Simon Rex: From gay-ish porn to homophobic comedy to gay necrophilia to Bupkis

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Gangs of London: A gay assassin, his boyfriend, a gay mafia son, some sex parties, and a lot of violence and dicks

 

In dramas about crime families, the youngest son is traditionally gay -- think Deran in Animal Kingdom, Ian in Shameless, and Kelvin in The Righteous Gemstones.  So I'm reviewing the first episode of Gangs of London, on Netflix, to see if the traditionl continues.

Scene 1: An upside-down view of a cityscape.  Telling us that this is an alternate world?  No, it's a guy hanging upside down from a tall building, crying and begging Sean (Joe Cole, left) not to kill him.  But he says "What choice do I have?", douses him with gasoline and sets him on fire.  Soon the rope snaps, and the burning body falls. Kind of an overkill.

Scene 2: Irish Traveler Darren (Aled ap Stefan), who apparently works as a hit man, gets a new assignment -- "nobody, just some pedo," and invites his Buddy ( Darren Evans) along.  They park, and Darren goes up the stairs to an apartment, where he waits to shoot the guy.

Downstairs, the Buddy has trouble from a group of toughs.  Then Finn Wallace arrives!  The hit is on the head of the biggest, most important, most brutal crime family in London!  He tries to call Darren, tell him to cancel the job, he's not who they said,  but it's too late, Finn Wallace goes upstairs, and Darren shoots him.

Meanwhile, his Driver Jack ( Emmet J. Scanlan) is terrorizing the Buddy.  When he hears the shot, he runs to the car for his gun.  All the Buddy can think to do is run him over. 

Scene 3: While Darren soaks in a tub, being horrified, the family gathers for the funeral.  

We meet Family Advisor Alex (Paapa Essidue) and a little boy named Danny, who may grow up into a main character.  The costumes seem a little quaint, so I'm thinking that this is all a flashback

They watch the guests arriving, wondering if any of them ordered the hit.

Scene 4: Sons Billy and Sean (Brian Vernel, Joe Cole) play Dad's favorite song, "Suzy Q," so loud that everyone is disturbed.  

We saw Sean being brutal in Scene 1.  Billy is the gay one, and a recovering heroin addict, naturally.  

Left: Horror Hunks claims that this is Brian Vernel, but the one in Gangs of London is younger, with black hair

Family Advisor Alex advises them to not look for the killer, or they'd have a war on their hands.

More dicks after the break

Gemstones Season 3 Memes, Part 3: A bare-butt massage, plowing, posting, and what kissing is for

 

This is a series of memes -- jokes -- featuring Kelvin and Keefe of The Righteous Gemstones, their friends, and a few random hunks.  Most don't require you to have any background knowledge of the show.

1. The locker room is empty, so...

2. The proper terms are partner, boyfriend, and snuggle-bunny

BJ: It's Kelvin's friend

Gideon: Don't you mean dude bro?

Amber: Companion.

BJ: Best dude friend of a cousin?

Gideon: Boy toy

BJ: Kelvin's one fucking guy?

Amber: Special friend?

Gideon: Butt buddy?

BJ: His main man?

Gideon: Dude bro?

BJ: You tried that one already

Amber: His partner?

BJ: That's disrespectful to the gay community.

3. Throw in your penis, and we have a deal.

This is after the breakup:

Kelvin: Who wants to see us discuss getting back together as boyfriends while pretending that we're just work buddies to keep you guessing?  No?  Ok, then, who wants to see Keefe fondle my bare butt?

4. Ok, butt it is

5. Throw in your butt, and we have a deal.

6. How about giving Tony's dick a chance?

Adam: He was massaging my butt, and he was taking some liberties, 'cause when you have to show your penis on camera...

Tony: I waz just staying in character, Bro.

More after the break

Studs from the Steppes: Twelve Mongolian musclemen, Uzbek boyfriends, and Kyrgyz cocks

When I was in about sixth grade, I bought an atlas of world history in the gift shop of the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago. One of the maps showed the Khanate of the Golden Horde covering most of Eurasia, from Mongolia to Poland.  Who wouldn't be fascinated by that?

Later I read The Empire of the Steppes, with Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun, and Tamerlane shaping world history, and did a research project on gay personal ads in Central Asia.  I got my M.A. from Indiana University, where you can study Central Asian languages, but I decided on Mandarin instead.

 I don't want to actually visit these places: endless steppes sound a little boring, and they have some of the most homophobic governments on the planet.  But a quick look at some Central Asian hunks might be fun.

1. Mongolian guy on a gay dating site, top photo.

 Mongolia is not all nomads living in yurts. Check out the skyline of modern UlaanBataar.  

2. Ulaanbataar boy on Grindr.  A little skinny; I'd hold out for the wrestler.

3. Kazakh guy from Almaty. the capital.  I got in trouble once by calling it Alma-Ata

4-7. Shirtless dinner in Koshetau, Kazakhstan

8. Tatar sheep-wrangler from Kazan, which is actually in Russia, a 13-hour drive from the border of Kazakhstan.   But he's cute, so who's complaining.

More after the break. Warning: explicit