Sylvester Stallone: Nude photos of Rocky, Rambo, Estelle Getty's son, Kurt Russel's boyfriend, and the Italian Stallion

 As Rocky and Rambo, Sylvester Stallone defined the gung-ho cowboy 1980s, singlehandedly defeating the Russian army and winning the Vietnam War.  

His grunting, snarling man-mountains didn't have a lot of sex scenes, but they did manage to get stripped out of their clothes by various cops, prison guards, and torturers.  Here Rambo is fumigated in prison in First Blood (1982).

Tortured in a loincloth in Rambo: First Blood, Part II (1985)

During the 1990s and 2000s, Stallone often got naked while playing grunting man-mountains or parodies of them, as in the cop buddy gay-subtext Tango and Cash (1989).  The guy on the left is his gay-subtext buddy, Kurt Russell.

Or Stop, or My Mom will Shoot (1992), with Estelle Getty as the Mom.  Imagine, Rambo and Dorothy of The Golden Girls as siblings.

But to see the Full Monte, we have to go back to 1970.  

Stallone dick after the break. Warning: it gets explicit.

Alfie Williams: A missing penis, a youthful scoundrel, a zombie fighter. Is he or his character gay? Or both? With Chi dick update

I was checking my Instagram yesterday, when it recommended that I follow someone named Alfie Williams.  Never heard of him.  This is the first time Instagram has recommended someone other than a fitness trainer or bodybuilder.  I figured it must be either because he plays a gay character or he is gay in real life.

In the small photo on my cell phone, Alfie looked like a guy in his 20s, but when I checked his Instagram on my laptop, he turned out to be a young teenager.  14 in 2025.

So, an out-and-proud 14 year old, or playing an out-and-proud 14 year old?

Turns out that research wasn't at all difficult; there are a lot of interviews and articles about Alfie.

He was born in 2011 in Gateshead, across the river from shipping and partying center Newcastle-upon-Tyne in northern England.  His father is Alfie Dobson, an actor and bodybuilder with nine credits listed on the IMDB.

Alfie Jr. broke into acting with the short film Phallacy (2021): a 12-year old boy wakes up to find his penis missing. Doctors say there is nothing they can do (transmen get a working penis from their vaginal tissue, but the boy doesn't have anything to work with). Don't worry, when you grow up, you'll find a lot of things to do in the bedroom that don’t require one .

  Sounds like a lot of LGBTQ symbolism and hegemonic masculinity going on.  An inclusive start to your career, Alf.

Next came Ghost Theo, a resident of the Land of the Dead in Episode 3.5 of the dark fantasy His Dark Materials (2022).  He only has one line.

An unspecified character in BBC Radio 4's adaption of the soap opera Our Friends in the North, about four Newcastle blokes whose lives intersect from 1964 to 2022.

Young John Henry Sayers in A New Breed of Criminal (2023).  The adult John Henry Sayers (played by Alfie's Dad) and his brother Stephen (Steve Wraith) were real-life gangsters who ran the city of Newcastle in the 1990s. 

But it is Alfie's starring role in 28 Years Later (2025) that prompted the flood of interviews and articles.

I saw the original 28 Days Later (2002), where bicycle courier Jim (Cillian Murphy) gets into an auto accident, and wakes up from a coma "28 days later" to discover that he's a survivor of a zombie apocalypse.  He meets two other survivors, Mark and Selena, but one is immediately killed.  The other announces that just because they're the last two people left on Earth, they're not going to f*ck; but they do.  They fall in love, adopt a survivor girl, and escape to an idyllic rural future together.  

Guess which is killed, and which falls in love.  

Right.  Offensively blatant erasure of gay potential in order to promote the myth of universal heterosexual desire and practice for the 10 millionth time. 

In 28 Years Later, 12-year old Spike (Alfie) is living with his parents in a survivor community on Lindisfarne, a tidal island that was home to a famous Medieval monastery and the Lindisfarne Gospels. Dad (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) takes him to the mainland for a coming-of-age ritual, and they are separated for some reason.

Left: Aaron Taylor-Johnson's d*ck.

Later he takes his sick Mum to the mainland to see a doctor (Ralph Fiennes, right), who says that she is dying of brain cancer and must be euthanized. We see it happening.  That settles it: I'm not watching this movie.  F*ck the Sadness.

More after the break

A Chess Game, a Christmas Carol, and Karl's Cock: A Vance Simkins/Cousin Karl Romance

 

(I revised this story to get the Christmas Carol references right, and include a picture of Karl's cock.)

October 18, 2025. Queer Youth Game Night

“Now this piece is called a rook, or castle if you want.  It can move horizontally or vertically across the board, but it can’t go around other pieces.”

Cousin Karl nodded.  

