Kelvin and Keefe Under the Christmas Tree: A Kelvin/Keefe Romance

This story takes place after Righteous Gemstoens Season 1.

It was Christmas Day in South Carolina, 85 degrees, so Kelvin and Keefe were sweating in their Santa hats and scarves as they knocked on the door of Daddy Eli's mansion. Kelvin was his youngest son, the youth director at his sprawling megachurch and worldwide television ministry.  Keefe was Kelvin's best friend, an ex-Satanist whom he brought to God two years ago.  And incredibly cute, Kelvin thought.  He could hardly take his eyes off him.  It's a wonder some girl hasn't snatched him away!

 Keefe could barely see over the pile of presents in his arms: they had a big family. Daddy Eli,  his children, Jesse and Judy, who helped in his ministry (along with Kelvin); Jesse's wife and three kids; and Judy's husband.  Even with the couples getting presents together, that's still an armload.

Jesse's wife Amber, answered the door.  "My favorite brother-in law!" she exclaimed, hugging Kelvin.  "And my other favorite brother in law,"  kissing...Keefe's cheek?

"Hey!" Judy's husband BJ yelled from the parlor.

Other favorite brother in law?  "We're not...um...we're not..." Kelvin stammered, but Keefe and Amber were already heading toward the Christmas tree to deposit the presents.  

He checked the seating arrangements: two places on one of the sofas, but they would have to sit very close together.  Gulp!  Maybe someone would get up to go to the bathroom, and he could take their place.  He stopped at the pastry cart in the alcove.  He usually didn't eat sugar, but this was an emergency!

"No time for feeding your face, Brother," Jesse called.  "These presents won't unwrap themselves."

Keefe was already sitting on the white sofa, resting his arm across the back...across Kelvin's spot.  There was no choice!  He trudged across the room, slowly, like a condemned man on the way to the gallows, and squeezed in between Keefe and his nephew Gideon. He relaxed a bit, feeling the familiar hardness of Keefe's chest, his arm against his head, their legs pressed together -- no choice.  

Then Keefe used the "yawn and stretch" maneuver that you saw in movies to wrap his arm around his shoulders. "He's just trying to get comfortable -- it's a tight squeeze," Kelvin thought.  "Just bros being bros."

Time for presents.  Abraham, Jesse and Amber's youngest, was in charge of passing out.  He handed Kelvin a package marked "To Kelvin and Keefe, from Judy and BJ."  Wait -- the rule was, one gift per couple, but he and Keefe weren't a couple.  They should get separate gifts.  Cheapskates!

It was a toaster!  "Your husband can't make you breakfast in bed without a toaster," Judy said with a giggle.

Grr -- they had $26 million in trust, a monthy deposit of $20,000 into the joint checking account, three cars, and a house on the estate.  They could afford their own toaster!  Wait -- your husband?  "We're not...um...", he stuttered, but Keefe said "Thank you, Judy and BJ," and they moved on.

More presents "to both of you": matching Christmas sweaters, a framed photo of two 1950s bodybuilders (from Abraham: "he thought they looked like y'all," Amber explained).  

Keefe didn't have any money of his own, so they had no choice but to give presents together.  Did that give everyone the wrong idea?

It got even worse: his nephew Pontius gave them a Ken doll and a GI Joe on a little stand, shirtless, hugging, with their mouths pasted together so it looked like they were kissing.  "I've never seen you do it, so I figured you didn't know how," he said. 

 "We don't....we're not,..." Kelvin stuttered, but Keefe said "Thank you, Pontius.  It's beautiful.  We'll put it on display in the bedroom."  The bedroom?  They had separate bedrooms; Keefe didn't sleep in the master bedroom more than once or twice a week.  Ok, four or five times a week.  Well, he slept in the guest suite that one time.

Now it was Daddy Eli's turn.  He gave everyone trips: Hawaii for Jesse and Amber and their kids, Disney World for Judy and BJ, and for Kelvin and Keefe, a "romantic" week-long stay at a resort hotel in Myrtle Beach.  

