"Big Mistakes," Episode 1.6: Nicky comes out, his mom punches a guy, and his sister hates her boyfriend. Confused? Will Armenian cocks help?

 


I reviewed Big Mistakes Episode 1.1, with Dan Levy as closeted gay minister  Nicky, and gave it a B. Coming from an evangelical background, the idea of joining a homophobic church -- as a minister -- just didn't ring true, and Nicky was rather disagreeable.  To say nothing of his crazy sister.  

 But in Episode 1.6, Nicky grows a pair and "comes clean about his relationship" with boyfriend Tareq.  Plus the cast list includes a drag queen and some Eastern European bodybuilders.  

The Premise: After a debacle involving a stolen necklace, closeted minister Nicky and his crazy sister are forced to work for drug trafficking kingpin Ivan (Mark Ivanir).



Scene 1:
  As they are making breakfast, Sister Morgan breaks the news that Yusuf, Kingpin Ivan's right-hand man, has vanished.  He left the keys to the truck and the barn where they stash stuff, so it sounds like he's quitting.   She notes that he was upset over his girlfriend back in Istanbul, so maybe he left to visit her.

"But we're in the middle of a major drug deal!" Kingpin Ivan screams.  "Andrei, go find him!"  Andrei appears in his undershirt, as if he's just awakened.  He must be Ivan's boyfriend.

As Andrei leaves, Kingpin Ivan tells the siblings that they'll have to go to Miami in Yusuf's place, to meet with the Brazilian drug cartel.  Nicky tries to refuse, but you don't refuse Kingpins.

Well, maybe you do.  They walk out.  Kingpin Ivan pulls a gun, but can't bring himself to shoot them -- he thinks of them as his good friends.

In the car, Nicky yells at Sister Morgan for ruining everything, and tells her to stay away from him from now on.


Scene 2:
Nicky awakens in bed next to Boyfriend Tareq (Jacob Gutierrez).  Why is there a painting of a Catholic angel in a Protestant minister's bedroom?

 Nicky has made a decision: since Out and Loud  is recognizing Tareq for his contribution to the LGBTQ community, it's not fair to force him to be in a closeted relationship.  So Nicky will  come out to the congregation, and they can go to the gala together.

When Tareq heads out to the kitchen, Parishioner Rose is there for some reason.  She screams about an "intruder!" I guess you've been outed, buddy."  

Meanwhile, Sister Morgan listens to a podcast about positive affirmations.  Suddenly she hears gunfire, and drops to the floor.  It's just her boyfriend playing a video game!  She reflects on how much she hates him.


Scene 3:
  The siblings' Mom and her assistant are working on her mayoral campaign, Nicky drops by to come out. "I met someone.  Rose caught us this morning, so I'm leaving the church.  Also, I'm going be his date for a gala today, so I'll be late to your fundraising barbecue."

Hey, he was already out to Mom. That's cheating!

She wants to know who the boyfriend is, and upon hearing his name, bursts into laughter. "Tareq?  My Tareq? You have got to be kidding me."  I don't know what that means.

She tells Nicky that Tareq wil get the family discount at the store, then dismisses him to work on her campaign.

Scene 4: Some drug dudes are playing poker and talking about how we should tip flight attendants. Kingpin Ivan and Andrei deliver their money.   They try to dismiss him, but he asks for permission to close the store for a few days, to drive Andrei to Florida to visit his mother. Actually, they need to finish the drug deal that Assistant Yusuf started.

"Are you boyfriends?"  I was thinking the same thing.

"No, we're cousins."  Darn.

"Our boss won't like it if you take off for a vacation in the middle of drug season."  I thought the Kingpin was in charge of the drug-trafficking organization, but he appears to be third in the hierarchy (the head of the operation will come as a big reveal in the las episode).  


Scene 5: 
Sister Morgan and her Boyfriend (Jack Innanen, butt left) appear at a baby shower, and complain about everything being pink.  Rather gender-polarized.  They play a game called Dirty Diapers, which is as disgusting as it sounds.  Next they discuss potty training, with pictures.    

All the discussion of babies and poop upsets Morgan, so she insists that they leave.  Um...you didn't expect to hear about babies at a baby shower?





More after the break

My 24 favorite autobiographical stories: gay hints, sausage sightings, a wiener, a goblin, the Pentecostal Porn Star, and Kevin the Vampire


 I've posted dozens of more-or-less accurate autobiographical stories here and on Tales of West Hollywood, moving from my fundamentalist Nazarene childhood through high school, figuring it out, college, grad school at Indiana University, a horrible year in...ugh...Texas, and on to the heart of the Gay World.  Some of the stories are minimal -- I was trying to cover every gay hint, boyfriend, hookup, and sausage sighting  -- but some are well-written, insightful, humorous, and occasionally erotic.  Here are my 24 favorites.

Childhood


I Fall Asleep in a Sailor's ArmsOn the train on the way back from visiting South Carolina.  He warns me about making friends with "sissies."

The Face of Pure Evil.  The Old Lady Schoolteachers' grandson, who may not have looked like this, rescues me from the Maniac who stalks the hallways of Denkmann Elementary School.

The Answer to the Naked Man's Question. A psychedelic Alice in Wonderland on tv on a golden afternoon, and a naked man who asks a question that I still can't answer. 






Comic Books and Cocks at the Furniture Store. Cousin Buster pranks me by claiming that you can get comic books at the furniture store -- and the delivery guys take off their shirts.  And sometimes their pants.

Grandpa Prater's Banjo  On the day after Christmas, Cousin Buster and I sneak into Grandpa Prater's room to borrow his banjo.

My Wild Night: Pancakes, Massage, and a Wiener.  I broke like six of my parents' rules that night, and was grounded for two weeks.  But at least I got to feel a...







High School

On My Knees in a Cute Guy's Bedroom.  When we went on vacation, we had to go to a local church, where they mistook us for sinners and tried inept soul-winning lines.  But once it worked to my advantage: A cute boy invited me to his bedroom "to pray."

The Preacher Pops a Boner.  Our Bible College invited prospective students to a weekend of campus tours, ball games, nature hikes, classroom visits -- and the boys' dorm lounge, where the only couch invisible to the monitor got quite busy.






Augustana College

The First Gay Rights March in Iowa. Passersby pull their friends out of stores to gawk.  The police watch closely, eager to arrest us if we happen to touch another marcher's hand

I Cheat on My Boyfriend with a Goblin.  The Goblin's name is Dale Schafer-Shit.  But Fred was cheating with him first.  Every friggin' day.

Sharing a Bed with Mary's Brother.  My friend Mary invites me to her horrible house in the suburbs for spring break.  But at least I get to share a bed with a cute bo.

More after the break

"Big Mistakes," Episode 1.1: Dan Levy as a gay Christian pastor with a secret boyfriend and a crazy sister. With Patrick and Pacheco nude.

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