Gemstones Episode 4.6, continued: Cobb smashes, Corey lies, and Kelvin is traumatized for life. With Mongolian men and Jace's junk

 

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.6: Kelvin cruises teen idols, Jesse hangs dong, and Cobb gets his cobb bit off. With Ricky Martin and the Italian Stallion

Gator Farm: Close-up of alligaators and scary snakes, then the gift shop (Cobb sells "gemstone necklaces," har har).  

Corey (Sean Ryan Fox, in bed with his Henry Danger co-star Jace Norman) is helping close up for the evening.  Daddy Cobb asks if he wants to stay for dinner -- he could cook some hot dogs --  but Corey has to go to the mansion and hang out with the Gemstone kids while the parents are out.

"That rich bitch Aimee-Leigh done poisoned your mama's brain!" Cobb sneers.

"It's ok -- I won't even be with her, just with the kids."  He begs his Sad Dad to not force him to choose between his parents.

Cut to the Eli, Aimee-Leigh, and Lori getting ready to leave, while the kids are playing Monopoly. Presumably they've already had dinner.  Jesse is in charge.  "Just promise that you won't burn the house down."

Wait -- Corey is 26 or 27 years old, well into adulthood.  Shouldn't he be in charge?

Time Moves Slowly: The adults at dinner at Oakwood.  Aimee-Leigh suggests that they sing some of their songs in front of an audience, to see their reaction.  Shouldn't you do this before recording?   

She pulls a surprised Lori onto the stage for "Time moves so slowly." Lori and Aimee-Leigh definitely have a lesbian butch-femme couple look here. Lesbian subtext?

Later, while Lori is talking to the band, Eli tells Aimee-Leigh that he visited  Cobb: the marriage is unsalvageable.  They discuss how solid their own marriage is.

Hold My Hand: At home, the kids are singing karaoke.  Kelvin's turn: "Kryptonite," by 3 Doors Down (2000). Corey hugs him for:

If I go crazy, then will you still call me Superman?

If I'm alive and well, will you be there and holding my hand?

Check out Corey's risque tv shirt ("I'm naked under here!") and crotch-enhancing belt buckle.  He is presenting himself as a sexual being, with erotic interests that are not addressed elsewhere in the season (even as an adult, Corey displays little or no interest in his wife).

They decide to go out for tacos and chalupas, but Kelvin stays behind.  "You all bore me! I need to take a bubble bath and read for a bit." He's going to get busy with Judy's teen idol magazines.  But isn't he too young to be left home alone?

Meanwhile, Cobb is drinking and feeding his gators.

The Bible Thief: Cut to Corey, Jesse, and Judy at a Mexican restaurant.  Cobb calls to see if his son is still at the mansion.   "No, we all left to get Mexican food."  When they're done, could he drive to Norton Bridge?  His truck broke down.

Cobb is actually at the back gate of the Gemstones compound.  He puts on a ski mask, climbs over the gate, and tromps through a thunderstorm.  He breaks through a window to enter the house.  Kelvin, in Judy's room tearing pictures of hot guys from Tiger Beat, hears the noise, thinks that the kids have returned, and runs downstairs.

The Mongolian throat singing in the background is "Wolf Totem," by the metal/folk group The Hu. The lyrics in English translation are heard during the closing credits:

If lions come, we will fight until the end

If you come as snakes, we'll become Garuda birds

If you come as tigers, we'll face you as lions with blue manes

Cobb pees into a booze bottle, steals the Golden Bible and other stuff, and goes through the house, smashing everything he can find.  Kelvin watches from the kitchen, then runs to hide in his bedroom.  But Cobb smashes the stuff there, too and, hearing a noise, raises the bed.  Kelvin screams.  Cobb runs out.

Cut to Corey and company at Norton Bridge, waiting to help Cobb with his "stalled truck," wondering why he's not around. 

The adults arrive.  The house is ransacked, and the kids are gone!  They rush through the house calling for them.  Aimee-Leigh pulls Kelvin out from under the bed and hugs him.  The poor boy is traumatized for life. 

Corey Protects His Dad: The police arrive.  Judy complains that the intruder tore up her "Teen Hunk" magazines, but Jesse points out that he destroyed all their stuff, and angry-kicks.

Aimee-Leigh says that they have no idea who did it, but "a lot of people don't like us." Ok, now I see the point of the parking-lot debacle: to make the Gemstones think that someone besides Cobb trashed their house.  

