Amazon Prime has been releasing a lot of British "cozy mysteries." where you run down to High Street to find the village baddy murdered, have the constable tell you to "let the police handle it", but solve it yourself with the help of your cat. They're sort of comforting in dark times. So when Cavendish appeared, I assumed that it was a cozy mystery and clicked on it without doing any research.
Surprise: It's actually about a quirky small town in Canada. Think Schitt's Creek, Corner Gas, and Trailer Park Boys, and North by North, or if you want a quirky big city, Kim's Convenience and Running the Burbs. I'm in.
Scene 1: Brothers Mark and Andy are a standard id-superego couple: "Let's streak through Parliament Hill"/"I can't, I have to write an article on potatoes." They cross Confederation Bridge into Prince Edward Island, Mark singing the songs to the Anne of Green Gables musical (the books are set on PEI). Andy is tired of hearing show tunes. Wait -- show tunes? Mark is gay.
Back story: when they were four and eight years old, their mom and dad divorced, and they left Cavendish, PEI. They haven't spoken to Dad since, but they're returning now because he's dying.
More back story: When he was a kid, Mark didn't realize that Andy was only four years older; he thought he was an adult, "Dad's friend who lived with us." A gay partner?
Scene 2: Dad and his new girlfriend Ruth run The Museum of the Strange and the Fantastic out of their house. Sounds cool. She remembers Mark from when he was a kid, and used to come to her shop, but she doesn't remember Andy, and assumes that he's Mark's boyfriend. Andy has been mistaken for a gay partner twice, har har. He'll turn out to be straight.
We get a tour of all the "cool crap" in the museum, like a UFO, an Egyptian sarcophagus -- and a fetus in a jar?
Ruth's niece, the monotone-speaking Goth Brynn (think Lily from Duolingo), works at the museum. No doubt Mark will have a crush on her, but she will keep him in the Friend Zone until the season finale, when they kiss (Like on Friends, Cheers, Family Matters, Schitz Creek...well, every sitcom ever).
In other news, it's Beast Day, when a beast emerges from the woods in search of someone to consume, so the stores are all closed, and everyone stays home. Brynn made a drawing, which we can't see because "he's got a lot of anatomy going on." Goth Girl likes...um...anatomy.
After Girlfriend Ruth sets out the scraps of meat for the Beast, it's time for dinner. Dad comes in wheezing on an oxygen machine...but it's a prank! He's fine! Andy is miffed: they just came because they thought Dad was dying.
Mark hugs Dad, but Andy stays in his seat, fuming. "Andy, how's the stick up your ass," Dad asks.
"So, how about apologizing for abandoning us?"
"Sure. I'm sorry -- that you have such an enormous stick up your ass."
"We're leaving first thing in the morning!" Andy yells.
"Good. Then I can go back to pretending you're dead!" Dad storms off.
Scene 4: POV of the Beast as it snorts and growls up the steps and eats the offering of meat scraps and milk -- and attacks Dad!
Just a dream -- but Mark's scream awakens the whole house. In other news, Dad is missing for real!
They call Constable Gibbs. Andy thinks he went to a hotel so he wouldn't have to spend the night with them, but Mark finds his blood-stained robe in the yard.
Scene 5: Meeting at the Town Hall/Diner. The mayor announces that Dad is missing, and his son Mark had the Beast Dream.
What should they do? A mountain man named Felix (Joe Cobden) suggests setting a trap. You can see his arm around a guy's back, but I don't think he'll be identified as gay.
Molly, the girl Andy had a crush on in third grade, suggests that they all go out tonight to "to kill the beast!" She displays a bag of guns. Andy is horrified, but Mark thinks she's cool.
More after the break, including Canadian d*cks. Caution: Explicit.
Scene 6: Mark and Andy join the mob. Maybe Mark is scripted to get with Bryn, but based on the dainty/prissy way he moves, I'm pegging actor Mark Little as gay. Seems to be packing, too.
Mark claims that Molly is into Andy, so if they stay through the summer, she'll definitely become his girlfriend. But Andy thinks that he's just trying to get them to stay in Cavendish. Couldn't Mark stay even if Andy goes home? They're not boyfriends.
Uh-oh, they lose the rest of the group, and hear the Beast growling! They run. Suddenly it's night. Have they been running for five hours?
Scene 7: They run into a cave -- and there's Dad. He growls, lunges at them with a knife, and collapses.
As they are helping him through the woods, something runs out at them. The Beast! Andy stabs -- Molly's preteen son! Killing her kid on your first day home? I don't think Molly will be interested in dating you.
Scene 8: At the hospital, Doctor Green (Chris Sandiford) explains that Dad was sleep walking, and when he awoke in the woods, he got scared and had a "nervous breakdown." And the kid Andy stabbed is going to be fine.
Left: Chris Sandiford. Dude is straight. Why should only gay guys get to be femme/fabulous?
Everyone encourages Andy to ask Molly out. Stabbing her son will be quite a meet-cute.
Plus, Dad is sorry for the other night, and wants the boys to stay. They agree. The end.
Beefcake: There were no beefcake photos of any of the male cast members online, except for Chris Sandiford, so I'm substituting some random Canadian hunks.
Other Sights: Just as they drive toward Cavendish.
Paranormal: This is going to be like Eerie, Indiana, with weird things happening in every episode. We get an Anne of Green Gables cult, a statue of Fred Penner that comes to life, a scary carnival that steals your soul, demon worship, and It's a Wonderful Life.
Heterosexism: Reading the plot synopsis, it doesn't look like either of the guys fall in love.
Gay Characters: None specified, but I'm still getting gaydar from Mark. In Episode 2, the guys spend the night in the commune of some Anne of Green Gables performers. Mark suggests that Andy hook up with some of the ladies, but never displays any interest himself. Instead he gapes at a man's arousal (off-screen), and later says "He's grown on me."
Gay Actors: I thought Mark Little was gay because of his femme demeanor, but apparently he's straight. His standup partner notes that he can't high five, and neither can gay men, so he should just come out. He agrees: it would be funny to fail at high-five and announce "That does it: I'm gay." But then he'd have sex with a man, and afterwards they would high-five perfectly to congratulate each other, and it would be like "Are we gay (having sex) or straight (can high-five)?"
Will I Keep Watching: Probably. It's only eight 20-minute episodes, so I can get through the paranormal stuff in a couple of hours.
See also: Schitt's Creek: Quirky small town (in Canada, but don't tell anyone) has gay/bi guys and a lot of beefcake
Jamie McGuire: The Smiley Creature from "From," with Halifax hunks and a nude Dylan Sprouse
Eerie, Indiana: Omri Katz, Paranormal Investigator
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