Luke and Tom Stoltman: The World's Strongest men, brothers from the Scottish highlands hug, sandwich, and show their d*cks

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Dakota Taylor: Prom kings, soap studs, model, and ghost. Plus Justin Berfield, Justin Kirk, and the problems of searching for Dakota's cock pics

In Ghosts Episode 1.17 (2020), Jay and Samantha, the owners of the heavily-haunted Woodstone Mansion, meet mean girl ghost Stephanie.  In 1987, she and her prom date Tad (Dakota Taylor) were parking on the estate, when a serial killer murdered her. She has unfinished business, so she is stuck on there (but only appears once a year, on the anniversary of her death).  We assume that Tad was murdered, too, but "sucked off" to the afterlife right away.

Until Episode 4.20, when he re-appears as a middle-aged man (played by Justin Kirk, below) using the tragedy in his mayoral campaign: he announces that he bravely tried  to protect Stephanie, but was knocked out.

"Bull hockey!" Stephanie exclaims.  "He ran away like a little coward."

So of course Jay and Sam have to call him out with "I know what you did 37 years ago!"

But some of the other ghosts observed the attack, and corroborate Tad's story.  It turns out that Stephanie just wants to "get even" because Tad started dating her best friend shortly after the murder.  

Dakota Taylor (the teenage Tad) is extremely cute, and a brief internet search revealed this photo of two guys on a date.  He must have played gay  characters.  

Plus there are some very revealing modeling photos.  Maybe there are cock shots out there as well.   

Dakota grew up in Grimsby, Ontario, near Niagara Falls.  He graduated from the Blessed Trinity Catholic School in 2017, and then studied at the Toronto Academy of Acting and York University.  His first on-screen roles came in 2017: a World War I soldier in an  episode of Canada: The Story of Us, and a teenage drug addict in an episode of Teens 101. 

He seems to specialize in proms:

Homekilling Queen (2019): Whitney will stop at nothing to be elected Homecoming Queen. Dakota plays a cute boy that she uses to catfish her chief rival, Natasha.

 

Fear Street: Prom Queen (2021).  Same plot.  Dakota plays the boyfriend of one of the contenders. Dale Whitby plays another.

Left: This is who you get when you search on Dale Whitby.  Not him.  Not that I mind.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Gemstones Episode 1.1: Kelvin is in love with a Goth boy, and Gideon with the Devil. Plus a bisexual orgy, nude Chengdu dudes, and Scott Wolfe's bulge

In the new year, let's go back to the beginning, or at least to 2019, for Righteous Gemstones Episode 1.1

Who is More of a Man?: Chengdu, in southwestern China. Beneath an advertisement for "24 Hours of Saved Souls," a woman is singing in Mandarin, while hundreds of people file into a swimming pool to be baptized by missionary Eli Gemstone (Dan Conner of Roseanne) or his adult children.  Jesse, the oldest (Danny McBride of Vice Principals), complains that his brother Kelvin (Adam Devine of Workaholics) is dipping the converts too far, getting water in their noses. Kelvin disgrees. Suddenly someone turns on waves and disco music, people lose their footing, it's chaos!

Left: Fireman from Chengdu.  Or somewhere in China, anyway.

The Gemstones return home, and are greeted by Martin, Eli's chief accountant and right-hand man, and his secretary Judy, the third Gemstone child, who complains that she didn't get to go, even though she learned "Ni hao" (Hello).  Jesse argues that missionary work is for only men, and she counters: "I'm more of a man than Kelvin is."  Jesse agrees. Is this a gay reference? 

The three men are chauffeured, in three identical cars, through a huge estate with a golf course, amusement park, and private police force.  Ok, Eli is not a missionary; he has a televangelism empire like Jimmy Swaggart's

They are dropped off at their houses. First  Eli, greeted by a staff of 15 women. Then Jesse, greeted by his wife, Amber, and children, Pontius and Abraham.  Then Kelvin, greeted by no one. So his plot arc will be about finding someone. 