Vance paused to wonder again what the heck was happening. What was he -- the former head of a megachurch empire based on "old fashioned Christian morality"  -- doing at a Queer Youth Game Night?  

With his arch-nemesis Jesse...ugh...Gemstone?  

Teaching his Cousin Karl to play chess while gazing at his massive biceps and wondering if he was big everywhere?

“This piece is called a bishop," he continued, trying to stop imagining Cousin Karl's dick.

“Looks like a cartoon character,” Karl said with a grin.  “See his nose and mouth?

“Well, I’ll be…now that you mentioned it, I can’t see it any other way! But it’s supposed to be bishop’s hat, like Catholic bishops, right?  He moves diagonally.”

“So the Catholic guy can’t be straight?  He must be gay.”

Vance laughed. 

March 10, 2025: The Round-Table Discussion of Candidates for the Top Christ Following Man

The question is "Should public schools teach a class in world religions?," but Kelvin interrupts to brag about his Prism ministry.  Vance seizes the opportunity to complain about a "homosexual" being nominated: "God's Word is clear on this issue." 

Kelvin gets all flustered and starts blustering about the Levitical Code.  

Vance isn't stupid.  He knows that it's not fair to latch onto one verse from the Code and ignore the others -- and that one verse wasn't even about modern homosexuals -- gays -- it was about temple prostitution.  He knows that only a few Evangelicals think that God hates gays.  None of the preachers in the Cape and Pistol Society think so.  But he continues to dig at Kelvin, and when the boy wins the Top Christ Following Man award anyway, he screams about "homosexuals in our midst" on national tv.  

"The Queen and King can move in any direction," Vance continued, "But the Queen can go as far as she wants, and the King can only move one space."

"I get it," Karl said, grinning.  "Queens are the biggest and baddest of the pieces.  I guess that makes me a Queen."

Vance. laughed.  "You're bigger than anybody I've ever seen.  But not bad.  I think you're really nice."

Karl looked down at his hands.  "Thank-ee."

November 3, 2024. The Cape and Pistol Society

As usual, Vance is trying to dig at Jesse Gemstone.  The infuriating braggart thinks he's a much better preacher, but actually he's more successful because he comes from the Baptist tradition, and Vance is Wesleyan -- God requires perfection, no sins in thought, word, or deed.  No alcohol, no movies, no dances, no eating out on the Sabbath, no rock music, no secular literature, just the Word of God.  No wonder Jesse's laissez-faire "God loves you no matter what" fills the pews at the Salvation Center, and draws millions of views on their streaming service.  

Jesse's brother-in-law BJ was injured while pole-dancing -- disgusting! -- so Vance implies that he is gay, and asks "How many homosexuals in your family?"  "Two," Jesse answers. 

Vance wondered who Jesse meant: his brother Kelvin and...Cousin Karl?  No, he probably meant his son Pontius.  Tonight Vance dropped by Jesse's house to taunt him a bit, and heard that Pontius and his boyfriend Stacy (yes, a boyfriend) were going to Queer Youth Game Night at Kelvin's house.  They assured him that it was just board games, but he imagined cocks pushing through glory holes and guys in slings being gang-banged, so Jesse offered to bring him over to observe.

It was just board games: Sorry, Clue, Uno, Apples and Apples. With Kelvin leading a gay trivia game in the parlor, a chaperone monitoring video games in the Game Room -- and in the kitchen, a massive man-mountain -- 6'7" (as Mae West used to say, "Forget the six foot; tell me about the seven inches"), bench press record 585 pounds, Top Strongman of the South three years running.  With a smile that lit up the room. 

Vance was only trying to be friendly when saw an unoccupied chess set and offered to teach Cousin Karl to play.  And when he rubbed his leg against Cousin Karl's under the table. 

"Ok, now the Knight, this horse-shaped piece, moves two squares vertical or horizontal, then one square perpendicular.  Let me show you."  He moved his Queen's Knight to C5.  "It can also jump over other pieces, like that pawn, for instance."

"Sounds complicated."

"Well, anytime you do something that people aren't expecting, they're going to be confused.  They may even get angry.  But that's the place where you can be an individual, show them who you really are."  He reached over and squeezed Karl's hand. 

Suddenly Abraham, Jesse's youngest son -- short, slim, high school age -- rushed up to them.  Vance quickly moved his hand away.

"I came out!" he exclaimed.  "To my Dad.  I mean, my Dad found out."

Karl turned to  face him -- he was taller than Abraham, even sitting down! "How did it go?"

Left: Cousin Karl and Abraham from a few years ago.

"Like nothing.  Like it was not a big deal at all."  He fell against Karl's chest and hugged him.

