There's a guy in Arkansas: Eight Arkansan hunks playing chess, throwing an axe, and letting it all hang out

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"Join Kelvin's God Squad": Recruitment video gives us the dirt on the muscle cult, with a lot of muscles and a dick or two

  

In Righteous Gemstones Season 2, Kelvin starts a God Squad, musclemen who perform strength-stunts "to serve the Lord."  But their goals are far more complex: they want to establish a new society based on homoerotic desire, a cult of the penis that excludes not only "females," but emotional connections, romantic love, and family. The plan starts to go wrong almost immediately, due both to Kelvin's tyrannical leadership style and the difficulty of excluding romantic partnerships from the new world.  

 In universe, he posted a recruitment video, "Join Kelvin's God Squad."  How clearly does it reveal the true purpose of the Squad?.

Shot 1: As Torsten (Brock O'Hurn) meditates, Kelvin asks "Are you looking for salvation?" 

 

Flexing, he continues: "Salvation is 10% inspiration, 90% perspiration."  This contradicts the evangelical doctrine that salvation (from the wages of sin) is a gift; you don't have to work for it. But apparently here we're looking for salvation from something else.

Scene 2: A wide shot of the God Squad camp, followed by a close up of Cody's chest.  

Kelvin:   "I'm Kelvin Gemstone, and I'd like to share my love of Jesus Christ, and Jesus' love of a beautiful body." Beautiful, not strong. Objects of desire, not admiration.

Scene 3: The men work out with wooden barbells.  One says: "I want to be a warrior for the Lord." Keefe: "You might be a perfect candidate for the God Squad."

Scene 4: The men climb a wooden ladder and sniff fresh vegetables. Kelvin: "Nature is the Lord's gym."  Kelvin has a huge house, easily big enough for twelve men, but he wants to emphasize that he is the leader, structurally "above them."  Plus nature represents the pre-Fall Eden, before Adam succumbed to the temptations of "the female."  

 Shot 5: Two guys grin at each other. Keefe: "We will welcome you into our workouts as if we were friends."  Not a lot of friendships are forged in the God Squad camp.  There is no pairing-off.  The guys are atomized, each competing with the others.

Shot 6: Titus does chin-ups.  Kelvin: "Use your body to get closer to the Lord."   Because he's rising toward heaven. get it?

Shot 7: Keefe: "You will also learn to accept the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ into your heart, and what happens when you accept him, Jericho?  Do the tit thing."

Jericho flexes his nipples. Big deal -- any man with a moderate physique can do that.  But apparently we need to know about Kelvin's interest in men's chests.

More muscles and maybe a hidden cock or two after the break

Did the "Solar Opposites Valentine's Day Special" really change everything?

 

Discussing the Solar Opposites Valentine's Day Special, showrunner Josh Bycel noted that holiday specials are usually stand-alone episodes, with no plot or character development: "So we love the idea of [this one] tricking people into realizing like, ‘Oh my God, the end of the episode is actually the biggest thing that’s ever happened to these characters short of landing on Earth!"

Co-creator Mike McMahon adds: "it really changes the dynamic of the characters."

Left: Mike McMahon.

Spoiler alert: Korvo and Terry, have sex.

Solar Opposites is an animated comedy about a group of aliens from the doomed planet Schlorp who crash-land on Earth: team leader Korvo, the "let's do this by the books" micro-manager; the effervescent goofball Terry; their teenage replicants Yumyulack and Jesse, and the Pupa.  Korvo and Terry find each other's habits annoying, and often argue about how assimilated they should become.

In the special, the group tries to order cold, wet tuna in a restaurant, only to discover that it's Valentine's Day, so only romantic dinners are available.  Should they come back tomorrow, or use their alien science to eliminate romantic love from the world?

They decide to eliminate romantic love.  But that turns everyone into Jimmy Buffet fans: they walk around in Hawaiian shirts, with parrots, drinking piña coladas.  Then the parrots become sentient and go to war with the humans.

To fix the mess, the aliens have to find a couple who still experience  romantic love, and use them to beam love down to the planet.  There are no humans in love left, but what about penguins?  Nope, they are pro-parrot, and refuse to help.