Kelvin and the Vampire:  Kelvin walks into his game room, and starts sorting his mail.  Suddenly a half-naked man appears in the doorway, lowering from a sit-up bench like a vampire rising from his coffin -- next to an Egyptian mummy case. This is the Land of the Dead. 

He says "Hello, friend," more threat than greeting. 

Kelvin: "You scared the bullcrud out of me!"  

Left: At the gym

The Vampire: "I'm sorry, man.  I'd like to keep your bullcrud in."  Another reference to butts.

Kelvin didn't like China: "Jesse was riding me the whole time, fully up my butt."  Second butt reference, this one alluding to anal sex.

He continues to criticize Jesse for not "letting me be me." 

Is this a reference to Kelvin being gay?  Will he come out during this season, or is he already out?

After a bro fist-bump, Kelvin asks (his friend has not yet been named, but we'll call him Keefe) how the housesitting went.

It went fine.  Keefe slept in Kelvin's room one night, "But it felt odd, so I slept the rest of the time here on the couch." The huge house must have a dozen guest rooms.   Why the couch?

Kelvin: "Hey, man, you do not need to feel odd sleeping in my bed.  I told you you could."   Is he easing Keefe into the idea of sleeping with him, so sex can happen by "accident"?

Keefe didn't like being in Kelvin's room: "The energy in there is just unsettling.  It's lonely"   Very insightful.  He can sense Kelvin's loneliness.  There's no one in his life, no friends, no romantic partner.  He doesn't realize it yet, but he is, in the words of Dag Hammarskjold, "screaming for love." .

Kelvin thanks him for looking after the place: "Home-run friendship." Keefe is appreciative: "I know not everybody wanted me here."  House-sitting?  Why would the family care?

Timeline problem: Keefe was a Satanist before he and Kelvin met. Maybe Kelvin even brought him to Christ.  How long have they known each other?  In a future episode, Keefe's Satanist friends wonder why he hasn't been around lately, so just a few weeks.  But there's a faded 666 tattoo on Keefe's chest. Laser tattoo removal takes 6-10 sessions, scheduled 6-8 weeks apart.  Did Keefe start the removal long before he met Kelvin, or did the writers goof? .  

Keefe decides to return to his apartment: "I'm pretty bushed. Gonna go soak in a tub. " It's the middle of the day! You haven't seen your friend in a week or so.  Why don't you want to stick around? Are you worried about things heading in a direction you're not ready for?

"No, man!" Kelvin pleads. "Let's stay up late, play some video games, smash some Pixie Sticks."  Staying up past your bedtime?  Eating sugar?  Are you planning a sexual encounter or a junior high sleepover?

Keefe refuses politely. "That sounds good, but I really need a soak...I like to turn it up real hot."  A sexual double-entendre.  Keefe is overtly excluding Kelvin from his erotic life,  saying "I'm going to have sex, but you're not invited." 

Kelvin asks for a hug. Keefe reluctantly approaches. "So happy you're home," he whispers.

As the hug ends, Kelvin looks devastated.  He is desperate for some kind of physical connection, but Keefe is leaving.   He's so flustered that he can't even return Keefe's "Night-night" properly.

Kelvin seems to be pushing for a sexual relationship, but Keefe isn't sure.  He's been saved (converted) for only a few weeks.  He might find Kelvin attractive, but the power differential is enormous, and maybe he's been abused by clergy before.  It's best to reject overtures that sound too sexual, play it cool, and see what happens. 

I have gay friends:  Night.  Jesse goes into hs son Pontius's room and kisses him on the forehead. You've been home for hours, so why wait until he's asleep to kiss him?  Wouldn't a father generally do that as his son is going to bed?  I think someone goofed with the continuity, and thinks that Jesse just got home.

Pontius assumes that Jesse wants a sexual encounter and calls him a "faggot."  The first and only homophobic slur of the season.

