So we'll give it a try. Episode 1.1, "A Portrait of a Lady."
Scene 1: At a lawyer employment agency, Helen explains that she moved to Sydney with her husband, but he ran off with an older man, so she's back in Melbourne, looking for work. But she has no references, so all the agent has is Gruber & Gruber, a small suburban firm handling wills and probate. And don't wear that all-brown outfit -- you blend in with the furniture. Sure enough, an associate (Rhys Nicholson) comes in and accidentally sits on her
Scene 2: Dressed all in yellow, Helen arrives at Gruber & Gruber for her interview . Extraordinarily Cute George offers her a glass of water, and compliments her outfit. If you ask nicely, maybe she'll let you try it on. Could we watch you changing?
Then it's Boss Ray (Marty Sheargold), who mangles her name, then realizes that her dad is a retired Supreme Court justice: "A great man." She's the oldest of the applicants, so she's in.
He explains: "When someone dies, the loved ones prefer a mature woman to comfort them and guide them through the paperwork." Uh-oh, Helen is cold and hard-edged, not good at comforting.
On the way out, she almost bumps into Roz, tall, middle-aged, suspicious.
Roz: "Who was that?"
Boss Ray: "Helen is your replacement. She's the new you."
Scene 3: Helen having breakfast. She calls for a teenage girl to fetch her grandma, who is supposed to live in the flat out back, but keeps coming in, feeding the dog, cleaning, and falling asleep in Helen's bed. Tell me more.
Next stop the coffee shop, where a guy is talking loudly on his phone. She tells him that he's being loud, and the barista kicks her out: "You were talking aggressively!"
Then work, where Extraordinarily Cute George photographs her for their webpage. Don't photographers usually take their shirts off? Roz, the person she's replacing, introduces herself as the Office Manager -- she was a solicitor, but she's been suspended.
A tour of the place with picky rules, and then, since they don't have an office for her yet, Boss Ray puts her in his own office to go over some files.
Scene 3: Office Manager Roz brings in her first case -- way early. Helen protests: she's never done probate law before, so she thought she would spend the first week studying and going through files.
Roz: "If you don't like the job..."
First case: Ruth, whose mum died, leaving half of the estate to her and the other to her brother Dean (Australian tv personality Glenn Robbins, left), but only if he has a vasectomy.
Helen tells her that you can't put conditions like that in a will. I've seen weirder conditions than that on tv: you must get married; you may not get married; you must spend the night in a haunted house.
"But he's got five kids from five different women."
Scene 4: Roz tells Boss Roy that she called Helen's previous job, and discovers that she was fired. "You should keep her under supervision." "But I'm the boss. I don't have time."
Back to Brother Dean: He refuses to have a vasectomy. He's afraid it might affect his work as a penis painter. She clarifies: he doesn't apply paint to guys' dicks, he uses his dick to paint. Presumably it has to be aroused.
Left: The Australian painter Pricasso, profiled on World of the Weird, paints regular portraits using his penis, with a brush inserted into his urethra. The Weird host was horrified, but it's similar to a common sexual practice called sounding.
Ruth: "So, can I get a court order forcing the vasectomy?"
Helen: "No, it's impossible."
She argues, so Helen turns a paper into a megaphone and yells "No. Vasectomy." Whoops, Boss Ray sees her, and becomes upset over the unprofessional demeanor.
More after the break. Caution: Explicit.
