Boots: A gay teen and his straight buddy join the Marines. In 1990. With other gay characters, all the beefcake you could hope for, and at least 3 cocks

 

Boots on Netflix, not to be confused with Boots: The Musical or Das Boot , is advertised as the last series by Norman Lear, who produced some of the greatest hip sitcoms of the 1970s: All in the Family, The Jeffersons, One Day at a Time, Maude, Mary Hartman.  It's based on The Pink Marine by Greg Cope, his memoir of joining the Marines as a closeted gay kid in 1990.

My parents all but insisted that I join the army after high school, but I figured that it would be impossible.  Memories of the 1990s, plus gay characters and beefcake -- I'm in. Episode 1, "The Pink Marine":

Scene 1: 1990.  In the recruiting office, Cameron (Miles Heizer) is asked why he wants to be a Marine.  "Um...for freedom and America?"  The real reason: he's being bullied to death. 

Narrating, Cam goes back to the beginning.  Montage of his birth, toddler years, getting beat up, lifting weights, a penis, David Hasselhoff, Medieval knights.  "What if you're not who everybody says you're supposed to be?" 

Mom advises him to be more masculine. Brother Benjy, to not be such a p*ssy.  Getting his head shoved in a toilet at graduation.  Complaining about having to stay closeted.  Sounds like everybody knows you're gay, buddy.

His inner self interrupts and asks him to "stop being afraid, and just be yourself.  Our place is out there."  So you're joining the Marines? I moved to West Hollywood.

Scene 2:  Close up of the shoes of Cameron's only friend, Ray (Liam Oh),  as they eat at an outdoor restaurant. He's going to join the Marines, where they have the "buddy system": if you join with a friend, you stay together.  

"But they don't allow gays in the military."  

"So you'll just  pretend to be straight."  Wait -- does this mean that Ray is straight?  I remember 1980: you didn't come out to any straight person, ever.  If they found out by accident, they would drop you instantly.  

Cameron considers the idea.  He can't afford college, and his only other option is Bismarck, North Dakota (move to West Hollywood?).  Besides, he wants to stay with Ray.

Scene 3: Back to the recruitment office: "Boot camp is a machine that turns boys into men. In 13 weeks you won't even recognize yourself."

"Sounds great.  Let's do it."

Scene 4:  Parris Island, South Carolina. The boot camp bullying begins immediately, as Drill Instructor Knox (Zach Roerig) screams for the recruits to get off the bus. Drill Sergant McKimmon introduces himself --by yelling and insulting them ("a bunch of f*king degenerates).  This triggers Cameron.  Actually, it's starting to trigger me.

They call their "next of kin" to say that they arrived safely.  But they have to follow the script.  A guy who deviates has to do push-ups.

Next come haircuts, punishment for smiling at each other, dinner (forced to retrieve food that he threw away and eat it, gross!) , new uniforms (lots of beefcake).  

Uh-oh, Cam can't find his boots, so he's forced to go barefoot. That must be the reason for the title of the series.

Next, Drill Instructor Knox forces them to run to their bunk room and make their beds fast. He yells at Ray for being Asian, and forces the recruit who stole Cam's boots to do push-ups.

Another recruit flirts with Cam.

Back home, Older Brother is watching a public-domain 1930s cartoon.  Mom was too drunk to notice when Cody mentioned that he was joining the Marines, so she is shocked when she gets his phone message. 

Scene 5: Night.  Cameron sneaks out to go to the bathroom, and finds another recruit pleasuring himself (maybe do it in your bunk under the covers, like every other guy who sleeps in a dorm room?).  He sees Cam watching and calls him a homophobic slur. 

Cam runs back to his bunk and tells Buddy Ray that he made a mistake, he's got to get out of here.  It was an all-purpose slur, Princess -- he didn't really think you were gay.   

"It's hard on everyone," Ray answers. "I got a racist breathing down my neck."  

Scene 6: Drill Instructors Howlitt and Knox come in with trash can lids to wake up the recruits. Ochoa (Johnathan Nieves) gets yelled at for having an erection (not visible on screen).  He may be the one who flirted with Cam.

Cam gets bullied for not shaving properly, and later is asked if he has a girl back home. "She dumped me.  She's a Communist."  

Time for the strength test, which involves sit-ups and running, where he bonds with the fat guy John Bowman (Blake Burt). He joined because it's family tradition.

