Chris Messina: "The Sinner," "Birds of Prey," "The Mindy Project," and lots of movies with dicks and angst

 

Awhile ago I reviewed The Sinner, but didn't get many page views, so I decided to repurpose the nude photos of star Chris Messina into a profile.  Who is this guy whom I never heard of before, who lacks a standard gym rat physique yet manages to tear his clothes off in practically every screen appearance?

He doesn't have much of a social media presence.  This Chris Messina looks like him, but must be somebody else, since he has a boyfriend, and our guy has a wife and an article in Forbes proclaiming "Chris Messina loves women!"  Wow, a heterosexual, how bizarre! I've heard of men like that, but I've never met one in real life. What could they do in bed when their partner doesn't have a penis? 

Our Chris, who loves women, was born in 1974  He grew up in New York City, dropped out of college after one semester, and moved onto Broadway, then tv. He has 75 acting credits on the IMDB, including substantial roles in Damages, The Newsroom, The Mindy Project, and Based on a True Story.   I've only seen him in Argo and Birds of Prey.

Not a lot of gay roles.  In an interview, he says that his villain Victor Szaz in Birds of Prey is "probably gay." and in Based on a True Story, his character is married to a woman, but makes out with a guy during a fantasy orgy.

Our first glimpse of Chris's private parts comes in the tv series Six Feet Under (about a mortuary).  His Ted Farwell, an attorney who dates some of the ladies, walks through his house nude.

28 Hotel Rooms (2012) features a Woman and a Man (Chris) hooking up in hotel rooms every time they are in the same city on business.  It sounds artsy, pretentious, and heterosexist, but apparently Chris walks around nude a lot.

More Chris dick after the break

James Dumont's teen idol career, with Tim Matheson, Rob Lowe, and Andrew McCarthy

If you know James Dumont as a middle aged bear, you may be surprised to find that he began his acting career in 1980, at the age of fifteen.  

He got his first headshot courtesy of his uncle that year, and used it to get an uncredited role as "Kid Dancing in the Street" in The Blues Brothers.

Here's another 1980 shot. Definite Tiger Beat fave rave vibe.  He might have been another Shaun Cassidy (top photo: Shaun for comparison).

In 1982, James got some more head and body shots for his acting/modeling career.  I'm thinking the rural craze, someone who belongs on The Waltons or Little House on the Prairie.  

Instead he got two more uncredited roles: In Listen to Your Heart (1983), a romcom starring Tim Matheson, left, and Kate Jackson.

Tim's butt after the break

Derek Yates: Nude Photos of the Smiley-Emoji and Eggplant Guy

Actor/model Derek Yates has 21 credits listed on IMDB, including cops, paralegals, nurses, a sleazoid, a passenger on the doomed Titanic 666, and Rando the Smiley Emoji guy on How I Met Your Father (Sylvia didn't remember what he looked like, so he came out with a smiley-emoji covering his face and an eggplant covering his crotch).

Derek also claims to have played the Best Friend alongside Adam Devine in Isn't It Romantic.  I don't remember seeing him there, but his face is rather unremarkable.  Fans like him for his comedic talent.

His 840,000 social media followers may be even more interested in his beefcake photos. Thousands of them, so many that I actually got tired of looking. Always shirtless, usually bulging, and quite often nude.

Selfie wearing glasses.

Torso and cock. He didn't shave his chest that day.

Artistic nude

More dicks after the break

"Broad City": This ain't your Daddy's "Seinfeld."

I highly recommend Broad City (2014-19), about the adventures of two women in contemporary New York: the effervescent "let's get high and climb the Empire State Building" Ilana and the stick-in-the-mud "I can't -- I have to decide on a color scheme for the bathroom tile" Abbi.  

Episodes are built around the trivial annoyances of everyday life: 

Accidentally leaving your cell phone in a hookup's apartment, when you don't want to see him again.

Offering to wait to sign for a package for your neighbor, but it never arrives, and you're stuck.

Spending all day in the ice cream shop because you can't decide which flavor to get.

Telling your sex partner that you want to "switch" positions, but he thinks it means something else.

Washing your boyfriend's favorite dildo in the dishwasher, only to have it melted, then scouring the sex shops to find a replacement.

Wait...um...

This ain't your daddy's Seinfeld.