"You boys never had a honeymoon, and I hear it's the gay capital of the South."

  

Keefe said "Thank you, Mr. Gemstone, sir," and they prepared to move on, but Kelvin couldn't take any more.  "We're not married, we're not newlyweds, we're not going on any honeymoon to any gay capital!" he yelled.  "We're best friends! That's it."

The family stared.  Keefe stared.  "Kelvin...." he began,  After a long pause, Jesse spoke: "Sorry, Dude, but what were we to think?  You haven't mentioned a girl since high school, and then Keefe moves in"

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

"Ghosts," Episode 3.10: A gay wedding, a gay performer, a vengeful Puritan, a naked Viking, and a lot of plot complications

 

In the British version of Ghosts (2019-23), the gay ghost is closeted, with a "disgraceful secret" that he never reveals to his housemates.  I heard that the American version (2021-25) was better at gay representation, so I watched Episode 3.10, "Isaac's Wedding"

The Premise: Sam (a woman) and Jay (Utkarsh Ambudkar) inherit a house filled with the ghosts of people who have died there or nearby, and for some reason can't move on to the afterlife.  Since she was dead for a few minutes after an accident, Sam can see and hear them, but Jay can't.

Nigel (John Hartman, right), a British soldier who died during the Revolutionary War, has been in a relationship with Isaac (Brandon Scott Jones, left), the Continental soldier who he killed (by accident)).  They are going to get married today, but Isaac is worried about his ongoing fantasy about Chris, the adult performer hired for his bachelor party (the humans told him that he was performing for an empty room).  

Isaac asks Sassapis (Roman Zaragosa), a Native American who died in the 16th century, about his attraction to the stripper.  Sassapis reassures him that it's just cold feet.

The DJ hired to play at the wedding arrives -- and to everyone's surprise, it's Chris (Deniz Akdeniz)!  He's gay, he hates the show Hamilton, and he has no sense of smell -- all points in his favor.  When he eats crab and has an allergic reaction, Isaac secretly wishes that he will die, so they can date -- but he survives.

Meanwhile Peter (Richie Moriarty), a 1980s scout leader who accidentally shot an arrow through his neck, has discovered that he can leave the house by poltergeisting family members, so he follows his descendants to a Caribbean vacation, and meets a female ghost from his time period.  They have a passionate affair, but then he starts to evaporate.  

Back at the house, the wedding begins, with Sassapis officiating.  As Nigel and Issac exchange vows, Peter returns from the Caribbean, finds that he is whole again, and interrupts with his shout of jubiliation.  He tells the story of his trip and the intensity of his love, and Isaac realizes that there's something missing in his relationship with Nigel.  He backs out at the last minute.  

Not noticing, lounge singer Alberta, who was poisoned during the Prohibition Era, starts singing "At Last" anyway.  Nigel runs off crying.

Later, Isaac's housemates agree with his decision.  He's 300 years old, and he's been out for only a few years, so he shouldn't rush into a relationship right away.  He needs time to grow.

More after the break

Alkaio Thiele: A Waverly Place wizard, a gay boy, Spiderman, and the Devil. With some Greek dicks and photos that tell you if he is....

The Disney Channel teencom Wizards of Waverly Place (2007-12) about a family of wizards, gave us a bear dad (David DeLuise), hunky sons Justin (David Henrie, left) and Max (Jake T. Austin), some hunky friends (Dan Benson, Gregg Sulkin), a bisexual daughter, and a huge number of gay subtexts (in spite of the heteronormative erasure in the scripts) .  

The sequel, Wizards Beyond Waverly Place (2024-26), features eldest son Justin as a middle school vice principal, charged by the Wizard Council with protecting the Chosen One, while raising his newly-wizardized sons, Roman  (Alkaio Thiele, right) and Milo (Max Matenko).

Alkaio Thiele, 15 as of this writing, plays son Roman with the standard teencom hetero-horniness, but checking his Instagram and Facebook pages, I see hints of gay potential.

