Gemstones Episode 2.9 Continued: A Perfect Christian, the Lion King, naked twinks, and lovers in old photographs.

Previous:  Episode 2.9: Who killed Thaniel?  Will Keefe ever get a place at the table?  Can we see some Gemstone alums naked?

Keefe stands alone: Keefe sits next to Kelvin on the way to the Zion's Landing ground-breaking party.  He stands next to BJ while the siblings perform.  But afterwards, he goes off to make new friends: he tries to impress them by doing the Worm, and is upset when he fails.  

Why doesn't he interact with Kelvin, or anyone in the family?  It's as if they told him "You can come, but don't be seen with us.  We don't want people thinking that you and Kelvin are together." 

Baby Billy Returns: As Tiffany sits in a cabana, Baby Billy appears!  He tells her "I'm back for good,"  Judy isn't having it "You've got a lot of nerve coming here after what you did!" 

He ignores Judy and asks Tiffany to take him back.  She refuses to answer, saying that she has to go to the bathroom.

Keefe and the Perfect Christian: Meanwhile, Keefe and Joe Jonas, the world's most perfect Christian, head to the same porta-potty.  They are so busy gazing at the guy who just exited that they both reach for the handle at the same time, and clasp hands.  It is accidental, but still a strangely erotic moment.  

Tiffany pushes them aside and rushes into the porta-potty.  Joe Jonas and Keefe continue to flirt as she goes into labor.   Don't they, like, have to go?

Personal note: Although they were only on stage for a few minutes, I used their budding friendship for a fan fiction, "Keefe's Date with Joe Jonas."  Actually he has the date with a guy on Joe's PR team.

The Lion King: Later, a crowd has gathered around the porta-potty.  Didn't anyone fetch a doctor? 

Baby Billy rushes up and asks Keefe, Pontius, and Abraham if they've seen Tiffany.  They point. She said she was going to the bathroom, you dolt! Why did it take you so long to figure it out?

Tiffany emerges, stating that she had her baby: it fell into the toilet.Gross callback to the "toilet baby" discussion.  Baby Billy reaches down and pulls the baby out.  Then, in a scene reflecting Simba's birth in The Lion King, he holds it over his head for the crowd to see.  Everyone applauds. 

Lyle's Revenge: Eli gets a phone call: Junior has used his underworld connections to trace the origin of the weapons the Cycle Ninjas used. They were sold to some boys in a gang in Texas -- where Lyle Lissons is from!  Don't jump to conclusions, Eli -- Texas is a big state.

On the beach, Jesse, still unaware of Lyle's involvement, is handing over the investment money.  Suddenly a woman appears, yelling at Lyle about the disappearance of her husband: "He was working with you, to get information on the Butterfields!  He told me all about it!"  

Finally Jesse starts to figure it out.  He confronts Lyle, who admits to sending the Cycle Ninjas to kill Eli --  he thought he was "doing you a solid," freeing up some money so Jesse could invest.  Besides, hasn't he often wished that his father would hurry up and die?  No, of course not.  But, now, worried that he might tell, Lyle attacks. They fight, and Jesse hits and kills him with a rock from the David and Goliath slingshot he used to threaten Junior. 

He rushes to his family -- um, hang on for a moment. Check out Kelvin's ultra-femme outfit and mannerisms.  He's really come out loud and proud.  He was the macho Messiah of the Musclemen an episode ago, and now he's my Aunt Sadie. 

And why isn't Keefe there?  He's at the porta-potties, of course, but there isn't even a chair that he vacated.

Jesse announces that he's murdered someone.  The family follows him to the beach, but Lyle is alive, and Lindsey is armed!  She shoots BJ in the femoral artery, and forces the others to swim out into the ocean.  BJ will bleed out in 2-4 minutes unless he gets first aid.  He's doomed!

Lots of Reconciliations: One month later, we see Chad and his wife reconciling at Amber's marital group. I didn't even know that was a plot arc.   

Then Judy and BJ, who has miraculously recovered, say goodbye to Baby Billy, Tiffany, and baby Lionel as they head home. 

Nobody ain't inviting no kids to the steam showers:   Kelvin and Keefe  have started a Youth Squad for 12-15 year olds. "The whole time we've been searching for our calling," Kelvin says, "It's been right under our noses: these beautiful, innocent children."

He continues, evoking a Judean retreat: "We could groom these kids into the next generation of muscle men."  Keefe suddenly realizes that people could get the wrong idea, and suggests getting chaperones and permission slips.But Kelvin isn't ready to start planning yet; he's just brainstorming, thinking of the possibilities.  

I read fan responses to this scene before actually watching it: anger, disgust, and dismay: "Please don't let them be creeps.  Please don't let them be creeps.  Please don't let them be creeps."  The "They're straight buddies" camp was ecstatic, because who would give gay characters lines like that?  When I watched, I was upset by the structure: everyone else gets a heartfelt scene, and the guys get pedophile jokes. But one fan who grew up a queer kid in an Evangelical church set me straight, so to speak.  I paraphrase a bit:

This IS a touching scene!  Friggin' homophobe, thinking that because the guys are gay, they must like little boys!  

