Vice Principals Episode 1.8: The guys try to take down their boss, and there's a horse and some butts

Fans suggest that I try Vice Principals (2016-2018), Danny McBride's series about two high school vice principals scheming to take down their principal so they can take her job and enjoy all that fame, power, and wealth. Really? 

 "Best show on television!" "Hilarious!" "McBride is a comedic genius!"

Other fans caution that it's homophobic, racist, and loaded-down with queerbaiting.  

Uh-oh.  I'll watch an episode, just to track the homophobia and queerbaiting.

Scene 1: Gamby (Danny McBride) and Lee (Walton Goggins) have lured Principal Brown into a night of drunken debauchery to discredit her, so they can take over her job.  They leave her passed out in the bathtub of a sleazy hotel, then burn all the evidence linking them to her deviance. 

Does it make you nervous that two white men are going up against a black woman? 

How about that she is named Brown?

How about that there are no African-American teachers at North Jackson High School in Charleston, South Carolina?  

Scene 2:  B Plot: Gamby gives his daughter a horse to make up for taking away her motorcycle. She is angry, and ignores him. 

Later he asks how she likes the horse.  She prefers the motorcycle.  Besides, aren't horses expensive to keep up?  Gamby tells her that he'll be principal soon, so money will be pouring in.  Are principals really rich?  

Scene 3: In the school cafeteria, Ganby and Lee criticize Principal Brown for eating too much. Then they review the footage they shot of drunken debauchery that will destroy her career.   If she doesn't get drunk or have wild sex on school property, what's the problem?

Left: Danny McBride's butt.

Ganby can't remember his closer,  "End of the line, Slut!"   He's too distracted by his anguish: The Girl of His Dreams, whom he was dating, is ghosting him.

Scene 4: The guys lure Principal Brown in the woods by claiming that students are sneaking out there to smoke marijuana, and start to confront her with the evidence of her "gin-soaked evening."  But she thanks them for helping her out: "I'm glad you were there...I really appreciate it."   

Ganby tries to say "End of the line, Slut," but can't; she is being too nice.  But Lee, the  more evil of the two, steps in: "We have this here video of you acting all crazy. Your career is over!  We won, bitch!"  

He brags about some of the other things they did to her, like burn down her house, causing her to attack, punching and kicking them.  If you've been waiting your whole life to see a middle-aged black lady and white man in a fist fight, your prayers have been answered.  I find it a bit uncomfortable due to the overlay of institutional racism and patriarchy.  She is a far superior fighter, if that helps.

Finally Lee gets around to the blackmail: step down as principal, or the video goes viral. Hey, isn't that a plot arc of the first season of Righteous Gemstones: give us a million dollars, or we'll post this video of your sex-and-drugs party?

Scene 5:  Lee threw Principal Brown's shoe away, so she has to walk down the rocky trail back to the school semi-barefoot.  She walks to her car in slow motion, gazes longingly at the school, and drives off. 

More butts and racism after the break

Marcus Adair: finance major, stuntman, bodybuilder, Jabari warrior, nude model (probably)

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Jak and Kelton visit the Citadel: Beach Day, Dick Day, wrestling, modeling, and a tour of the campus

 

Jak Kristowski is a South Carolina-based media influencer, actor, producer, model, Disney fan, Baptist, missionary, and surfer.  His stage credits include  Aladdin: the Musical, David vs. Goliath, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Jr., and Anastasia, and he is the executive producer of the fan-based movie Spider-Man: The Dark Age.

In Episode 3.9 of The Righteous Gemstones, Jesse sends his wayward son Pontius to The Citadel, the South Carolina military college.  Jak was cast as one of Pontius's classmates. 

His scene was cut. but he got to meet Jody Hill, Danny McBride, and Kelton Dumont, he got a free lunch and a campus tour, and of course he still was paid.  He posted some pics of his experience on his instagram, and I added some of my own.

The Citadel enrolls  2,300 cadets who want the military-style education they might receive at West Point or Annapolis, but without the obligation of entering the military after graduating.  No Battle Logistics: you major in one of the standard academic subjects, like English or history.

The library and student union don't look much different from those of other colleges, except for the uniforms

The naked guys are about the same, except for the dog tags. (Not Jak or Kelton)

More cadets after the break. Warning: it gets explicit.

Arthur Napiontek: Comedian, model, geographer, heterosexist man-candy

 

In Pineapple Express (2008),  mild-mannered process server Dale (Seth Rogen), his dealer (James Franco), and their supplier (Danny McBride) must flee from thugs trying to kill them. At one point Dale goes to the high school to tell his underage girlfriend that he won't be able to have dinner her parents, because of that fleeing thing.

