My Late-Night Hookup with The Incredible Hulk

 

When I was living in West Hollywood, I worked part-time as an editorial assistant on Muscle and Fitness.  

It wasn't as much fun as it sounds.  The articles were often heterosexist, we featured female bodybuilders as often as male, and  I didn't get to actually watch many photo shoots.

But I did get to talk to some bodybuilders, including Lou Ferrigno: Mr. America, Mr. Universe, Hercules, and The Incredible Hulk

He was most famous for The Incredible Hulk, about ten years before.  I never watched, but I knew the basic premise: It starred Bill Bixby as David Banner (changed from the Marvel comics' Bruce, which the network censored deemed too gay).  After the death of his wife, of course, he experiments with human strength, and Jekyl-Hydes himself into Ferrigno's green-skinned man-mountain: "Don't get me angry.  You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." 

One day Ferrigno came in with Bill Bixby.  I thought they looked like a gay couple.

A few days later, he came in by himself for a photo shoot.

"Hi, Mr. Ferrigno." I called.  "Where's Bill?"

"I left him home, chained up in the basement."

"Can I come take a look?"

He grinned, clapped a huge hand on my back, and walked on.

Asking around, I was told: "Ferrigno is straight, but he won't say no to a late-night blow job."

I kept a lookout for Ferrigno's next appearance.  It came near Halloween, when I was working reception, a part of the job I hated.

"You got a promotion, I see," he said with a cruisy smile.

"I'm a jack of all trades around here, but usually I'm in editorial."

"Then be sure to spell my name right."

"Only if you spell mine right.  I'd better write it down for you."

He didn't object, so I wrote it on a piece of paper.  "And my phone number, in case you have any questions."

"Good idea.  I might have questions."

He put the number in his pocket and went off to his appointment.  About half an hour later, he came through the lobby again and stopped at my desk.  "Do you like ____?"

I didn't understand his deaf accent (Ferrigno has 80% hearing loss).  "Mexican food?"  Was he asking me out?  "Sure.  What time...."

Then someone else came in, and he mouthed "I'll call you," and left.

At least that's what I think he said.

I told all my friends that I had a date with Lou Ferrigno, and waited for his call.

It never came, so I forgot about it-- I was giving my phone number to a lot of people at the time.

Then one night in  January shortly after Alan the Pentecostal Porn Star and I broke up, I was at home, watching tv and doing some reading for my seminar in Dante at USC, when Lou knocked on my door!

"Is this a good time?" he asked.

My one-room apartment was a mess -- unmade bed, dinner dishes out, books and papers everywhere.  Besides, I was in my bathrobe, and I hadn't brushed my teeth since dinner. But who's going to say no?

He collapsed onto the bed.  "Boy, I'm tired.  I could use a nap."

"Ok, let's take a nap."

I climbed onto the bed next to him, and he wrapped a huge arm around me.  I moved up and started unbuttoning his shirt and kissing his chest.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

"That's nice," he murmured.  He held me tighter -- so tight I couldn't move.  I heard snoring.

Oh, well, lying in a muscular man's arms is one of the great joys of life.

We lay there for about ten minutes, while I caressed Lou's chest and belly, felt his bicep, and pressed his crotch.  No arousal.

"Go downtown," Lou murmured, his eyes still closed.

He released his grip so I could move down to his cock.  It took awhile for him to get aroused, but it was worth it -- about 7", very thick, uncut, mushroom head.

"Lick my balls," he murmured.  "That always lights my fire."

So I licked and sucked his balls while masturbating him, just going down on him in time to take his load.  Then Lou wrapped me into a hug again.  He wouldn't kiss.

"I don't kiss.  But that was nice.  Guys do it better than girls."

I lay back against Lou's chest, feeling guilty.  This was during the AIDS epidemic, and only sleazoids and druggies tricked, had sex without going out on a date first.  I could never tell my friends about this...unless I could salvage it with a date.

I"Um...about that Mexican food?"

"I have to look at you to hear you," Ferrigno said.

I brought my face up to his.  "Mexican food?  Or Greek?  I know a good place in Hollywood....not tonight, but I'm free on Thursday."

"Sorry, I'm busy.  Got a thing with the wife."

"Wife?" I repeated in shock.  [He had been married to his second wife since 1980, and had two children.]

"Don't worry, she knows.  Well, I got to go."  He stood, zipped up, and ambled toward the door.  "I'll call you, ok?"

And he was gone.

I was mortified.  Not only had I tricked, I had helped a guy cheat, the same thing I broke up with Alan for!  I felt manipulated, unclean, like I needed a shower.  Besides, he hadn't touched my cock.  I was still horny.

If he called again, or knocked with a late night "Is this a good time?" visit, I'd say no.  Probably....

But he never called.

I saw Ferrigno at Muscle and Fitness and bodybuilding expos several times after that, and he always clapped a hand on my shoulder and or "Hi, buddy," but he never came to my apartment again.



I heard a few more Lou Ferrigno hookup stories, but not many, maybe because he was not a major tv star, practically unknown to generations that grew up after The Incredible Hulk.  Tom Selleck or Sylvester Stallone were more familiar.

Or maybe because the evenings together lasted an hour or less.  In the case of the Incredible Hulk, about 20 minutes. 

See also: Muscle and Fitness: Searching for the Kelvin cover.

Sylvester Stallone: Nude photos of Rocky, Rambo, Estelle Getty's son, and the Italian Stallion