Obliterated: Do you want a review of "the worst movie of the year," or should I skip directly to the penises?

Netflix has been pushing Obliterated as must-watch tv.  The premise: an elite team of CIA operatives, spies, and ladies in bikinis, must deactivate a nuclear bomb set to destroy Las Vegas.  When they succeed, they have a wild party with naked girls, blow jobs, and drugs (but no one bothered to research the effects of various drugs, so ketamine and Ecstasy are hallucinogens).  Then they discover that it was a fake bomb; the real one is set to go off in a few hours, so they have to find and deactivate it while hallucinating and naked (well, the ladies, anyway).

 I have rarely seen such split reviews:

"A triumphant blend of exhilerating action, sharp writing, and humor"

"The worst movie of the year"

"A nearly unwatchable hodgepodge of nonsense littered with penises and explosives."  Well, the penises sound ok

"A lot of fun to watch.  The girls are gorgeous."  So maybe it's only fun to watch if you're a horny hetero guy?

"Female characters are leered at in incongruous shower scenes; they undertake missions in string bikinis."  Double yuck.

There are two gay characters: Marine Sniper Angela Gomez is a butch lesbian stereotype; and Trunk, a "big black guy" stereotype who beats people up with lines like "Smell my dick, motherfucker!"  Apparently he is outed in one scene, as a joke: "The big black guy is a pansy, har har." 

I know you don't want me to do a scene by scene review.  Let's just skip to the penises.

1. Army explosives technician Haggerty, played by C. Thomas Howell, looks like a sleazy, effete gay stereotype, but he's actually straight.

2. Jeremy, played by Johann Fitch,   His job is not specified.  

More dicks after the break

Not bad, but why don't we see all of him?

3. Navy SEAL Chad McKnight, played by Nick Zano -- top photo right -- seems to be the focus character.  He doesn't get a cock shot, but here's his butt.

4. Navy SEAL Trunk, the aforementioned "blink and you miss it" gay guy and racist stereotype, is played by Terrence Terrell.

Here he is outed while getting a blow job

A cock shot on his cell phone.  Definitely a dildo. 

One more, and  again we don't see all of him.

So two of the main operatives and a party boy count as "littered with penises."  I've seeen more penises before breakfast.

See also: Action Man: Hitman's Holiday: The hitman gets a boyfriend!

Marcus Adair: Stuntman, bodybuilder, Jabari warrior, nude model.