1. An interest in muscular physiques.  He posts lots of photos of muscular co-stars, and at least three where he is wearing a muscle suit.

2. A drag piece where he  is playing himself and his mother at the same time.

Wait -- that's his actual mother.  I checked her Instagram and Facebook pages: masculine presentation, she/her pronouns, married to a man, two children.  Previously a nurse, now Alkaio's manager.  Kudos on your gender fluidity, Mom!  

What are they up to?  It looks like she is removing a hair net from his head.

3. This photo. No comment.

Alkaio grew up (rather, is growing up) in Castro Valley, near Hayward in the East Bay, 27 miles from the gay neighborhood of Castro Street in San Francisco.  

He is of Greek ancestry.  Alkaios, "Strength," was the son of Perseus and Andromeda, an ancestor of Hercules.

Left: a random Greek guy.

 Alkaio began his career in musical theater, playing:

The Artful Dodger in Oliver!

Peter in Peter Pan and Wendy

Sam, a preteen with a girlfriend, in Love Actually Live.

Applegate, the Devil in disguise, in Damn Yankees.

Harold Hill in The Music Man

Two gay-subtext roles.  Not bad.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.9: Who killed Thaniel? Were Eli and Junior lovers? Will Kelvin ever come out? Can we see some naked twinks?

It's the last episode, time for answers to the big questions of the season:  Who killed Thaniel?  Who is trying to kill Eli?  Will Keefe ever be admitted to that family dinner? 

Title: "I Will Tell of All Your Deeds."  Psalms 9.1, NIV: "I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."  Hopefully we'll hear about some of the Lord's deeds.

The Thaniel Answer:  A flashback: Thaniel Block (Jason Schwartzman), the snoopy reporter who was murdered in Episode 2.2, is yelling at Lyle Lissons, the megachurch pastor who wants Jesse to invest in his Christian resort!  How do those two know each other?

Ulp, Thaniel is forcing Lyle to dig up dirt on the Gemstones, but all he has provided so far is satellite church pastor Butterfield having a  three-way in the dance club restroom (See Episode 2.1)

Not good enough.  Thaniel wants Eli Gemstone, the most famous televangelist and megachurch pastor in the world.   Bringing down the Gemstones will win him a Pulitzer! 

But Lyle needs their money for his resort.  How about if he frames some of his own satellite church pastors for embezzlement? 

No, Eli Gemstone, "Or I'll do a story on your strange relationship with some of the boys at your orphanage."  Uh-oh, Lyle is a pe dophile!  

Lyle goes out to his car, where the ministers he offered to betray are waiting. One is played by Chad Mountain, linked below. 

They brought hand grenades to kill Thaniel with.  But one of the idiots pulls the pin, and is exploded!   Thaniel investigates the noise and shoots another, then runs back into his house, where he accidentally shoots himself!

Lyle and the two surviving ministers hide when a car approaches. It's the Gemstone siblings, coming to tell Thaniel to back off. So this is all happening during Episode 2.2.   They see Thaniel's corpse and the other dead guys and run away.  To avoid discovery, Lyle tells his ministers to burn down the house.  Then, worried that the siblings may have seen them, he burns them to death, too.  

 So now we know who killed Thaniel and the other men, and I'm guessing that Lyle sent the Cycle Ninjas, too.  We just need the answer to the Keefe question.

Toxic father, toxic son: Lyle and Lindsey Lissons are visiting his elderly Dad Roddy (John Amos), who is not happy to see him: "You took everything I cared about, locked me up in this....prison."  "You mean an expensive care facility?"  Whoa, Lindsey actually slaps him and threatens him. Murder and elder abuse!  

They have come to give Roddy a permanent room at the Christian resort they are building  -- with some of the money the've stolen from him.  But since he's acting so snippy, they rescind the offer

Toxic father-son relationships this season: Roy Gemstone-Eli, Glendon Marsh-Junior, Lyle Lissons-Roddy, Baby Billy Freeman-Harmon, Eli-Kelvin, Jesse-Pontius. 