But then a hot guy named Clark (Arthur Napiontek) approaches.  She praises his performance in drama class.  He returns the gym shorts that she left in his car when they worked out last week, assures Dale that he will protect her in college next year, and heads out to home economics class: "It's time to suck today's dick!"   Obviously gay, but Dale is still jealous and agrees to go to the dinner after all. 

I'm not sure if the phrase "It's time to suck today's dick" is gay-positive or homophobic.

This was Art Napiontek's first major movie role.  Although the 21 year old was cast for his comedic talent, not his physique, he took his clothes off in The Brotherhood V (2009), one of those David DeCouteau movies where straight guys bond in their underwear.  

Oddly, most of his later movie and tv roles do not involve flexing.  He did manage to take his clothes off for a gig on Conan (the talk show, not the Barbarian), but otherwise he has played a series of fully-clothed frat boys and hot guys, usually in comedies. 

Occasionally with gay content but usually not: Looking is a gay-themed series, but Boys from the Bar (2011) is about straight bartenders in a gay bar who just want to watch the game, and Switch Hitter (2015) is not about bisexuals,

In real life, Art has a wife and child and posts about how much he likes vaginas, so I'll assume that he's heterosexual. This photo spread in OK Magazine assumes that only ladies are interested in "Man Candy." 

More Arthur after the break

Vice Principals, Episode 3.5: Gamby dates a high school boy, and gay rumors destroy your life

 I'm reviewing Vice Principals Episode 3.5 because a casual viewing revealed a strong, if rather discomforting, gay subtext and a lot of homophobia.

Scene 1: Lee (Walton Goggins), scheming principal of North Jackson High, and his wife Christine are having dinner in a restaurant. He is being dismissive and controlling.  Suddenly Kevin Yoon (Keong Sim, below) appears -- they haven't seen him since college!  He barely acknowledges Lee while gazing with absurdly overacted "girl of my dreams" longing at Christine.  He explains: "I had a bit of a rough time in college, with the rumors, but after counseling I got my life together.  I have a wife and kids."  What rumors destroy your life and require counseling? Sexual assault of a minor?

Christine promises to "friend" him on Facebook and keep in touch, which makes Lee roil with jealousy.

Scene 2: On the way home in the car, we learn that Christine was dating Kevin Yoon, so Lee told her that he was gay, and she dumped him. Why didn't she ask Kevin about it? Maybe Lee was lying, or maybe Kevin was bi and still interested in her.  

The rumor spread around and destroyed his life. Christine is upset because "wife and kids" -- he's straight! Or bi, girlfriend.   She could have married him and had a happy life, instead of being stuck with a man she hates. This is utterly ridiculous.  Did they go to college in 1958?  Was it Hate-Gays University?  How homophobic does McBride think that American society is?

Scene 3:  Vice Principal Gamby (Danny McBride) in the high school parking lot, trying to figure out who shot him in the Season 1 finale.  Jen (Edi Patterson), a teacher with an absurdly unstable crush on him, asks him to be her date at Lee's big birthday party.  He refuses. The lesbian security guard comments that she has a nice body: "I'd fuck her."

Scene 4: The guys on exercise bikes.  Lee suggests that Gamby bring "a hot-ass woman" to his big birthday party, to make his crush jealous and get her to fall in love with him. That strategy usually works in junior high.   But Gamby has another strategy: he's going to prove that he's "a charitable man."

Scene 5: Gamby marches into the restroom, where the delinquent Robin is smoking with his buds.  Earlier he was expelled for having drugs in his locker (which Gamby planted), but now he's back, and Gamby wants to redeem him (for his own selfish ends).  He orders Robin to come to the party as his date: "you're going to show everyone there that I made a positive impact on your life and made you a better human being." 

"But I don't want to go to your stupid pedo party!"  Well, technically it's ephebophile, adult erotic interest in adolescents.

Gamby calls him a "whore," and offers to pay him. Adolescent male prostitution.  This gets worse and worse. "You will be polite, you will be cordial, and you will wear this nice outfit I bought you."

Scene 6: Before the party, Lee is ordering around the caterers and being a jackass to Christine, while she forlornly scrolls through Kevin Yoon's social media, thinking of the life she could have had if only she hadn't dumped him the moment Lee said the g-word.  Imagine that conversation: "Your boyfriend is gay." "WHAT? I'm so disgusted, I never want to see him again! Are you free tomorrow night?"

