Kelvin sat in his bathrobe, with Jesse on one side and Judy on the other. Usually his siblings insulted and criticized him, but not today. At least, not very much.
"You can't sit here feeling sorry for yourself for the rest of your life," Jesse told him. "You have obligations to the church. We need you."
"I can't go back to leading the youth ministry," Kelvin said softly. "It will remind me of Keefe."
"It isn't just being reminded, Dummy," Judy said. "Once you get admitted to this family, you don't get un-admitted. Keefe will still be around. You'll see him at church, at Sunday dinner, everywhere, so get used to it."
Kelvin hadn't thought of that. "How could I ever see him without crying?"
"Just man up and deal with it," Jesse told him. "You're not the first guy to get dumped by his boyfriend."
"He wasn't my boyfriend," Kelvin protested. "He was my...he was my life. He was my world."
Judy scoffed. "Well, maybe what you need is a good old-fashioned boyfriend. Not the beginnig and end of your world, just someone to go out and have fun with. You know, dating. If it turns into true love, fine; if not, at least you got your dick sucked."
"Judy!"
"I'm not an expert on what gay guys like," Jesse said, "But if you want an outside opinion, I think you've got it all. You're handsome, you're muscular, you have a gay wardrobe, and you're famous. I'll bet half the gay boys in the country used to jerk off to your Kelvin's Chastity Club posters."
"I always wondered about that," Judy said. "You and Zac Efron in swimsuits, holding hands. How does that promote chastity?"
"There were no girls in the poster. Just two guys having fun...um...together." Kelvin caught himself. Were those posters homoerotic? How would he know? At age 15, he didn't even know what "gay" meant. "Anyway, I didn't design it. Blame the church's pr department."
"Send in $5, and get an autographed picture of Kelvin with a bulge in his jeans," Judy continued. "$10 if you want him to whip it out."
"I did not have a bulge," Kelvin protested. "Well, just my natural body contours. I can't help my size." He found himself smiling for the first time in days. It felt good to be the subject of his siblings' teasing. Maybe his life wasn't over. Maybe he had a future after all.
Maybe he should go out on a date.
But who to ask? He couldn't just walk into a gay bar -- the tabloids would love it! Someone from the church? Was there a dating app for gay Christians? Wait -- Percy, the designer who worked on the executive board room. He seemed nice, and he was kind of cute. Not obviously buffed, but he probably worked out -- all gay guys did.
He was soft-spoken, maybe a little femme, but was he actually gay? The name Percy, an interior designer -- weren't those stereotypes? Kelvin didn't remember seeing a wedding ring.
One way to find out: he put on his most bulging, muscle-displaying outfit and drove out to the design studio in Charleston. Percy was at his desk, talking to two clients. Kelvin waved, and he waved back.
A good sign, right?
Kelvin sat on one of the design couches and played with his cell phone to calm his nerves. Gay dating apps -- what was Grindr about?
"Hey, Kelvin." Percy sat down beside him, almost but not quite seeing his Gridr profile, and put a hand on his shoulder. His hand on my shoulder, Kelvin thought. That's a gay thing, right? "How's your board room working out."
"Oh, it's great. We love the frescos with Jesse as a Christian warrior and me holding a little child."
"I was going for a Father, Son, and Holy Ghost motif."
Percy was looking directly into his eyes! His heart was pounding. "So..."
"So...." Percy repeated, an eyebrow raised.
"So I was wondering....um...if you are free Friday night, would you like to come over to the house for dinner?"
Percy looked surprised. "You mean, with the family?"
"No...um...just me. Just me and you, I mean."
"Oh...oh. Sure, I'd be happy to."
"Great!"
They stared at each other. The little bell on the door rang: another client! But Kelvin still couldn't speak.
Percy giggled and touched his hand. "Here's where you tell me what time to come, Kelvin."
"Oh...oh, right. Come at 8:00." 8:00 seemed a little late for dinner, but when people went out on dates in movies, they always said "I'll pick you up at 8:00."
"Ok. Gotta run. Can't wait until Friday!" He squeezed Kelvin's hand and rushed off to greet his clients.
Gulp. Kelvin spend the next three days watching every romcom in BJ's collection, and taking notes. Darn, he and Percy never had a meet-cute. But the first date was standardized. It always involved three steps.
More after the break