Personal note: John Amos and I used to go to the same gym in West Hollywood. We never became friends, but we had a sort of nodding acquaintanceship.  I did manage to see him in the shower.

The hand-holding fist bump:  In a reprise of the first Sunday dinner in Episode 2.1, identical SUVs pull up, and the family walks in slow motion toward Jason's Steakhouse, reveling in their heteronormative nuclear family success:  first Eli, then Jesse/Amber and their kids; then BJ/Judy and their "daughter" Tiffany; and finally -- Kelvin and Keefe?  

Kelvin holds out his fist, a call-back to their “bro” fist-bump in their first scene together, but insted, Keefe cups his hand over his, then moves away.  They're walking side by side, so they couldn't fist-bump anyway; Kelvin wants to hold hands, imitating what Jesse and Amber are doing, but Keefe doesn't follow through. 

Kelvin looks defiant, daring someone to comment; Keefe looks decidedly nervous. The romantic has superseded the friendly.  No more hiding, no more dissimulation: they are “out” as romantic partners.   

The song playing in the background is Daniel Boone’s “Beautiful Sunday”: “ When you said you loved me, oh my, it’s a beautiful day.”

The hand-holding fist-bump received a huge amount of attention from fans, with statements like "True love!" and "I wish I had a love like that."  Tony Cavalero posted it on his Instagram with the caption "Hold on tight to the one you love the most for the Season finale." 

Personal note:  This is the first scene of The Righteous Gemstones that I watched.  My partner was a fan, but I was worried that it would bring up painful memories of growing up Nazarene.  That night I was crossing the living room on the way to the kitchen for a snack, and I glanced at the tv set: a gay couple walking toward Jason's Steakhouse with the rest of the conservative evangelical family!  They were completely nonchalant about it: no angst, no hiding, no homophobia!  I was instantly hooked.  

Upon arriving at the restaurant, Kelvin holds the door open for Keefe, and as he enters, slaps him on the butt, a “goose” that is commonly used to express a casual, playful sexual intent.  In the first dinner scene, Kelvin’s homoerotic desire barred Keefe from entry.  Now it pushes him in, and symbolically into the family.

Kevin Comes Out:  At the dinner, Kelvin can’t stop grinning.  His joy is infectious, a welcome relief after his near-constant physical pain and emotional turmoil through the season, but perhaps unnecessary: everyone has been so thoroughly prepared that they could hardly have a reaction other than complete nonchalance. 

Eli announces the groundbreaking party for Zion's Landing: “I think we should all attend this important event as a family.”  Kelvin turns to Keefe, but not to ask him to come, since no separate invitation is necessary: all family members are invited.  He is asking if it’s ok, giving Keefe the power to veto the idea (he might not want to spend several days with people who pretended that he didn’t exist before last week).  Keefe nods his consent: they can go.  He is no longer a kept boy, an assistant, or a good buddy: they are equal partners, both invited to the table.

The Kiddo Ranch:  At the Lissons'  Kiddo Ranch, the orphanage Thaniel mentioned,  Lyle walks through roomsful of little kids, tousing boys' hair.  Uh-oh, does he have a "special relationship" with them?

His manager, Minister Mike,  tells him that "They're back.  Some of them are pretty banged up."  

Whoa, teenage or young adult motorcyclists doing crazy stunts.  Big reveal: Lyle sent the Cycle Ninjas to kill Eli!  So the "strange relationship" was a misdirection.  He isn't a pedophile, he's training professional assassins.

  "Some of them can be pretty nasty," Minister Mike adds.  "That's what happens when nobody loves you." 

The Cycle Ninjas want the $100,000 Lyle promised them to kill Eli, but he notes that they failed, so they get nothing.  They draw guns on him, and he changes his mind, but they have to wait until after this weekend.  He has some money coming in at the Ground-breaking Party.  

A bonus cyclist dick.

Whew, the big questions have been answered. But we still need some reconciliations to finish the season (after the break).