"Final Destination: Blood Legacy": Death has a wacky sense of humor. With Travis Turner, the gay guy from "Chucky," and a n*de security guard


Final Destination
is a movie franchise about people who escape death, so Death tracks them down and offs them in complex, gruesome ways that would make Rube Goldberg proud.  Final Destination: Bloodlines (2025), on HBO MAX, gets a score of 93% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, and reviews of "a scary streaming hit with a surprising amount of heart."  I'm looking for beefcake and gay characters, of course.






Scene 1:
A blindfolded girl is apparently going to her Sweet Sixteen party with her father.  She asks for a hint, but he will only say "You'll love it!"  They end up at a fancy building, the Sky Tower, with a weird fountain outside.  She is thrilled: "I didn't even know it was open yet!"

"I pulled some favors, and got us on the list for opening night."  How are people in movies always pulling in favors.  Who are they granting this big favors for?

Transistor radio playing Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" (1963).  This is the mid-1960s.


First misdirection: "Dad" is made up to look much older than "Daughter," but actually they are only eight years apart: Paul (Max Lloyd Jones, age 34) and his girlfriend Iris (Brec Bassinger, age 26) 

The Evil Penny-Dropping Kid (Noah Bromley, who deserves an Oscar for his smouldering malice) is nabbed for fishing coins out of the fountain, then pushes ahead of them to get on the elevator.  It is overcrowded, but the Elevator Operator (Travis Turner) says that there's plenty of room.   Don't believe it.  I saw that Twilight Zone episode.

Uneasy, Iris agrees to squeeze in with Paul. 

The dang floor is glass!  Penny Dropping Kid starts jumping up and down to scare her more.


And they make it to the Skyview Restaurant. Unfortunately, their reservation has been cancelled, so they sit at the bar, while we see the various set-ups for the deaths and destruction: people dancing on the glass floor, a pricked finger, a chef doing a flambé, a woman singing "I came tumbling down," and so on.  Back story: Iris is pregnant, but hasn't told her boyfriend yet.

They walk up the stairs to the observation deck, where Paul decides to pop the question.  But then the Penny-Dropping Kid drops the penny, starting a chain reaction that reveals the structural faults and will send the whole tower tumbling down.

Down on the main floor, as the singer sings "Shout!", they all jump up and down on the glass floor.  It caves in, and people fall to the ground.  Lol, the parking valets are playing "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on my Head"!.  Then the whole place catches on fire and explodes. The Elevator Operator tries to guide everyone down the stairs, but they crumble.  He guides them onto the elevator, but it splats.  The tower topples.  Iris and a little boy are hanging on..,they fall and die!

Scene 2: Psych!  It was just a dream.  In the modern era, Stef awakes screaming during her university math lecture (in a giant lecture hall, like even the most advanced classes in movies).  The Professor yells at her.

Later, in the dorm room, Stef has the same dream, and wakes up screaming. Her roommate yells at her for having the same dream every night and waking her up. The woman in her dream is named Iris -- her grandmother's name!  She's dreaming about her grandma, who she never met.  No wonder, she died before she could give birth to Stef's mother.


Scene 3
: Stef is determined to track down her Grandma Iris and find out what the dream means. Back home, she greets her dad (Tipo Lee),  who is happy to see her, and sibling Charlie, who is not.  Dead end: Dad threw out all of Grandma's stuff after Mom abandoned them. 

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 4.8: BJ's hookups, Corey's birthday blade, and Tyler's tree trunk

 



Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.7, Continued: Teenjus meets the Devil.  So does Kelvin. With a gay Christian, Jordanian junk, and Dustin's d*ck

 Title: "On Your Belly You Shall Go." Genesis 3.14, KJV: The Serpent tempted Adam and Eve to eat the forbidden fruit, leading to their knowledge of good and evil, so God curses it: "On your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life."  I imagine that we'll just see someone getting eaten by a snake.  Or a gator.







A Homosexual in Our Midst
: Fox News broadcasts "Vance Simkins Loses Control at Award Ceremony."  He yells "They let a homosexual in our midst!" and starts punching and hitting people before being dragged off stage. 

Jesse, watching on tv, tells Amber "I fucking love this."  Amber agrees: "He is a very negative man."   They argue about what role Jesse had in Kelvin's victory, but end up agreeing that he was important "behind the scenes."

