Alex Polcyn: The "Wonderman" Golden Boy plays a dozen gay characters, mostly bottoms, shows us his stuff, but grins at his lady's bosom.

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Gemstones Episode 4.4: Gideon is gay, Pontius has four dicks, and Kelvin is scared. With Hamlet, some German guys, and Casper the Friendly Ghost

Title: "He Goeth Before You Into Galilee." Matthew 28.7 Mary Magdalene and the other Mary see that the tomb of Jesus is empty. An angel tells them to tell the disciples that he has risen from the dead, and "he goeth before you ointo Galilee."

Left: Since the Nanny is German, I'm including a few German guys, this one from Ingolstadt.

Welcome to Galilee Gulch. Baby Billy water-skiing naked, extensive shots of his dong and butt that made some viewers mad. "Why we got to see that? Why can't we see Amber's stuff? Every man on Earth, without exception, loves looking at breasts!" Um...you've heard about gay men, right?

Then the Gemstones and Milsaps arrive at Galilee Gulch, a huge "lake house" on Lake Marion, about an hour north of Charleston. Coincidentally, the house where they filmed is owned by a gay couple.

Pontius complains; Gideon tells him to not disrespect the lake house, and makes him carry a bag. He says "Get a life, you dork!" Abraham agrees: "Such a little ass-kiss." Abraham has only two lines this season, both about butts. Got something on your mind, Buddy?

Some cute attendants, who aren't in the cast list, take care of the wheelchair-using BJ, who complains that the whole place is inaccessible. He'll be constantly complaining about everything through the episode.

Keefe wants to go waterskiing naked, like Uncle Baby Billy, but Kelvin doesn't want to hang dong with his uncle. Then he forces Keefe to carry the gigantic trunk full of shoes into the house. That's no way to treat your partner, buddy. At least he calls Keefe "Sweetheart."

Baby Billy's Breakup Plan: Uncle Baby Billy disapproves of the Eli-Lori relationship -- we aren't told why, but maybe he knows something from Lori's past -- and pushes the siblings into a plan to break them up. The siblings point out that they arranged this weekend retreat because the lake house is full of Aimee-Leigh's things, and will certainly cause Eli to feel guilty about "abandoning Mama." Maybe they can push things along.

They tell the staff to leave Aimee-Leigh's clothes in Eli's bedroom. Angry, he calls "the help" and has them all moved into Kelvin and Keefe's room.

Kelvin is pretending to read the complete works of William Shakespeare. Another clue that we're in the middle of Hamlet.

The New Nanny: Baby Billy is being nasty to his wife and children ("Get them out of here!"), and expresses his hatred for the butch Germanic nanny, Sola (Kirsten Schultze). So why not fire her?

Gideon is Gay: Friday dinner. Kelvin, Keefe, Abraham, and BJ are playing blackjack, the others sitting around a kitchen island. Jesse gets jealous because Gideon is sitting next to Eli, and they shared a joke.

Jesse is treating Gideon as a romantic partner who is cheating on him. That is not really happening, of course, but it is heavily implied that Gideon is gay, for the first time since Season 1. There are queer codes about Pontius and Abraham, too. It's starting to look like Jesse has three gay sons.

Corey apologizes for his reaction to Eli/Lori, and brings in 100 pounds of barbecued pork.

Jesse's Breakup Plan: After dinner, Keefe goes swimming (distant beefcake shot), and the others hang out or play cornhole. Corey thinks that Eli is good for his Mama, better than Big Dick Mitch at the Benz dealership, who she used to date, or is still dating -- he's not sure.

Left: Muscle guy from Munich.

Jesse can use this! He rushes over to Eli and Lori and brings up Big Dick Mitch in "casual conversation." Eli gets upset and storms away.

Later, in the bedroom, Lori claims that she doesn't know where Jesse got that idea. She only dated Mitch twice; they had no chemistry. Then how does Corey know about the size of his dick? They discuss whether to keep it casual, allow dating other people, or "go steady." Go steady it is.

Dress-Me-Ups: The staff has moved Aimee-Leigh's clothes into Kelvin and Keefe's bedroom! Kelvin shoves them into a closet, and then joins Keefe to cuddle on the bed.

Dig the matching pajamas, except Kelvin's have legs, and Keefe's end above the knee, so you can get to his crotch more easily.

Keefe is reading an obscure comic book called The Zero Patrol, from 1984. Only two issues were published. The hero is telling someone named Dedalus that "The Princess is still mine." Daedalus was Keefe's Satanist friend in Season 1; maybe we're looking at Keefe's attempt to protect Kelvin from the Darkness. Or maybe the prop master just grabbed something that had a muscleman on the cover and wasn't Marvel or DC.

He sets the comic aside so they can watch Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), the scene where psycho-killer Jason is shown worshipping the mummified head of his dead mother. A parallel to the siblings' worship of Aimee-Leigh. Kelvin gets scared and buries his head into Keefe's crotch (dude, are you scared or horny?), but Keefe assures him that "she's just doing dress-me-ups." .

Like a Hallmark Movie: Saturday morning. The Nanny practices her kung-fu. Baby Billy berates her again.

Cut to a montage of everyone water-skiing, while BJ looks on, angry.

Later, the siblings discuss Lori and Eli again. Amber thinks it's like a Hallmark movie: two old friends fall in love. Jesse berates her and insults her knowledge of movies.

So far Jesse, Judy, Baby Billy, and Corey have berated and yelled at their partners. These relationships are doomed.

