I was trying to combine the "six degrees of Kevin Bacon" game, where any actor in any random movie is six movies or less away from Kevin, plus a double-entendre on "bacon" meaning "penis."
Born in 1958, Kevin graduated from high school at age 15, attended Bucknell University, and hit the New York theater scene in 1975. He was in some plays and some New York-based soap operas, and he played one of the fratboy pledges in Animal House, 1978. You know you saw it, and didn't notice anything problematic. It was the 70s.
He bulged in the teen slasher Friday the 13th, 1980, but I just saw it recently, and didn't notice. A few more plays, including Forty Deuce, which won him an Obie, and he was ready for fame in the angst vehicle Diner, 1982, with Steve Guttenberg, Mickey Roarke, and Daniel Stern.
Penis #1: Actually Mickey Rourke's.
Footloose, 1984, is an icon of the 1980s generation, where televangelists like Jerry Falwell were calling down God's wrath on America for such sins as teen pregnancy, the Equal Rights Amendment, and homa-sekshuls: a conservative preacher has banned dancing in his small town, I didn't see it, but there's a buddy-bonding gay subtext between Ren and Willard (Kevin, Chris Penn) in the play.
White Water Summer, 1987: Kevin plays a sadistic wilderness guide who almost sends Sean Astin to his death. But there aren't any girls in it, at least.
Another butt in Pyrates, 1991, which is not about pirates. The hetero couple starts fire when they have sex.
That reminds me of an old joke, either from Talulah Bankhead or Elvira, Mistress of the Dark:
Guy: "Do you smoke after sex?"
Talulah/Elvira: "Darling, I don't know. I never looked."
A Few Good Men, 1992, sounds like it is about soldiers fighting and dying, but actually it's a courtroom drama, with Tom Cruise defending two soldiers accused of murder. Kevin stars as the Captain.
Penis #2: James Marshall, playing one of the accused soldiers.
More after the break. I swear, we'll see Kevin's bacon