Lee catches her scrolling and shoves a pill in her mouth without her consent.  

Scene 7: Gamby arrives at Robin's slovenly hovel to pick him up for their date.  His mother is nonchalant about it. Apparently adult men often drop by the house to take Robin out on dates.  Robin isn't wearing the outfit Gamby bought him.  He lays down the law:   "If you embarrass me tonight, I will snap your fucking neck.  Now let's go have fun at this party."  Aww, they're already acting like a couple.

Scene 8:  The party.  Extremely heteronormative: the lesbian security guard is dancing with a man, and the gay-vague drama teacher is dancing with a woman. No same-sex couples, except of course Gamby and Robin:  Arm-on-back affection and calling Robin "handsome" as Gamby introduces him around.  They're really making this look like a real date. 

Robin, who appears in seven episodes, is played by Alexandra McVicker.  She transitioned after Vice Principals, so some of her other work and the VP fan wiki still list her as "Conner."  A trans woman playing a possibly-gay high school boy?  Interesting dynamic. 

Scene 9:  Lee orders Christine around; she passively-aggressively ignores him and gets drunk  Wait -- he drugged you.  If it was an opiate, you could die.   He wants to know why she is acting so weird.  Then Kevin Yoon shows up.  Lee has a fit, but Christine invited him, so he's not leaving.  Lee asks the lesbian security guard to kick him out (sorry, her name is never given, and she is not listed on the wikipedia cast list).  

So she accosts him in the bathroom and threatens to rough him up unless he leaves.

Scene 10:  Looking for a secluded spot to smoke marijuana, Robin finds the master bedroom.  Christine is there, sitting on the floor, drunk and miserable because she's married to Lee instead of Kevin Yoon.  They share a joint.  Are they going to make out to demonstrate that Robin is actually straight?

More after the break

"This is the End": Celebrities are Left Behind, face cannibals, demons, gay sex, and Danny McBride

 I saw This is the End (2013) when it first appeared, and didn't really like it because (spoiler alert) it's about the Rapture.  When I was a kid, I was terrified of the Evangelical end-of-the-world event (not actually mentioned in the Bible) when everyone who is saved gets zapped up to heaven, and the unsaved are stuck on Earth. The preacher told horrifying stories of unsaved men waking up in the middle of the night to find their family gone, and gradually realizing that they are lost -- their sins can no longer be forgiven, so no matter how much they beg and cry, it's the Lake of Fire for all eternity.

But it stars some of my favorite actors, including two that I have a crush on, David Krumholtz (left) and Jay Baruchel (below), so I'll give it another shot.

Scene 1: LAX.  Seth Rogan picks up his buddy Jay Baruchel (bare butt, below), for the "best weekend ever" at his place, with his favorite things: Starburst, marijuana, and airheads. "I know you don't like LA, so I thought I'd lube it up a bit to ease the transition." "Much needed foreplay."  Discussing non-sexual things in sexual terms, har har.  Then: "I'm a well-known homosexual advocate."  I don't know what he means.  

Seth wants to go to James Franco's housewarming party, but Jay wants it to be just the two of them all weekend.  Awww... But they go.

Scene 2: At the house, Seth points out that Channing Tatum  lives nearby: "This is the sexiest street in America."  Jay chastises him for talking about Channing Tatum too much, but he counters: "I think he's attractive."  Ok, these guys are pretend-gay.

Franco: "This house is like a piece of me. You two stepped inside me." Seth: "You let us come inside you."  I'd better stop writing down all the gay-sex jokes, or I'll run out of space by Scene 3.

We meet various celebrities from the same general crew, having boring conversations. Jonah Hill appears to have an unrequited crush on Jay. Michael Cera (left) tries to kiss a guy. Later, Jay stumbles on him in the bathroom, getting blown and rimmed at the same time (by ladies). Craig sings for "all the ladies" to "take your panties off." 

Scene 3: Jay and Seth head to a convenience store for cigarettes.  Seth: "Is Michael Cera's butthole as cute as I pictured it?"  He's into guys' butts, har har.  Suddenly there's an explosion, and some of the customers rise through the ceiling in shafts of blue light!  

Outside, people are rising in shafts of blue light everywhere, driver-less cars are crashing, power lines are down...and back at Franco's house, everything is normal (only the good people went to heaven, so no celebrities, of course).  No one believes them.

