"Department Q": Cold cases in Edinburgh, with the "Brideshead Revisited" guy, Magic Mike, and a gay dude with a tree trunk

  

A poster on a gay movie site recommended the Netflix tv series Dept Q: "an unlikely team of misfits solves cold cases."  As you probably know by now, I prefer comedies and science fiction, but there are bound to be gay characters, so let's go, Episode 1.

Scene 1: October 17, 2024. D.I Hardy, Police Officer Anderson, his Acerbic Mentor (Matthew Goode, left), and another cop go into a room where an old man has been murdered. The Acerbic Mentor makes fun of Anderson for being new and throwing up due to the smell, and being too idiotic to check for broken windows.  Suddenly a gunman rushes out of hiding and shoots them all. 

I figured Anderson would be a main character.  He was cute, darn it.

Anderson played by Angus Yellowlees, left, with Patrick McNamee in Touching the Void

Scene 2: A woman named Merritt is listening to a phone message from a maniac: "You think you're a righteous person, but you're not.  You're as evil as the rest of us." He plans to kill her soon.  

She walks through the rainy town, past Edinburgh landmarks like the City Chambers Building, and into the court, where she's a barrister, prosecuting a guy accused of pushing his wife down the stairs to her death. "You were upset because she was planning to leave you, you argued, and you flew off the handle."

He claims that he found her at the bottom of the stairs: "I didn't kill her! loved her!"  The jury is swayed, and finds him not guilty.

Later, Merritt runs into Liam (Patrick Kennedy), who points out that Defense didn't object to her line of questioning.  Why not?  Because she was digging herself into a hole.  And the Boss, who agrees: "you went too far."

Left: A Patrick Kennedy.  Probably not the right one.

Scene 3: The miraculously alive Acerbic Mentor, Carl Mock...um, I mean Morlock...er, Mork from Ork...ok, Morck -- walks past St. Mary's Cathedral to a waiting room.  Har har, he's about ready to leave, but when he sees that the psychiatrist is hot, he high-tails it into her office. 

Shrink wants him to work through the trauma of being shot, but he insists that there is no trauma: he doesn't experience emotion, except for contempt for people dumber than him, which is everyone. 

Shrink: "So, are you depressed?"  

Acerbic Mentor: "Just the usual.  Wouldn't you be depressed if you were surrounded by incompetent idjits all the time?"  Why don't you just ask her out?  She's obviously turned on by superiority complexes, and I can't take a full season of sultry looks and double entendres.

Scene 4: I guess we're going to have a full season of sultry looks and double entendres.  Acerbic Mentor leaves without a date, and walks past more Edinburgh landmarks into the police station.  Everyone stares -- they figured that after being shot, he'd be out for several months, and they'd be spared his constant insults.  

I like the bloke dressed like a 1960s Flower Child.  I wonder if he's a background player or a named character.

More after the break

Harry Jowsey: New Zealand reality star, Boyfriend Dick Podcaster, Onlyfans nude model, "Call me gay."

22-year old New Zealand-based fitness model Harry Jowsey first appeared on screen on Heartbreak Island, and gained international fame on the Netflix reality series Too Hot to Handle (2020). It was based on the Seinfeld episode "The Contest": hetero hunks and babes had to live in close quarters without hooking up.  Proven "Master of his Domain," Harry split the $100,000 prize with the other  winners.  His "smouldering s*xual tension" with some of the ladies spun him into 4 million social media followers.  

And several podcasts. In Boyfriend Material, Harry and his guests give humorous relationship advice based upon his experience of hooking up with about 200 women.

It is notable for the viral term Boyfriend Dick, based upon Harry's description of his penis: No too big, not too small, looks nice, gets the job done.

More reality tv followed: Match Me If You Can, The Amazing Race Australia, Dancing with the Stars, and Perfect Match.  

Plus the upcoming movie The Wrong Paris (2025): a woman joins a reality tv show in "Paris," thinking that she's going to France, but it's the one in Texas. The women outnumber the men in the cast three to one, but there are a few hunks: Pierson Fode, Torrance Coombs, Kaden Connors (left), and William Wilder.

Harry seems to be veering back and forth between ally and homophobe. 

In September 2021, youtuber and trans activist Nikki Dragun included a picture of him in her video "Dick."  Fans got upset: "You hooked up with a dude, man!"  

