A tv series called
Paradise just dropped on Hulu, recalling the annoying Netflix habit of impossible-to-research one-word titles. But the icon shows two men and a woman, and the first episode icon, two men together. So maybe some gay characters, or at least a gay subtext buddy bond. Let's check.
Scene 1: Xavier (Sterling K. Brown) wakes up on one side of a bed, feels the pillow on the other side, and flashes his wedding ring. Annoying cliche #1: Dead wife. Heterosexual identity established in a gesture at Minute 1. He morosely gets up, dresses with just enough beefcake to show his scars, and writes messages in marker: "Eat me first!"; "Get brushed!" "Dress your teeth." Har-har.
He leaves to go jogging, greeting the neighbor in his vine-covered nuclear family house, through Annoying Cliche #2: a small town that looks like it's the 1950s -- past a store with one of those toy horse rides outside, for chrissakes. They're all setting up for the big, important carnival.
Past a rich dude's house, where Agent Pace (Jon Beavers) jokes that he's getting old and about to have a heart attack (Sterling K. Brown is only 49; you can run into your 80s).
He counters that Agent Pace runs a 14 minute mile. "But I lift, dude."
"But...the world's biggest biceps don't make up for the world's smallest dick." Annoying Cliche #3: The size of your dick correlates with your worth as a human being. These guys are both jerks.
Scene 2: Back home. A
nnoying Cliche #4: teenage daughter and preteen son. Why can't it ever, just once, be the other way around? They discuss his diet -- he's getting fat -- and his inability to sleep since the Wife Died.
Left: Sterling K. sort-of smiling. His character displays only two emotions, anger and sadness.
Xavier eats his daughter's eggs instead of his own, creepily grabs and threatens to tickle her, and Annoying Cliche #4: kisses the top of her head.
The son is reading James and the Giant Peach. Xavier disapproves. Why? It's about a boy whose parents are killed by a rampaging rhinocerous, so he is sent to live with his abusive aunts...oh.
Scene 3: Back to the rich person's house. Agent Pace had to go home to use the bathroom, so Jane is working in his place. Xavier goes through the gate, past the fountain and into the house, where two other agents, Rainier and Brooks, meet him. "Rich guy isn't up yet, and it's 10:00 am." He must be getting special security due to a death threat.
Through the house -- all white, with ferns -- past pictures of Rich Guy and his buddies.
Up the stairs, knocking on the door. "Mr. President."
Wait -- does he mean the President of the United States? But this ain't the White House! It could be a Mar-a-Lago sort of presidential retreat.
He bursts in to find the President dead on the floor, in a pool of blood.
Scene 4: Five Years Earlier: The President (James Marsden, top photo) asks Xavier (left) to remove his shoes before entering his office (
not the Oval Office). He won the election last night, as the incumbent, but his opponent "had the brain of Goldendoodle" (
isn't being stupid a requirement for the job?). He wants Xavier to be his lead secret service agent, or rather "by my side for the next four years -- and after."
He mentions his future retirement without mentioning "beautiful women" -- queer code.But why Xavier? "You're the best, and you're black." Why, are you into black guys? He's a Southerner, so he can't have an all-white staff.
The President prides himself on being an outsider, unconventional, but able to make the hard decisions, because "The world is 19 times more fucked up than anyone realizes."
Scene 5: Back to the present. Xavier notices two glasses, one empty; a cigarette on the floor; and something missing from the dressing room safe. Also, in a photo of the President with his family, someone drew horns on his wife (Cassidy Freeman, Amber on
The Righteous Gemstones).
His son is played by Charlie Evans, left.
Unfortunately, that's also the name of a female actor who takes off her clothes a lot, so I can't research any beefcake for him. To get even, I'm putting a random n*de dude after the break.Xavier calls for a lockdown, says he needs 30 minutes, and starts crying. So, you and the President were good buddies, huh?
Scene 6: Flashback to the end of Xavier's first day in the secret service. The President notes that he and his wife hate each other -- she'll leave him as soon as he's out of office-- and asks if Xavier has a wife and kids.
Why, to see if he's available for snogging? "Only two kids? Good. It's a smart move to not have kids right now." Why, global warming?
Scene 7: In the present, Xavier calls Agent Pace and orders him back to the house. He resists, so Xavier says"It's bad. It's really bad."
He heads to the basement to talk to Mike Garcia (Eddie Diaz), who is staffing the security cameras, to go through the President's day. Workout, got out of his bathrobe for the first time in a week, coffee with Sinatra (don't get excited, it's a woman with a man's name).
Xavier was there: he remembers the President and Sinatra arguing about who has the biggest balls.
Left: Marsden's backside
Then the President made pasta (from scratch) for dinner with his son, but the guy bailed on him and ate with his mother. Then his usual (female) bedroom partner arrived. After the bedroom visit, he visited with his father, who stays in the guest house, then went to bed. Last person to see him was -- Xavier!
More after the break