Next, you have to do at least three pull ups, or you're out.  Cam sees his chance: he pretends that he can't do any, but then he wants to encourage John Bowman, so he does his three, and stays in.   The Drill Sergeant allows them to hug and yell, as  long as they say "ooray" instead of "hooray."  

More after the break

Luke Benward: Fried worms, Disney movies, Christian music, gay friends, a j/o video, and a n*de Cameron Monaghan

How to Eat Fried Worms (Thomas Rockwell, 1973) is one of the classic novels of my childhood: Billy brags that he can eat anything, so when his friend Alan offers him $50 to eat a worm a day for 15 days...  He can prepare them any way he wants, but Alan will provide the worms. The parents are in on the scheme, there is no bullying involved, each of the boys has a buddy-bonding best friend, and the only girl is Billy's sister.  No one wins the Girl of His Dreams.

 Remembering the buddy-bonds and the absence of the heterosexist trajectory, I eagerly tuned in to the Disney Channel version (2006).  But now Billy (Luke Benward) is confronted by a gang of  bullies led by Joe (Adam Hicks), he fors a group of friend instead of a special buddy, and there is a Girl of His Dreams.  

A rather disappointing start to Luke Benward's career.  Let's see if he has redeemed himself since with some gay roles.

According to the IMDB, Luke was born in 1995 in Franklin, Tennesse.  

He first appeared on screen playing Mel Gibson's son in We Were Soldiers (2002).  

The infamous homophobe Mel Gibson?  That's even worse. 

After roles in the revamped Family Affair (2002) and Because of Winn-Dixie (2005), Luke hit Disney gold with Fried Worms (2006).  

His Disney stardom assured, he continued with Mostly Ghostly (2007): A shy boy (Sterling Beaumon) encounters a a ghost boy (Luke) and his sister, who has a crush on him.  He must figure out how they died before it's too late, and win the Girl of His Dreams. 

Left: Luke and Sterling Beamon strangling Miles Heizer.  Neither has actually worked with Miles Heizer.  Maybe they're friends?

Minutemen (2008): A teen nerd (Luke), his buddy, and the Girl Next Door become time travelers, allowing him to best the obnoxious jock who is dating the Girl of His Dreams. Guess who he ends up with.

Dog Gone (2008): A boy (Luke) rescues a dog from bumbling thieves, bests the school bully (Cameron Monaghan, left),  and wins the Girl of His Dreams.

Things are not looking good for you, Luke Baby.

Let's skip past Girl v Monster and Zombies and Cheerleaders to Luke's first major tv role in Good Luck Charlie (2013).  Charlie is a girl, not a boy, and she doesn't bring good luck; she's the subject of a video diary filmed by her father.  Luke plays Beau Landry, an employee at Bob's Bugs Be Gone who meets, falls in love with, and eventually becomes the boyfriend of Teddy (another girl.  What's with this show?).

Ok, what about Ravenswood (2013-14), a teen mystery series featuring dark secrets in a small town?  Luke plays Dillon Sanders, who is dating focus character Olivia but is secretly plotting to prevent her from discovering the dark secrets.  Oh, and he kills her father.  That sort of ends the relationship.

Cloud 9 (2014): A snowboarder and her obnoxious boyfriend are trained by snowboarding great Will Cloud (Luke).  The boyfriend gets dumped, and...well you know the rest.

Measure of a Man (2018): Dude gets a girlfriend.

Life of the Party (2018): Middle-aged Deanna, newly dumped by her husband, returns to college, and has s*x with a fratboy (Luke), who becomes obsessed with her.  Guess what?  He's the son of the woman Deanna was dumped for. 

I'm tired of this.  Let's see what else Luke has been up to.

He's done some music, such as the theme song for Cloud 9, and he has appeared in the music videos of several other artists, including Martina McBride and Jason Aldean.  

Wait -- he's the son of Christian country-western singer Aaron Benward, shown here with his boyfriend...um, I mean singing partner Scott Reeves -- and the grandson of Christian music producer Jeoffrey Benward.  They have won Dove Awards, and Jeoffrey was inducted into Christian Music Hall of Fame.  Why didn't anyone tell me this before?  Luke Baby is too fundamentalist to play a gay character, and if he's gay in real life, he's got to be extremely closeted.

According to the  Who's Dated Who website, Luke has been in several relationships with women, and is currently dating Ariel Winter (Alex Dumphy on Modern Family).  You know there were gay characters on that show, right?

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.