BJ's Hookups:  Judy wheeling BJ and the Monkey through the park, complaining that they used to do picnics and hookups.  Now they can't do that.  So BJ and Judy used to go on Grindr and invite guys over?  Tell me more.

BJ wants to show her something: He can get out of the wheelchair and walk a few steps before falling.  Then a few more steps.  "I am healed!" he yells.  The Monkey is not happy.

Cut to Eli is sitting in the dark, looking at photos of him with Lori.  He decides to cut his hair.  Thank God -- he looked horrible with that long, stringy do.


The Monkey Smokes: 
Family dinner at Jason's, around a round table, with the newly cleaned-up Eli, and the Monkey bringing dinner rolls to BJ.   Everyone praises Eli for cutting his hair; Jesse quips that he looked like "one of those Shakespearean witches."  So we've moved from Hamlet to Macbeth.

They wonder why BJ hasn't returned the Monkey, since he's cured.  He wants to keep it.

Pontius and Gideon, now friends, want to see the Monkey smoke, so Baby Billy pulls out a cigarette.  Like Kelvin, Gideon has decided to be "true to himself" and not be straitjacketed by societal expectations about Christian youth.  

The Monkey smokes!  Kelvin and Keefe want to get one: it would be a great addition to Game Night.  So they have a Game Night?  Who do they invite, gay couples?

Uh-oh, the Monkey starts to masturbate.  

The Monkey Turns Murderous: Judy is taking a bath when the Monkey comes in and grabs a plugged-in hair drier.  Hey, that will electrocute her!    He comes closer and closer, while Judy pleads: "Please don't murder me."  BJ rings the bell, and he rushes out.

She goes downstairs, where BJ is reading a romance novel, Sunkissed and Sentimental (not real) , and watching Chowder (2007-2010), a cartoon about an apprentice chef in a world where everyone is named after food (Kimchi, Mung Daal, Truffles, Gazpacho).  I'm not sure about the significance.

BJ refuses to believe that the Monkey is murderous, so she spins it, saying that they should give him to someone who needs his help.


Losing a Pet: 
Happy Helping Hands arrives, with Amber and Brody, to take the Monkey away. Crying, BJ notes that the Monkey has attachment issues ever since he lost his mother at a young age.   "He was beautiful, and he believed in me."  I fast forwarded through the scene. F*k the Sadness.

Left: Brody is played by Chris Rubiez. a "dad/husband" from Roanoke, Virginia, "half Lebanese and half country boy." No beefcake photos online, so I'll f*k the Sadness with a bear with a similar face and physique.

Ok, we've had the Sad Scene.  Now let's try for some Comedy.




Turn My Water into Wine:
 The Nanny grills a giant sausage at the beach while Tiffany and her kids sit at a picnic table. Baby Billy was supposed to be here an hour ago!  

Cut to Baby Billy snorting cocaine, and then playing Teenjus, who has just turned water into wine.  Johnny B (Pilot Bunch) proclaims that this will make him the hit of the village party, and he won't be bullied for having a virgin mother. 

Cut!  No Virgin Mom in the script!  No ad-libbing.  "Say exactly what I f*king wrote!"  I wouldn't be surprised if Johnny B walks.

Baby Billy stomps back to the Director's Tent to snort some more cocaine.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Skyler's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 1: Birthdays, biceps, and a Viking Satyr. Plus Asa Butterfield's junk


This is a collection of cute/cool or hot/humorous photos of  Skyler Gisondo, star of The Santa Clarita Diet and The Righteous Gemstones, and Jimmy Olsen in Superman.   

1. 24th birthday, with cat, odd presents, and a bare chest.



2. "Ok, I switched to a muscle shirt.  Now can we kiss?"


3. Is an infinite number of Skylers enough?












4. Skyler starred in The Santa Clarita Diet as the boyfriend of the daughter of the zombified Sheila Hammond.  Thomas Novak played their high school principal.



5.Skyler dressed as a Viking Satyr for a competition in Wet Hot American Summer.   If you don't like eating hot peppers, I have another suggestion.














6. A more realistic Viking-Satyr costume for you to consider
















More genuine Gisondo after the break. Warning: explicit.