Instead of a street on the back lot in Studio City, Broad City features beautiful exteriors in Manhattan.  The gang visits everywhere from Grand Central Station to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Instead of sex off camera, the girls and their friends are doing the deed in front of you. Lots of bare chests and butts.

Seinfeld was informed by homophobic anxiety about LGBT people, or attempts to get them to "switch teams (Kramer successfully converted a lesbian, but Elaine couldn't convert a gay man because she wasn't good enough in bed).  But in Broad City, LGBT characters are fully integrated into story without comment. Ilana herself is bisexual, with a crush on Abbi, but they don't let it get in the way of their friendship.  

Instead of guys taking their shirts off three times in ten years, Broad City is overloaded with hunks.

Ilana's gang includes:

1. Lincoln (Hannibal Buress), Ilana's regular sex partner.  In the first episode, she face-times Abbi while having sex with him.

Lincoln's butt.

2. Jaime (Arturo Castro), her roommate, who is gay and unapologetically slutty, until he gets a boyfriend/

Gemstone connection: Tony Cavalero and Arturo Castro are friends, and will be starring together in the upcoming Operation Taco Gary's

 Jaime's butt

More dicks and butts after the break

Brad Pitt: Nice abs, but Adam Devine has a bigger dick

 

Brad Pitt has been part of our lives since his cowboy hitchhiker took off his shirt in Thelma and Louise (1991). A short list of his most beloved movies has to include Interview with the Vampire, Legends of the Fall, Fight Club, Ocean's Eleven, World War Z, and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Only one gay role -- The Normal Heart (2014) -- but lots of gay subtexts, from vampires to con artists to imagniary friends.

Brad is regularly listed as the hottest man alive or the sexist man alive, and he doesn't appear to age -- in 2023 he's still as buffed as he was is 1993.  And, fortunately for us, he's not shy about showing off his physique on camera.

The only nudity we've seen is his butt, while sexing a lady to detract from the hotness.

Cocks after the break

"You're the Worst" Episode 3.1: A homophobic rapper hooks up with a gay stereotype, plus Stephen Schneider and some butts

 

To see if Stephen Schneider (Stephen Downes of Season 3) has played any gay characters, I googled his name and "gay," and this clip came up on youtube.  He's not in it.

A blond guy and a woman are standing at an apartment door . He asks "He never gave you the key?"  She says no, so he bangs.  

A very muscular black guy in his underwear answers. Shocked, he says "Oh...shit.  Hey guys."

Blondie: "What the hell are you doing?"   

Muscle Guy: "Sorry.  We needed a place."

Woman: "For what?"

A swishy guy appears with a flourish, also in his underwear.  They stare in shock.  

Woman (Disgusted): "You're GAY????"

Muscle Guy (Upset): "No!!!!!  But this n-word's son sucks really good dick."  So the gay guy has a black parent?

The whole exchange -- the looks of shock and disgust, the need to defend yourself against the horrifying accusation, the gay guy's pronounced swishiness --- displays just the sort of jaw-dropping homophobia that I hate running into at 4:00 am.

The caption reads: You're the Worst - Brandon Mychal Smith.  So let's look it up. 

You're the Worst is a tv series that lasted for five years on FX (2014-2019), but was so under-exposed that I don't recall seeing a single commercial.  Most episodes drew between .2 and .5 million viewers.  It featured a romance between two horrible people, writer Jimmy (Chris Geere, the Blond Guy in the clip) and public relations person Gretchen.  

The homophobic scene is from Episode 1.3, "Keys Open Doors."  TO put it in context, I watched the whole episode. 

Scene 1: Morning.  After a night of carousing, Jimmy and Gretchen are lying naked, asleep, on the ground outside his house.

Cut to Jimmy pooping (butt shot) while Gretchen uses the hand nozzle of the shower to masturbate.  Jimmy notes that he uses it too, in his butt.

They've spent six or seven nights together, so Gretchen wants a key to his apartment.  He refuses, so she rushes out in passive-aggressive rage. 

Scene 2: Edgar (Desmin Borges, left and below), Jimmy's horrible roommate, cooks breakfast.  They discuss the key request as a symbol of banality and predictability, leading to "shopping for sconces at Williams-Sonoma."

Scene 3: At the coffee shop, Gretchen and her friend Lindsay discuss the key request,  Lindsay's husband cheating, and "snorting in her vag."  So she's bisexual?  