Kelvin's Breakup Plan: The family gathers for a performance. Keefe is waving at the stage with a toy dinosaur, a shot which appeared in the trailer, making fans think that he and Kelvin had kids. No, he's waving at Kelvin. Why is a 40-year old man holding a toy dinosaur?

In a parallel to the play "wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king" in Hamlet, the siblings sing -- badly --about how Mama is in the house, judging everyone, disapproving of the "betrayal." Eli storms off. Feeling guilty, Claudius?

More after the break

We just dumped Peacock in favor of Apple Plus, so now we can watch Best Foot Forward (2022), based on childhood experiences of "Paralympian, comedian, author, disability advocate, and Halloween enthusiast" Joshua Sundquist.

Focus character Josh has been home schooled since he lost his left leg at age nine, but he finally convinces his parents to allow him to start seventh grade in public school. He faces the standard junior high problems of friends, math tests, soccer practice, movie night, and school dances.

Josh is played by Logan Marmino, fifteen years old in 2025 and thinking about college. Maybe Johns Hopkins?

He's an accomplished athlete, competing in Paralympics track and high school basketball and baseball. Plus surfing and skateboarding.

When showrunner Joshua Sundquist invited him to audition for Best Foot Forward, he had no acting experience, not even a school play. And he doesn't really seem interested in an acting career -- he hasn't appeared in anything since. Sports and disability activism keep him busy.

While Josh is experiencing the joys and hassles of junior high, Dad and Mom (Stephen Schneider, left, Joy Suprano) have B plots of their own, like when they tried to order two pizzas, and accidentally ordered twenty. "Sometimes older people can't see the order screen very well," the delivery guy explains, to Mom's consternation.

Stephen Schneider may be best known for a five-minute long n*de fight scene in The Righteous Gemstones, but he has 37 acting credits on the IMDB, including three tv series reviewed here: You're the Worst, Broad City. and Nobody Wants This.

Josh's younger brother Matt (Roger Dale Floyd) mostly tries to help, or feels left out when Josh gets all of the attention.

Roger Dale Floyd, 13 years old in 2025, has appeared in The Walking Dead, Doctor Sleep, Greenland, and Stranger Things. He is a junior bodybuilder, interested in promoting fitness among teens and tweens.

In Greenland (2020), Roger and his Mom and Dad (Gerard Butler, left) must flee cross-country to safety after a comet-Apocalypse. Whoops, they forgot to bring his insulin.

Josh makes two friends, Kyle (Peyton Jackson, left) and Gabriella (Trinity Jo-Li Bliss).

More after the break. Yes, I'm getting to the review.

The top 25 gay-coded, beefcake-heavy shows of the decade

I grew up in a working-class, Evangelical household where tv was the only permitted form of entertainment, so it was on all the time. I still watch an hour or two almost every day, mostly to check for gay texts or subtexts. That's a lot of tv programs. Most fade into oblivion, but some are memorable due to their intriguing premises, interesting settings, gay subtexts, or beefcake -- or all four. These are the top 25 gay-coded, beefcake-heavy shows of the last decade, premiering 2016 to 2025.

2016

The Crown. The life of Queen Elizabeth, with the glamour, glitz, and soap opera shenanigans of the royal family. No gay characters, but future Doctor Who Matt Smith plays Prince Philip.

Kim's Convenience. Korean-Canadian family in Toronto, with no gay characters after the first episode, but a lot of buddy-bonding and beefcake.

2017

Big Mouth. Middle schoolers negotiate puberty, with the help of individually-assigned hormone monsters and other supernatural beings. The gay guy eventually gets his own plotlines, coming out to his parents, dating the bi guy, and learning about sexting.

Britannia. Romans vs. Celts in 43 AD, with creepy Druids, some possible paranormal, muscular soldiers, and some gay subtexts.

2018

Disenchantment: A parody of Medieval fantasy. Disappointing in the first season: my review calls it "gay free." But showrunners often postpone the queer characters: they think all viewers are homophobic, and will run away screaming unless they become invested in the show before the queer characters show up. Later seasons become immensely gay-friendly.

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. The teen witch of Archie comics with dark comedy plotlines, a same-sex romance, and a lot of hunk. ranging from Ross Lynch as regular boyfriend Harvey to Moses Thiessen as the pizza delivery guy.

2019

The Other Two. A young teen achieves sudden fame, which disconcerts the Other Two, his sister and brother (who is gay). By the third season, they've all become successful, but there are still a lot of gay-romance plotlines and bare butts.

What We Do in the Shadows: Vampire roommates on Staten Island have more and more overtly gay plotlines as the series progresses. With out actor Harvey Guillén as their increasingly out assistant.

The Righteous Gemstones. An absurdly wealthy family of Southern televangelists negotiate threats. I'm not sure I should include this one since, in retrospect, it was a little annoying. Endless queer codes involving Gideon, Eli, and Pontius, with no resolution, just "crumbs." And it took forever for Kelvin and Keefe to become canon. They should have kissed at the end of Season 1.

But I spent two years arguing about, researching, and posting about the show. And I found some cute gay actors...who haven't posted on social media since the series ended, grr.

2020

Solar Opposites. Aliens crash-land on Earth, try to adjust to human life, become boyfriends and finally marry. Plus a spin-off episode with Kieran Culkin and Skyler Gisondo in a strong gay subtext human-alien romance.

Panchayat. Engineering grad Abhishek is talked into a civil service job in a remote village, where there are so many queer codes that I could swear they were deliberate. And he doesn't meet The Girl!

More after the break

RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

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