School of Rock Episode 1.7: Keefe in drag, a gay stereotype kid, a homophobic kid, and Demi Lovato, sort of.

 

Some 13 years after School of Rock (2003), a teencom version premiered on Nickelodeon: School of Rock (2016-2018), with Tony Cavalero playing Dewey, a failed musician turned middle school teacher with a special interest in winning the "Battle of the Bands."

 In 2016 Nickelodeon was still promoting the "all kids are heterosexual" myth, so I doubt that there is any LGBTQ representation. But I'll review Episode 1.7, where Dewey dresses in drag as a scary Goth lady. .

Scene 1: Four kids and Dewey performing, while the others in the classroom watch -- from behind them?   Dewey explains that rock is about showmanship more than music: strut your stuff!  Freddie (Ricardo Hurtado, top photo) does a guitar zing.  Lawrence (Aidan Miner, below) demonstrates that he can play the keyboard with his butt, so Dewey calls him "Lawrence von Butthoven."  Emphasizing one's butt is a queer code.  Summer (Jade Pettyjohn, who will befriend Kelvin and Keefe in RG Season 1) has her face painted onto her tambourine. Lead singer Tomika is hiding.  

Dewey demonstrates the signature moves of Mick Jagger and  Miley Cyrus (a rock musician?).  Zack (Lance Lim, not the naked guy) asks him not to twerk. It would be too erotic for middle school, anyway, but interesting that the boy emphasizes that he definitely doesn't want to see a man being erotic.  He's apparently got a problem with gay men.

Scene 2: Dewey wants to know why Tomika was hiding during practice: she's embarrassed by the funny faces she makes while performing. He points out that her favorite singer, Demi Lovato, is shy in real life, but when she goes on stage, she becomes a confident rocker (these guys have a different definition of "rock").

To boost her confidence, Dewey claims that he knows Lovato and will call and tell her all about Tomika.  Whoops, he's doesn't even know who Demi Lovato is!  He's in trouble now!

Scene 3: Zack and Freddie ooze with horniness over Tomika's new style.  Lawrence thinks they're talking about him (gay joke, har har): "Thanks.  I went with my Superman underwear today."

"We can't actually see your underwear."  Would things be different if you could see it, guys?

Scene 4:  Dewey teaches science, too.  The textbook says that he was wrong: lightning is not caused by two angels having a fistfight.  I'm sure he was joking. After five seconds of science, they scoot the desks aside and start practicing. The newly confident Tomika wants them to play Demi Lovato's "Heart Attack."  

Lawrence asks if it's cool for dudes to like Lovato (that is, does liking Lovato mean that you're gay?).  They assure him that it's fine (e.g., heterosexual).

Tomika tells the band that Dewey and Lovato are besties, and hang out together all the time.  "Sure, when she's in town," Dewey says, hoping that she's far away.  Of course, she happens to be in town, playing the Texas Memorial.  This show is set in Texas?  Ugh, I spent the worst year of my life in Hell-for-Certain, Texas.  That's enough to get a F grade.

The band pleads with Dewey to get Lovato to listen to them play.  Like, sure, even if they were friends, the big star wouldn't want to spend her time off reviewing a middle school band.  She'd want to see the sights, if there are any in...ugh, Texas.

Scene 5: Dewey at Lovato's hotel, trying to bribe the desk clerk with "a prescription for fungal medicine."  Lawrence happens to be staying there; he's on his way to a couple's massage -- with his Mom.  "Gay men are all in love with their mother." Rather a homophobic queer code, but I'll take it.

Scene 6:  Tomika has turned aggressive and demanding: they've practiced the song 15 times, but it's still not good enough.  Plus their outfits and props look like they belong in a middle school.  Well, to be fair, Lawrence doesn't actually play his keyboard.  He just mashes his hands down on several keys at once.   

They try it with disco ball motorcycle helmets, Tomika emerging from a barrel of ink, and a wind machine that destroys everything.  Instantaneous props!  I'm in a 1950s sitcom.  Tomika screams that they're not worthy of her great song.

More after the jump break

Keefe's Capacious Cock: Where does Tony end and the prosthetic begin?

 

Adam Devine has starred in lots of movies and tv shows about hapless dudebros who have their cock or butt put on display as a form of humiliation, but Tony Cavalero didn't have many starring roles before Keefe, so no humiliation nudity.  All I found from his pre-Gemstone work was Ozzy Osbourne sticking a dollar bill up his butt in The Dirt, and this photo from Tony's instagram, nude with a cat sculpture covering his privates.