Jonah says that Jay is "a sweetheart," implying that he's attracted to him, and everyone looks at him in disgust.  Wait -- you were all expressing homoerotic interest just a few seconds ago.

Scene 4: There's an earthquake, so everyone rushes outside -- and the whole city is in flames!   Then a giant sinkhole open, and almost everyone falls in.  Only Jay and Craig try to save their friends.  They survive, along with Franco, Jonah, and Seth. Before the tv dies, they get a few news reports -- martial law declared, Air Force One is down (The preacher told us that there had to be an unsaved pilot on every flight, in case of Rapture).

They start boarding up the house, inventorying supplies, and ineptly repairing the damage. Gay joke: Craig tries to move a giant ceramic dick: "That dick's coming now.  I got that big dick."

More after the break

Tropic Thunder: Danny McBride, a gay rapper, Jack Black's bulge, and a lot of wartime buddy-bonding

 

In Tropic Thunder (2008), some actors, their director, and a member of the crew are filming a movie about the daring rescue of a captured American soldier during the Vietnam War. They accidentally move off-set and out of Vietnam, into Laos --the territory of a heroin-trafficking drug cartel.  Except they still think they are filming a movie!  

They are:

1. Tugg Speedman (Ben Spiller), an action-adventure star who tried to move into drama with Simple Jack, about a mentally-disabled farm boy. It bombed, but it happens to be the drug cartel's favorite movie.

2. Rick Peck (Matthew McConaughey, left), his agent and gay-subtext best friend.  When Tugg is captured by the drug cartel, he rushes to the rescue.

3. Jeff Portnoy (Jack Black), famous for a series of movies about a family who farts.  If you like chub, he's got an extended scene tied up in his underwear (which displays quite a bulge).

Left: Jack Black's but

4. Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Jr., left and below), an Austalian superstar who always stays in character, playing a black soldier.

More after the break

Eastbound and Down Episode 1.1: Danny as an arrogant foul-mouthed, racist, sexist, homophobic...well, you get the idea

 I don't know anything about baseball, so I'm not sure what "eastbound and down" means (maybe a decrease in power, like "down the drain"?).  But I'm going through Danny McBride's series before The Righteous Gemstones to check for parallels, particularly the treatment of LGBT people.  Any homophobia?  Any queerbaiting?   So Eastbound and Down, Season 1, Episode 1.  

The premise: a disgraced pro baseball player is forced to teach phys ed at his old high school.  Um...you need a degree in education and a year of student teaching to do that.

Scene 1:  Kenny (McBride) narrates: when he was 19, he changed the face of pro ball.  We see him hitting a ball and thereby winning the series.  This made him mega-famous, with endorsements, girls, a catch phrase ("You're fuckin' out!"),  and magazine covers (including Playgirl: "Kenny Powers gets a woody.").  

Montage of Kenny saying horrible bigoted things: "Jew York," "I thought the blacks were bad in New York, but they're nothing compared to the fags in San Francisco."  Wouldn't he be fired instantly?  Steroid allegations, anger management problems, becoming less competent at the game.

Scene 2 (Several shitty years later): Kenny in a big room, applying with others for a job as a substitute teacher.  The guy behind him ridicules him on the phone, and then confronts him outside: "I'm Marcus Shank.  You banged my stepsister in high school."  Kenny punches him.

Scene 3: Kenny driving his pick-up truck through redneck country, while the sound track sings "I'm going down, down, down."  At dinner with his brother Dustin (John Hawkes, top photo right) and his wife and kids, he talks about how they used to beat up "retard brothers" in the neighborhood.  This guy needs a huge redemption arc. 

Scene 4: Kenny and Dustin in the pool (shirtless, but not impressive). Dustin wants to know how long he'll be staying. "Four fucking years!"  Later, Kenny curls up on his bed in the study and cries. 

Scene 5: Kenny sits in his truck drinking beer, waiting for classes to begin at his old high school (Jeff Davis High!), thinking about how he's better than everyone else.  "Suck my dick, world!" he exclaims.  Why, exactly, is that an insult?  I'm sure lots of guys would be happy to suck Danny McBride's dick.  Is it homophobic, like "Suck a guy's dick!  That's gay!  Gross!"  

Suddenly he sees his Love Interest talking to some students, and zeros in on her breasts.  Love at first sight!  

Scene 6: Inside the school, Kenny approaches April, who is talking about a student: "He drew a pentagram made of penises!  My degree is in art, not psychology!"  They hug, and Kenny comments "I'm going to have to change my pants." Translation: her hug made him cum.  

