Martin?  Homoerotic hotness doesn't work on everyone, dude.

And it doesn't work: Martin lays down the law  Kelvin is forced to break the news that his father said no, thus losing even more of his authority with the God Squad musclemen.

I Know What a Tomater Is:  In the Gemstone Parking Garage, Eli finds a tomato smooshed on his windshield.  The Tan  Man (James Preston Rogers) appears and says, threateningly, "Get the message?"  

Eli pretends that he isn't sure -- maybe something to do with a broken heart?  The Tan Man growls, howls, flexes and clarifies: "you hurt my boss's feelings real bad, and he's not the kind of guy who likes to have hurt feelings."  So, what kind of guy senjoy having hurt feelings?  "He wants an apology."  

Having confronted far more formidable foes, Eli is not impressed by the Tan Man's theatrics.  He sends a message for Junior:"tell him to go fuck hisself."  

BJ's Baptism:   As people file into the Baptismal Chapel, Baby Billy from the 1993 flashback, now with white hair and a whiter grin, performs "There is a fountain filled with blood" while his new wife, the young, very pregnant Tiffany, looks on.  

Outside, Kelvin argues that he cleared the whole God Squad to attend the baptism!  Nope, only he and a "plus one" are on the guest list.  The God Squad guys start murmuring again. Another blow to his authority! 

Kelvin promises to feed them all -- he asks his date, Keefe, to steal some food, resulting in humorous but ridiculous bits.  Do you really want to eat a shrimp that's been transported from the hors d'oeuvres table in Keefe's mouth?  Why not just go out for hamburgers?

Baby Billy begins the service, bragging that he's on the Christian Pop Charts now, and misnaming BJ as TJ.  He must not be very close to the Gemstone family, either.   Hey, the seat next to Kelvin is empty. Why isn't he sitting with his date?  Is Keefe already raiding the caterers for the after-party?

Next Judy sings: "When a man outgrows the family of his origin, and they've no place in his life./ Cause he's different now -- he's got to show them how."  

She was originally going to sing "Rock my Boy's Body," emphasizing the erotic nature of her relationship with BJ (it was moved to the episode finale).

People stop to ask me, "How do you please your man?"
Take it from the black sheep baby, every way I can
Sometimes it's with fire, and sometimes with ice
Just don't get it twisted, this body's gonna pay the price

Eli takes over and completes the baptism.  Judy introduces him as "BJ Christian Barnes."  

I was disappointed that they didn't actually make it to Israel. It would have been interesting to see Kelvin with Jerusalem Syndrome, where tourists surrounded by so many Biblical images come to believe that they are Jesus or the Jewish Messiah (but I guess he is already the Messiah of his muscle cult).  Plus Tel Aviv has the biggest and most open gay community of any city in the Middle East. 

Left: a Haifa cop.

More after the break