"Blue Ridge" Episode 1.3: A wrestling promoter is murdered at a high school in the Hills. With lots of beefy suspects and Michael O'Hearn's dick

I haven't done many tv reviews lately because I've been very busy with Season 4 of The Righteous Gemstones, plus I have about two weeks' worth of profiles ready to post.  But I was interested in Episode 1.3 of Blue Ridge: The Series (2024), because it is set in the world of professional wrestling, with Michael O'Hearn in the cast.  

The show originally aired on the Cowboy Way Channel, so I have no hope of any gay characters -- reviewers are upset that there are no racial minorities, so obviously there will be no gays -- but there's bound to be ample beefcake.

The premise: Justin Wise (Jonathan Schaech), an ex-Green Beret featured in the 2020 movie Blue Ridge, has returned to his small town to be close to his ex wife and daughter. Their hobby is...murder!

Scene 1: Outside the high school, a sign: Championship Wrestling, Dirty Boots McCrae vs. The Contractor.  Several bouts, while a nuclear family with a girl who looks like a boy cheer. Maybe they'll be important later?   

One of the heels (villains) goes backstage, where Promoter Earl (Max Martini) grabs him by the neck: "If you can't stick to the script, I'm not going to stick to the deal."

He rushes out and yells at a male wrestler, "I own you!",  fires a female wrestler, and tells another heel, "I would rather die than make a washed-up quitter like you a champion!" 

The next day, Janitor Dwayne (Grayson Russell) buffing the floors, and finds...Promoter Earl's body under the ring!  Call Miss Marple!  

Scene 2: Nuclear family scene with Focus Character Justin Wise.  He's angry with his daughter, the girl who looks like a boy, because she is dating the son of his arch-enemy Jeremiah Wade (Tom Proctor)  The son is named Blade Wade (really?), played by Lev Cameron, left  She explains that his dad may be evil, but Blade Wade is nice.

Phone call, and the game is afoot.

Scene 3: At the school, School Administrator gives Justin Wise some heavy-handed plot exposition.  Takeaway: all of the wrestlers had keys to the gym and locker room, but nowhere else in the school.

By the way, her son Barry (Christian Finlayson) wants to become a wrestler, but when he tried out, the Promoter yelled at him, called him worthless, and destroyed his confidence.

Justin Wise examins the body (no sense in waiting for the forensics team).  Detective RP (Greg Perrow) says that he died of a blow to the head between 10 pm and midnight. 

Unfortunately Dwayne the Janitor buffed the entire gym before finding the body, so all of that evidence has vanished.  But he remembers the Promoter and a heel character named The Contractor (Michael O'Hearn) arguing: "I got a binding legal contract!" "I don't care, I'm not paying it!"

And the  murder weapon is a wrench that  The Contractor uses as part of his act.  He didn't do it.

Scene 4: Justin Wise interviews The Contractor.  He points out that he plays a bad guy, but he's not bad in real life.  He left the wrench in his gym bag in the locker room; anybody could have swiped it.  And their argument was  just "a work," part of the story: "I loved Earl, but everybody else hated him."

Left: The Contractor n*de.

He suggests interviewing Dirty Boots McRae, who got into a real argument with Earl yesterday.

Phone call: More clues.  The wrench wasn't the murder weapon after all.

More after the break

"Country Comfort" Episode 1.1: Is seeing Ricardo Hurtado, Eddie Cibrian, and Eric Balfour nude worth the pain?

  

Ricardo Hurtado, best known for starring in Nickelodeon's School of Rock with Tony Cavalero, has a perfect combination of face and physique.  I would definitely be asking him out -- if we were both single and he didn't include Bible verses on his Instagram.  Quoting the Bible doesn't necessarily mean that he hates gay people, but I'm not risking it.    

He hasn't had many tv or movie roles recently, so if I want to see him perform as an adult, it will have to be GlichTechs, Malibu Rescue: The Next Wave, or Country Comfort.

We'll start off with Country Comfort, which must mean something like "cold comfort." (something that is supposed to encourage you, but actually makes you feel worse).

Scene 1:  A rainy night in a small town.  We pan past a church (see, we're religious) to a middle class house.  

There's a knock on the door.  Tuck (Ricardo!) answers: it's Bailey (Katherine McPhee), a young woman with black hair wearing a black cowboy hat.  He gawks at her gorgeousness and says "Looks like they sent the right woman to do the job."  Did he call for a prostitute?