Terry asks: "Couldn't we love each other?"

No, all Schlorpians have is teammate affinity.  But maybe that will be enough.  They have to try.

Terry hates teammate affinity: "It's so annoying that I miss you uncontrollably when you leave the room."

Korvo agrees.  He hates "the way it makes the prickly bumps on my arms stand up when you bend over to pick something up from the floor."

Um..guys, that's erotic and romantic desire.....

They get it on.

Terry going down on Korvo

Anal.  Funny, Korvo was a bottom in an earlier episode.

More gay aliens after the break

Steve Howey: Gay ally happy to show his dick on screen. And his butt. And his elephant.

 

  

I've been following Steve's career since he starred in Reba (2001-2007) as the boyfriend of Reba's teenage daughter. It was a country-western sitcom, so I figured that "Howey" was a stage name that made him sound more countrified: "Steve Howdy, y'all!"

He went on to guest on many comedies, like Psych, New Girl, Jennifer Falls, and Workaholics: In Episode 6.15, "Gramps Demamp is Dead," he plays Adam's cousin "Blue Knight" Demamp.  At Gramps' funeral, Blake brings up a happy memory of having a "sword fight" with their wieners, and seeing the Blue Knight's balls. 

Steve had aa long run on Shameless as Kevin Ball, a bartender (and occasional stripper) who is friends with the shameless Gallagher family. 

Shameless gave him many opportunities to show his bulge, dick....

And butt.

More after the break

Tom Cruise: From "Risky Business" to "The Mummy," with nudity and homophobia

As early as Risky Business (1983), we see Tom Cruise dancing in his underwear and masturbating under the covers.

What you are seeing is Tom's body, arms, and the front of his penis, in All the Right Moves.

Top Gun  gave us Tom's buns in very tight underwear.

Magnolia gave us an underwear bulge

And Jerry Maguire his butt

More after the break

Portugal: Braga beefcake, Porto penises, a gay couple, and a duke

 

When I visited Switzerland for the Nazarene World Youth Conference in high school, I met two guys from Portugal.  We didn't stay in contact, but I've visited Portugal three times since, and met (or seen) more hot/hung Portuguese guys.

An actor in Porto

Selfie

Arab guy from Porto

Closeup

Braga castle

Hot workman with wheelbarrow outside the art museum.

More hunks after the break

Obliterated: Do you want a review of "the worst movie of the year," or should I skip directly to the penises?

Netflix has been pushing Obliterated as must-watch tv.  The premise: an elite team of CIA operatives, spies, and ladies in bikinis, must deactivate a nuclear bomb set to destroy Las Vegas.  When they succeed, they have a wild party with naked girls, blow jobs, and drugs (but no one bothered to research the effects of various drugs, so ketamine and Ecstasy are hallucinogens).  Then they discover that it was a fake bomb; the real one is set to go off in a few hours, so they have to find and deactivate it while hallucinating and naked (well, the ladies, anyway).

 I have rarely seen such split reviews:

"A triumphant blend of exhilerating action, sharp writing, and humor"

"The worst movie of the year"

"A nearly unwatchable hodgepodge of nonsense littered with penises and explosives."  Well, the penises sound ok

"A lot of fun to watch.  The girls are gorgeous."  So maybe it's only fun to watch if you're a horny hetero guy?

"Female characters are leered at in incongruous shower scenes; they undertake missions in string bikinis."  Double yuck.

There are two gay characters: Marine Sniper Angela Gomez is a butch lesbian stereotype; and Trunk, a "big black guy" stereotype who beats people up with lines like "Smell my dick, motherfucker!"  Apparently he is outed in one scene, as a joke: "The big black guy is a pansy, har har." 

I know you don't want me to do a scene by scene review.  Let's just skip to the penises.

1. Army explosives technician Haggerty, played by C. Thomas Howell, looks like a sleazy, effete gay stereotype, but he's actually straight.

2. Jeremy, played by Johann Fitch,   His job is not specified.  

More dicks after the break