Her assistant rushes in with a crisis: Sam the Rapper gave an interview to a college newspaper, and used "gay" and "faggot" 37 times!   And the interviewer was the president of the gay student association!  So, if he said all that to a straight person, it would be fine?

More after the break

Christopher Atkins: Nude photos of my West Hollywood friend and 1980s gay icon (who never played a gay role)

 

I met Christopher Atkins a few times when I lived in California: my friend was starring with him in a Smokey and the Bandits rip-off.  

Recently we became facebook friends. Well, me and 3,800 other people.  But I'm one of the few who responds to his posts.

"Come on, Christopher, it's big, but not big enough to write your entire name and a heart on." (I didn't really say that.)

Christopher was one of the first actors to go full frontal on the big screen.  Several times.Here he shows off in his iconic but immensely heterosexist Blue Lagoon (1980).  At the time, he hated performing nude.

In A Night in Heaven (1983), he played a male stripper at a ladies-only club. 

In real life Christopher has been a gay ally since the start of his career.  While other actors were insisting that only women enjoyed looking at their physique, he was happily discussing his appeal to gay fans in magazines like The Advocate.

More after the break

Zac Efron's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 1: Nude Photos of Adam Devine's Bromantic Partner

Zac Efron is best known for High School Musical and his bromance with Adam Devine.  It's  platonic-ish, gay around the edges: Adam often discusses his erotic attraction to Zac, and brags about seeing his penis -- several times.  (Of course, almost everyone who sees Zac wants to sleep with him.) 

The bromance probably began, or at least became part of their public personas,  when the Workaholics guys did a cameo for Neighbors (2014), playing stoner frat guys from an earlier generation.  Zac and Seth Rogan, the stars of Neighbors, returned the favor: in a promo video for the Season 4 finale, they apply to become the guys' new cubicle mates. Zac gives Adam a lap dance and gets the job.

In Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016), Adam and Zac play gay-subtext brothers who for some reason can't get girlfriends. Can't two of the hottest men on the planet just walk up to anyone they like and ask?   They eventually find some girls who will accept their quirks, but still, their non-fraternal love for each other shines through.  And off camera, after two years of trying, Adam finally got a chance to see Zac's penis.

And the rest of him.

Adam always distracts us from his jaw-dropping gorgeousity by making funny faces.  All Zac has to do is keep his shirt on.

Easier said than done.

Nude photos of Zac after the break.

Adam Devine's Ginormous Glutes

 

Some guys like looking at guys' backsides.  I prefer the front: face, pecs, biceps, abs....

And other things.  But I'm all about accommodating, so if you want to see Adam Devine's butt, you can see Adam Devine's butt.

 On Righteous Gemstones, Kelvin presents his butt quite often, but Keefe's hands always get in the way.

More after the break

Tropic Thunder: Danny McBride, a gay rapper, Jack Black's bulge, and a lot of wartime buddy-bonding

 

In Tropic Thunder (2008), some actors, their director, and a member of the crew are filming a movie about the daring rescue of a captured American soldier during the Vietnam War. They accidentally move off-set and out of Vietnam, into Laos --the territory of a heroin-trafficking drug cartel.  Except they still think they are filming a movie!  

They are:

1. Tugg Speedman (Ben Spiller), an action-adventure star who tried to move into drama with Simple Jack, about a mentally-disabled farm boy. It bombed, but it happens to be the drug cartel's favorite movie.

2. Rick Peck (Matthew McConaughey, left), his agent and gay-subtext best friend.  When Tugg is captured by the drug cartel, he rushes to the rescue.

3. Jeff Portnoy (Jack Black), famous for a series of movies about a family who farts.  If you like chub, he's got an extended scene tied up in his underwear (which displays quite a bulge).

Left: Jack Black's but

4. Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Jr., left and below), an Austalian superstar who always stays in character, playing a black soldier.

More after the break

Sons of Anarchy Episode 5.5: Trans Walton Goggins, a motorcycle club, BDSM, and three nude men

I've been checking out tv series featuring Gemstone alums for homophobic bias, and Walton Goggins (Baby Billy) playing a trans prostitute got a scathing review: "an offensive stereotype"; "a grossly overblown caricature"; "a throwback to the blackmail him because he's gay and it's disgusting" storylines; "Throw us under the bus for cheap laughs."  Also, "Walter Groggin isn't even a good-looking man."  Well, that's a matter of opinion

So I fast forwarded through Episode 5.5, "Orca Shrugged," past innumerable bloody shootings, men having anal sex with naked ladies, and a single shirtless guy (I don't know who he is) to Venus Van Dam's first appearance.

