Cousin Karl nodded.
Vance paused to wonder again what the heck was happening. What was he -- head of a megachurch empire based on "old fashioned Christian morality" -- doing at a Queer Youth Game Night?
With his arch-nemesis Jesse...ugh...Gemstone?
Teaching his Cousin Karl to play chess while gazing at his massive biceps and wondering if he was big everywhere?
“This piece is called a bishop," he continued, trying to stop imagining Cousin Karl n*de.
“Looks like a cartoon character,” Karl said with a grin. “See his nose and mouth?
“Well, I’ll be…now that you mentioned it, I can’t see it any other way! But it’s supposed to be bishop’s hat, like Catholic bishops, right? He moves diagonally.”
“So the Catholic guy can’t be straight? He must be gay.”
Vance laughed.
March 10, 2025: The Round-Table Discussion of Candidates for the Top Christ Following Man
The question is "Should public schools teach a class in world religions?," but Kelvin interrupts to brag about his Prism ministry. Vance seizes the opportunity to complain about a "homosexual" being nominated: "God's Word is clear on this issue."
Kelvin gets all flustered and starts blustering about the Levitical Code.
Vance isn't stupid. He knows that it's not fair to latch onto one verse from the Code and ignore the others -- and that one verse wasn't even about modern homosexuals -- gays -- it was about temple prostitution. He knows that only a few Evangelicals think that God hates gays. None of the preachers in the Cape and Pistol Society think so. But he continues to dig at Kelvin, and when the boy wins the Top Christ Following Man award anyway, he screams about "homosexuals in our midst" on national tv.
Game Night
"The Queen and King can move in any direction," Vance continued, "But the Queen can go as far as she wants, and the King can only move one space."
"I get it," Karl said, grinning. "Queens are the biggest and baddest of the pieces. I guess that makes me a Queen."
Vance. laughed. "You're bigger than anybody I've ever seen. But not bad. I think you're really nice."
Karl looked down at his hands. "Thank-ee."
November 3, 2024. The Cape and Pistol Society
As usual, Vance is trying to dig at Jesse Gemstone. The infuriating braggart thinks he's a much better preacher, but actually he's more successful because he comes from the Baptist tradition, and Vance is Wesleyan -- God requires perfection, no sins in thought, word, or deed. No alcohol, no movies, no dances, no eating out on the Sabbath, no rock music, no secular literature, just the Word of God. No wonder Jesse's laissez-faire "God loves you no matter what" fills the pews at the Salvation Center, and draws millions of views on their streaming service.
Jesse's brother-in-law BJ was injured while pole-dancing -- disgusting! -- so Vance implies that he is gay, and asks "How many homosexuals in your family?" "Two," Jesse answers.
Game Night
Vance wondered who Jesse meant: his brother Kelvin and...Cousin Karl? No, he probably meant his son Pontius. Tonight Vance dropped by Jesse's house to taunt him a bit, and heard that Pontius and his boyfriend Stacy (yes, a boyfriend) were going to Queer Youth Game Night at Kelvin's house. They assured him that it was just board games, but he imagined cocks pushing through glory holes and guys in slings being gang-banged, so Jesse offered to bring him over to observe.
It was just board games: Sorry, Clue, Uno, Apples and Apples. With Kelvin leading a gay trivia game in the parlor, a chaperone monitoring video games in the Game Room -- and in the kitchen, a massive man-mountain -- 6'7" (as Mae West used to say, "Forget the six foot; tell me about the seven inches"), bench press record 585 pounds, Top Strongman of the South three years running. With a smile that lit up the room.
Vance was only trying to be friendly when saw an unoccupied chess set and offered to teach Cousin Karl to play. And when he rubbed his leg against Cousin Karl's under the table.
"Ok, now the Knight, this horse-shaped piece, moves two squares vertical or horizontal, then one square perpendicular. Let me show you." He moved his Queen's Knight to C5. "It can also jump over other pieces, like that pawn, for instance."
"Sounds complicated."
"Well, anytime you do something that people aren't expecting, they're going to be confused. They may even get angry. But that's the place where you can be an individual, show them who you really are." He reached over and squeezed Karl's hand.
