Jordan Calloway: "Unfabulous" hunk, "Riverdale" jerk, supervillain, firefighter, fundamentalist. With a j/o video

In another instance of seeing the nude photos and then researching the actor, I found the j/o video of someone named Jordan Calloway, then googled his name and "gay."  There were references to his "gay kiss" and "captivating gay scenes."

Next, his Wikipedia article, where I saw that he was on Riverdale, the campy, over-the-top adaption of the venerable Archie comic books.  He played Clay Walker, Kevin Keller's boyfriend during the last season, when the gang was zapped into the 1950s.

By the way, Kevin also dated Joaquin DeSanto (Rob Raco), Moose Mason (Cody Kearsley), and Fangs Fogarty (Drew Ray Tanner, left)

Wait -- Jordan graduated from the fundamentalist Maranatha High School in 2009 and the extremely homophobic Azusa Pacific University in 2013.  How is he playing a gay character a few years later? 

Jordan's first major role was in Unfabulous (2004-07), a Nickelodeon teencom featuring a middle school girl (Emma Roberts) who has a crush on, dates, breaks up with, and reunites with a boy named Jake (Raja Fenske).  Wait -- are all of the boyfriends of teencom girls named Jake?  

Her two friends, girly girl Geena and jock Zach (Jordan), eventually fall in love with each other, so everything is tied up in a neat little heteronormative package.

Next Jordan had guest roles on Reckless, Recovery Road, House of Lies, Beyond, and Pure Genius.

Nine episodes of Freakish (2017), as Zane, who was working at the Keller Chemical Plant the day a toxic fog started killing everyone -- which happened to be the same day that he dumped his girlfriend for cheating on him.  A straight guy.

Six episodes of Riverdale (2017-18).  Except I read the Wikipedia entry wrong! Jordan didn't play Kevin Keller's boyfriend Clay, he played Chuck Clayton.  Clay-Clayton, an honest mistake.

Chuck is a horndog who lies about making it with Veronica on their date, so she and Betty trap him in a boiling hot tub and torture him into making a confession.  A straight guy.

So which of his roles featured a "gay kiss" and "captivating gay scenes"?

An article promises a "gay love story" in Drumline: A New Beat (2014): An upper-class Brooklyn girl defies her rich parents to attend college in Georgia and revitalize the "drumline."  She falls in love with her "he's arrogant!" rival, Jordan!  Straight.

The gay guys are played by Rome Flynn (who plays a straight guy in With Love) and Quentin Flair (who plays a straight guy in Welcome to Chippendales).

Left: Quentin.

More after the break

Gemstones Season 4 Memes: Kelvin is kissing, Jesse is packing, and Pontius is coming out. With random n*de dudes and the Wicked Witch of the West

  

This is a series of memes -- jokes -- from The Righteous Gemstones Season 4.  Most don't don't require you to have any background knowledge of the show.  There are also a few random n*de dudes.

1. Random n*de dude

2. Isn't the wiener-licking monster implied?

Keefe" I don't have time for the Kissy Monster right now."

Kelvin: "How about the Wiener-Licking Monster"?

3. Listing the heterosexuals would be faster

Vance: "How many homosexuals in your family?"

Jesse: "If you mean gay men, just two.  If you mean bi/pan guys, there's Daddy, Uncle Baby Billy, Keefe, Pontius, and...why are you in that position?"

4. Don't forget jumping out of buildings.

My name is Gideon Gemstone.

My first boyfriend was the Devil.

I took out the Cycle Ninjas.

I smashed the Brotherhood of Tomorrow's Fires.

I'm a skateboard phenom.

But the greatest challenge I'll ever face is preaching the Sunday sermon.

5. Jesse knows what he likes.

Corey: "Are you as turned on as I am?"

Don't worry, Gaven Wilde, Sean Ryan Fox, and their characters are all over 18

6. Corey cock.  

More memes after the break

"The Treasure of Foggy Mountain": Enough beefcake and queer codes? With dicks and a random Adam Devine butt

 

Please Don't Destroy is a sketch comedy group consisting of  Ben Marshall (left), Martin Herlihy (right), and John Higgins (below), who have graduated from the short films of your dad's generation to TikTok videos.  They were hired to write for Saturday Night Live in 2021, and their first movie just dropped on Peacock: The Treasure of Foggy Mountain.  

It's recommended by Adam Devine, but I'd have to subscribe to Peacock to see it, so I've been checking trailers, synopses, and reviews for gay characters, gay subtexts, and beefcake.

The plot: Like Adam, Anders, and Blake of Workaholics, the three play "themselves" as clueless dudebros who live together, work together, and haven't quite made it to adulthood --  which in movies usually means hetero-romance.  Only Martin has a girlfriend.  

Ben wants to impress his Dad by being a business success, and John is content to play video games and drink beer.  They decide to go on one last adventure, searching for a lost treasure, a bust of Marie Antoinette worth several million dollars. 

On the way, they run afoul of a homicidal hawk (who becomes an ally), greedy park rangers, a gang, a cult, fireworks, fist-fights, and danger.  

Heterosexism:  Martin already has a girlfriend, and John falls in love with one of the cult girls.  As far as I can tell, Ben stays unattached.  

Gay Characters/Subtext: None that I could tell from the plot synopsis or reviews, but Bowen Yang, who plays the head cultist, is gay in real life and plays a lot of gay roles.  

There also might be a queer code in this scene of a communal bath: Martin and Ben are being soaped up by men, and John by a woman.  Or it could be a homophobic joke; it's hard to tell.

Beefcake: The guys are shirtless at least twice. Also, when they are learning to glide off mountaintops, with the help of their hawk buddy, John's suit busts open, and we see his penis swinging around.  

Penises after the break

Ten Hawkeye hunks: Mason City muscles, Bettendorf bulges, and Davenport dicks

 

From 3rd grade through college, I lived in Rock Island, Illinois, across the Mississippi from Davenport, Iowa.  It was the big city, where we went for culture: museums, art galleries, bookstores.

And shirtless athletes from St. Ambrose College.

Bettendorf, to the east of Davenport, was the wealthy suburb, where the property values were double those of Rock Island and the high school offered Russian and Mandarin in addition to plain old Spanish and French.  We hated the Betten-dorks. 

At least the athletes had a state-of-the-art weight room.

Decorah, in the northeast corner of the state, is known for Vikings and Lutherans.  I had my first real sexual experience at a music camp at Luther College.

Luther has a state-of-the-art gym, too.

The Vikings in a team-building exercise

Mason City is known for gay artist Grant Wood, who painted that American Gothic thing that everyone in Iowa hates, and for the Spirit of Mercury, a muscular art deco lighting fixture.  You can buy souvenir versions.

More Hawkeye Hunks after the break. Warning: explicit