Harry had assumed that the relationship would be private, but now that it was open, he explained, Nikki Dragun is a woman.  Trans or cisgender, what's the difference.

Sounds like an ally. except in October 2021, on his Tap It podcast, he complained that "some f*ggot" was trying to hook up with him.  He was referring to makeup youtuber James Charles.  Later he apologized, and stated that he supported the LGBT community.

In 2022, Harry demonstrated his support by posting some photos wearing a dress, and fans again became irate: "That's wrong, man." 

Boyfriend dick after the break

Aaron Carter: The golden boy of the fall of 2000 comes out as bi, shows his d*ck, has a hard life. Brother Nick: "Hurts to love you."

Aaron Carter, the younger brother of Nick Carter of The Backstreet Boys, burst into teen idol fame with his debut album (entitled Aaron Carter, naturally), released in 1997, when he was just nine years old. It sold a million copies.  A second album, Aaron's Party: Come and Get It (2000), sold two million copies and peaked at #4 on the U.S. charts.  

To those who were young in the fall of 2000, songs like "Bounce," "Aaron's Party," and a highly risque version of "I Want Candy" became symbols of a golden age of innocence,  became an icon of the fall of 2000, along with "Who Let the Dogs Out," "Kryptonite," and "Dance with Me."

 

The sizzling star appeared as himself on Sabrina the Teenage Witch (2001) and Lizzie McGuire (2001), and started high-profile romances with Hilary Duff (Lizzie) and Lindsey Lohan (The Parent Trap).

New albums were released in 2001 and 2002, but in the post-911, War on Terror world, that golden age seemed impossibly naive, and Aaron's star faded.  He continued to tour and release new songs, but none of them charted.  Focusing on his acting, he played:

Harry (one of the daughter's boyfriends) on two episodes of 7th Heaven (2004)

A classmate of the live action Fat Albert (left, with Shedrach Taylor III as Rudy).

A Hannah Montana-like incognito popstar in Popstar (2005).  Former popstars David Cassidy and Leif Garrett (right) appeared.

Marty in I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With (2006), with Jeff Garlin (soon to star in The Goldberg) as a man looking for someone to each cheese with.

Brian in College Fright Night (2014), about a vampire infestation at a college, with former teen stars Todd Bridges and Dustin Diamond in the cast.

Aaron's adult years were rough:

Monetary problems, with his parents squandering his income, sometimes forcefully.

His father firing a gun next to his ear, leaving him partially deaf.

Allegations of abuse from his sister Leslie and brother Nick, which led to a restraining order and an admission that on social media that he wanted to kill Nick's wife.

Frequent drug problems.

More after the break

John Wahlberg: Adult video star from Budapest, Prague, Bratislava, Vienna, Bursa, Las Vegas, and Wise

 

John Wahlberg appeared on one of my n*de celebrity websites, listed as "an actor." I figured he must be Mark Wahlberg's son, so I began the research.

Surprise: He only appeared in one movie, an adult video from the BelAmi Studios.

He's so incredibly hot, and I'm still wondering if he's Mark Wahlberg's son, so I continued the research.

There are two bios, on Facebook and BelAmi.  They have the same photos, they both say he's an actor/model, but the timelines are completely different. 

The Facebook timeline doesn't make sense:

1995: Left job as a Private Secretary at the Bistro Cafe at the Palms Casino Resort, Las Vegas.  There's no such job.  The Bistro Cafe hires cooks and waiters.

1995: Left job as a front desk hotel clerk at a hotel in Bursa, Turkey.

Wait, were you working in Las Vegas and Bursa at the same time?  Or was it a summer-school thing?

2003: Graduated from high school in the U.S.  

So, were you ten years old when you left the Las Vegas/Bursa jobs, or did you graduate from high school at age 30?

2008: Graduated from the University of Virginia College at Wise, population 3,000, in the far western part of the state.  It's a small, isolated school, unlikely to draw anyone who doesn't live nearby.

He studied acting, modeling, and penyanyi (the Indonesian word for "singing"). 

That university has a music department, but does not teach specifically penyanyi.  Or is this guy Indonesian, and just means voice?

Left: A voice major at the 2020 Honors Recital.

Now he lives in Las Vegas, where he is a content creator for the Bree Gaming Channel.

