Mark Haynes: Psycho-slasher, leather daddy, singer, translator, pec fan. With Mark and bonus David Deluise dicks

Mark Haynes has like 300 hot/hung pictures online, so I was going to do a hot/hung photo ollection, but the post is geting so few page views that I switched to a regular profile.

Mark grew up in York, Pennsylvania, and now lives in Burlington County, New Jersey, about 30 miles from Philadelphia.  He has tried a number of career paths, including hairdresser, bodybuilder bodyguard, model, translator, and personal trainer.

Left: modeling.

As Mark Intocable, he is also singer.  Spotify lists a lot of his singles, including "Take Me Back," "Drag Me Down," and "I am a Goth."  

"My Monster" is about a monster who pops up in the middle of the night when he's trying to sleep, or when he gets up to pee, "he's looking at me," saying "I control you, you do what I say."  Of course we all know what he's referring to.

He also films erotic wrestling videos under the stage name Mark Muscle.

But Mark's main interest is in stunt work, especially choreographing fights and action scenes.  He has doubled for Dave Bautista in several movies, as well as for Florian Munteanu, Travis Kelcem and Victor Drago

For stunting he prefers fight scenes, but for acting he prefers gay characters.

His gay roles include:

High Town (2020): Leather Daddy #3,  helped his fellow leather daddies beat up a drug dealer for making homophobic comments.

Bros (2022) was advertised as the first mainstream, non-niche movie by a major studio, "with an all-gay cast" and a plotline about a couple (Billy Eichner, Luke McFarlane) falling in love in spite of career problems.  It did not perform well, as heterosexuals were mostly afraid to see it, and LGBT people had already seen a hundred movies with the same plot.  Mark played a Rowdy Bear during a bar scene.

Intimacy Workshop (2022): A short featuring group of men gather for "a symposium on the art of human connection."

Turning Teddy (2023), a tv series about a straight guy (Jamal King) who falls in love with an action-adventure star, "even though he likes women." Um...no big mystery there.  It's called being bisexual. 

Mark's most recent "gay" role is in Stream (2024), with Tim Curry as a hotel manager who sends masked Players out to kill his guests.  He plays Player 4, with little character development except that he only targets men: the foreign tourist Louis (Andrew Rogers), retired cop Bernard (Tim Reid),  and family man Roy (Charles Edwin Powell)

You can get Player 4 cutouts and action figures at fan conventions.

More Mark after the break

Drake Bell: A lot has happened since "Drake and Josh," including some gay videos posted when he was a 35/37 year old adult

  

You probably remember Drake Bell from Drake and Josh (2004-2007), the Nickelodeon teencom about mismatched stepbrothers, with Drake the schemer ("let's break into the school and stack all the desks upside down) and Josh (Josh Peck) the stick-in-the-mud ("but we have to study for our math test").   It was loaded down with gay subtexts, including an nearly-out gay couple, Craig and Eric.  (Dudes even hold hands during a crisis).

You may have gone to his first post-Drake movie, College (2008), where he and his three friends head for a "college weekend" (a weekend of fun activities to convince high schoolers to apply).  Theirs involves nonstop shenanigans, all intensely heteronormative. At least Drake is taped to a statue of the founder with his backside exposed to the world. I think it's supposed to be humiliating.

Drake is 24 years old in this photo.  He is an adult.

You may have watched A Fairly Odd Movie: Grow Up, Timmy Turner (2011), to see how Nickelodeon would handle the gay-subtext classic.  They flubbed it.  Timmy is absurdly heteros*xual. 

And then you probably relegated Drake to nostalgic memories, not paying a lot of attention to what he's been doing for the last few years.

I checked.  Brace yourself.  It's a lot.

More Fairly Oddparents movies.

A lot of stuff with former coster Josh Peck 

A lot of voice work, especially Spider-Man in various cartoons, even Phineas and Ferb, and a video game.

An Elf named Snowflake

Ben the Wizard in Bad Students of Crestview Academy

The reality series Splash, where celebrities dive for charity.

The paranormal series Silverwood

Damian in American Satan

A career in music, with six studio albums, eighteen singles, twelve music videos, and sold-out concerts.  Some songs in Spanish that top the Mexican charts. 

Drake's personal life after the break.  Warning: it gets rocky. 

Adam's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 1: Forehead presses, anal poopers, divine dicks, an Oz salute, and Kermit the Frog

This is a collection of hot or humorous photos of Adam Devine.  I've already posted almost all of his dick and butt shots available, but not to worry, there are some dicks and butts of other guys. 

1. The "I lost my swimsuit in the ocean" excuse is getting old, buddy.

2. Adam's physique has been compared to Schwarzenegger's.  Not favorably, just compared.

3.  "I know he's not much to look at, but he makes me laugh." Girl, you’re looking in the wrong place .

.

4. Oh, for...three years of Kelvin/Keefe forehead presses, and now this!  Just kiss him, and save us all a lot of aggravation!

5. In The Out-Laws, Adam plays a hapless bank manager who butts heads with rival manager Dean Winters, here giving an Oz nude salute.

6. Adam's new commode, for turning bathroom time into fun time. It looks nice and all, but how do you poop?

More Adam after the break

Jake Satow: Saving Christmas, a Christian horse, a nonbinary internet celebrity, and the Baywatch guy

 

I was looking for actors who played nonbinary characters, and the name "Jake Satow" popped up.  Never heard of him, but he's attractive, so I checked the listing on IMDB.

He has 18 acting credits.  The most recent is Saving Christmas Spirit, 2022.  

How many times does that holiday need saving?

Spoiler alert: Christmas Spirit is a store that needs saving.  Jake plays a teenager who gets a girlfriend.

Adeline, 2022, is about a horse that heals people in a small town.  I swear, I'm not making this up.  Presumably a Christian movie, since one of the IMDB reviews says something like "Stop the insanity. The Bible isn't real." 

It stars 1980s hunks John Schneider from The Dukes of Hazzard, bottom photo, and David Chokachi from Baywatch, butt left.

Jake had a busy 2022.  Other roles include Howard Hunt's son in Gaslit,  which has a maddenly misleading title.  You expect the gaslit Victorian era, with hanson cabs clattering down cobblestone streets.  It's about Watergate.

Hockey Trophy Jake in Breathing Happy, about a recovering drug addict celebrating his first year of sobriety on Christmas Day, naturally. Other characters are named the Mysterious Door, the Golden Door, and Salvation Elf.  Another Christian movie, I imagine. 

Christian Holmes at age 14 in The Dropout, about a woman dropping out of college to start a tech company that revolutionalizes the health care industry.  Christian Holmes at age adult is her husband.

This is all terribly heteronormative. 

Before 2022, Jake was starring in a lot of shorts: a clown with marital problems, the morning announcements at a middle school, an alarm clock going off an hour early, dad dying, and Christmas.  They all have about the same cast, so I'm guessing local productions.

His website lists a theatrical production, The Honorary Counsel, performed with the actors in Zoom rooms, plus modeling on runways for Columbus Fashion Week and for Macy's and Homage.  

No indication of nonbinary, trans, or otherwise LGBTQ roles.  Maybe in real life?

Jake has 17,000 followers on Instagram.  His profile says says "Christian"...uh-oh, probably homophobic... SAG/AFTRA....The Dropout, and Saving Christmas Spirit.

More after the break