Bailey thinks she has been mistaken for a prostitute, and starts to bolt, but Tuck explains that he thought she was from the nanny agency. (He makes gross sexual come-ons to all of his nannies?  And why does he need a nanny at age 21?)

No, she's not a nanny.  Her truck broke down, her phone died, and she wants to use theirs.  But Tuck is so horny for her that he trots out his siblings for introductions: two little girls, 12-year old Dylan, and Brody (Jamie Martin Mann, left).  Wait -- he's 17 (20 now), and way too old for a nanny.  

While all three of the boys gaze at Bailey with unbrindled lust, Tuck explain that their mom died two years ago, and they've gone through 10 nannies since (do  they get tired of the sleazy come-ons and quit?)   

But Baily likes their sleazy come-ons: "You think I'm hot?  You have no idea how much that means to me!"  Two of those boys are jail bait, lady. 

Finally Dad, a middle-aged cowboy, arrives, accompanied by his blond bimbette child-hating girlfriend Summer.   (wait -- if they didn't need a babysitter while Dad was out, why do they need a nanny?  To, like, restore their joie de vivre, like Fran Fine and Charles in Charge?).  He's Beau (Eddie Cibrian, who played lots of lifeguards and teen hunks back in the day).

Beau asks: "Why are you so early for your nanny interview?" (Wait -- he's just getting back from a date, so it must be after 10 pm.  Why did they schedule an interview in the middle of the night?  Oh, right, the sex...)

Then: "If you're not the new nanny, what are you doing here?" Baily explains:

Scene 2:  Flashback to earlier that evening.  Bailey and her boyfriend Boone (Eric Balfour) are singing at a honky tonk, with a record producer listening.  We hear her entire song: "Dream baby got me dreaming sweet dreams the whole day long."  Ugh!  That's terrible!. And are they supposed to stare at each other instead of the audience through the whole song?

The record producer hates it, naturally. So Boone replaces Bailey with a boobalicious bimbette (yeah, that will fix those atrocious lyrics), and Bailey angrily breaks up with him.  Since they live together, she has no place to stay (um...a friend's house?  A hotel?  Let her stay there until she finds a place?).  She starts driving aimlessly.  Then her truck conks out right outside the home of a family that needs a nanny.  Well, it worked for Fran Fine.

Boone is played by Eric Balfour (below), who played many hunkoids back in the day.

Scene 3: Dad offers to call Bailey an Uber (to take her where?  She's driving aimlessly, remember?).  At that moment there's a tornado alarm, so everyone rushes to the basement.   Beau jokes about the last nine nannies being buried there (whoa, creepy! If I was Baily, I'd take my chances with the tornado.)  But Bailey is too overwhelmed by the love and togetherness of this family to be scared.  

Hey, there are musical instruments in the basement.  Could the family be...coincidence of coincidence -- country-western singers?   

Yep -- they join her for an impromptu song: "When Will I Be Loved."  The kids know all the words to a song that last charted in 1975?

One of the girls -- Cassidy -- gets upset because her mom was a singer, and this is bringing up old memories.  Beau tells her to get over herself.  Great parenting, Beau -- why not let the girl be sad?

Now Tuck is upset -- since their Mom died they haven't been allowed to touch their instruments.  Why not?  This family gets more and more screwed up.  Fortunately, Bailey has come to the rescue. 

Scene 4: Cassidy runs out into the storm.  Bailey follows her into the barn and apologizes for the "singin'" (of course it's singin', not singing).  I fast-forward through their heart-to heart, which no doubt solves the psychological trauma that no therapist has been able to handle.  And no doubt Mom will never be mentioned again.

Scene 5: Morning.  I fast-forward through this scene, too.  Obviously Bailey will agree to become the nanny, get the Partridge Family band back together, and start dating Beau.  And the ex-boyfriend will be around in some capacity.

Beefcake: Probably.

Gay Characters: Are you kidding?

Teens Out of a 1980s Sex Comedy: 2

Creepy Lines: 7

Absurd Coincidences: Too many to count.

Bible Verse Ricardo Quotes; Hebrews 11:12: "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."  This is like the motto in Kelvin's gym: "Harder, faster, stronger: saved!"  

Is seeing Ricardo Hurtado worth the pain of Country Comfort?: Heck, no. But maybe Eric Balfour is.  

Nude photos of Eric after the break.