Corey is sitting at the dining room table by himself, staring into space. Lori asks if he's ok.  He lies and says that Cobb had car trouble, so they gave him a jump.  Won't that story fall apart if they ask Jesse and Amber?  

The Devil's Piss: In the study, Jesse helps himself to a cigar and talks to his Dad about the loss of the Gold-Plated Bible.  

He wonders if Eli and Aimee-Leigh or he and Amber will ever get a divorce.  Nope, Eli assures him, true love is forever: "I'll be with Aimee-Leigh until the day I die." Or until the day she dies.

About the baby's name: Instead of Stallone, Eli suggests Gideon.  His story is in the Book of Judges: he had doubts about following God's commands, but eventually he raised an army, and defeated the Midianites.  The people wanted him to become king, but he refused: "There is no king but God."  Jesse likes the name.  

Aimee-Leigh and Lori inspect the trashed recording studio, and suggest that the intruder  "had the Devil in him."

Back in the study, Jesse helps himself to some bourbon.  Eli strangely waits until he takes a sip to note that the intruder pissed in it.  Call back to Keefe's Episode 4.2 monologue about people drinking the Devil's piss.  Now we know who the Devil is -- unless it's a misdirection.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

"Splitting Adam": Tony Cavalero helps Jace Norman win the Girl of His Dreams. With the stars All Grown Up.

 

While looking through Tony Cavalero's work on the IMDB, I noticed that he had a major role in Nickelodeon's Splitting Adam (2015) -- which make sense, as he was a Nickelodeon staple, starring as the zany music teacher Dewey in School of Rock.  The reviews say that Splitting Adam is awful. and it's not on any of my streaming services, so I'll have to pay for it.  But first the trailer, to check for heterosexism and gay subtexts.

Scene 1: Jace Norman of Henry Danger dances with a girl, wakes up, delivers newspapers,  gets yelled at by a gay-stereotype poof and his pocket dog, gets cheered on by a girl, and gets hit with a golf ball. The Narrator complains that he doesn't have enough time to do everything he needs to do. 

Scene 2: Crash and Splash Amusement Park.  A swimming pool Tootsie Roll, Jace getting yelled at by Jack Griffo and his girlfriend, Jace and his buddy Amar M. Wooten in a dunking booth.  We see that hoary old cliche of the Girl of His Dreams walking in slow motion, waving her hair. 

Top photo: the grown up Jack Griffo.

Scene 3: Amar advises Jace that he doesn't have enough prestige to impress The Girl.  Shot of him holding a yellow barrel over his crotch in the swimming pool. Griffo agrees: "You can barely keep your shorts on."  Is that a sexual double entendre?

Left: recent photo of the grown-up Amar.

Scene 4: Uncle Magic Mitch, a professional stage musician played by Tony Cavalero, arrives in his purple van and shows the guys his new -- tanning bed?  That night Jace sees it glowing, investigates, and accidentally falls in.  Zap! 

In the morning, there's a clone in the house, fully self-aware: "I'm here to help you."  He cooks breakfast. 

Scene 5: Magic Mitch, not to be confused with Magic Mike, is happy with the clone because he made chocolate chip pancakes.   Jace's two friends, Amar and Seth Isaac Johnson, hug each other in terror.  

Scene 6: In the tree house, Jace's friends, whose sole reason for existing is to facilitate getting him laid, devise a plot to use the clones.  They each have different personalities; the Girl is bound to like one of them. Zap! Zap!   

Scene 7: Shot of Jace and two clones, in disguise, entering the amusement park.  Magic Mitch performs. Jack Griffo snarls: "To get to her, you have to go through me!"  

Scene 8: Jace's clones are: the Sensitive One; The Party Boy; Mr. Responsible; Mr. Perfect; and goofball Winston.  Montage of several meeting or hanging out with The Girl,  She complains: "Every time I see you, you seem like a different person."

Scene 9: Of course she prefers the original.  Boy-girl hug. Uncle Magic Mitch tells him: "That's where the magic happens."

Moral: Be yourself.

Beefcake: These are all little kids, but there may be some hunkoids in the swimming pool scene. 

Heterosexism: Of course. The whole plot arc is about winning the Girl of Your Dreams.  We even get tips on how to do it.

Gay Stereotypes: The guy with the pocket dog. Sensitive Jace, although he's obviously heterosexual.

Magic Mitch Questions: Does he know that the tanning bed is a clone machine?  Why is he the sort-of responsible adult -- where are Jace's parents?  Does he get a girlfriend?  The movie probably clarifies things.

Will I Watch: Heck, no.

Grown-up Jace after the break