"Dark Matter": Family Man physicist is trapped in a parallel world. With Edgerton butt, Styx dick, and Sam Cass's chest

 

After finishing Silo Season 3, we checked the other high-concept programs available on Apple Plus, and decided on Dark Matter: a "family man" changes places with his non-family man counterpart in a parallel world. Season 1 premiered in 2024, and Season 2 in 2026.  Sounds ok.

Episode 1.1: "Are You Satisfied with Your Life?"

Scene 1:  A guy with a flashlight walks through a deserted warehouse space, and approaches a triangular structure which is presented as extremely important.  

Cut to "family man" Jason (Joel Edgerton). He wakes up (shirtless shot), kisses his wife Daniela's shoulder, eats breakfast, criticizes his son Charlie's homework, tells Wife Daniela how much he loves her, and kisses her extremely passionately right in front of his son.  They discuss who will drive Charlie to school; he wants to drive himself, with Family Man Jason monitoring. 

Cut to the drive, with the boy not noticing a stoplight and getting yelled at by the driver almost smashed.  

Left: Charlie is played by Oakes Fegley.  His "girlfriend and pr manager," probably just a fan trying to deceive us, says that he "looks like a homosexual." Make up your mind, is he into you, or is he a gay slur?

On  the show, Charlie's heterosexual identity is established immediately.    He's depressed because the Girl of His Dreams is dating another boy.

"Then she has bad taste," Dad assures him.  How do you know that her boyfriend is an obnoxious jock?  Wait -- if this won't be a plot point, why mention it?  You don't need to be that eager to assure fans that Charlie isn't gay. 

Next Family Man Jason gets a text from his friend Ryan (Jimmi Simpson), who has just won a major award for proving that consciousness lies in the prefrontal cortex. That's old news.  It comes with a million dollars and lots of grant money.  Family Man Jason is invited to the celebration tonight.

Left: Jimmi Simpson's butt.  He makes a lot of gay references on his Instagram, but he has a girlfriend.

Scene 2: Family Man Jason teaching his class in bonehead physics at a horrible community college.  He draws a cat in a box to illustrate Schrodinger's paradox to his bored students.

Meanwhile, Wife Daniela is at work at her art gallery.  How gender polarized: men are into science, women into the arts.

Cut to a dude in a storage facility, keeping track of Jason's movements and holding up a vial of a purple liquid.

Scene 3: At home, Family Man Jason tells his wife how much he loves her, kisses her extremely passionately, and prepares to have sex with her on the sink -- in front of their son.  Charlie protests, but they tell him to look away.  They're interrupted by a text from Ryan: "Where are you?"

"Oh, Ryan invited me to a celebration of his major award in the bar around the corner, but I love you so much that I'm going to skip it and have sex with you in front of our son."

"Nope!  He obviously scheduled the celebration in the crappy bar around the corner instead of someplace nice because he is in love with you, and wants to ensure that you show up.  We can have sex in front of our son later tonight.  Let's just kiss passionately for ten minutes, and then you can go."

Scene 4: At the bar, Ryan introduces Family Man Jason to his Extremely Important Scientist friends, who look down on him for having a horrible job at a community college.  

Left: The cutest of the Extremely Important Scientists is Ivan (Sam Cass, top photo and left).

Later, Ryan takes Family Man Jason off by himself: "I'm starting a  neurotech company with my million dollar prize money, and I want you to come on board. We need a good physicist."  But none were available, so he's asking Jason? 

 It pay more than the crappy community college, but it's in San Francisco. (Oh, no!  Who would want to move to the center of art, music, literature, and gay culture?).

 A woman comes up and asks to have sex with Ryan. "Sure, but I'm busy right now. I'll have sex with you in a few minutes."  

Jason doesn't want to leave his life in Chicago, but he promises to talk it over with his wife.  Wait -- the having sex with a random woman isn't a plot point, either?  You guys are really paranoid about viewers thinking that characters are gay.  Sounds like showrunner Blake Crouch is homophobic, which means we won't get any actual gay characters.

Scene 5: As Family Man Jason walks to his car (wait -- I thought the bar was around the corner, walking distance), a man in a white mask grabs him and forces him to drive to a warehouse, take off his clothes, and walk a long way naked (except for boxer shorts). 

Then he has to put on new clothes (couldn't you have made him put on new clothes before the walk?  Not that I'm complaining).  

He injects Family Man Jason with something to make him fall asleep, and asks questions like "Are you happy with your life?  Do you wish things would be different if you made different choices?" Shouldn't you have asked that before the guy got too groggy to answer?

More after the break

"Bad Ideas with Adam Devine": When you need to f*k the Sadness in a hurry. With bonus buddy bulges and butts

Sometimes you need to f*k the Sadness in a hurry, and your best bet is Adam Devine.  Not (just) because of his hotness, because his stuff is always upbeat, with no hatred, no tragedy, no angst, not a lot of heteronormative mishegas, just whimsical problems, humorous braggadoccio, and homoerotic bonds. 

But you don't have time for a whole movie, or an episode of  Workaholicsor   The Righteous Gemstones. What do you do?