The kids are not dressed in revealing outfits, and at least one of them is a girl!  Kelvin and Keefe  do not say one single thing that suggest an erotic interest in the "little angels."  Keefe notes that a particularly muscular boy is popular with other boys, and Kelvin fiddles with his "wedding ring," to let you know that he and Keefe are partners. 

The Youth Squad is a perfectly legitimate way for them to combine their interests in youth ministry and physical fitness.  Note that the kids are not training for bodybuilding, which is not permitted for anyone under age 15.  They are doing strength training exercises, which are recommended for children aged seven and up.   

Plus it makes structural sense.  The heterosexist trajectory includes job, house, wife, and kids.  Baby Billy does not become a man until he holds his infant son.  BJ and Judy have no children of their own, so they adopt Tiffany. Nurturing children is the final step in Kelvin's movement into manhood.

Lovers after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.9: Who killed Thaniel? Will Keefe ever get a place at the table? Can we see some Gemstone alums naked?

Previous:  Episode 2.8, Continued: Macaulay Culkin grows up, the Cycle Ninjas break out, and Jussie Smollet shows his stuff

It's the last episode, time for answers to the big questions of the season:  Who killed Thaniel?  Who is trying to kill Eli?  Will Keefe ever be admitted to that family dinner? 

Title: "I Will Tell of All Your Deeds."  Psalms 9.1, NIV: "I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."  Hopefully we'll hear about some of the Lord's deeds.

The Thaniel Answer:  A flashback: Thaniel Block (Jason Schwartzman), the snoopy reporter who was murdered in Episode 2.2, is yelling at Lyle Lissons, the megachurch pastor who wants Jesse to invest in his Christian resort!  How do those two know each other?

Ulp, Thaniel is forcing Lyle to dig up dirt on the Gemstones, but all he has provided so far is satellite church pastor Butterfield having a  three-way in the dance club restroom (See Episode 2.1)

Not good enough.  Thaniel wants Eli Gemstone, the most famous televangelist and megachurch pastor in the world.   Bringing down the Gemstones will win him a Pulitzer! 

But Lyle needs their money for his resort.  How about if he frames some of his own satellite church pastors for embezzlement? 

No, Eli Gemstone, "Or I'll do a story on your strange relationship with some of the boys at your orphanage."  Uh-oh, Lyle is a pedophile!  

Lyle goes out to his car, where the ministers he offered to betray are waiting. One is played by Chad Mountain, linked below. 

They brought hand grenades to kill Thaniel with.  But one of the idiots pulls the pin, and is exploded!   Thaniel investigates the noise and shoots another, then runs back into his house, where he accidentally shoots himself!

  

Lyle and the two surviving ministers hide when a car approaches. It's the Gemstone siblings, coming to tell Thaniel to back off. So this is all happening during Episode 2.2.   They see Thaniel's corpse and the other dead guys and run away.  To avoid discovery, Lyle tells his ministers to burn down the house.  Then, worried that the siblings may have seen them, he burns them to death, too.   OMG, this guy makes Eli breaking thumbs look like a church ladies' tea.  I'd call him a psycho, but I don't want to insult Freddy Krueger.

 So now we know who killed Thaniel and the other men, and I'm guessing that Lyle sent the Cycle Ninjas, too.  We just need the answer to the Keefe question.

Gideon jumps out a window:  Cut to Gideon running through an office, chased by the police.  He jumps through a window and falls three stories.  He's dead!

Psych!  It was a stunt job!  Everyone loves it, including his visiting parents, who conclude that maybe doing stunt work in California isn't so bad after all.  Don't worry, he'll be back with the Gemstones soon.

Toxic father, toxic son: Then back to the Psycho: Lyle and Lindsey Lissons are visiting his elderly Dad Roddy (John Amos), who is not happy to see him: "You took everything I cared about, locked me up in this....prison."  "You mean an expensive care facility?"  Whoa, Lindsey actually slaps him and threatens him. Murder and elder abuse!  

They have come to give Roddy a permanent room at the Christian resort they are building  -- with some of the money the've stolen from him.  But since he's acting so snippy, they rescind the offer

Toxic father-son relationships this season: Roy Gemstone-Eli, Glendon Marsh-Junior, Lyle Lissons-Roddy, Baby Billy Freeman-Harmon, Eli-Kelvin, Jesse-Pontius. 

Personal note: John Amos and I used to go to the same gym in West Hollywood. We never became friends, but we had a sort of nodding acquaintanceship.  I did manage to see him in the shower.

More answers after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.1 Continued: Keefe's kiss, Kelvin's boner, and a thug with broken thumbs. With Jonah Hauer-King and a "proper erection" bonus

Previous: Episode 2.1: Junior likes dicks, Kelvin likes pecs, and f*k yeah, we got both!