"Your Daddy loves you," Karl said.  "He doesn't care who you go out with."

"After what happened with Pontius, I was really worried.  Hey, I gotta go tell Pontius and Stacy! See ya!"  He rushed off.

"That boy is lucky!" Vance exclaimed.   "You don't see many parents who are so accepting, especially when they have two gay kids."

"Three.  I think Gideon is gay, too.  He never says anything, but I never said anything to my Mama and Daddy, either.  They just kind of figured it out when I started bringing boys around."  He paused.  "What about your folks, Rev. Simkins...I mean, Vance?"

The boy thought he was gay!  Vance started to say "I'm just an ally," but then he figured that coming out as straight would decrease his likelihood of getting Karl's cock down his throat later.  "I never really said anything to my parents, either."

More after the break

"Shrinking": A bizarre shrink, the male gaze, sentient water, and an invisible gay friend. With Segal and Tanner dick

 

I heard that Tim Baltz, who played BJ on The Righteous Gemstones, starred in a sitcom about an inept Shrink, so when we got Apple Plus, I clicked on Shrinking, Episode 1.

Scene 1: Husband and wife, Liz, in bed.  Hey, that's not Tim Baltz.  It might be Ted McGinley, who I last saw on "Married..with Children."   He tells her it's her turn to handle it.  They argue, but she goes -- not to take care of a new baby, har har, but to yell at the next door neighbor.  

He is fully clothed, wiggling his fingers in a bizarre way while two bikini babes frolick in the pool. Heterosexual male gaze, anyone? 

Liz tells him that it's 3:00 am, and he should turn the music off.  But he and the bikini babes are partying with adderall and opioids.  So why aren't you nekkid in the pool with them?

"What about Alice?"  Must be Bizarre Guy's wife.

Scene 2:  Bizarre Guy gets up, goes to his kitchen - full of booze bottles, with a painting of a bikini babe on the wall (ok, ok, you're straight, I get it), and gets yelled at by his sister or daughter. She turns up a photo of Bizarre Guy hugging two women.

Left: I didn't realize it until I checked the IMDB, but Bizarre Guy is played by Jason Segal, and he's the focus character!  I don't know why they decided to fool viewers into thinking that Liz and her husband were the focus characters.  Malicious editors?

He gets into his car, but it's out of gas, so he rides a bike -- badly.  When bikers zoom past him, he invites them to engage in gay sex as an insult. Bizarre Guy is homophobic. 

He ends up at the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Center, where he has an appointment with his shrink, Tim Baltz.

Wait -- Bizarre Guy is the shrink!  But those bizarre finger movements, like he has some kind of psychotic disorder. The doctor is crazier than his patients!

Scene 3:  Bizarre Guy holds his head under the water faucet, then returns to his patients: 

"I hate my mother"

"The barista made me spell 'Dan'"

"I always go out with superficial girls!"

Left: Jason Segal's butt.

"My boyfriend made me go back to fetch my sunglasses, but they were right on my head the whole time.  Then he called me stupid, but he said I had great tits, so he loves me." Great Tits is displaying them very brazenly for the aesthetic pleasure of the heterosexual male viewer.

Bizarre Guy blows up: they've been through this again and again.  If your boyfriend calls you stupid, he doesn't love you.  Besides, he's not that great: "His muscles are too big, and his shirts are too tight. Nobody likes that!"

Forget that gay men exist,  Bizarre Guy?  Or maybe gay men don't exist in this universe, except in slurs.  But obviously Great Tits likes it. 

Left: Big muscles, tight shirt.  Any questions?

"Just leave him!" Bizarre Guy yells.

"Ok."  She goes home to pack her stuff.  That was easy.

Scene 4: Sister/Daughter from Scene 2 is singing a silly song to the water she's pouring (yes, to the water) while old guy Harrison Ford rolls his eyes.  "It's too much water."  She must be volunteering in a nursing home, with Harrison Ford as the cantankerous geezer.  

No, it's the break room at the Cognitive Center.  Sister/Daughter is a fellow shrink, pouring her own water due to her "character quirk" of being health conscious. And thinking that water is sentient.

Bizarre Guy bursts in and confesses that he just told a patient what to do.  They are upset: this is against the rules of shrinking.

"We all know what they should do.  Why not just tell them?"  

"They have to figure it out for themselves."

After they criticize him some more, Bizarre Guy agrees to shrink patients "by the book" from now on.

Scene 5: Bizarre Guy is on his way out, when Sister/Daughter stops to flirt with him.  Ok, not his Sister/Daughter, his Flirtatious Coworker.  But why do the two characters look identical?  .

After flirting, she gives him a referral: young soldier, just back from overseas, keeps assaulting people, and his parents are worried.  What about the victims and the police?  

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.