The reality series Bad Ideas with Adam Devine, streaming on Roku, is a perfect solution. In each episode, Adam. "the world's greatest movie star, the world's greatest lover, the guy who clearly writes his own intros," teams up with one of his comedian buddies to do something dangerous:

1. Compete in the World's Hottest Pepper Eating Contest, in the Bahamas. With Thomas Middleditch from Solar Opposites

2. Compete in a demolition derby, the Night of Destruction, at Perris Auto Speedway, near Riverside, California. With Blake Anderson from Workaholics

Blake bulging as a cop-stripper

3. Become stunt performers in a Western movie (after seven minutes of training). With Rebel Wilson from Pitch Perfect

4. Drive an ice cream truck up highway P3 in Peru, called "the Death Road" for its hairpin turns and 1000 foot drops. With Anders Holm from Workaholics

More after the break

Diego Pooth. The name alone was worth the trip. With a Plattdeutsch dick, a Big Brother Butt, and two Diego dongs

 

Someone named "San Diego Pooth" showed up in my recommedations.  I thought "That can't be his real name."  Poof is an old homophobic slur.  With a lisp, it's Pooth, so a double slur.  And San Diego -- Nobody is named after the town they are born in.  Must be a San Diego-area drag queen resurrecting the old slurs for their camp value.

But San Diego Pooth doesn't have any drag photos on his Instagram.  He's flexing, modeling, golfing, or dancing with a lady named Ekaterina.

Holy Cow, he's a "public figure," with 129,000 followers, and he appears in a documentary called "Born Famous."

He posts in German, which may explain the Pooth.  It may not be a slur in Germany.

Google AI says that it's a Dutch and German name, from either the Middle Low German pot (pool) or pote (young scion). 

Low German or Plattdeutsch, spoken by 3-5 million people northern Germany and the Netherlands, is closer to Frisian and English than the Hochdeutsch (Standard German) that most American kids learned in school.  I actually learned  Plattdeutsch, so to this day I want to pronounce "Ich" with a hard K, Eek, instead of Eesch.

English: Come to my room

Standard German: Kommst Du in mein Zimmer

Plattdeutsch: Kumm na mien Stuuv

English: I have a big sausage.

Standard German: Ich habe eine grosse Wurst

Plattdeutsch: Ich heff i groot Wuss

Left: Plattdeutsch dude from Flensburg, as far north as you can go in Germany without hitting Denmark.

Google knows all about San Diego Pooth.  He's 23 years old as of this writing, 6'2" or 6'6", son of the ultra famous Veronica Pooth and her husband Franjo.  I never heard of them, either.

Veronica is from La Paz, Bolivia, which explains the "San Diego":  Juan Diego Cuauhtlatoatzin (1474-1548), a Nahua peasant who had visions of the Virgin Mary, became the first indigenous person to be canonized as a saint by the Roman Catholic Church -- in 2002.  Our San Diego was born in 2003.

Mom Veronica grew up in Hamburg, and won several beauty contests, including Miss Germany. Her IMDB profile shows her bare breasts.  I didn't think nudity was allowed. 

She appears as "herself" in 121 tv shows,  beginning with The Disney Club and 12 Stunden über den Dächern von Köln (Twelve Hours Above the Rooftops of Cologne).  The most popular seem to be Peep (an erotic show), Big Brother...

Left: A contestant on Big Brother Germany

Star Duell, Menschen (I'd watch that), Extreme Activity, Das Star-Magazin. Ein Herz für Kinder (a fundraiser), Villa der Versuchung ("Temptation Villa").

She also has 13 acting credits, and owns several jewelry and cosmetic brands, including Veronas Dreams and So Perfect.

Veronica married her second husband, Franjo Pooth, in 2004.  They have two chldren, San Diego and Rocco Ernesto.

Franjo is the son of famous architect Franz-Josef Pooth (the shortened form, get it?).  He studied architecture in London, then founded several companies, notably Maxfield, which Wikipedia says designs MP3 players and "trend-oriented electronic devices."  

He was Maxfield's CEO from 2003 until 2008, when he was convicted of corruption and bribery and forced to step down.  Later Franjo and Veronica founded Pacific Healthcare, which sells CBD-infused cosmetics and dietary supplements.

More after the break

The Real Zack Gottsagen gets nekkid with Shia LaBeouf, plays a lot of gay-adjacent dudes. With Shia and Eli Roth dicks and Dashiell's boyfriend

Football player Sam Roush (right) is the last guy I researched for this profile, but I'm putting him first because have you seen his abs?

Now down to business: I don't have enough profiles of disabled actors, so I checked some lists of deaf, CP, and Down Syndrome actors, looking for someone cute, male, and gay.  The Real Zack G popped up, wishing us Happy Pride.  Notice the "Love is Love" pillow behind him. 

Promising, but  he also marched in a Martin Luther King Day parade, so maybe he's just an ally.

After I figure out the guy's last name, I'll check the usual: Any gay roles?  Gay in real life?  Any nude...

Looks like that one's been taken care of.  

Nice pop-out, Zack  Baby.

His name is Zack Gottsagen, and his most famous role is in The Peanut Butter Falcon (198().  I didn't see it, because who cares about falcons made of peanut butter, or guys running around with watermelon rind helmets?

Actually, it's about a Down Syndrome guy who breaks out of an assisted living facility to attend a wrestling school -- his pro name will be the Peanut Butter Falcon of the title.

He befriends a fisherman on the run from his rivals.  Eventually they hook up with sympathetic social worker Eleanor, and "start a new life as a family," so I'm assuming that it's a fraternal bond, not a gay-subtext romance.

The fisherman buddy is played by the homophobic Shia LaBeouf, so definitely a fraternal bond.

Zack Gottsagen grew up in Boynton Beach, Florida, with two moms -- who "have nothing but good things to say about Shia LaBeauf," according to a profile in The Sun-Sentinel.  Maybe the dude has changed?

More after the break