The Righteous Gemstones has given us a bit more.  In Season 2, Keefe appears in a jockstrap several times, notably as he is preparing to try the cross-raising challenge.

Keefe does some splits on the ground to warm up the crowd, and coincidentally to present himself as an erotic object.  Oddly, he appears to be a bottom.  In Season 3, he is totally a top.

Other than the single testicle and the mushroom head, the only cock shot comes in Episode 1.9, when Keefe is immersed in an isolation tank at Club Sinister, and "regressing to a transitive state."  

Why is his cock exposed? Why is he aroused?   Some viewers speculated that it is for the pleasure of the partygoers, but they'd have to splash through a milky liquid to get to it.  Maybe just for its aesthetic appeal.

Cavalero said in an interview that the cock was "mostly" him.  You can't stay aroused during an entire lengthy take without a fluffer, so they would need a prosthetic for the arousal.  

But where does the prosthetic end and Tony begin?

I guess you'll have to ask someone who has seen him aroused in real life, like his wife Annie, or Adam Devine (long story).  Or see if he has any openings for a fluffer.

See also: Keefe's Capacious Cock, Part 2: The Mushroom Head

Tony's Hot/Hung Photos,Part 1: Boner pills, Death Water, dildos, and "Why the hell not?"

Tony's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 2: A leather jock strap, an isolation tank, and honeymoon with the hubbie

Dermot Mulroney: From tearjerker victim to corrupt preacher, with some nudity in between

 

John Wesley Seasons, played by Dermot Mulroney, is one of the Big Bads of Righteous Gemstones Season 1, a Baptist minister (shouldn't he be Methodist?) who tries to sabotage the new Gemstone satellite church in Locust Grove, fearing that it will run his small town church out of business.   He's not above sending thugs to destroy the satellite church and assault the minister. 

Dermot Mulroney has been a Hollywood staple since he starred in the Brat Pack movie Young Guns in 1988, and buddy-bonded with Ricky Schroder in There Goes My Baby (1994)

.  In 1989, he broke new ground by playing the first of a group of gay friends to die of AIDS in the first years of the epidemic.  

He has played gay men or allies in several other movies and tv shows over the years, and displayed his dick and butt on many occasions. Here are some samples.

Dermot butt, from Intimate Affairs

Dick after the break

The Kiss Heard 'Round the World: A Kelvin/Keefe Adventure

10:20 am: BJ

BJ watched Judy primping at her dressing room vanity. He grinned: it was so ordinary, but he wanted ordinary. After their marital problems, Judy and Kelvin both quitting the church, the kidnapping, and the rescue, it was nice to be just plain dressing for the morning service again.

Judy led him out into the south corridor and kissed him. He saw that Jesse and Amber were also kissing goodbye. But Kelvin and Keefe just pressed their foreheads together. Ugh! That was ordinary, too. How many times had Keefe complained about Kelvin's fear of being open in public? Well, he didn't really complain -- he was so devoted that anything Kelvin did was fine with him. But BJ could tell that he was suffering over being treated as a good buddy. "The kidnapping and rescue didn't change anything!" he thought."If that doesn't do it, what will?"

Jesse signaled "show time!" Judy took her place at his left side, and Kelvin at his right, and they walked toward the stage entrance. BJ saw that Amber was already halfway to the sanctuary entrance, waiting for the other partners to join her so they could walk to their assigned seats together. But Keefe was just standing there, watching his "good buddy" Kelvin walk away. Poor guy!

Suddenly Kelvin backed up, turned around, and walked back toward his dressing room. Did he forget something? No, he looked terrified. He took Keefe in his arms and kissed him -- twice! Jesse and Judy were shocked -- BJ could hear them gasp from 20 feet away! But Kelvin strutted back, proud of himself, on top of the world. Jesse gave him a "My baby brother got balls!" grin, and they continued on to the stage entrance.

BJ rushed over to Keefe and hugged him. "He finally did it, Buddy! Congratulations!" He kept his arm around Keefe's waist and led him down the hallway to where Amber was waiting. "How did you convince him to overcome his fear?"

"I don't know, really." Keefe was still smiling his angelic smile.

"Did you have a conversation about it?"

"Kelvin talk about it? Not in this lifetime!" He laughed. "Yesterday we went to Abraham's soccer game -- his parents couldn't make it. Then we got Thai take-out, watched a movie on Netflix, and went to bed. That's the only difference I can think of...he was more..."

