I'm going to review
Jexi (2019) in spite of its 19% score on Rotten Tomatoes and awful reviews. Adam Devine's movies often emphasize gay subtexts and minimize heterosexual hijinks (does he ever actually kiss a girl?), and besides, he's fun to watch in almost anything.
Scene 1: The boy Phil is having dinner with his parents, bored by their adult heterosexual conversation, so they give him a phone. Not a smart phone, but still, he is mesmerized.
Cut to a few years later: parents still ignoring Phil, who escapes through the cell phone.
Cut to the adult Phil (Adam Devine) sleeping alone in a double bed (aww, he's lonely). He picks up his cell phone and continues looking at it while brushing his teeth, pooping, showering, and walking through San Francisco. Gay Mecca? Bound to be some gay characters. But he's not alone: he's in a sea of humanity, all of them staring at their cell phones. No human interaction at all. Gee, the message of this movie is so subtle, it's hard for me to figure out. Are they pro or anti cell phone?
Scene 2: He works at Chatterbox, some sort of web service, making lists. The Boss (Michael Peña) upbraids the staff for not creating lists "that break the internet." So: "Beautiful Asian girl, what you got?"
Sexist jerk. "Ten reasons that cupcakes are over."
"Prison lips?" "Cats that look like Ryan Gosling." Why is Phil "prison lips"? What are prison lips?
Answer: lips that look like you'd be good at sucking cock. Great, now the image of Adam doing that will be in my head all day.
Phil tells his back story to coworker Craig: Journalism degree from UC Davis, wanted to be a serious journalist, stuck writing clickbait lists. So, I wanted to teach seminars in gay history at an Ivy League college, not grade 500 intro papers where the students think that 1956 was in the 19th century.
Craig and an androgynous coworker who may be gay invite Phil to play kickball tonight, but he refuses: Sorry, I can't make it. I got a thing." I don't get it. Why doesn't he want to make friends?
Scene 3: Phil at home, telling Siri to order him Chinese food and turn on Netflix. Then he posts a picture of the San Francisco skyline on Facebook and goes to bed, being sad and lonely. You're in the gay capital of the world. Go to a gay bar, or a sex club, or a meeting of the gay kickball league. There might be ladies out there, too, if you're into that.
Scene 4: Next day in the cell phone-infused world. Whoops, Phil bumps into a woman, knocking her over and dropping his cell phone. He panics: "Oh God, are you ok?" But he's talking to his cell phone, har har! Dude, you could have had a meet-cute!
She is angry at first, but then notices his hotness and starts to flirt. Her name is Cate, and she owns a bike shop. It took 8 minutes for Phil to be established as probably heterosexual. That's a record. As they continue their embarrasingly awkward flirtation, a biker crashes into Phil, destroying his cell phone!
Scene 5: Wanda Sykes, the cell phone lady, says that they can't repair Phil's phone. She complains that hipsters are constantly coming in, crying over their broken cell phones like crackheads. "I'm not a crackhead!" Phil exclaims. "No, you're worse. Crackheads get off the couch every now and then."
Cut to Phil unpacking his new phone. His AT assistant, Jexi, downloads his info from the cloud. Then he asks her to order him Chinese food, but she orders a "child-sized kale salad." "See, the user agreement gave me permission to override your commands." Uh-oh.
Scene 6: Jexi changes Phil's usual alarm to "Wake up, Bitch!" She laughs at his dick in the shower (no beefcake). He's driving to work today instead of taking a cable car like before, and she disapproves of his choice of easy-listening car music -- "This song sucks a bag of dicks!"
Hey, Jexi is homophobic! She changes it to a rap song about a playa having sex with a ho.
Then she wants him to turn left onto the 6-lane bumper-to-bumper Market Street -- I've had the GPS tell me to do things like that, too -- and when he refuses, calls him a "fucking pussy" and tells him to "strap on a sack" (get balls?).
Left: Kenny Lorenzetti, who plays a security guard at the Fillmore during the Kid Cudi concert scene. Not much beefcake in this movie except for Adam's butt and penis.
Scene 7: The Boss lecturing on the pillars of internet click-bait lists: cute animals, pizza, and the British royal family. The androgynous coworker may be wearing a rainbow-flag t-shirt. While Phil sits bored, Jexi chimes in with another appointment. He doesn't have one: she just wanted to get him out of "this dumb fucking meeting. Also, this powerpoint presentation sucks, and your boss is a moron." She won't turn off, so Phil has to run out of the meeting.
He asks Jexi to run a diagnostic: "200,000 defects." But when Phil tries to exchange her for a new phone, she claims "0 defects. Also it's time for your butt waxing appointment." He wants a new phone anyway. Jexi threatens him: "Snitches get stitches."
Scene 8: Phil unwraps his new phone. But the new Jexi is as abrasive and controlling as the old one: She explains that, as software, she is in the cloud, and can download herself into any phone. Plus she controls all of his accounts: "If you try to get rid of me or stop using me, I will destroy your fucking life!" She intends to make his life better, whether he wants it or not.
Shouldn't there be thousands of people having similar problems?More after the break