Karl turned to face him -- he was taller than Abraham, even sitting down! "How did it go?"
Left: Cousin Karl and Abraham from a few years ago.
"Like nothing. Like it was not a big deal at all." He fell against Karl's chest and hugged him.
"Your Daddy loves you," Karl said. "He doesn't care who you go out with."
"After what happened with Pontius, I was really worried. Hey, I gotta go tell Pontius and Stacy! See ya!" He rushed off.
"That boy is lucky!" Vance exclaimed. "You don't see many parents who are so accepting, especially when they have two gay kids."
"Three. I think Gideon is gay, too. He never says anything, but I never said anything to my Mama and Daddy, either. They just kind of figured it out when I started bringing boys around." He paused. "What about your folks, Rev. Simkins...I mean, Vance?"
The boy thought he was gay! Vance started to say "I'm just an ally," but then he figured that coming out as straight would decrease his likelihood of getting Karl's cock down his throat later. "I never really said anything to my parents, either."
More after the break
March 18, 1990. Johns Island, South Carolina
Vance and Bobby, a friend from chess club, are sitting on his bed, watching Who's the Boss. Tony Danza in a towel! Ok, maybe they're kissing a little, and fondling each other's cocks through their pants. Suddenly his Daddy bursts in. Not red-faced and eye-bulging, like in the movies, dark-eyed and quiet.
Vance and Bobby quickly separate. "We're...um...studying."
"Don't lie to me, boy. I know a pervert when I see one." His voice is calm, chilling. Yelling would have been easier. "I want you out of my house in an hour."
"Dad,,,,"
"Not a word from you, pervert! And take all of the stuff you want. Anything you leave behind will be burnt tomorrow."
Vance packs up and leaves. He stays with Bobby for two days, then sleeps at the bus station. After a week, his sister Shay convinces Daddy to let him move back home. But he never addresses Vance directly again.
Game Night
Shay, the sister who stopped speaking to him after Vance denounced her in front of the congregation for "living in sin" with her boyfriend. Maybe he should call her, try to set things straight.
He almost forgot that he was trying to teach Karl how to play chess. He held up a pawn, but instead of talking about its moves, he asked "Did you know you were gay at Abraham's age?"
"No. I mean, I fooled around with boys, tie-up games and such, but I didn't know that 'gay" was even a thing until I started going on the Strong Man circuit, and I just started dating guys three years ago. Percy -- that's my ex -- is the first guy I ever did bedroom stuff with. Then there was Levi, Cousin Jesse's friend, but we just dated for a couple of weeks, so I can't even rightly call him an ex. What about you, Vance?"
Vance was definitely not going to answer that question! He had never been on a date with a guy -- unless you count letting the choir director suck your cock, going down on a guy from the Cape and Pistol Society, and getting butt-f*cked by a guy in Joplin Park, then praying for forgiveness afterwards and promising God that you'll never give in to temptation again.
"God doesn't care who you love," Cousin Karl said. But what about who you drop your pants for?
February 3, 2025: Simkins Ministries
Today Vance gives him $10,000, and says that's it. How can he continue to help a guy who panders to the prurient interests of sinners?
They argue. Lomo accuses him of running their ministry into the ground, opening satellite churches that sit empty, just to compete with Jesse Gemstone. "Why are you so obsessed with Jesse Gemstone, anyway? Are you in love with him?" He continues with his accusations: his brother never had a girlfriend, likes doing dress-up with the men in the Cape and Pistol Society, preaches that God hates gays even after the Church Board told him to stop.
Vance can't take it anymore: he slaps Lomo and shoves him down onto the desk to strangle him. A church deacon happens to come by, interrrupting him before...before...
Game Night
He wouldn't have really hurt Lomo, would he? Vance made a note to call Lomo, apologize, and offer to help him. Maybe Jesse Gemstone could get him a job at the Salvation Center.
"This is like A Christmas Carol," Vance said under his breath.
"What?"
"Um...have you seen A Christmas Carol?"
"Sure, lots of times. Why?"
If Shay was the ghost of Christmas past, and Lomo the ghost of Christmas present, could Karl be the ghost of Christmas future? No, that was silly. Christmas Future was death, and Karl was certainly alive. More alive than anyone Vance had ever met.
