I grew up in the Nazarene Church, a sect so strict that when I describe it, people think it's a cult. So The Unchosen on Netflix, about a woman who escapes from a cult, caught my eye. Then I found two articles gushing over the star, Fra Fe, an out-and-proud gay man who is thrilled to be playing an out-and-proud gay man on a Netflix tv series. Doesn't "fra" mean Frater, as in Brother? Is the guy a gay monk turned actor?
Scene 1: A church service, with people feeding each other communion bread, followed by a picnic. The Preacher tells them that they are blessed to live in this holy community, where men provide and women nurture. Uh-oh, gender polarization. A cute guy gazes at his girlfriend at another picnic table (no fraternization, see?).
As she fetches more hot dogs, the boyfriend, Adam (Asa Butterfield, above and cock left) -- actually her husband -- criticizes her for being too busy. Their child drops by, then goes to play with her cousins, while the hot Uncle Isaac asks about her hearing aid. They allow outside medicine?
Next a lady catches their daughter reading Beano comics under the table: "You wicked girl! You're going to hell!" We couldn't read comic books, either. I did it anyway.
Now a thunderstorm is coming. Everyone scurries to pack up, but the girl stands still, not sure if it is God coming to punish her, or the End of Days for everyone.
Scene 2: They rush all the stuff back to their church, the Fellowship of the Divine. Wait, where's our daughter?
Left: Asa Butterfield butt.
She's not in the church or the attached school, so the men form search parties and go out into the woods. Finally they use the Wife's name -- Grace. She can't go, but she sneaks out anyway. She finds her daughter drowning in a pond, being rescued by a Mysterious Man. He pulls her to safety and runs away.
Adam and Uncle Isaac arrive. She still needs a hospital, so Uncle Isaac pulls out a cell phone and calls 111.
Cut to the waiting room at the hospital. The Woman is disgusted by a man and a woman kissing, and another using bad words. Daughter is fine, ready to go home. She explains that she ran away because she was worried that it was the Rapture. I was afraid of that constantly. Anytime someone left the room unexpectedly, or if I came home at the usual time, and Mom wasn't there.
"You don't need to worry about that. We're the Chosen Ones. We go to heaven." But one little sin, even something as inconsequential as reading a comic book, and you're Left Behind.
Scene 3: Back at the church, the women are cooking lamb stew, and the men are praying, thanking God for letting Adam and Isaac find the girl. Mom knows that a mysterious man did it.
That night in their room, Husband Adam prays that God would make their love clean and pure, and then starts doing something with his Wife's behind. I can't tell what, but she's not happy with it.
Scene 4: Early in the morning, Grace goes out into the woods and leaves her necklace for the Mysterious Man to find. Hey, the cross on that necklace has an image on it. Nazarenes would be shrieking in horror. Blasphemy! Catholic idolatry!
While Grace is making breakfast, Husband Adam confronts Uncle Isaac (Aston McAuley, left). Rosie, whoever that is, saw who he was texting; but it could have been anyone. Uncle Isaac: "It's over." Husband Adam: "I don't want to lose you." He smashes the cell phone.
Wait -- is Uncle Isaac having an affair with his brothe-in-law Adam, or with an outside person?
Cut to church. After they praise God for the return of the daughter, Adam stands up and tells them that Isaac is a sinner. He holds up the contraband cell phone. Hey, you promised to not say anything!
The Preacher (former Doctor Who Christopher Eccleston) yells "An instrument of the devil! A pipeline to filth! You have endangered the whole community!" They all turn their backs, and two men drag him out. Can't he just repent? We lost our salvation a dozen times a week, and repented to get it back.
Grace is angry with her husband for turning Isaac in. His pregnant wife and kids are still in the community. What will happen to them? But he just says "Submit to your husband, as to the Lord."
More after the break
He's wounded, but he can't go to the hospital. Grace agrees to give him first aid. They flirt. I thought you were gay. So those articles were gushing about a gay actor playing a straight guy?
She gives him some food and then kicks him out, but there's a close up of the back door inching open. Did she leave it open on purpose, so he could come back inside for bedroom stuff?
Update: I got mixed up with the subtitles earlier. Apparently Grace is the daughter. I'm not going back and changing everything now. Besides: the Wife's actual name is only used once in the episode: Rosie.
Meanwhile, Husband Adam brings Uncle Isaac to his very large house. Why are these people all rich? He is locked in a bare room with a cot and a Bible. He'll be isolated there, hearing his family laughing and having fun outside, as if he has never existed, and feel bad.
"All of this just for a phone?" Uncle Isaac asks.
"If they knew everything, you'd be disavowed (never permitted to speak to anyone in the church again)." So he is having an affair with Husband Adam or someone outside the church! Maybe Uncle Isaac is secretly gay, and will have an affair with the Mysterious Man?
Scene 6: Grace didn't leave the door open on purpose. Mysterious Man sneaks in and goes through their stuff, looking for things t steal. You know she's still in the house. It's not even night, so she could catch you at any moment. She hears him walking around downstairs, and on his cell phone, talking to someone named Sam.
His exact words are: "Sam, I need to lie low for a few days, and then I'll come and get you." But it turns out that his name is Sam. He's talking to someone else. Who calls another person by his own name, except in that dumb song?
"Call Me by Your Name" Sam gives Grace a sob story: "I have nowhere else to go." So she agrees to let him sleep in the chicken coop. They have a farm? There are houses all around; I thought it was a suburb.
He flirts with her some more. "God brought us together. I know you can feel it."
Cut to Grace kneeling by the bed, praying, while Mysterious Man shaves. Did they just do stuff (on a bed in the chicken coop), or is Mysterious Man remembering a former girlfriend who looks and dresses exactly like Grace?
Left: Fra Fee with a lady in another movie. A surprising number of straight sex scenes for a gay actor.
Scene 7: The men are gathered at Uncle Isaac's house, praying for his soul. Meanwhile, Grace gets ready for bed and gazes out at the chicken coop. The end.
Beefcake: None. Only three major male characters, and about 90% of the scenes consist of close-ups of Grace's face as she feels emotions.
Below: Ethan Davidson plays Mason, Mysterious Man's son or brother, in five episodes.
Gay Characters: Depending on which review you believe, Husband Adam is either gay or "possibly gay." The straight or "possibly bi" Mysterious Man has sex with him, either willingly or "in order to humiliate him."
In the last scene, after several murders, Mysterious Man says "All I had to do was manipulate you, because that's who you are." Depending on which review you believe, he means that the guy is gay, or "the meaning is unclear."
Fra Fee: It's short for Francis. He's from Northern Ireland, Catholic but not a monk.
Grace/Rosie/Call Me By Your Name: Why is the series so inept at establishing character names?
Nazarene Triggers: This church is considerably stricter than the Nazarenes were. We didn't require scarves for ladies, and cell phones were fine. But some of the practices and a lot of the statements bring back memories of my childhood: terrified of the Rapture, worried that the tiniest sin would lead to an eternity in the Lake of Fire. The Righteous Gemstones brought back memories, too, but the lack of homophobia and numerous penises made it a nostalgic pleasure. Not here.
My Grade: This was very dull, with too many strange misdirections and not nearly enough masculine beauty. Plus no recognizable gay characters. D.
See also: Asa Butterfield: A dozen "boy meets girl" movies, a dozen nude photos, and a boyfriend
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