The BelAmi timeline is more logical:

1993: Born in Hungary.  Real name Benjamin Der (try researching that on German-language websites).

2009: At age 16, photographed in front of a bong.

2011: At age 18, he answered an ad for BelAmi, and did a photo shoot before moving to the U.S.  His measurements: 6'0", 2 pounds (must be a mistake), 8.5 inches.

More details: He's gay, a top, hooks up with guys 7-8 times a week, and prefers the classic positions.   

More after the break.

Dean Geyer: "Neighbours," "Glee," romcoms, "Single Women," "Little Women"...well, you get the idea. At least he's got a big one

 

I found photos of actor Dean Geyer on a general n*de men website, but the byline said he was an actor, so let's take a look (d*ck after the break).

He grew up in South Africa.  Here he shows off his cache of snacks from the homeland.

At some point he moved to Australia, where he appeared on 244 episodes of the soap Neighbours (2008-09) as Ty Harper,.  Ty drops out of uni to pursue a musical career, and romances a lot of girls.

He rates a cover of New Weekly, with the quote "I once waited for an hour outside a girl's school to give her a Valentine's day present," and a "Perv Poster."  Presumably in Australia the term doesn't have the horrifying connotations that it does in the U.S.

 His American film career starts out quite homophobi, with Never Back Down 2: The Beatdown (2011), about four fighters who band together to save their mentor. One of them, Case (Michael Jai White), has a sleazy gay dad, which causes the others to lambast him with homophobic slurs.  

Then came episodes of Single Ladies (he's straight, we get it), Terra Nova, and Glee (2012-13), the American series about a glee club. His Brody Weston is a junior at the New York Academy for Dramatic Arts, sharing an apartment with Kurt, the gay character, and dating Rachel, but also working as a gigolo. 

Rehearsal (2015) evokes the rehearsal for a Chekhov play going awry due to the incursion of an American screen hunk. Dean's character may be gay: Blaise Remington?  Who has ever named their kid Blaise?  But the director is named Turner Horatio Longfellow.  Really?

No, in the trailer Blaise Remington is surrounded by ladies.

Blaise?  Really?

After some romcoms where his characters go the other way, with the most generic names imaginable, or not imagined at all (Josh, Gabe Hudson, Mark Henderson), Dean appears in Zoey 102, with the gang from the Nickelodeon teencom all grown up, complaining that "no one told you life was gonna be this way," and finding love.  He plays Todd Shupert, an actor that the grown-up Zoey hires to be her date at her friend Logan's wedding.  Todd insists that he's not the Malibu Murderer, but...

More after the break

Snakes and Ladders: A teacher and her gay son squabble with a chocolate heir, the Spanish counsul, and a closeted hunk. With Roque and Nico dicks

 I've never played the game "Snakes and Ladders" but apparently you move your piece up by landing on ladders and down by landing on snakes.  It's the title of several tv series and movies, most recently the Mexican Serpientes y Escaleras on Netflix. The promo shows a femme guy with orange hair at a party, heading for the bathroom, encountering a conservative guy ("on the right"), and having a conversation with awesome sexual tension. Ok, so let's go, Episode 1.1.

Scene 1: Some kids playing in a school yard.  A boy with blue eyeglasses and a girl get into a tussle, while the playground monitor looks horrified and the narrator tells us that "ethics" means "moral character," following the norms of the society. 

Cut to the Playground Monitor, aka the Prefect  putting on her prim schoolmarm outfit and walking through her mansion to kiss her pink-haired son.  He promises to come to lunch later.  She writes "I Deserve to Be Headmistress" in her notebook (aha, a micro-authority position, like Vice Principal), drives past the Millenium Arches that identify her city as Guadalajara, and arrives at the Colegio Andes (a grade school), only to find her friend Roque (Alfredo Gatica) passing out fliers for her competitor.

The Prefect yells at him. He responds: "She asked.  What could I do?"

N*de photos of Alfredo after the break.

Scene 2: She is called to the Headmistress's office to meet the parents of the blue-eyeglassed boy: Dad is the super-handsome Vicente (Martino Rivas, top photo and left) aka His Excellency Don Vicente Garcia, the Spanish Counsul.  Uh-oh, super-powerful.

The girl's father is dorky-looking Mr. Muriel, aka the Chocolate King, the head of Mexico's biggest chocolate company. 

