RG Beefcake and Boyfriends: Researching Matt Lloyd's practically perfect penis. With many competing cocks, and the rules for rating them

The penis is my favorite part of a man's body, not only because of what it can do (or I can do with it), but because of its aesthetic beauty.

The guy may be tall and thin, with long hands and multi-ringed fingers.

He may have a long, angular face and beady rodent-eyes.

He may have toothpick-thin arms and a shallow chest.

He may have the personality of a marsupial.

But when he drops his pants, everything else fades away. When have you ever seen an unattractive cock?

I recentlly profiled Johnny Karn, who played one of Alex's boyfriends on Modern Family and a virgin podcaster on Scream: The Series. His aroused cock is magnificent, one of the most beautiful I've ever seen.

And a few days ago, an example of a perfect soft cock appeared on the celebrity cock subreddit, It met every criterion of perfection:

The cock should hang down to just above the ball sack.
The shaft should be about twice as long as it is thick.
The head should be slight larger than the shaft, but not a mushroom.
No thick veins should be visible.
The color should be consistent throughout.

The subreddit said that he was Matt Lloyd, appearing nude in something called Here & Now.

We see his butt, too, if anyone cares. Personally, I wanted more cock shots, or a video. Hopefully aroused, maybe even a j/o.

That's where the problem began. There are a dozen actors named Matt Lloyd (to be precise, our Matt is #14). And at least a dozen movies, tv shows, podcasts, and record albums called Here & Now appeared between 2015 and 2025.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

AZ Men happened to have Matt's nude scene, as well as Tim Robbins (left), who also appeared in the series, allowing me to backdoor into our Here and Now.

It's a dramedy from "Alan Ball!!!" (like I'm supposed to know who that is).Ten episodes appeared on HBO MAX from February to April 2018.

It has since been removed, no doubt because of its 24% approval rating.

But I had come this far, so:

Here and Now featured philosophy professor Greg (Tim Robbins), his wife Audrey, her schizophrenic brother (Ted Levine from Silence of the Lambs), and their adult children, one biological, three adoped.

Ashley, from Liberia, runs a fashion website.

Duc (Raymond Lee, left), from Vietnam, is "a womanizer"

Ramon (Daniel Zovatto), from Colombia, is gay and suffers from psychic visions. He's got a boyfriend and a therapist with a gender-fluid child.

And there's a high school-aged girl.

Apparently they experience a lot of angst and trauma, signaled by buzz phrases on the IMDB episode guide: afoul of the law, a disturbing revelation, frustration, turning tables, revenge, unpleasant truths, true intentions, driven to extremes, a cataclysmic event.

Matt Lloyd #14 appears as Liam in Episode 1.8. He is not mentioned in the episode synopsis.

He has 13 acting credits listed on the IMDB, sometimes as Matthew Lloyd Duggar, mostly in shorts with no plot description, plus three episodes of Real Hollywood (2015), a webseries with five-minute long episodes featuring Asian brothers trying to make it big in the Real Hollywood: Remington Hoffman, left, and Forrest Kiyoshi, who is gay in real life. Matt's character doesn't appear in the episode synopses.

He played Shirtless Guy in the movie Three Roads (2019), about three women facing tragedies. Sydney Jay plays Lance.

A waiter in an episode of Ratched (2020), with American Horror Story regular Sarah Paulson as the nurse from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Charlie Carver (left) plays a "disfigured" orderly named Huck.

And Nick Parker in Begin Again (2025), about three lost souls in Macau being redeemed by a "free spirit." The trailer shows a woman writing, being pensive, and writing again. T

Matt has alsos written and starred in three shorts:

Apollo (2016): Matt moves on after he is dumped by his ex (I can't tell if it's a man or a woman).

Chad & Jessica (2017): No plot description, but Matt plays Chad.

Doggy Snatchers (2022): No plot description, but the promo shows two women snatching a dog.

The many, many other people named Matt Lloyd makes finding other information about him impossible. So we're stuck with a perfect flaccid penis and no person to attach it to. I don't know if that's provocative or disappointing.