Jesse counters that he's just doing a father-son thing, and chastises Pontius: "I got friends who are homosexual." Pontius takes this as additional evidence that his father is gay.  Since Danny McBride's previous characters have been homophobic, it is important that he demonstrate that Jesse is a gay ally.  But why now, directly after the first Kelvin/Keefe meeting?  Doubtless he means "a gay brother." 

Next, Pontius lays on the bad boy routine: he doesn't believe in God; as soon as he's 18, he'll run away to California "like Gideon" and never talk to his parent again.  Jesse slaps Pontius, and warns him to never mention Gideon's name. 

Left: In the library

This has been a lot to digest.  Who would expect a show from Danny McBride, producer of Vice Principals and Eastbound & Down,  would have a major gay character?  And played by Adam Devine, who played a hetero-horny dudebro on Workaholics and fell in love with a girl in Modern Family?  

But wait a minute: if you want Kelvin to be gay, why not say so?  Say the word "gay," or have the guys kiss.  Other tv shows with gay characters do the word or the kiss in the first scene.  If you don't, the "they can't be gay!" camp is going to argue and argue to the bitter end. 

Plus, in an interview during Season 2, Adam envisions that in ten years, Kelvin will be married to a woman.  In another interview, he says that he wants to play a gay guy who doesn't go through a long, painful coming-out process, but has regular adventures with his boyfriend. It sounds very much like he perceives his character as straight. Or is he dissimulating to keep viewers guessing?

Things are going to get even crazier after the break 

Hate-watching "The Task": FBI Agent and Burglar face lost loved ones, drugs, and gang war, with a lot of nude dudes and egregious queerbaiting

I want to start the new year by hate-watching Task (2025) on HBO MAX, because:

1. It has one of those dumb one-word titles that don't tell you anything.

2. It's about a "family  man," a trope that suggests that men who have reproduced are not only a thousand times more valuable than those who haven't, they are innately virtuous.   When a "family man" commits a crime, everyone is shocked.

3. The "family man" is Tom Pelphrey, who showed his "big red dog" in A Man in Full.  It had to be a prosthetic, of course, but a red dog is a red dog.

4. The focus character is Mark Ruffalo.  I only knew him from The Normal Heart, where he plays a gay guy, and this photo, with a swishy femme expression and a guy hugging him, made me think that he was gay in real life.  Turns out that's actually a woman, his wife.  Nothing wrong with liking masculine women, but why the swish, unless you're deliberately trying to make people think that you're a gay couple?

Ready for the hate?

Scene 1: Juxtaposed scenes of Mark and Tom's day, not only scene by scene but shot by shot, so sometimes it's hard to tell who is doing what.  Both get up in an empty bed (dead partner!), are alcoholics, and live with a teenage girl, who hates them, plus one or more toddlers.  

The difference: Mark is respectably dressed, while Tom is extremely sleazy-looking.

They head to work:

Hey,  Tom has a picture of a guy hanging from his rear view mirror as he listens to a podcast about "learning to love again."  Dude is gay!

Mark goes to college job fairs to recruit for the FBI.  Do they need to recruit?  Being an FBI agent is the dream job for criminal justice majors; they must get 1,000 applications for every opening.

Tom (left) and his Buddy work as garbage collectors, and on the side they pick up bagsful of loot from a scary-looking guy sitting on the steps at various houses.  They must run a burglary operation.

They stop for lunch, and discuss moving to an island in Canada together (gay couple!), and then internet dating.  Buddy has tried it, but "people" google him, find out about his criminal past, and aren't interested.  People, not ladies. Non-gender specific terms -- dude is gay.

Tom is planning to get into it; he's lonely, and wants a  "life partner"  It's been a year since his wife left; he's ready to "find someone."  More non-gender specific terms, a standard strategy for staying in the closet.  These guys are both gay.  That must be why the wife left.  

Queerbaiting after the break