Mr. and Mrs. Counsul claim that the girl grabbed the boy's testicles, which constitutes sexual assault. 

Chocolate King: "No way!  She's six years old,  too young to know about such things!"

The Prefect was there, but couldn't see well enough to affirm or deny that it happened.

Headmistress adjourns the meeting until tomorrow, and then yells at the Prefect: "You will write a statement indicating that you saw exactly what happened, and it will be what the Counsul wants to hear!"

The kids are still friends, but the parents forbid them from seeing each other again. In other news: Mr. Muriel is the ex-lover of Vicente's wife, and thinks that she came back to rekindle their romance. "No, my husband got a job here.".  Maybe he was better looking in the old days.

Scene 3: The Prefect and her friend discuss whether to say that the daughter did it or not.  The Chocolate King is the most popular parent in the school, but the Spanish Counsul!

At home, her bigoted, abusive ex-husband is visiting. There's a problem with their pink-haired son, Antonio: he's been gambling, and owes a lot of people money -- the Mafia!  She doesn't believe him.  They argue about who is the worse parent.  Then Antonio comes in and asks to borrow a little money. They start yelling at him: "I've raised you under the framework of ethics and morality!"

Uh-oh, the Chocolate King arrives in his limo, so Prefect tells them both to go out smiling, as if they're the perfect family.

Scene 4: The Chocolate King wants the Prefect to say that his daughter didn't do it, so she's not stigmatized as a sex offender at age six. 

When the Prefect balks, he gives the back story: Once he was engaged to Mrs. Garcia.  Then he got another girl pregnant, so he had to marry her instead.  She went to Spain, married Counsul Garcia, and now she's back, trying to prove that her husband has a bigger cock.  

"Here's my card. Call me if you have any wish you want me to fulfill.  And believe me, I can fulfill them all."  Whew, this dude is creepy.

Scene 5: The Prefect consults a Tarot card reader, who says that she's not going to make Headmistress. "But a week ago, they said I would make it.  What happened?"  The cards say: "No matter who you decide on, the other parent will try to destroy you."

Pink-Haired Antonio comes in to ask if she's thought about lending him the money. The Prefect: "I'm tired of trying to make you a good person.  I'm done."

"But I'm in danger."

"Tough. I have my own problems."

Scene 6: The second meeting with the parents, where the Prefect has to tell "what really happened."  Her verdict: it was a minor scuffle.  If the girl did it, she had no malicious intent. So we won't do an expulsion, but we'll transfer the boy to another class.

The Counsul is irate: "This is going to reach the King's ears." He means King Felipe VI of Spain.  Are we going to start a war over a testicle-grab?

The parents storm out.  The Headmistress is irate. 

Outside, the Chocolate King wants to know why the Prefect decided the way she did. "It was the right thing to do."  He promises to help her win over the mothers in her quest to become Headmistress: "I'm popular with the mother. I'm handsome, rich, and widowed."  Handsome?  You're a gargoyle, dude.  He's having a party tonight with a lot of mothers.  Maybe she can come?

More after the break

Rob Gronkowski: Football legend eats pancakes, fellates a beer can, shows us his hands, dick, and butt

 

This guy is named The Gronk.  I have no idea what, if anything, he's famous for, but he's apparently gay....and breath-taking.   

Perfect face.  Perfect physique.

Time for some research:

He's a football player named Rob Gronkowski.

 6'6",  265-pounds, hands 10 inches

You got anything else that's 10 inches, buddy?

A tight end: he blocks the running back and protects the quarterback durng passes.  

And fields a lot of jokes about his butt.

His stats, in case you're interested:

9 seasons with the New England Patriots (2010-2018)

2 seasons with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2020-21)

4-time Superbowl champ

4-time First Team All-Pro Selection

On the NFL 100th Anniversary All Time Team, along with some football players that I've heard of: O. J. Simpson, Johnny Unitas, Jim Brown, Dick Butkus (but I always thought he was a joke).

Here Gronk trains with the exceptionally ab-worthy fitness Youtuber Jesse James West.

But Gronk an actor, too, with 23 credits listed on the IMDB, including episodes of Family Guy, Entourage, Deported, How I Met Your Father, Animal Control, and The Electric State, usually playing himself.

More after the break