In the last scene, Keefe is excluded from Sunday dinner with the family.  Now we see what he missed:

Judy and BJ accused of betraying the family because they got married at Disney World (by Prince Eric, the "hottest guy in the Disney catalog").

There's also a jab at Kelvin's muscle obsession. But it’s not just homoerotic desire.  Heterosexual desire is also incompatible with the family: when Jesse disses Judy for not having kids, she argues that she's trying to keep her body "foine" to incite BJ's desire.  Nope, they need to make babies. Well, how are they going to make babies if BJ isn't into Judy? Desire and family can't be polar opposites.

Left and below: Jonah Hauer-King, who played Prince Eric in the Litle Mermaid movie.

More Disruptions: We cut to Eli playing croquet, gazing at girl butts, and flirting with a lady.  Suddenly Junior, his friend from his wrestling days, appears amid sinister music!   Eli ignores him and drives away.  A homoerotic disruption of Eli's heterosexual dalliance, parallel to the God Squad disrupting the nuclear family procession earlier. 

Next, the Jesse-Amber plot, a new Christian-themed resort, Zion's Landing, proposed by their megachurch pastor chums, Lyle and Lindy Lissons.  Jesse doesn't have any money of his own, so he'll have to convince Eli to invest.  He's got a job at the church; he should get a salary.  Daddy Eli is super over-controlling, like his daddy was, and like Kelvin will be with his homoerotic Band of Brothers.

My Mans:  The family flies to Florida to inspect the site of the Lyssons' proposed resort.   When they return, Keefe and the God Squad meet them at their private airfield.  The family is shocked: didn't they know about the God Squad? 

"Uh-oh, my mans!" Kelvin exclaims, rushing forward to tell Keefe "You are looking great!"  In Southern Coastal grammar, "mans" is singular, "mens" plural.  He means Keefe.

Keefe tries to move in for a kiss, but Kelvin blocks him with an awkward hug.  He tries again, and Kelvin blocks him again. Finally he makes a blatant "enough!" gesture and backs off.  Judy finds this little dance hilarious.   It reflects the couple's conflict this season: Keefe wants to join the family as Kelvin's partner, the equivalent of BJ, sitting at the dinner table being criticized, while Kelvin isn't sure that same-sex romance is even possible.  His muscle cult is about desire: no love allowed. 

We cut to Eli in his office, watching a tv news show: Thaniel Block being interviewed about the "salacious scandal" story that took down Pastor Butterfield.  How famous was this guy?  I thought he was just the anonymous pastor of a satellite church.  They preach "sex only between married heterosexual partners, or you're going to hell," but privately they do everything under the sun.  Who will he target next?   Maybe Kelvin-- "Secretly gay youth minister holds wild sex orgies with his stable of muscle boys."  Ulp.   

Damn, we got old: Later, Eli is standing at the docks, worrying, when Junior approaches him and grabs him from behind, another homoerotic intrusion into his heteronormative life.  Junior complains that Eli forgot that he existed. 

Then: "We got old.  I look like a piece of shit, but damn!  You look sturdy!  Still got that mass going on!"  He grabs Eli's butt to check. Sort of presumptuous, dude, thinking that your ex will still be into you after fifty years. 

Eli thinks that Junior plans to blackmail him over revealing their days as loan enforcers (and lovers?), but he claims that he's just there for nostalgia, looking up an old friend.  "Why you all nervous, Eli?  Why are you bein' all weird?"  In this series, "weird" usually refers to sexual frustration.

Junior tries to hug him again, but Eli pushes him away.  On a scale of 1 to 100, how certain are you that these guys spent the psychedelic 1970s enjoying free love?  

As Eli walks away, Junior guilts him into a dinner invitation.

Sticky Stephens:  Nuclear families are  eating at Sticky Stephens, a parody of the Sticky Fingers Restaurant in Charleston that closed down in 2020.  Both sound dirty. The 1972 Rolling Stones album of that name  depicted a pair of jeans with an enormous bulge, leaving no question about why the fingers are sticky.

Junior points out a kissing couple: "Damn, look at that piece of tail he's with!" Ok, so he's bi.  Everybody watches as the man, Randall (Rene Rivera), lifts his girl onto the counter so they can have sex right in the restaurant!  Why doesn't someone on staff intervene? Eli yells at him to "tone down romance," and Randall yells "Suck my dick, Grandpa." But the couple leaves.

Over dinner, Junior reveals that he's now a wrestling promoter: "I got a stable full of fellas I keep working."  Tell me more, tell me more.  What do they do besides wrestling? Stripping?  Sex work?

"I wonder what my Daddy would think about you and me being reunited," Junior says.  Eli answers: "He put us together, so he would think he did a pretty good job."  Except they were separated for a lifetime.  That's not a great job of matchmaking.

Junior says that his Daddy just disappeared one day, setting up a major mystery of the Season: Did Eli murder Glendon Marsh?

Proper erections after the break.  Warning: explicit