They had caught up to Amber. She wasn't smiling. Keefe looked down at his shoes. "Uh...tell you later, Buddy."

10:25 am: Amber

Amber stared at Chief walking toward her, as if she had never seen him before. And, in a way, she hadn't. She should have known that he and Kelvin were...lovers, but honestly, it never occurred to her that they were more than just good friends. This changed everything. He was a nice guy, certainly, but was he an appropriate wife...um, husband? Spouse? ...for a Christian minister? Not just because he was a man, because he was so weird. He gestured more than he talked, and when he talked, it made no sense.

But twenty years of being gracious to the oddest types took control, and she smiled serenely at Chief and took his arm, and they walked down the sanctuary corridor. "You know, Chief," she began...

"His name is Keefe," BJ said.

"That's what I said, Keith. It occured to me that we know very little about you. Who your people are, what your Daddy does...so I was thinking, would you and Kelvin like..."

Suddenly Abraham met them, coming down from his Sunday school class.

"Your game yesterday was lit, Dude," Keith told him. "You were on fire!"

Abraham fist-bumped him. "Thanks for taking us out for ice cream and wieners afterwards." Wait -- Queef went to Abraham's soccer game? Alone, or with Kelvin?

"Hey, I'll take any excuse to eat some wieners." Eat some wieners? Was he deliberately using a dirty double-entendre in front of her 14-year old son? Or did he not notice that it was dirty?

Amber calmed herself. "Anyway, Heath, would you and Kelvin like to..." But they were taking their seats -- she was separated from Heath by Abraham and BJ -- and the music was starting. She would have to invite them over for dinner later.

10:35 am: Gideon.

It felt strange sitting next to his Granddad in the congregation, after so many years seeing him on-stage, and Granddad seemed a little uncomfortable, too. "I've never been down here during church before. But I'm retired. I'm a member of the congregation, not a preacher, and this is where I belong."

"And I'm your driver, so this is where I belong," Gideon said, although he felt a little wistful to see his Mom two rows up, sitting with Abraham, BJ, and Keefe. The whole family together. Well, except for Pontius, who skipped church more often than not. "Are we going to Jake's after?"

"Of course, Gideon. I may be retired, but I still have to eat."

Suddenly his phone started vibrating in his pocket. Of course, he had no choice but to check. A text from his friend Jackie, who worked in security. "You'll never guess who I saw kissing in the south corridor!"

"Mom and Dad?" Gideon answered. "They always kiss before Dad comes on stage.

"Close, but no homo. It was your Uncle Kelvin and his butt buddy!"

Darn South Carolina homophobes! "So what?" Gideon typed. "Mom and Dad kiss, why can't Kelvin and Keefe? Are you heterosexist?"

"No, dude, of course not. It was just weird." Another text "Not that they're gay, or anything."

Another buzz -- an email from the Courier, requesting an interview? Why would they want to interview him? But before he could read the email, the music started, Granddad glared at him, and he put his phone away.

12:05 pm: Judy:

Judy knocked on Kelvin's dressing room door. "We're leaving for Jake's, Dummy. You boys about ready?" They didn't answer, so she let herself in.

Yep, they were kissing, so tightly wrapped that you couldn't quite tell where Kelvin ended and Keefe began.

She thumped Kelvin on the shoulder. "Will you give it a rest before you sprain your tongue? Geez, it's like you never kissed anyone before."

Kelvin broke away. "Sorry. But I don't think we can make it to Jake's today. We've got some things to do this afternoon." Keefe smiled that annoying angel-smile. It was more than obvious what "things to do" meant.

"Nope, nope, your lovemaking session can wait. Going to Jake's as a family is as important as the church service. Your fans will be expecting you. Yours too, Bicep Boy."

"I have fans?" Keefe asked.

"Don't tell me your boyfriend confiscates your fan mail? Half the comments on the church website are about you. Maybe one in twenty asks about Kelvin. You're the Golden Boy of the church."

"Then why did you demote me?"

He was talking about removing him as assistant teen minister. What a crazy thing to be hung up about! "You mean, moving you from a part-time job that barely pays minimum wage into a job with three times the salary and five times the responsibility? The only downside that I could see was not being able to spend every minute of every day at Kelvin's side. Or is that a benefit?"

"We like being together," Kelvin said.

"Yeah, that's obvious. But like it or not, sometimes you and your true love have to spend a few minutes apart. Or hours." She grabbed Keefe's arm and led him out of the dressing room. "I'm taking this one to Jake's for dinner. You coming, Dummy?"

More after the break