He wants to rekindle their high school romance, but she's engaged to the fawning principal, Terence Cutler (Andy Daly). Kenny hates him immediately for being a dick, and for taking his girl.  Well, you still have the big-boobed Love Interest.

Scene 7:  Kenny meets his co-ed phys ed class, and fields questions about whether he was in jail and whether the steroids made his balls shrink.  

Cut to lunch.  Kenny joins the principal, April, and the others in the cafeteria. He meets drama teacher Mr. Nesbitt.  Drama, huh -- maybe he's gay.  And band leader Mr. Jankowski, who is all excited that they went to high school together, but Kenny doesn't remember him. 

Scene 8: Back at Dustin's house, Kenny negotiates with a prostitute on the telephone and orders Dustin's wife around.  He tries to strategize how to win April. 

After an argument about something or other, he goes to bar to drink and watch baseball.  A sleazy-looking blond lady makes vulgar innuendos as the bartender, Clegg (Ben Best), orders her out. She licks his face and leaves.  One of Keefe's Satanist buds did that on The Righteous Gemstones.  I still think it's gross.

Then Clegg, who knew him in high school, invites Kenny into his office for some blow.  (He means cocaine, not a blow job).  They bond, laugh, discuss how shitty their lives are, but don't have sex: Kenny stumbles back to his bed at Dustin's house. 

Scene 9: At school, the Principal asks how Kenny likes teaching. He loves it.  Good, because the coach he was subbing for died this morning. "How would you like to do this full time?" 

"You want a smoothie?" The principal asks.  "Naw, I'm straight."  So a smoothie is a gay drink?  Kelvin served them to his God Squad in Righteous Gemstones Season 2.

Scene 10: Kenny trying to decide if he wants the job.  Of course he does, or it would be lousy story.   Cut to the shower room, and Kenny's bare butt (not impressive).  Wait - is he masturbating?

Then he sits in his truck, listening to his autobiography on tape and watching April and the Principal leave the school together. 

Cut to Dustin and his wife in bed, sleeping (shirtless, not impressive).  They are awakened by a loud thumping. Kenny is chucking beer cans against the wall.  He explains: "The love of my life doesn't want to have sex with me because she's getting married to some smoothie-drinking fairy."  Wait -- if the principal is gay, why would he want to marry April?  I think Kenny is just using gay slurs as all-purpose insults.  "Plus I got offered the teaching job full time." 

Instead of settling, Kenny decides to get back on top, prove that he's better than everybody else,

Scene 11: Kenny bursts through a banner at the school, strutting, surrounded by hysterical Beatlemania-style girls (um...dude, those girls are underage). Boys cheer, too.  He shakes his crotch at them.  Ulp -- it's a fantasy.  The kids are actually ignoring him.  

As the principal exercises in a muscle shirt (no muscle)< Kenny commandeers the pa system to announce that he's discovered who he is: a man, an athlete, a lover, and a goddam champion."  Band leader guy grins: hero worship or a crush?

Next he accepts the job, stops by April's class to point at her, high-five the janitors, and leaves the building, even though it's only first period. 

Cut to Kenny jet-skiing with the sleazy blond woman from last night riding topless behind him (ugh!).  She falls into the ocean.  He splashes her.  She yells "You piece of shit!" 

Beefcake: I have never in my life seen so many unattractive men taking their clothes off, and I've been to a bath house in Palm Springs.

Gay Characters: I thought Stevie Janowski might be gay, but he appears to have a case of hero worship for Kenny.  Later he gets married, and contemplates cheating 'because of all the attractive women" around.

Queerbaiting: Nope.

Homophobia:  Kenny throws around homophobic slurs a lot, but he isn't targeting gay men so much as every man who doesn't meet his Neanderthal standards of masculinity.  He probably wouldn't mind a masculine-presenting gay man. By the way, he's also horribly racist, sexist, and xenophobic.

Chekhov's Gun:  I thought Marcus Shank, whom Kenny decked at the job fair, would become an ongoing antagonist, but we never hear from him again.

Kenny and Jesse: Both are brash, grandiose, with an inflated self image, but Jesse is not at all bigoted, and that seems to be Kenny's main thing.  They both want more power, but Jesse's main concerns are conflicts with his dad, his wife, and his kids, while Kenny just wants to win the Girl of His Dreams.  I did see a precursor of Kelvin and Jesse's relationship in Dustin's statement that the brothers used to be friends, but things changed.

My Grade:  Characters like Kenny are definitely not my cup of tea.