The Premise: The Sons of Anarchy motorcycle club is involved in a number of illegal activities, but new boss Jax Teller (Charlie Hunnan), son of the original leaders, gets a new business scheme: blackmail.  One of his henchmen drugs the obese insurance guy Allen (Brad Grunberg) -- the Orca of the title.

 Scene 1: The guys have Allen unconscious, tied up, in a BDSM outfit.  Venus Van Dam arrives, hired to have sex with him, showing both her boobs and her cock, so they can film it and blackmail him later.  

She flirts with all of guys, but when Jax offers to help her put on her dominatrix costume, she refuses. 

 

Scene 2: We see girl boobs and butt while Venus is riding Allen.  

Suddenly Devin (Marshall Allman), his stepson, bursts in and wants to know what's happening.  "You guys drug him or something?"  He is delighted: "Wow -- you guys are totally blackmailing him!"  

He wants to take some photos to blackmail Allen himself, but the gang won't allow it.

Venus asks how old he is.  "21."  "I like them young and sweet," she says, going in for a flirtation. Devin catches on that she's trans immediately: "Dude, you're like,  a dude."  He seems more intrigued than disgusted. 

 "Didn't your Daddy tell you to not judge a book by its penis?" Venus asks. "Have you ever had your dick sucked by a Southern girl with a huge cock?" 

Grinning, Devin considers a hookup.  The other guys encourage him: "Doesn't mean you're gay. We;ve all been there."  So they've all purchased her services?

They go into the next room to do it.  Whoops, Venus puts a blindfold on him, and brings her camera.  They're going to blackmail the boy, too!  They must have thought of this scheme on the spot.

By the way, Marshall Allman is about the cutest guy to ever accept a blow job.  Want to see his butt?

How about a pixilated dick?

Scene 3: The guys are dressing Allen/Orca.  He won't remember anything when he awakens.  

Venus returns from giving Stepson Devin a blow job, and hands over the camera evidence for blackmail use.  

Devin comes out, grinning, and relates that it was "intense."  Jax tells him not to reveal their blackmail scheme, or pictures of the blow job will show up all over his social media.  "But I would never rat on you guys.  I think the motorcycle club is awesome. I'd like to hang out with you guys sometime."  Maybe next time the guys can do each other, while Venus watches.

They invite him to hang out at the club, and he leaves  (This is his only appearance on Sons of Anarchy, so the "hang" offer never materialized.) Jax thanks Venus for her help.  "Whenever you need a little Venus love, give me a call." She kisses Jax on the lips and leaves. 

Uh-oh, Allen/Orca wakes up and bites Tigs (Kim Coates) on the butt!  They subdue him.  "Why does this always happen to me?" Tigs groans.  Maybe you should ask if they're into rimming before putting your butt in their face. 

As long as we're showing butts, here's Kim Coates'.

And Charlie Hunnan's.

This is Allen's only appearance on Sons of Anarchy, so apparently his identity is unimportant.  He is simply illustrating Jax's new blackmailing business.

Analysis: The trans hooker is an old cliche, of course, and using Venus specifically for the blackmail suggests that Allen is transphobic.  But he has been characterized as a jerk, so it's understandable.  The Motorcycle Club members  themselves are not transphobic in the least. They have all either been with Venus, or are fine with other guys going with her.  There is no fear of deception or big reveal; everyone appears to know that she is trans right away.

What about her huge cock?  Many trans women do not get bottom surgery: they can't afford it, it's too invasive, or they don't see the need.  Beside, a lot of guys like that.

In later episodes, we learn about Venus's painful growing up in a transphobic household.  The motorcycle guys help rescue her son from his abusive mother, and she helps them find the wife and children of a slain motorcycle guy. She starts a romantic relationship with Tigs that lasts all through the end of the series, with neither of them dying. 

Of course, it would be preferable to have a trans actor play a trans character, but other than the casting issue, I don't see a problem.  

See also: Workaholics Episode 3.15, which uses the same gay sex (or sex with someone with a penis) humiliation routine.