"So...those pieces in a row are pawns," he said, returning to the chess lesson. "They move one or two spaces forward, but capture diagonally. You might think that they're expendable because there are so many of them, but if a pawn makes it all the way across the board, he becomes a Queen."
He expected Cousin Karl to say something about pawns being trans, but he didn't seem interested in the chessboard anymore. Around the room, kids were wrapping up their game boards, taking leftover paper plates to the kitchen, and hugging each other goodbye. He checked his watch -- 10:00 pm. Queer parties finish early.
Pontius and his boyfriend Stacy walked over to them, holding hands. Young love! "Hey, Rev. Simkins, we're heading out. Do you need a ride back to your car? I know you left it at our house."
"That's ok,' Karl said. "I'm happy to drive him."
"It's no trouble," Pontius began, but the boyfriend grabbed his arm. "Oh, ok," he said with a grin. "More room in Cousin Karl's truck, anyway. See you guys later."
On the way back to Jesse's house, Cousin Karl drove with one hand so he could wrap his arm around Vance's shoulders. Too bad it was only about a quarter mile.
When they parked, the headlights caught Abraham and his boyfriend...Ash?...kissing on the doorstep.
"Ain''t that cute?" Karl asked. "I was wondering when that boy would find himself a fella."
They looked up, noticed Cousin Karl's truck, and waved, not the least embarrassed. A goodbye peck, and Abraham went into the house. Ash walked toward his car.
As soon as he was facing the other direction, Vance asked "Can I kiss you?"
Karl smiled. "You'd better." He reached over, pulled Vance close, and they kissed. Tentatively at first, but then forcefully. Vance had only seen deep kissing in movies, and he was overwhelmed by a rush of...erotic passion? lust? as he and Karl explored each other's bodies. He lifted up Karl's shirt to grab and squeeze his pecs, then moved down his belly to his crotch. He felt the bulge of Karl's hardening cock through his pants and broke away from the kiss, moaning with anticipation. Karl kissed his neck and...earlobe... and pulled him tighter. But when Vance started to unzip him, he pushed his hand away.
"I'm sorry, Vance, I don't do that on the first date. I need to know that it's real before I start doing bedroom things.
Still enveloped in an erotic haze, Vance didn't understand what he meant for a moment. "Oh...um...me, neither. God doesn't care who you love, but He wants it to be love. I just got carried away."
He moved to his own side of the truck. "Er...when can I see you again?"
"Maybe tomorrow? You can sit with me in the family section at church, and then we all go out to lunch at Jason's Steakhouse...oh, wait, you have your own church?"
Not anymore. After his blowup on national tv, the Church Board revoked his call. He could still do non-preaching ministries, like counseling and visiting the sick, but why bother? "I happen to be free tomorrow, and I'd be honored to sit with you. Let's exchange phone numbers, and you text me where to meet." Another kiss, and Vance left him and walked back to his car.
December 24, 2025: Gemstone Family Compound
At Christmastime, the Gemstone rule is, couples give and receive presents together. Vance has only been dating Karl for two months, so he isn't sure if the rule applied to them. Just in case, he bought presents by himself for Jesse/Amber, Gideon/Clay, Pontius/Stacy, Abraham (his boyfriend Ash is in Myrtle Beach), Mama May-May, and Cousin Chuck. Whew, it is still quite a haul! But he can afford it, with his new job as worship coordinator at the Salvation Center.
He leaves the presents in the trunk of his car as he picks up Lomo, and then Shay, and they drive up to Jesse's house in the Gemstone compound. Karl opened the door wearing a wreath of holly on his head, with a sprig of mistletoe attached.
"You look like the Ghost of Christmas Present!" Vance exclaims.
"That's the best time to celebrate. Keefe says that the present is all we have." He kisses Vance, then hugs Lomo and Shay and leads them into the game room to join the rest of the family.
See also:
Robert's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 2: Beefy boyfriend, helicopter penis, and strongman sex
Gogo Lomo-David: "Shameless" actor, singer, model, motivational speaker. Did I mention his cock?
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