What You Wish For (2023) just dropped on Hulu. It stars Nick Stahl, who played a lot of conflicted queer teenagers back in the day, so I'm in.
Scene 1: A very craggy Nick Stahl arrives in an unspecified South American country (very near the equator, so maybe Ecuador). He tries to get a cab, but he doesn't speak Spanish, and the taxi drivers don't speak English...then he sees that his host sent a driver!
Through the jungle to a beautiful ultra-modern house. The host left a note: he won't be back until late, but make yourself at home. So Nick cooks himself an omelette.
Uh-oh, a text from Rabbit: he wants the $50,000 right away. Leaving the country won't help: "I'll track you down." Gambling debts?
Scene 2: Jack (Brian Groh) arrives. Back story: they were roommates in culinary school 12 years ago, and haven't seen each other since. So, whose idea was this reunion? Nick is a failure, reduced to cooking in a hotel kitchen ("a lot of roast chicken"), while Jack travels to exotic locations all over the world: he spends a week in the ritzy house, vetting ingredients, prepping, and cooking a meal for rich people. He's paid extraordinarily well for this. "But it's not as exciting as it sounds. My bosses are assholes, and...well..."
Scene 3: They drive into town. Jack complains about cooking for the super-rich among the most impoverished people you've ever met. When they stop for lunch, Jack asks "So, do you have a wife or girlfriend back home?" No. You forgot to ask about a boyfriend or husband, buddy.
Not to worry, a tourist named Alice, having a "spontaneous adventure," joins them, and asks if they're together. "No, we haven't seen each other in twelve years." That doesn't tell her if you are gay.
They invite her back to the house to see which is the best chef (she prefers Nick's risotto). Then they go swimming, and Alice and Jack head off to bed. Hetero identity established at Minute 15. Interesting that there's no question about who Alice will hook up with. Is Nick not into ladies?
Scene 4: In the morning, Jack drives Alice back to her hotel, and returns to hang out with Nick again.
"Why do you need a whole week to source the ingredients for just one meal?"
"It's complicated. My bosses are...well, people are just the worst, selfish a-holes. And they're destroying the planet. We'll all be dead in ten years, so what's the point."
Scene 5: The next morning, Nick wakes up to discover that Jack has hanged himself! This came as a shock.
He doesn't grieve much, because he didn't really know the guy. Suddenly Rabbit texts: "I need that $50,000 or your mum gets it!"
Nick gets the bright idea of stealing Jack's identity, raiding his bank account to pay his gambling debts, and taking his place in the cushy chef job. He talks his way into changing the password on Jack's bank account, then rushes out and buys a fake id.
Later that day, director Imogine and her assistant Maurice (Juan Carlos Messier) arrive, and are horrified that he's been there for a week,b ut hasn't vetted out the meat yet. "No problem: it's just one meal. I'll buy it tomorrow."
"Buy it? Are you daft?" Uh-oh.
Director Imogene rushes him to a convenience store in town; maybe someone there is healthy. Nope, they'll have to try again tomorrow. Healthy? Finally Nick realizes that he's supposed to cook people!
Scene 6: Nick tries to leave during the night and change back to his Nick identity, but they are both up. They sense that he's trying to leave, and explain: they serve 50 meals a year, but often choose two people, in case one is "rotten." That's about 75 deaths per year, far fewer than workers in the oil industry, or cab drivers. Plus they channel 10% off their profits back into the community they harvest from, so it's a win-win.
But they're counting on Nick. If he refuses to cook, or prepares a bad meal, he's dead.
Scene 7: In the morning, Maurice takes him into the village, where Sunday Mass is just letting out. They set their sights on a teenage girl, but she's with an old lady, who would be no good. An auto mechanic named Jose (Felipe Solano) looks ok. Maurice flirts with him, finds out about his interest in sports and healthy eating habits, and shoots him.
Uh-oh, the two ladies have contacted the police, who interrogate Maurice. He claims that they're scoping out sites for a possible hotel. Nick is the architect.
Scene 8: Back at the house, Nick has the job of prepping the body.
Left: Jose, N*de Dude #1
Want to see his frontside?
Afterwards Nick tries to run away again, but accidentally hits a member of the grounds crew (and crashes the car).
Maurice tells him that only one chef has ever been allowed to quit: she cooked so well that the Agency was impressed, but instead of payment she asked to be released, and they agreed. So maybe Nick could cook an exceptional meal, and get ou that way?
Scene 9: He announces four courses: Carpaccio with pozole soup; turnip spaghetti carbonara with sage beurre noisette; thigh Bourdelaise and beets; and tongue sashimi for dessert (requested by one of the guests). You don't generally think of beets and turnips as South American, but they grow specialized tropical varieties in Ecuador.
More after the break.
Scene 10: While Maurice picks up the guests at the airport, Director Imogine prepares the wine. Uh-oh, the police have arrived, Detective Ruiz and Officer Gallo, looking for the missing Jose. He was last seen talking to Maurice!
"We'll have him call you when he gets back. Bye."
"No, we'll wait." They explain that they are starting the search so soon due to nepotism: Jose is the Detective's nephew, "a proud and responsible new father. He missed his daughter's baptism, so we suspect foul play." Why wasn't Jose at the Mass? Aren't baptisms usually done then?
The detective quizzes Nick on his knowledge of architecture. He doesn't know about building styles, you don't use wood as a building material in the tropics, and he's stumped by the question "Who are your favorite architects?" Um..other than Frank Lloyd Wright and Antoni Gaudi, I'm stumped, too.
Director Imogene pulls Nick aside, and tells him that when the police get involved, they have three scenarios: property development, film production, and tourism. He is supposed to know about his "job" in each of them. "Didn't you get any training?" Uh-oh, he didn't.
Scene 12: While the first course is served, the Detective explains that this happens every nine months or so: a young, healthy person vanishes, and a few weeks later sends an email saying that they have taken a job in a big city far away. Then nothing.
He goes down and talks to the dinner guests (two hetero couples and a single man). They ask him to join them for dinner, so he's eating his nephew, har-har. But aren't these portions measured precisely?
The single guy, Mr. Nishiharta, tells Director Imogene that he enjoys the possibility of being caught. It's exciting.
"So, what do you think happened to your nephew, Detective?"
"That's a tender subject. Another slice, anyone?" Whoops, I just channeled Rocky Horror.
Scene 13: What now? Alice, Jack's hookup, appears. Director Imogene tries to send her away, but she at least needs to come in and use the restroom.
Then her car won't start, so Maurice offers to drive her back to her hotel.
And I'm out of space.
Beefcake: Just the guys in swimsuits and Jose.
Left: Maurice, Juan Carlos Messier, N*de Dude #2. He's actually Colombian.
Heterosexism: None. Jack and Alice head off to the bedroom without even kissing, and no one else expresses any hetero interest.
Gay Characters: Probably Maurice. He flirts aggressively with Jose before killing him.
And Nick: no wife or girlfriend back home, no interest in Alice. And a guy at the airport tries to pick him up. I'm going to say gay-subtext.
My Grade: It was fun watching things go wrong, but the Detective just happens to be an architecture expert? An unlikely coincidence. And my usual complaint: why no explicit gay characters? B+
See also:Nick Stahl: A career of playing scarred, traumatized teens, with being gay as one of the traumas. Plus zombies, DeKay dick, and a glory hole
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